by Katie Ashley
The closer I was to school, the closer I was to coming undone. Truth reverberated through me like slow rumbling thunder. I was sure the Dominion was going to swoop down at any moment and pronounce me an utter and total guardian angel failure. By the time Rafe eased into a parking spot, I trembled all over.
When Rafe and Elijah hopped out of the car, they turned back to me. I remained cemented to the seat. “Coming Cassie?” Elijah asked.
I nodded. As I hopped out, I wobbled a little on the pavement. My legs felt rubbery, like they might not be able to support me.
“It’s going to be okay, Cass,” Elijah whispered in my ear. I stared into his eyes, which were pooling with empathetic understanding. “I’m right here by your side.”
“Thanks, Elijah,” I murmured. I grabbed my bag and stumbled along behind Rafe. As we neared the entrance, I drew in a deep breath while Elijah fell in step at my side.
I started down the hallway and froze. There was Zach leaning up against Lauren’s locker. He stared ahead as she chattered incessantly at his side. He lifted his head and looked directly at me, as if he’d sensed my presence.
His face hardened, and I couldn’t help but gasp. He had never looked that way at me before. As Lauren slammed her locker, she turned to see what he was staring at. Without taking his eyes off me, he leaned over and pulled Lauren to him. He draped his arm over her shoulder and started walking her down the hallway towards us. When he got to me, he shook his head and muttered, “Bitch,” under his breath. Lauren gave me an apologetic look before staring down at the ground.
My knees buckled. If Rafe hadn’t been standing there to catch me, I would have fainted, right there in the middle of the English hallway. “Cassie?” he questioned, supporting my limp frame with one of his muscular arms.
No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t answer him. My lungs screamed in agony, as if I had the breath knocked out of me. The hurt spreading through my chest was so intense that the color was sucked out of the hallway and the world literally started to look black.
“Man, we gotta get her to Sophie, ASAP,” Rafe said to Elijah.
Through my fog, Sophie appeared in the doorway of her classroom. I must have looked pretty bad since she raced over to her desk and frantically emptied the contents of a brown paper bag, sending an apple rolling into the floor.
She took the bag and brought it to my lips. “Breathe Cassie. You have to breathe,” she instructed. I tried as hard as I could. Slowly, I started pumping the bag up and down.
If I hadn’t been so emotionally crippled, I might have laughed at the expression on Rafe’s face. He stared at me in disbelief, like he had just seen Big Foot loping through the hallway. But laughter was impossible for me as I concentrated on filling my lungs with air. When I was finally able to breathe normally, she lowered the bag.
Rafe stared from me to Sophie. “So, what just happened?”
“She hyperventilated.”
“Are you kidding me?” he asked, incredulously.
Sophie shot him a look. “No, Rafe, I’m not. It’s completely feasible considering the amount of rage that Zach has at the moment, not to mention how worried Cassie is about failing.”
It seemed weird having them talk about me like I wasn’t there. When I glanced over at Elijah, he appeared bewildered. “I can’t believe it. He called you a…bitch.”
Before I could say anything, Rafe’s expression switched from disbelief to anger. His dark eyes become fury filled slits. “Man, you just let me get a hold of him. Don’t you worry about it, Cassie. I’ll take care of him.”
Sophie shook her head. “Rafe, would you remember yourself. You’re an angel, not a gangster.”
Rafe rolled his eyes. “Oh, so it’s all right for her to spazz out over her feelings, but I’m not allowed the one teenage male emotion of testosterone filled rage?” Rafe arched one eyebrow in thought for a moment. “Okay, so maybe it’s one of the two main teenage male emotions.”
“Yes, you’re allowed to feel it, but not to act on it. Beating Zach to a pulp isn’t going to help matters for Cassie in the end,” Sophie argued.
“It might make her feel a little better,”
Even though a weak smile crept on my lips, my eyes welled with tears. “No, it wouldn’t. Nothing is going to make me feel better. I’m a complete and total angel screw-up! The Dominion might as well deal with me. I mean, come on, I’ve hurt both of my assignments, and I’ll probably end up messing something else up while I’m at it!”
