by Ruth Heald
‘No!’ I scream.
In the distance I can hear footsteps. Voices above us.
Suddenly there is the sound of feet thumping in the cupboard upstairs.
‘Hello? Katie? Are you down there? Are you alright?’
‘Mum!’ I scream out in relief, as her shadow appears in the doorway.
‘What’s going on? I flew back from France as soon as I got your message. I found Amy upstairs. She’s been attacked. But I couldn’t find you or the twins anywhere…’ She stops mid-sentence, eyes adjusting to the candlelight.
‘Paula?’ Mum says, confused. ‘Why does she have the girls down here?’
‘She wants to hurt them. She’s been starving Frances. She’s going to kill her.’ The words tumble over each other urgently as the candlewax drips closer to Frances’s face.
Before I can even blink, the basement door slams shut. The rush of air blows out the candle and I hear light footsteps speeding down the stairs.
The dark is so pure that I can hardly make out a thing, but I see a glint of metal rising up into the air and then coming down hard and fast. The tape player. The music stops as the metal cassette player hits its target. There’s a sickening crack as metal hits bone. I gasp.
Paula’s agonised scream joins my babies’ hysterical crying and the noise is deafening, bouncing off the walls and engulfing us.
Ian dashes over to the mattress and there’s a scuffle, a jumble of bodies rolling on top of each other, as the cries continue.
With Paula incapacitated I lunge towards the mattress, desperate to reach my children. Ian wrestles with Paula, my mother caught somewhere underneath it all. I snatch Frances from the mattress into my arms, and then pick up Alice. I walk towards the basement steps, overcome by relief to be holding my babies, to have them close.
I feel a hand on my ankle, fingers digging hard into my flesh, pulling me back.
I try desperately to keep my balance, but I can’t. Suddenly I’m falling. Frances and Alice are in my arms; the ground is coming up to meet us.
I try to twist my body round to land on my side, but there’s no time. I see movement, a flash of red. I land on something both soft and hard, a jumble of arms and legs and flesh.
It’s Mum. She’s thrown herself underneath me. She’s broken my fall. She’s put me and the babies before herself once again.
The twins scream louder in my arms, and I worry they’ve been hurt as I hit the ground.
My mother moans in pain, and I try to manoeuvre off her, without harming the twins, but Paula’s still gripping my ankle. I pray that Mum’s OK.
Ian is there in a second, dragging Paula off me. Her grip loosens and she falls heavily onto the mattress, her breathing ragged.
I hand Frances and then Alice to Ian and he holds them close and smothers them in kisses. Their screams are quietening, becoming less hysterical. I shuffle off my mother, who stays flat on the ground.
‘Are the twins OK?’ she whispers.
‘I think so – are you alright, Mum?’
‘I’ve survived worse.’ She half smiles.
I turn to look at Paula, as I get up unsteadily onto my feet. She’s mumbling to herself on the mattress, blood flowing from a gash on her head.
Epilogue
Six months later
I sit in the coffee shop opposite the house, watching the builders put scaffolding up and remembering the first time I came here.
‘They’ve started work, then?’ Mum asks.
‘Looks like it.’
‘I’m glad you moved away. You were never happy there.’
I nod sadly and reach out to touch Mum’s hand. ‘Thanks for letting me move in with you.’
‘It’s no problem. I love having the twins around.’ It’s like she’s got younger since we’ve been living with her, always chasing around after them, joining in their games and laughter. She’s happier than I’ve seen her in a long time. She’s still occasionally bothered by her headaches, but fortunately the doctors have told her they aren’t a sign of anything sinister.
‘Ian will be here in a minute,’ I say, looking at my watch.
At that moment, the bell above the café door jingles and Ian wheels the double buggy in. I lean over and kiss both babies on their cheeks. Frances looks at her sister with a cheeky grin and her sister grins back. They look so similar now. Frances gained weight rapidly once she was being fed properly. I shiver with guilt when I think that I didn’t know what Paula was doing to her.
