by Easton, Meg
But he knew how hard it was to get over Zoe. If he and Addi got to that same point and they broke up—the thought of how infinitely worse that would be sent panic coursing through him.
So he nodded.
She didn’t say anything. Tears started to pool in her eyes, and he wanted to reach out with a knuckle and wipe them away. He wanted to make everything better. But then she just turned and walked toward the inn, so he walked through the archway toward his house, then closed the gate separating their yards.
21
Addison
Addison shuffled into the kitchen where her roommates were all still chatting after washing the dinner dishes in the sink, using water they’d had to heat up on the stove. “Remember when you guys said that you’d be my soft place to fall? I need a soft place.”
Peyton looked from Addison to the direction of the backyard and to Addison again, her eyebrows drawn close together. “Just from taking out the garbage?” Then, realization seemed to dawn on her, and her hands flew to her mouth. “No. No, no, no. Oh my lands, you two didn’t just break up, did you?” She raced forward and wrapped Addison in a hug. “What happened?”
“I don’t know. He just said he couldn’t do it anymore.”
Timini and Bex joined the hug, and she held the three of them tight for a long moment.
“No more of an explanation than that?” Timini asked.
She shook her head.
“And you didn’t demand one?” Bex asked.
“Oh my goodness,” Peyton said, looking around frantically. “I told you that if you ever broke up, I would provide cake, and I have no cake!”
“It’s okay,” Bex said, walking over to the freezer. “I’m pretty sure I have fudge pops in here. Yep! A full box.” She set it on the island counter that they all had gravitated toward and tore the box open. She even pulled one out for Addison, took off the wrapper, and put the stick in her hand.
Addison was pretty sure she didn’t want a fudge pop, but she licked it anyway. “My list said not to rush a new relationship and I swear I didn’t. I actually kept myself away from him when I really wanted to see him just to slow it down. It’s only been ten weeks that I’ve known him again, so it just kind of went fast without me even helping it along. So that makes this my second breakup in less than three months. See? I told you rebound dating was bad!”
Timini shook her head. “Ian wasn’t a rebound, and you know it.”
Addison let out a huge sigh. “I know I know it. That’s what makes it so awful.” She licked her fudge pop. “When I first broke up with Matthew, I mourned the loss of our future. Or, well, at least our future Tuesdays and Saturdays. But also, I kind of mourned the loss of that certainty of knowing what the future held, because I no longer knew what my life was going to be like.”
She set her fudge pop down on its wrapper. She really didn’t want to have to keep licking it, and if she didn’t, it was going to melt all over her hand.
“But with Ian, nothing was so certain, and I didn’t know what the future held. The only thing I knew was that I was going to wake up, and he was going to be amazing and I was going to be more in love with him. That was the constant thing I could count on.”
She knew that the shock of the sudden breakup wasn’t over, and when it was, that was when she was going to feel the full depth of what she’d lost. She could feel the weight of it hanging around the periphery, like an actor waiting for his turn to take the stage.
Bex tossed the remainder of her own fudge pop in the garbage can, and then put an arm around Addison. “Come. Let’s go into the family room. We’ll all squish in on the big couch and either watch music videos of sad breakup songs on YouTube or an action flick on Netflix where the love interest dies. Your choice.”
Addison nodded and let them lead her into the family room. She would watch and soak in their support and strength as long as she could until the grief and loss wouldn’t wait any longer for its turn on stage, then she’d flee to the solitude of her bedroom.
22
Ian
Ian was installing the trim around a doorframe in another new house that Garrett was the general contractor on when Garrett came to check on everything. As soon as he saw Ian’s face, Garrett jerked back in surprise. Ian just grabbed the board he’d already cut for the right side of the door and lined it up with one hand, finish nailer in the other.
“Bad night?” Garrett was trying to act nonchalant, like he hadn’t just noticed how awful Ian looked.
“You could say that.”
“Have trouble sleeping?”
“Yep.”
“Drank a Mountain Dew after eight p.m. again, huh?”
He didn’t say anything—he just kept nailing.
“Oh. Oh. Addison broke up with you, huh? I’m so sorry, man.”
“I broke up with her.” He grabbed the step stool and the piece for the top of the door and started lining it up.
“You. The guy who is so in love with a woman that he actually started singing on the job. Broke up with her. Dude, that makes no sense whatsoever.”
Ian just kept working and didn’t answer.
“It was fear, wasn’t it? Ian, you can’t let that stop you. It’s not right.”
“Of course it’s going to stop me. That’s fear’s entire purpose.”
Garrett was quiet for a few minutes while Ian grabbed the three pieces of trim he’d cut for the next doorframe and gave the air hose a shake to untangle it as he pulled it to the next doorway.
“And how did Addison react?”
He laid the pieces of trim on the floor and grabbed the first one, positioning it against the door frame. “She didn’t say a word—she just walked away. I think that meant she agreed that it was time.”