Rafe threw his hands up in exasperation. “Okay, this room is full of way too much estrogen, so I’m outta here!” he cried, and then he hightailed it out the door.
Elijah looked at me. “Want me to go?”
“No, you can stay.”
He nodded. “We’re kind of in this together, aren’t we?”
My brows furrowed. “Huh?”
“The whole guardian angel screw-up, not doing the right thing.”
I stared into his eyes, realizing how he must feel like his assignment with Abby was often messing up. “If you put it that way, I guess so.” Then the tears returned to my eyes, and like turning on a faucet, they began to flow down my cheeks.
Sophie rubbed my cheek. “Please don’t cry, Cassie. It’s all going to work out.”
“H-How c-can you p-possibly say that!” I hiccupped in between sobs.
“Because things like this happen along the way.”
“Yeah, I bet they never happened to you,” I countered.
“That’s because I’m a Warrior Archangel. It’s different for me. Plus, I’m not loaded down with teenage emotions like you are.” When I still didn’t appear convinced, Sophie sighed. “Cassie, regardless of whether I’m an archangel, I do know that neither the Thrones nor the Dominion expects perfection in your first few years.”
Using the back of my sleeve to wipe my eyes, I stared up at Sophie and Elijah. “I just don’t understand. I mean, I thought I was prepared to know how to protect people, save them, guide them through their dark times, but this…” I brought my hand sharply against my chest, gesturing to my heart. “I don’t know what to do with all this hurt and anger and confusion!” I sobbed.
Sophie leaned back on the edge of a desk and stared helplessly at me. “I don’t really know either.”
Elijah nodded in agreement.
“And how can I be any good to him when he thinks of me as a…bitch?”
Sophie shook her head. “I wish I knew, Cass. All I can tell you is to ask the Dominion for strength and do the best you can. Only they can intercede in situations like these.”
The bell rang for first period, and I realized it was time to face the music. Elijah hurried out the door, leaving Sophie and me alone.
“Why don’t you go back home, or you could go on to the hospital for awhile?” Sophie suggested.
“As tempting as that sounds, I can’t miss rehearsal this afternoon,” I said.
Sophie nodded and held out the bag. “Want to take this?”
I started to say no, but then I thought better of it. “Yeah, that might be a good idea.” I stuffed it into my book bag where it would be close if I needed it.
As we started to the door, Sophie hugged me. “You hang in there, okay?”
“I will.”
“I’m here if you need me.”
“Thanks, Sophie,” I said.
“Anytime.”
I took a deep breath and headed back into the hallway. I made it through the rest of the day as a zombie. The classes I had with Zach were the most painful—like jagged razor pricks at my heart. When the bell rang at the end of the day, I was surprised by my own strength. Somehow I’d made it without losing my emotions again. Now I just had to conquer rehearsal, and then I could put the day behind me.
Alex Tate, the guy playing Tony, waited on me backstage. “Hey Cassie, are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. Why do you ask?”
“Uh, you don’t look so hot.”
“I’m just tired
I guess,” I replied. Hot embarrassment rushed to my cheeks as I realized how easy that lies were able to escape my mouth. Ugh, I was utterly and completely an epic guardian angel failure.
“Gather round, everybody!” Mr. Conley’s voice boomed from onstage. I followed Alex and the rest of the cast to hear Mr. Conley’s directions. “Okay, let’s take it from Tony’s death scene,” he suggested.
Lifting my eyes to the heavens, I shook my head at the irony. “Fabulous,” I muttered. Of course we’d have to do the death scene. My life smoldered in flames, so I might as well have to experience it theatrically as well.
I glanced down at my script. I was to question, “How many bullets would it take, Chino?” and then collapse in tears.
As I waited in the wings to go out on-stage, my heart shuddered to a stop. I saw Zach, slumped down on the last row. Great, things just kept getting better and better.
