by Quinn, Cari
I didn’t want to.
“Her dad’s a cop,” I said, answering for her. I picked up my shirt and pulled it over my head. “You know how cops are. Lily’s his only daughter, and it’s just been the two of them for so long.”
“What happened to your mom?”
Her throat bobbed and she shook her head, shoving her feet into her shoes. “We gotta go. He’ll be freaking out, even though he knows I’m with Emerson. He can’t help it.”
JC rolled out of bed, his face devoid of any expression. I’d begun to realize he was plenty capable of feeling more than he let on, but damn, he was good at pulling a stone face. “So Emerson’s like the get-out-of-jail-free card?” Before she could answer, he cupped her face and gave her a long, lingering kiss. “Dream of me.”
When he finally pulled back, she blinked up at him. “Um. Yeah. Okay.” She blew out a breath. “Wow.”
I had to smile as I pulled on my shoes. JC turned toward me and I held up a hand. “Skip the kisses in this direction, dude.” I was only half serious.
If what I’d just seen—and what I’d felt earlier—was any indication, there was nothing at all bad about being kissed senseless by JC O’Connor.
“As you wish.” He grinned and lifted his hands, backing up.
“C’mon, Em.” Lily was already on her way to the bedroom door. “We gotta hurry.”
“Yeah.” I fistbumped JC and we headed down the hall to the front door.
He didn’t mention Friday night again, and we didn’t offer any additional information. I didn’t know what was going to happen with Lily’s dad, but the plummeting feeling in my gut told me we wouldn’t be in exactly the same place afterward.
We drove back to her place in silence. She didn’t need to tell me she was worried. The way she kept fretting and tugging at JC’s shirt told the story without so many words. During one of the times when she was yanking at the cuffs, I realized we hadn’t thought to grab her sweater on the way out.
Another dad might not notice his daughter was wearing a different top than when she’d left. That dad wasn’t Lance Matthews.
I wanted to reassure her, but what could I say? She knew as well as I did that hell was probably to pay.
Her dad wasn’t a bad guy. Far from it. He just got keyed up when Lily didn’t check in and let him know she’d be later than usual or was staying over with a friend. Tonight, she’d just spaced out and forgotten.
Sex-a-thons will do that to you.
I parked on her street and came around to her side of the car to open the door, but she was already climbing out. I extended my arm to her, wanting to give her comfort, and she bit her lip, wavering.
This was the first time she hadn’t hurtled right into my arms, and man, it stung even if I thought I understood why. She was trying to stand tall to face her dad. And apparently, stand alone, which didn’t sit well with me.
Didn’t she get I’d never let her face anything on her own, especially something like this?
We jogged upstairs to her floor in that same tense silence, then she unlocked her apartment door and slipped inside. I followed her though I wasn’t sure if she really wanted me to come in or not. Maybe it would be easier if—
“Nice to see you decided to come home.” A light flicked on in the living room and Lily startled, coming to a halt. “I was beginning to wonder.”
“Daddy.” She started to rush into the other room, then stopped and fingered the sleeve of JC’s shirt as if she’d just realized she hadn’t changed. She pushed her hands into the back pockets of her jeans. “I’m sorry, we lost track of time.”
“I’m sorry, sir,” I added. “It’s my fault.”
“No, it isn’t.” Lily shook her head. “It was mine. I wasn’t paying attention to the clock and I should’ve called and told you I was running late.” She moved forward and knelt beside him on the couch, her long hair falling forward to frame her face. “I didn’t mean to worry you, but I’m fine. You know nothing can happen to me when I’m with Emerson.”
“That thought has eased my mind on many nights, but not when it’s almost three a.m. and you haven’t even called. I know I’m old-fashioned, and you kids today don’t want to be bothered with your parents anymore. Think we’re old fools.”
“No, that’s not true. Of course not.” She gripped his arm and tilted her head, and I could’ve sworn I saw wet tracks on her cheeks.
At my sides, my hands fisted.