“There are a lot of reasons why she might have walked away. Don’t assume you know her reason.” He paused for a moment, and then asked, “So, do you think you did the right thing?”
With his hand holding up the piece of trim against the frame, Ian closed his eyes and let out a slow breath. “Right before I broke up with her? Yeah. Now? I don’t know. All I know is, I feel awful.”
“Okay, tell me this. How did you feel right after you and Zoe broke up?”
How did he feel? He tried to look back at those first couple of days with the lens of time that he now had. “Like the future I had planned was taken away from me, I guess.” He positioned the finish nailer and pulled the trigger, the tool making a pshhhht sound as it sunk the nail.
Garrett nodded. “And how do you feel after breaking things off with Addison?”
“Like I’d held the most valuable treasure imaginable in my hands, and I just let go. Not only did I lose it, but left it damaged.”
Garrett stayed quiet as Ian shot the rest of the finish nails into the piece of trim. Then he said, “That might be a clue as to whether or not you did the wrong thing last night.” He thumped Ian twice on the shoulder, and then left him alone to his thoughts.
23
Addison
“Ian and I broke up.”
Chloe gasped on the other end of the line. Addison was pulled over on the side of the road, heading to work—the first time she had ever wished that she didn’t have her day filled—when she knew she couldn’t make it through the day without talking to her sister.
“Oh, no. I am so sorry. How are you?”
Addison shook her head and looked out at the cars passing by her on the highway. “I feel like my heart had finally found what it had been searching for all along, and then it was torn away.”
“When did this happen? And why?”
“Last night, and I don’t know. He didn’t say and I didn’t ask. It was hard enough hearing that he didn’t want to date any more—I didn’t think I could handle hearing the why.”
“Fear can be pretty powerful.”
“Do you really think that was his reason?”
“Addison, I saw how much the man adores you. There’s no way he broke up because of you.”
>
Addison’s exhale of relief came out as a sob, and she had to force her emotions down so it wouldn’t ruin her makeup or make her look terrible before she stepped into this client’s home.
“What are you going to do about it?”
“What can I do? A relationship takes two people, and if one of them doesn’t want it to continue, then there’s nothing I can do about it.”
Chloe was silent for a long moment before she spoke again. “Okay, from what I’ve seen, this is how you normally handle relationships. Correct me if I’m wrong with any of it. You meet a guy who you start to like. You flirt a bit, and as you get to know each other and if you still like him, you hope he’ll ask you out. And then if you like dating him, you hope the relationship will progress. If you don’t like him, you hope he’ll break it off. If you do like him and he breaks it off, you hope he’ll figure things out and want to get back together. If things continue to go wonderfully, you hope he’ll propose. You hope the guy will be on the same page and make the choices you would make, and feel bad when he doesn’t. Does that sound about right?”
“Pretty much. I guess I’m pretty good at hoping.”
“Hope is a really important thing, Addison. But it’s only half of the equation. The other half is action. To make dreams come true, you have to have both. Have you ever asked a guy out? Been the first one to kiss? Been the first to say how you feel about him? Tried to work things out after a breakup if you wanted to still be together?”
Chloe already knew the answer to most of those, so Addison didn’t need to answer. But she did whisper, “I kissed Ian first.”
Chloe squealed. “Yes! I knew he was special! Do you love him?”
Addison nodded, even though she knew that Chloe couldn’t see her. “I think I started falling in love with him the first day I saw him, and I’ve fallen a bit more in love with him every single day since then. I imagine I’ll keep falling more in love with him every day for the rest of my life.”
Chloe let out a sigh that sounded like a whimper. “That’s so beautiful.” She sighed again. “Okay, Addison, listen. You moved to Quicksand for a fresh start, right? You were determined to grab that fresh start by the horns and show it who was boss, right?”
“Right.”
“You didn’t say that with nearly enough conviction, Addison.”
So she didn’t hold back. She took in a deep breath and shouted, “Right!” Who cared if she just yelled so loud that the dog barking in the distance was probably in response to her shout?
Chloe’s smile was evident in her voice. “So, what are you going to do about it? When you kissed him first, you proved to yourself that you can be the one to take action. You know what you want. Are you willing to fight for it?”
Addison took a long, deep breath that filled her with determination and bravery. Then, in a voice that Chloe could never accuse her of not having enough conviction, she said, “Yes. I think I am.”
24
Ian
Ian went straight from finishing the trim on the Olson’s home to working in his workshop, hoping that the sound of the saws and sanders would drown out any thoughts. Eventually, though, his stomach was what drew him back to his house.
He walked in the back door to find his grandma and Carol sitting at the kitchen table, eating apple cobbler and ice cream. He leaned down and gave his grandma a one-armed hug.
“I didn’t make dinner, but there’s still macaroni and cheese in the fridge. And, of course, still warm cobbler for dessert. Carol and I were just trying to brainstorm options for her home.”
“And offering commiseration.”