The color drained from my face, and Alex stared at me. For the second time that afternoon, he asked, “Are you sure your all right?”
I nodded weakly. His compassion and concern made me feel like an epic jerk.
“Oh, so you’re going all Actors Studio on me for my death scene, huh?” he joked.
A forced laugh escaped my lips. “You guessed it.”
“Jeez, isn’t it enough you’re ten times the singer I am, but now you’ve got to be the better actor, too?”
“Exactly,” I replied.
“Uh-huh, well, we’ll just see about that,” he joked.
Mr. Conley’s voice brought us to the stage, and we began the scene. Alex was shot, and I drew him into my arms, comforting him as he died. Then the actors playing the rival gangs members showed up. I picked up the prop gun and executed my line.
Sinking to my knees, I started crying just as it was scripted. Then something turned over in me, like flipping on a light switch. The emotions I’d spent the entire day keeping in check bubbled over, and I began sobbing hysterically. When the guy playing one of the Jet’s tried to pull me up like the script ordered, I didn’t budge. Instead, I buried my face in my hands. I cried for Lauren and all she was going through, and I cried for Zach and all he had been through. Selfishly, I even cried for myself for all the mistakes I’d made. I might have even cried for Elijah for what he was going through with Abby.
Intense didn’t even begin to describe the breakdown I had.
“Uh, Mr. Conley…” someone said.
After a few seconds, Mr. Conley’s voice was in my ear. “Cassie, are you okay?”
With my face still covered, I nodded. “Yes sir, I’m fine,” I replied, in a hoarse whisper.
“Why don’t you call it a day?”
“No, I want to finish,” I protested. I raised my head to stare into his eyes.
He smiled sympathetically at me. “I think you’re finished for today.” He patted my hand. “It’s okay. We’ll work on the dance scene for the rest of the afternoon.”
“Thanks, Mr. Conley,” I murmured. Alex helped me off the floor, and I bolted backstage. I kept my head down, fearing the looks people would give me after my public breakdown. I grabbed up my books and headed for the exit.
As I pushed open the door, I glanced up to see Zach standing in front of me. I skidded to a halt, staring at him in shock. I started to walk past him, but he reached his arm out to stop me. “Cassie, can I talk to you?”
“Why?”
“Because I think we need to.”
“I think you said enough Friday night…and this morning too!” I spat, and then began walking towards my car.
He fell in step behind me. “Um, what was that about in there?”
I whirled around to stare at him. “Don’t you mean was that about you?” Zach didn’t reply. “I’m sure it would be quite an ego trip if I had just lost it on the floor of the auditorium over you, but trust me, that’s not what it was about!”
Zach cut in front of me. “You should know me better than to think I’d get some sort of trip off of that.” When I met his gaze, he shook his head. “You have too big a heart for it to be just me. It was about more—the way I treated you, and Lauren…all of us, right?”
I nodded.
“Now would you please stop and let me talk to you?”
“Fine.” I crossed my arms over my chest.
Now that he had my attention, Zach didn’t look so sure of himself. He cleared his throat. “I want you to know I spent the entire weekend thinking about what happened.” When I refused to respond, Zach ran his fingers through his dark hair and shook his head. “I’ve never met anyone like you before, Cassie. You saw through to the real me like no one ever has. And regardless of all the crap, you still wanted to hang around with me. I’ve never had a friend like that. When it was gone, I missed it.” He drew in a deep breath. “And I missed you.”
“You did?”
“Yes, I did.” He exhaled noisily. “So, I just wanted to say I’m sorry. And I’ll take whatever you’re willing to give me.”
“You mean you’re willing to just be friends?”
“Yes, I am.”
Hope surged through me. Maybe I wasn’t such an angel screw up after all. “So, no kissing or funny business, right?”
“Right.”
Wow, this really was a turn around. Zach cleared his throat. “I also thought about what you said about Lauren and how she feels about me. So to show that I’m really serious about the just friendship thing with you, I asked Lauren for a date tomorrow night.”
