by Erin Trejo
“Stop calling me that! I’m nothing to you anymore, or at least I wouldn’t have been.”
“Oh? And how is that?” God she is testing me right now. She’s pushing boundaries that I’ve always had in place.
“I was going to end it all.”
“You were what? What does that mean?”
“Just what I said!”
“You are making no sense, Asia!”
“I had it all planned out. I was going to turn all the evidence I had over and end it. I was going to kill myself. I was going to make it easy on everyone,” she admits as my heart rate picks up. My pulse races, thundering in my ears as I let that sink in. My Asia, the girl I live and breathe for, was going to kill herself. How has our world come to this? Why is that even an option?
“Do forgive me for ruining your plans,” I hiss, eyeing her. “You could always follow through on it.” I’m being an asshole and I know it.
Reaching for my gun, I set it on the table in front of me and lock eyes with her. The gasp that escapes her didn’t go unnoticed either. She never expected me to do that and frankly neither did I, but all of this information is coming down on me like a tsunami. It’s crushing me under the weight of it all, and my only option is to run and gasp for air.
Asia walks toward the table slowly, reaching her small hand out and running it over the gun. Her eyes glaze over, memories rushing her all at once. I know how that feels. I stand as still as can be, watching, waiting, wondering. When she lifts the gun, I nearly lose it but I keep myself restrained. She walks backward, the light in her eyes gone. She isn’t here with me, not anymore. This Asia in front of me is the one that I’ve been avoiding most of my adult life. The one who had to live with the demons I left her to because I thought I was doing what was right. I was sorely mistaken. Asia’s back hits the glass window behind her, her body slowly sliding to the floor. Not a sound leaves her as her glossy eyes take in the cold metal in her palm.
“Would you forgive me?” she asks softly as if that means anything.
“No,” I answer quickly. Too many things are racing through my head and I can’t sort them out. I don’t know that I want to.
Asia raises the gun, holding it to her temple as I stand with my hands in my pockets watching. Her eyes rise to meet mine, innocence, loss, fear, anger. All of those emotions linger in her gaze. All at once. A tear slides down her cheek when she pulls the trigger. My heart drops in my chest, heaviness weighing on me. How is this what she’s become? It was never supposed to be this way for her. I never wanted it to be like this!
I take slow purposeful strides toward her before kneeling in front of her worn out body. Reaching forward, I take the gun from her hand and set it on the floor next to me. Cupping her cheek, I wipe the tear.
“There were so many nights that I thought of coming for you. So many times that I thought I could make it all right in this world. You were the heaven in my hell, Asia. The reason I woke up every fucking day is because I knew you were okay but you weren’t. It was all a fucking mirage. A sick fucking lie that I fell for. There are few things that I love in this world. Vengeance, fuck, vengeance is my first love. It’s all I know but I can’t deny that you were my last love, Asia. I fucking love you more than any man should love someone and I let you rot away in your own hell. I left you to become the last thing I ever wanted you to be.” I can feel the tears eating away at the back of my eyes but this isn’t the time. This is my redemption. This is my only saving grace.
“You became just like me.”
Chapter 27
“Let’s think this over, Giovanni. You can’t be serious about this,” Walsh says as he eyes me. I chuckle and smirk, exhaustion fucking with my mind.
“Do you know what it feels like to be hated by the people you call family? To be the bad guy in every scenario? No one knows what it’s like to be so hated that you wish you were dead the way I do. I knew from a very early age that my destiny was fated to this life. I accepted it because I had no other choice. That was a very long time ago though. I’m twenty-five years old Walsh, and sitting across from this table from you right now? I feel like I’m eighty. What you pay people to do so you can sit back and relax? That is all me! I’m the one doing those things!” His eyes widen as understanding washes over him. His features soften but that isn’t what I was looking for. No one, and I mean no one can understand the feelings I have except me.