“The place must feel pretty big with Henry gone,” Ian said, putting some casserole on a plate and covering it.
“Yeah. A little too big. I’m not sure how long I’ll be able to keep up with the place.”
He put the plate in the microwave and started it. “Do you need some help?”
Carol smiled, and looked like she was going to get out of her seat and come over and squeeze his cheeks between her hands, like she did when he was little. “You’re a gem, Ian. But I need more help than you can give.”
He had planned to make small talk with the two older women just until his food finished warming and then escape into his room to eat it and then shower, but his grandma said, “Sit.” So he sat.
“Now, Shirley told me that you and Addison are no longer dating, but she says you haven’t told her much about the why. She’s your grandma and since I’ve practically been your adoptive grandma since you were a toddler, it’s time you spill it.”
Ian knew that the combined power of Carol and his grandma was impossible to resist when they wanted information. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “It was just a bad idea to start dating her in the first place.”
His grandma and Carol shared a look that made him want to bolt for the microwave—that just dinged to let him know his food was ready anyway—and make an escape for his room, but his grandma sensed it and put a wrinkled hand on his arm. “Stay. Please.”
“You love her.”
He glanced at Carol. It hadn’t been a question—she’d said it like she was stating a fact. So he nodded confirmation.
“So much more than you ever loved Zoe. Or anyone before her.”
She was so certain of her words that it made Ian flinch in surprise. He had talked to his grandma about Addison and she probably told Carol, but he’d never talked about Addi specifically.
“Oh, don’t be surprised that I know. You wore your emotions on your sleeve when you were little and you still do now. It’s clear as day how you feel about Addison.”
He glanced at his grandma, and she added, “It’s true.”
Apparently he didn’t have a future in playing poker.
“She’s just amazing, Carol. She’s so talented and smart and supportive. And so much fun to be around. And she cares about people and has such big dreams, and is brave enough to go after them. I love being with her.”
His grandma gave a single nod. “And she loves you.” She said it like it was a fact, not a guess.
“You think so?”
“She’s almost as easy to read as you are. We’ve talked quite a bit while she’s been helping me organize, and I watch how she reacts whenever I bring up the subject of you.”
The thought caused an aching in his chest that made him long to be near her. But if she did love him now, that didn’t mean she always would, and that was the biggest problem. “She said she was questioning every decision she had made that brought her here. Even dating me.”
“Ian.” He turned to his grandma at her soft voice. “In every relationship, you’ll each question things at some point. Asking yourself those questions and figuring out what the answers are is how you figure out if the other person is right for you. It’s part of the whole process, and doesn’t mean that the relationship is doomed to end.”
“And,” Carol said, pointing a crooked finger at him, “if you are going to break things off at the first sign of trouble, then you’re denying her the freedom to have any emotions that aren’t positive. She deserves to be able feel whatever feelings she has without worrying that it will mean you’ll end the relationship.”
It felt like a punch to the gut that left his head swimming in a fog. Is that what he had done?
“You don’t need to be afraid.” His grandma’s voice was quiet, yet powerful and certain. “Just trust her. Trust that as she asks herself those questions, she’ll find the answers.” She reached out and tapped him on the chest, right over his heart. “I can tell that all the love you’ve got for her in here is bursting full. Trust that, not your fears.”
”She’s right.” Carol’s statement was just as matter-of-fact as her stating that Ian loved Addi. “You trust those fears of yours, and you’re going to miss out on the kind of relationship that me and Henry or your grandma and grandpa had. Trust your love instead.”
He leaned back in his chair, letting the force of their word
s sink into him. After a few moments, he said, “Thanks, Grandma and Carol. I really needed to hear that.”
“Do you know what else I’ve been hearing?” his grandma said. “The microwave beeping to let you know your mac and cheese is done.”
He chuckled, then got up and gave both of them a hug before getting his dinner out of the microwave.
25
Addison
Addison paced back and forth on the grassy shore of Quicksand River, right next to the cove where she and Ian used to play as children. She shook her hands out and glanced back at the shortcut trail they had used. By the time she’d gotten off work, she had wanted to go straight to Ian’s house or workshop or job site—wherever he was—and tell him how she felt.
Instead, she decided she wanted to tell him here. In their favorite place. And at some point today, she’d gotten the brilliant idea to ask him to come by writing him a cheesy rhyme to lead him to her, just like she had so many years ago. It wasn’t hard to mimic the style of her twelve-year-old self as a twenty-six-year-old—something Professor Rosati wouldn’t be surprised by.
Now, though, as she waited for Ian to come—and hoped it wouldn’t be like that time she’d forgotten to mention the direction he should run, or worse, that he didn’t want to come at all—she wondered if it was a terrible idea.
She ran over the poem in her head again. Apparently they were easy to memorize after all. She went through it once, wondering if she should’ve changed any of the wording. She went through it again, wondering if she gave good directions. And she went through it another time, imagining what he must’ve been thinking as he read it.