I had to speak up. No way could I let her shoulder this alone. “Sir, we were just occupied and forgot the time. Not that that’s any kind of excuse, but it’s not Lily’s fault—”
“What were you doing that had you so occupied?” Lance asked, his voice brutally quiet.
Lily shot me a panicked glance as I fumbled for an answer. Any answer.
“Playing video games—” I began.
“Watching movies—” Lily said.
We both fell silent and gazed anywhere but at each other.
“Video games and movies, hmm?” He lumbered to his feet and picked up the short glass of liquor on the end table. For as long as I’d known the man, I’d never seen him drink. “Whichever it was, I hope it was worth making your old man worry.”
“I know you worry, Daddy, and I’m sorry.”
“Not your fault, baby girl.” He smiled tiredly. “I’m sorry for where my mind goes every time you’re late too.”
Lance didn’t have to say anything else. We both knew he was referring to what had happened to Lily’s mother, which was more effective than shouting.
He moved past me into the hall. A moment later, his bedroom door clicked shut.
I didn’t move toward Lily. I couldn’t. My feet were frozen to the floor.
She sat back on her heels and brushed her hand over her face. If I saw her tears again, I didn’t know what I would do.
Lily wasn’t a crier. The only time I’d seen her get teary was the day her dad had brought me home for the first time. From her sympathetic expression, I knew he’d told her some sanitized version of what had happened to my dad. Or maybe not so sanitized, because he’d never pulled punches with her.
I could still remember the question she’d asked me like it was yesterday. In my head, it was.
“You lost your parent too?”
We’d bonded right away after that. I don’t think we’d had much of a choice. Fate or circumstance or just good luck had somehow pushed us together, and I’d been fighting her pull on me almost ever since.
Now that I’d finally stopped fighting it—at least begun to stop fighting it—I didn’t know how I was supposed to let her go.
Drawing in a deep breath, I crossed the room to her and placed my hand on her lower back. She stiffened and I closed my eyes, hating how we’d gone from closer than close to miles apart in such a short time.
“I know you’re worried about this,” I said softly.
“Worried?” She let out a broken laugh. “He asks so little of me. All he wants is for me to let him know if I’ll be late so he knows I’m safe. How can I be so selfish?”
“You’re the furthest thing from selfish. You just lost track of time. You weren’t trying to hurt him, and you weren’t doing anything except enjoying yourself.”
“Fun is one thing. But maybe I’m being reckless. I’ve already hurt him unintentionally. Imagine how he will feel when he finds out what’s going on.” She squeezed her eyes shut and bent her head, shutting me out without using the words.
My chest tightened. If she was being reckless—hell, if I was—maybe we both needed to be. We’d lived overly cautious lives for so long. Rarely coloring outside the lines. Not wanting to anger Lance or make him concerned. He’d suffered so much already that Lily felt duty-bound not to cause her father a moment’s anxiety. I suppose I felt the same.
Lily was Lance’s little girl. It didn’t matter how old she was chronologically. And he was going to be way beyond stressed when he found out what his little girl was up to.
So what was I supposed to do? Be her friend and agree that she was playing a dangerous game? Even if her father never found out, it probably wouldn’t end well. From all I’d seen, keeping a functional relationship going with two people was nearly impossible. With three, it seemed like pure insanity.
That wasn’t even mentioning the stigma her father would likely face in his precinct if his fellow cops heard Lance’s daughter was involved with two men. The police tended to be a more traditional bunch. What we were doing didn’t fit.
Or I could be her lover, and tell her to screw everyone else, they didn’t matter. What we’d somehow found behind closed doors was the only thing that made sense. I’d rather hide than give her up this soon.
She cleared her throat and lifted her head, pinning me with her painfully direct stare. “I think you’d better go home.”
I nodded and took a step back. While I was still searching for the right response, she’d obviously made up her mind.
“If you want to talk…”
“Now you want to talk.” Her smile was bittersweet. “Where were you before?”
I knew she was right. I’d been shutting her out long before that first night at JC’s. She didn’t know why, though, and telling her now would just make her doubt everything I said.