“How soon?” he asks. A wave of understanding washes over his features. For the first time in my life, someone can see the need inside of me.
“Within the next few weeks. I have plans that I need to attend to first. I still need that safe house that’s outside of the DeLuca following. He can’t know where I am.” Aidan smirks, understanding crossing his face.
“You went AWOL?” Nodding my head, he laughs loudly. “I never thought I’d see the day!”
“Matteo is dead,” I inform him quickly, needing to clarify that.
“Your father?” his eyes narrow as he awaits an answer. I shake my head.
“No.”
“You?”
I huff out a laugh. “I can’t take all the credit this time. I didn’t pull the trigger but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t the one doing the killing.” He nods his head as if he understands what I mean. He couldn’t possibly.
“Fine. I’ll take care of things. I’ll have one of my men come by later today and get you taken to the safe house.” I stand from the chair and extend my hand to him. Aidan studies me for a long moment before standing and taking my hand in his.
“You are right about one thing, Giovanni. You look worn out. This world has truly taken its toll on you.” I huff out a breath, pull my hand back and turn to leave the meeting.
When I step outside into the sunlight, I squint my eyes. There are many things in this life that I wished were different. I often wonder why my mother really left me. Was she dead? Alive? So many secrets run in the DeLuca family that it’s hard to know who to trust. Most days, I don’t even trust myself. I walk down the road taking in the beauty around me. At one point, this was my dream. I always lived in New York and when I was younger, coming to California was something I’d always looked forward to. Over the time I’ve been here though, I’ve seen how tainted it is. I wasn’t naïve enough to think that the mafia was centered around New York, but I was accustomed to the way things worked there. I could handle that knowledge, but since I’ve been in California, that dream has changed. The only dream worth holding onto was Asia. Shaking my head to rid the fog, I stop at a small diner and grab some coffee. Whiskey or bourbon would have been my first choice but I need to keep my mind clear of all that memories that alcohol may induce. I pay for my drink when I hear him and internally cringe.
“I never pegged you as a coffee man.”
“Things change, don’t they, Father?” I turn to face him, loving that anger in his eyes. He had that look beat into me for my entire life and to say I’m accustomed to it would be an understatement.
“So it seems.”
“What are you doing here?”
“Checking up on a few things. Oddly, I haven’t heard from Matteo in quite some time. His ventures away from home seem to have left him speechless.” I can tell by the look in his eyes and the tone of his voice that he already knows. He knows Matteo is dead.
“I wouldn’t know, I haven’t spoken to him,” I say before taking a sip from my cup. My father gestures toward a table in the corner. I follow him back and take a seat, waiting and wondering what this is all about.
“Matteo’s body was found. He’s dead,” he says looking into my eyes. Is he looking for emotion? Feeling? I haven’t had that in a very long time.
“Do you know what happened?” he shakes his head, his arms coming to rest on the table in front of him.
“Asia is missing as well. Know anything about that?”
I huff out a laugh before mimicking his position. Resting my arms on the table around my coffee, I lean in closer. “Do I look like the
keeper of your people? You send me on a job, I do it. That’s the extent of my services. Did I watch her like you asked? Yes, I did, and I relayed what I found out. When I came back here, she wasn’t my responsibility.” I want to see the look in his eyes, gauge him. See if he knows that I had her here. I need to see what he’s thinking and if there is a way around all of this or if he’s here for me. My father chuckles and it pisses me off a little more.
“You were always so stubborn. I’ve been looking into things and do you know what I’ve found? Asia’s little FBI informant was killed. Gutted like a pig. I know that was your doing, and for that I am grateful, but would you really like me to sit here and believe that you have no knowledge of where she is?”
There he is. The monster that created the animal. There were times when I thought about this moment. The moment that he and I would come to blows. It was inevitable and we both knew it, I just didn’t think now would be the time. Walsh and the others had a solid plan of attack, but now that he’s here, that plan is dead. I’m going to need to move quickly if I’m going to get out of this alive.