‘Hi,’ Ian says warmly.
I stand up and kiss him politely on the cheek. ‘How’s it going?’
‘Really well,’ he says. ‘Jessica and I are moving into the flat in a couple of weeks. It’s nearly ready for us.’ He beams with excitement. He’s used the proceeds from selling the house to buy a flat nearer to the centre of London, and he’s going to live there with his new girlfriend. He thinks the flat will be the first in his property empire. I’m just glad I’ve got nothing to do with it.
‘How’s Melissa?’ he asks.
‘Good. Bought herself a new flat too,’ my mother says proudly.
‘And Amy?’
‘Same as ever,’ I smile. Luckily her head wound wasn’t serious. She’s turned her injury into a dinner party piece and now she brings out the story of her brush with death at every opportunity.
Ian’s phone beeps and he pulls it from his pocket. ‘Jessica’s nearly here,’ he says. I swallow. She’s coming to the coffee shop to meet the twins for the first time. I wanted to meet her at the same time as Ian introduced her to the girls.
The bell rings again and a blonde woman steps nervously into the café.
She holds out her hand and introduces herself and I try to smile. She’s well-dressed and seems friendly. She could be worse.
She leans over the buggy and coos at my twins.
My heart beats faster and I feel like I can’t breathe.
Just a panic attack, I tell myself, focusing on a spot above the counter and trying to slow my breathing. I have them a lot these days.
‘I’m going to have a lot of work to do once we move into the flat,’ Ian says. ‘And I thought Jessica could look after the twins when I’m busy.’
I grit my teeth. ‘On her own?’
‘I love babies,’ Jessica says, as she reaches out to tickle Frances. ‘I used to work as a nanny.’
The panic rises in me again. ‘No,’ I say to Ian, firmly. ‘That won’t be happening. They’re your twins and you have to look after them yourself.’ I can’t trust anyone to look after them who’s not family. Not anymore.
The police and the ambulance had arrived soon after we’d rescued the twins. Paula’s being held in a secure psychiatric hospital now, awaiting trial for charges of child neglect, but I still don’t feel completely safe.
Ian is protesting about Jessica looking after the girls, saying that we can trust her, that she’s very reliable. I stand up quickly, grab the handles of the buggy and leave the coffee shop without saying goodbye.
When I get back to Mum’s house, I hold the twins tight to my body, feeling their chests rise and fall against mine until they drift into contented sleep. I look down at their tiny, delicate bodies and think of the years ahead, of nurseries and schools; strangers looking after them. I wonder if I’ll ever be able to let them go.
If you were shocked, addicted and enthralled by the twists and turns of Your Guilty Lies, don’t miss out on Ruth’s debut psychological thriller, The Mother’s Mistake. In this stunning, atmospheric and razor-sharp novel, a mother’s worst nightmare is realised…
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Get it here.
The Mother’s Mistake
‘What a fantastic book, I loved every word on every page… A brilliantly addictive psychological thriller, full of twists and turns and it kept me on the edge of my seat throughout.’ Netgalley Reviewer, ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
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Everyone makes mistakes. But does everyone deserve to be forgiven?
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She runs past the tinkling of children’s laughter that fills the park. Heart hammering, feet stinging, she reaches the riverbank, her breath catching in her throat. And then she sees…
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Three years later.
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Claire has everything she’s always wanted. A new-born baby. A doting husband by her side. A picturesque home in the countryside.
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But behind closed doors, Claire’s life is falling apart. Her husband is barely ever home, she’s struggling to bond with her baby girl, and she swears that she is being watched in the remote, lonely cottage.
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And when a threatening note is posted through her letterbox, saying she doesn’t deserve her daughter, it’s clear that someone knows about the terrible mistake that Claire made – someone won’t let her forget it. Three years ago, she would have known who to turn to. But now she no longer recognises those closest to her, or the person she’s become. Who can she trust?