She thought I was a guy who liked getting laid and wanted it to continue. Not a guy who’d been in love with her for so long I could barely remember the time before.
“You know where to find me.” I turned to go.
Her low voice scarcely reached me. “No, I don’t.”
Inside me, everything went tight and hot. Because some part of me knew she was right. As close as we’d always been, some time ago a wedge had been driven between us—one I’d created.
And now it was coming home to roost.
I glanced back at her, but she didn’t look my way. So I walked out the door and kept going.
Nine
Once upon a time, I’d loved my jobs—both of them. Some people weren’t cut out to deal with the public and their demands all day long, but I liked problem solving and making someone smile. Being helpful made me happy.
So did working on my miniatures. I’m sure more than a few of my friends at the gym would’ve given me the side-eye if they knew I spent much of my free time painting tiny pianos and outfitting rooms for small houses that lined my bedroom like some kind of dollhouse graveyard. All waiting to go to the right little girl who would treasure them.
I had hope my business might take off someday. Sure, it was on the old-fashioned side. But some vintage things were coming back, right? And there was nothing like a little girl bonding with her mother over a doll tea party with miniscule cups and saucers.
My vision blurred as I stared at the new client intake form in front of me. At least I’d bonded with my own mother over that. Maybe I was just trying to resurrect my dead past.
Wallowing in what could no longer be.
“Hey, girl. We’re still on for tonight, right?”
I glanced up at Jenna and wished I could disappear through the floor. To try to smooth things over, I’d had lunch with JC and Emerson a couple times this week, and we’d gone out to dinner one other night. I felt bad about asking Emerson to leave after what had happened with my dad, but I’d just needed a moment to think. Going to lunch and dinner with the guys was part of our regular life. Usual. I’d hoped if I remembered the way things used to be, maybe I could let this new side of things go.
Except all I’d been able to think about was that we hadn’t gone back to JC’s place. We hadn’t kissed or touched or made love—
Fucked. It was just fucking, no matter what Emerson had called it. Just mindless banging.
Exactly what I’d signed up for and wanted, until coming home late Saturday had caused my fantasy world to collide with my real life. The one where I spent more nights than not sitting next to my pop on the couch, stitching tiny pillows and cushions for houses no one would probably ever buy since my inventory far exceeded my sales.
I pushed my hair out of my face. “I’m not sure I can make it.” The words left my mouth without conscious forethought. But it was the truth. I needed to go home and hide until this desire to crash through the walls of my comfort zone subsided.
Doing that would take me further away from my father. And I couldn’t leave him alone. Not yet, anyway. It wasn’t that I expected to live with him forever, but it was still too soon to consider what my adult life outside of my father’s reins might look like.
After Mama, I was all he had left.
Jenna frowned and inched up on her tiptoes to lean over the high counter. She was about the same height as me, and neither of us made it much over five feet tall. “Why not? Carly’s been waiting for it all week. The girl doesn’t get out much. Don’t deny her some fun.”
“Oh, I’m not saying you guys shouldn’t go.” I gave her my best perky smile. I had a whole array of them, and most were even genuine.
But I had my bad days like anyone else, especially when Emerson seemed more remote than usual. I just didn’t let him see.
I would never try to guilt anyone into spending more time with me or opening up. I’d rather keep smiling until my face cracked.
“Yeah, but girls’ night out is better with more. You gotta come,” Jenna insisted.
“How is it girls’ night out if guys are coming too?”
“We’re still going out, aren’t we? And you know the guys will probably wander off and do their own thing.” She wrinkled her freckled nose. The expression made her resemble a disgruntled blond Kewpie doll. “Drink and act like jackasses while pretending they’re cool.”
I had to laugh. “Who’re you bringing? Did you get a boyfriend when I wasn’t looking?”
“No. I’m not really in the boyfriend market.”
Hmm. Maybe that was a smart philosophy. I’d told myself the same, but a couple of intimate nights with Emerson and JC had started to change my thinking. The problem was that I knew them so well that adding sex to our relationship had quickly escalated things to the next level, at least in my mind.