My eyes widened. “You did? I’m impressed.”
Zach grinned. “I’m glad to hear it. Are we all good now?”
Something told me it probably wasn’t a great idea to let him off the hook just yet. Instead, I cocked my head and stared at him. “Hmm, you think by coming here and saying we can just be friends and that you’re going to give Lauren a chance, everything should just magically fall back into place?”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t know if you fully comprehend how much you hurt my feelings storming out like you did and then how you acted in the hallway today. Because of that, I just can’t say everything is okay without a few guarantees.”
He raised his eyebrows. “So giving up the hopes of a relationship with you just to hang out and be just a friend isn’t enough?”
“Not by a long shot.”
“Fine then. Whatever else you want me to do, I’ll do it.”
I crossed my arms in front of my chest. “You’ve got to buckle down when it comes to school. Even though you’ve got your music and the coffee shop, you owe it to yourself and your father to go to college. I’ll even tutor you if you want me to.”
He smiled at the prospect. “You drive a hard bargain, but yes, we have a deal.”
“Good.”
“Want to shake on it— or would a kiss be okay?”
Before I demanded to know if he had heard even one single word of our conversation, Zach leaned in and kissed me tenderly on the cheek.
When he pulled away, he surveyed my expression of disbelief. “See? There’s hope for a reformed sinner!”
Chapter Twenty-One: ELIJAH
Abby spent the rest of the week being “homeless” at my house. David still hadn’t made things right with her. Gabriel told me how much David was suffering, but his pride and his concern over appearances wouldn’t let him back down, no matter how hard Gabriel tried persuading him.
Although Abby spent the nights at our house, Sophie watched over the two of us like a hawk. Even though both of us would have preferred staying together like that first night, Sophie made sure to tuck Abby in Cassie’s bedroom each and every night.
Most nights, I lay awake, thinking about her. Of course, it wasn’t her pain and suffering that consumed me. It was her sweetness and beauty, and the way her hair smelled like coconut, and the way her smile lit me on fire. I waited for members of the Dominion to swoop down at any moment to admonish me—to remind me of who and what I was and what I owed to the Angelic Host.
There was too much going on around us right now—the Dark Host was becoming stronger. That thought alone should have scared me into forgetting any feelings I had for transcending. These desperate times meant the Dominion needed me more than ever, but it didn’t seem to phase me. While it went against every fiber in my angelic being, I still waited painfully for Abby to realize she wanted me as more than a friend. Each time she opened her mouth, I willed her to say the words.
On Friday afternoon, I knew Abby wanted to see Hannah, so I was glad to see Sophie and Hannah doing homebound work at the dining room table at our house, rather than the Thomas’s. Sophie met my gaze and smiled, showing me she knew how much Hannah needed to be with Abby as well.
The instant Hannah saw Abby, she bolted up, knocking her chair to the floor. She threw her arms around Abby and squeezed. Abby smiled at me over the top of Hannah’s head. “Hey girlie, it’s okay. I’ve only been down the street, not in another country.”
“Got any plans for dinner?” I asked.
Sophie arched her eyebrows. “No, not at the moment. Don’t tell me you’re planning on cooking a full course meal or something?”
I laughed. “I thought we might have the others meet us for dinner somewhere.”
“Sounds good to me. I can always use a night off.” Sophie eyed the books surrounding her and gave Hannah a look. “But first, we better get through this work, what do you think, Hannah Banana?”
Hannah dropped her arms from Abby, and reluctantly, she came back to the table. Her expression was a little brighter of the prospect of going out to dinner.
To give Sophie and Hannah the quiet they needed to work, Abby and I went out on the deck.
We hadn’t been there long when Cassie and Lauren joined us. Lauren flashed us both a bright smile. “Guess what?”
“What?” I asked.
“Zach and I are going to the Homecoming Dance.”
I threw a confused glance at Cassie. “What’s the Homecoming Dance?”
Cassie opened her mouth to reply, but Abby rushed forward. “It’s only one of the biggest social events of the year.”