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An atmospheric, chilling and absolutely unputdownable psychological thriller about a mother’s worst nightmare. Fans of K.L. Slater, Shalini Boland and The Girl on the Train will love the twists, turns and gasp-worthy shocks of this stunning debut from Ruth Heald.
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Get it here.
Hear More from Ruth
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Books by Ruth Heald
The Mother’s Mistake
Your Guilty Lies
Available in Audio
The Mother’s Mistake (Available in the UK and US)
A Letter from Ruth
Thank you for choosing to read Your Guilty Lies. If you enjoyed it, I’d be very grateful if you could write a review. I’d love to hear what you think, and it makes a huge difference by helping new readers to discover one of my books for the first time.
If you want to keep up to date with all my latest releases, just sign up here. Your email address will never be shared and you can unsubscribe at any time.
I wrote the first draft of Your Guilty Lies in the final weeks before my son was born. I was terrified of giving birth, having had a traumatic experience the first time round. At the hospital, in labour, you are completely at the mercy of the midwives, nurses and doctors working there. Sometimes they are kind and caring, but not always. I’ve heard story after story about how women weren’t listened to while their bodies were examined, cut open and acted upon. I wanted to write a book that examined the harm that could be done if a woman was badly influenced during those vital moments of labour, birth and the first weeks as a new mum. It seemed to me that a live-in doula would be perfectly placed to take advantage of a new mother at her most vulnerable.
My protagonist, Katie, is level-headed and strong, but she’s in a precarious position living with two newborns, in a house owned by the absent and untrustworthy Ian. I hope you’ve been able to empathise with her struggles as she tries to make her new life work as it literally crumbles around her. I also hope you enjoyed the final showdown with Paula, when we see the impact of Paula’s corrosive childhood and Katie sees her own mother in a new light when she selflessly jumps in to save the family.
I’m always happy to hear from my readers – you can get in touch on my Facebook page, through Twitter, Goodreads or my website.
Best wishes,
Ruth
www.rjheald.com
Acknowledgements
Lots of people have supported me during the writing of Your Guilty Lies, but first I’d like to thank my husband, who not only provided feedback on the book itself but also did so much more than his fair share of the housework and childcare when I was locked away with my manuscript, working to meet my deadline.
Family and friends have provided help and encouragement. My mother always set me a good example of persistence, without which I would never be published. Although she is no longer with us, that will always stay with me. My children are a source of joy and their endless curiosity encourages me to see the world through new eyes. My in-laws have been very generous with their time, looking after the children when I desperately needed time to focus on the novel. I’d also like to thank Charity Khoo, who advised me on twin births, my friend in the police force who helped me work out what might happen to Paula, and my online writing group, the Neons, who were the first to see the opening chapters of this book and provided valuable feedback.
I’m very grateful to my editor, Christina Demosthenous, for being a diplomatic sounding board for my ideas and providing insightful editorial comments, which have taken the book up to the next level. Noelle and Kim at Bookouture are the dream team for publicity, and I’m constantly in awe of their passion and enthusiasm for book promotion. Thanks also to the Marketing and Insights teams, who get my books into the hands of interested readers, and to the rest of the team at Bookouture, a highly talented group who work tirelessly on our books.
And finally, thank you to everyone who has taken time out of their lives to read my book. One of the greatest pleasures for me is knowing that there are people out there reading and enjoying my work.
Published by Bookouture in 2019
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An imprint of StoryFire Ltd.
Carmelite House
50 Victoria Embankment
London EC4Y 0DZ
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www.bookouture.com
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Copyright © Ruth Heald, 2019
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Ruth Heald has asserted her right to be identified
as the author of this work.
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All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in any retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publishers.
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eBook ISBN: 978-1-78681-534-7
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This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, organizations, places and events other than those clearly in the public domain, are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales is entirely coincidental.