Getting a nice, stable boyfriend would be a positive step, and if we moved slowly enough, my life wouldn’t have to change too fast. We could move in safe, manageable steps. Not that I could be satisfied with one boyfriend.
Nope, when I finally climbed on that bus, I had to take up two whole rows.
I toyed with my pen. “So you’re just trying to keep things casual.”
“I have to. My classes take up all the time work doesn’t. So I go out on the occasional date, share a pizza with a dude, and call it good.” She tilted her head and her shiny gold cross necklace tumbled over her turtleneck sweater. “It’s more fun when you keep it light.”
I could beg to differ there, but I wouldn’t. I’d probably started getting too attached too fast. I’d loved Emerson for so long that it wasn’t any surprise that getting naked with him would speed that along. JC too. I adored them both. There were things I didn’t always understand about them—why Emerson would close himself off so much, especially in recent months, and why JC acted as if he didn’t care about anything when it was obviously so untrue—but I was sure there was stuff about me they’d never guess at either.
Learning all those secrets and exploring those hidden pockets was part of falling for someone. Two someones. But my dad would never understand, and I’d raced into this thing with them without thinking it through. I didn’t even know if it was more than a lark with them, so I couldn’t risk everything with my father on something that may only be real in my head.
It hurt, but keeping it casual between us was the only prudent course.
“What are you taking in school?” I picked up my latte. My tangled love life needed to be tabled for a bit, in my own head most of all.
“French and Theology, double major.”
I nearly choked on my raspberry extra whip. Well, that tidbit certainly gave additional meaning to the cross. I was probably tainting h
er just by sitting in her presence. Surely the stuff I’d done for the past couple of weeks wouldn’t be viewed kindly.
“Wow,” I managed. “Must be an intense courseload.”
“Yeah. So men are last on the list. Not like I’ve met any worth changing my mind for, anyway.” Jenna curled her pale-peach nails around the lip of the counter. “So what’s the verdict on tonight?” Her big eyes turned pleading. “Don’t leave me alone with Pregzilla, please.”
I had to laugh. “Carly’s not that bad.”
“When she’s not seven months along, she’s great. But this is not her finest hour.” Jenna pressed her palms together as if she was praying, and it took everything I possessed not to check for imminent lightning over my head. “C’mon, say yes.”
The clatter of the ladder made me want to groan. Oh, crap.
“Say yes to what?” JC appeared beside Jenna and wrapped one of his grimy hands around her wrist, somehow managing to avoid her winter-white sweater. “Lookie, lookie, it’s Sister Jen,” he teased.
Despite knowing that JC was just a flirt, prone to turn on the charm with a senior citizen as often as he would with a girl he was interested in, my stomach twisted. Seeing him touch anyone who wasn’t me made my hackles rise.
Or Emerson. I definitely wouldn’t mind seeing him touch him either.
“Wise ass.” She brushed him off with a shove. “Don’t you have something to hammer?”
“Nope, me and the guys are knocking off for the day. Didn’t you see the new area? It’s almost done.” He set down his ladder and mopped his face with the hem of his T-shirt.
Normally, I would’ve figured he was just drying off. Now I couldn’t help wondering if he was showing off his washboard abs to Jenna.
Who was I kidding? Of course he was.
“Oh, really? That’s awesome. I think it’s great the gym is expanding to serve more customers. Not everyone can be a buff fighter like your guy, Lil.” She grinned at me and I caught JC’s sharpened glance.
Did he mind that Jenna insisted on assuming something was going on with me and Emerson? Or maybe he minded not being part of the assumption. It was hard to imagine even someone as out there as JC being completely okay with people knowing he was part of an ongoing threesome. I mean, I’d attempted to get used to the idea myself when I asked both guys out to the club last weekend. Truthfully, I’d kind of hoped everyone would just assume we were friends, because it wasn’t like I intended to make out with them in full view of other people. I’d certainly never known anyone in a threesome relationship.