“As I said, I watched her until I came back. I would have assumed she would be with her husband,” I snap, keeping my tone low as to not draw attention.
“She’s useless to me now anyway. Her marriage to Matteo was what was important. She’d be better off dead,” he says making me cringe.
“What do you need from me, Father? I have work to do and sitting here isn’t getting that done.”
“I need you find her and make sure that she doesn’t speak another word to anyone. I need to see her dead corpse so that I know the threat has been eliminated,” he hisses. I smirk.
“Well, when you do find her, I assume you will get exactly what you want. I must be going,” I say, standing from the chair.
“You will find her! That is your job!” I close my eyes and nod my head before leaving the diner in a hurry. As soon as I step outside, I dial Walsh.
“You just left.”
“He’s here. My father is in California. I need to get to that safe house and we need a new plan,” I say before hanging up. I watch behind me as I head to my car making sure he, nor any of his guys are following me, before driving home like a lunatic. The plan is falling apart right in front of my eyes.
Chapter 28
I jog up the stairs taking them two at a time. Aidan texted and said his guys were on the way.
“We need to move,” I snap, quickly grabbing the duffle bag out of the closet.
“What? Why?” I toss clothes into the bag not stopping until I’m satisfied. The next bag I grab is my rifle bag and my handgun cases.
“My father is here in California. He knows about Matteo.” Her gasp sends a jolt down my spine.
“He knows about me,” Asia whispers under her breath. The last few days have been hell on earth. I think back on the fact that I could have lost her. She had wanted to die. Luckily for her, I emptied that gun long before she got her hands on it.
“He doesn’t know where you are, which is why we need to move.”
“He’ll find me. Then what?” She looks up at me with those big brown eyes that reach and grab ahold of my heart.
“He won’t find you, I won’t let that happen.”
“I don’t care anymore, Giovanni. I’m not running. I don’t care if I die at this point.”
I know she doesn’t and that’s what makes it that much harder for me. I can’t lose her even if I am angry with her. That was never an option.
“You should care,” I grumble as I load the bags onto the bed, checking to be sure I have everything.
“I have nothing more to live for,” she whispers.
Anger surges through me. I close my eyes in an attempt to bite back on that anger, but it does no good. When I open my eyes, the heat in them should burn her but she holds her ground.
“I am nothing for you now?” I ask knowing damn good and well that I used to mean something to her. Maybe I don’t anymore. Maybe she hates me the way I hate her.
“Don’t do that. You are the one who hates me! I have never hated you even though I wanted to!” I chuckle under my breath as the memory of her pulling that trigger plays over and over in my head.
“You are willing to die and leave me to rot in this world. Does that mean you love me?” I hiss. Asia watches me intently as I move slowly toward her, that pull inside of her keeping me on a short leash. As much as I want to run and hide from her, I can’t and I’ve never been able to.
“I would die for you, Giovanni. That’s how much I love you,” she says, tears sliding down her cheeks. When I stand in front of her, I raise my hand, running my knuckles down her cheek.
“You would die for me but I need you to live for me, Asia. Can you do that? Can you love me enough to live for me?”
The sobs that were stuck in her chest explode out of her. Her body trembles when she throws her arms around my neck, holding me tightly. I wrap her in my embrace not wanting to let her go. Not now, not ever. How could I not love this woman? How could I have stolen so much from her and not love her back? Her tears wet my shirt as she cries harder.
“Do you love me, Gio? The way I love you?”
“How do you love me, Asia?”
She pulls back and wipes her cheeks, her eyes puffy from the tears. “All I’ve ever wanted was to take the pain I saw in you away. I loved you enough to want to take your place, and all that came with it. I tried so hard to push you out of my mind but it was useless. You have had my heart since you were seven and you stole my candy,” she giggles through the tears. I lean in and brush my lips over hers before kissing her the way she deserves to be kissed.
“I love you, Asia. I’ve never loved anyone but you.” Her body presses into mine and the world around us fades away. We’re too lost in each other when the shot is fired. Asia jolts but I smirk still looking in her eyes. I know who it is and I’m not surprised.
“That didn’t take as long as I expected, Father,” I say before turning to face him, shoving Asia behind me.
“Did I not have you beaten enough when you were younger? You lie to your father’s face with not one ounce of remorse. I gave you everything!” he roars. I know he’s not alone, but my finger has already pressed the call button alerting Aidan to what’s happening.
“You gave me nothing. Nothing but a life of pain. You made sure that every ounce of me was drained. How dare you! How fucking dare you speak to me that way!” I roar, my fists clenching at my sides. My father laughs but doesn’t move.
“You are a product of me! You are the animal that I made you to be. To do my bidding. Did you really think that you were to be anything more in this family? You are sadly mistaken, Giovanni. You were replaceable. You always have been, just like your little slut,” he roars.
That’s it. The final straw. I move quickly, my fist connecting with his jaw. His head snaps back as rage fills me from within. My father fights back but not as well as me. I’m trained for this. He made sure of it. Fists fly through the air, some connecting while others miss. It isn’t until another gunshot rings out that we both stop. Turning my head, I see Asia standing with one of my guns in her hands. She’s poised and steady. A spark of pride surges through my chest as I step away from my father. He chuckles and looks at her as if she’s crazy. I move to stand behind her, watching and waiting.
“What do you plan to do? Kill the hand that feeds you?” Her body begins to tremble but only slightly. I step into her space, her back pressing into my chest. I let her feel the warmth of me, the strength.
“You took so much from me. You ruined your only son. You are nothing but a monster.”
My father laughs but doesn’t move. He wouldn’t dare.
“I’m the monster yet you cater to a man who kills every day? Isn’t it a little ironic?” he taunts her. “I had you, Asia. You were mine and you still are. No matter what you have in that pretty little head of yours, you. Are. Mine.” She pulls the trigger but only skims his arm. He howls
nonetheless when I reach around her. I wrap my hands around hers, helping her to steady the gun and aim it better.
“You were wrong about that. Asia has only and will only ever be mine. You fucked up the day you laid a hand on her,” I add.
“Are you going to shoot me, son?” I take a breath and nod my head.
“It’d be a pleasure.”
“I have men waiting in the wings.”
“As do I,” I tell him. I saw the door open slightly a few minutes ago but I knew that Aidan wanted to make an entrance and I let him.
“Correction, old friend. You had men. I took care of them,” Aidan says casually as he walks into the room. I smirk but my father? Oh, he’s nice and pissed.
“You!” he hisses pointing at me. Aidan smiles and shrugs when my father’s eyes come to mine. “You fucking traitor!” He starts toward me but I can feel Asia tense beneath me before she pulls the trigger. Luckily for her, I had the aim dead center. My father falls to the floor in a pool of blood when Aidan leans down to check for a pulse.
“Nice aim.” He winks at Asia.
Epilogue
I watch the clear blue water as it slams into the sand over and over again. The waves here are amazing. Looking back on dreams, California was nothing compared to this. Hawaii has been everything I dreamt it would be. It’s quiet, isolated - just how I wanted it. Asia’s lips come down my neck, her naked body straddling me. I groan when she reaches between us and slides down my length. She slowly rides me, each roll of her hips tugging at something deeper inside of me.
“I love you,” she whispers against my neck, softly biting into my flesh. Bumps erupt over my skin when I grab her hips in my hands. Forcing her down my length, she screams a little louder.
“I love you too but you can’t just climb on and not fuck me, bambina.” Her giggles cause her pussy to clench around me and fuck does it feel good. I lean back and buck my hips, getting as deep inside of her as I can. Every feeling with her is right. Every dream doesn’t seem so far off with Asia in my arms.