by Tabitha Bree
“You can pet him,” the trainer says. “It’s good if Harold gets familiar with you before you shoot.”
Xavier just nods and kneels down. His silence is unnerving; he always has something to say. But something about Harold has taken his tongue. I almost make a terrible ‘cat got your tongue’ joke, but Xavier’s face stops me. It’s like he’s seeing a ghost.
“Hello boy,” he finally says. “You’re a good-looking fella, aren’t you?” He brushes his hand over Harold’s golden head, scratching him behind the ears.
“Ooh, he likes that,” the trainer coos, smiling down at the pair of them getting to know each other.
“What kind of dog is he?” Xavier asks.
“A golden retriever.”
Xavier nods, running Harold’s ears through his hand. “I had a Goldendoodle, a retriever crossed with a poodle.”
And then I realize why he’s acting so weird—he’s thinking about his own dog. The one his ex-girlfriend won’t give back. I thought it was just a silly breakup rivalry thing. But seeing the look in Xavier’s eyes as he runs his hands over Harold, I know it’s much more than that.
“Gorgeous, aren’t they?” the trainer says. “Retrievers have such a beautiful nature… a bit lazy at times.”
“Totally,” Xavier laughs. “I would take Benson on a run with me and end up carrying him home.”
I watch them laugh together, but can’t help noticing the sadness in Xavier’s eyes.
“Alright, let’s get going.” Katherine appears beside us.
Throughout each take, I’m transfixed by Xavier and this damn dog. The way they interact together, you’d think they lived together in real life. It’s fricking heartwarming. Forget Xavier and Emma, it’s this pair that has the truest chemistry in the film.
They work so well together that we are flying through the shot list, and before I know it, it’s the end of the day. The last scene is one where Xavier and Harold are reunited after Xavier’s character thought his dog was gone forever. It includes a dramatic run across the ship’s deck, with Harold diving into Xavier’s arms. Everyone is in their starting position, and I begin my calls.
“Quiet on set. Picture’s up. Roll sound.”
The camera assistant does the slate, before Katherine calls “action!”
Xavier stares off into the distance. “It can’t be.”
Prompted by the trainer on the side of the set, Harold runs in on his cue, full speed, toward Xavier.
“It can’t be!” he says again, kneeling on the deck. Wide-eyed, his lips break into the most dazzling smile I have ever seen. “Come here, boy!”
Xavier spreads his arms apart and Harold jumps his front paws up onto his shoulders, licking the sides of his face.
“I thought I’d lost you forever.” Xavier wraps his arms around Harold, laughing, but then I see unmistakable tears rolling down his cheek.
“I thought I’d lost you…”
I can barely watch it. It’s like one of those videos you see of military vets being reunited with their dogs. A lump is forming in my throat and I have to look away to compose myself.
They continue their reunion, Xavier clutching at Harold’s fur and Harold burrowed into his shoulder. It’s the single realest scene I’ve ever seen Xavier do, and I don’t think I’m alone in thinking this.
“Cut,” Katherine calls, watching the take back on the monitor. Everyone is still quiet on set, and I see a few people dab at the corners of their eyes. Including Sadie and George, our cameraman.
Katherine walks back onto the set, pushing her headphones off her ears, her mouth down-turned in surprise. “That was perfect. I think we got it. That’s a wrap, everyone.”
Xavier hastily wipes at his face and people start talking, and with a quick pat on Harold’s head, he’s walking out of the sound stage.
I don’t know why, but my mind is yelling at me to go after him and make sure he’s okay. I’m sure he was just acting, but there was something about it…
Before I know what I’m doing, I’m knocking on the door to his trailer and poking my head inside.
“All decent in here?” I ask, stepping tentatively inside.
“Yeah, all good,” Xavier says, clearing his throat. His eyes are still red. It looks like he’s been rubbing them.
“Are you okay?”
He laughs, but his throat sounds tight. “That convincing, was I?”
I’m not buying it. I walk over and sit next to him. “Seriously. Talk to me.”
He exhales, shaking his head. “It’s stupid.”
“Try me.”
Interlacing his fingers, he looks up at the ceiling. “I fucking miss my dog.” He laughs. “See? How pathetic is that? I do a scene with a dog that only slightly resembles Benson and I lose my shit.”
I frown, placing a hand on his shoulder. “What does Benson look like?”
Xavier smiles, pulling out his phone and flipping through his gallery. “Like a curly-haired idiot.” He beams, tilting the screen towards me. And there is Benson, smiling happily at the camera. I can tell by the angle and the positioning; a bit of effort went into getting this shot. I beam, looking at Benson’s tongue hanging out the side of his smiling mouth.
“He’s adorable.”
Xavier stuffs his phone away. “Yeah.”
He looks down at the floor, and I feel a pain in my chest. I hate seeing him this way, all torn up and missing his friend. I know he hurt Willow, but keeping Benson from him—who he owned before he met Willow—just seems a bit… cruel. Like she just wants to get back at him and is using the dog to do it.
“And you’re sure she won’t give him back to you?” I ask.
He shakes his head. “Willow made herself very clear. She doesn’t give a fuck how I feel. I don’t even think she gives a fuck how Benson feels.”
I chew on my lip. I’m having that same feeling I had in Hawaii, bubbling somewhere in my stomach. That feeling that says ‘fuck it’, and throws caution to the wind. That feeling that tells me that sometimes good things come from losing control.
“Then take him.”
Xavier looks at me, a crease between his eyebrows.
“Fucking take him then,” I repeat. “It’s like you said, Benson doesn’t belong to her. He’s your dog. So take him back. I’ll help you.”
I stand up, holding my hand out toward him.
“You’re serious?” he says, wide-eyed and frowning between my face and my outstretched hand.
“What, are you scared?”
And then, slowly, his frown turns into a grin.
24
Xavier
We are fucking taking a dog.
I was so buzzed by Dee’s crazy motivation that I didn’t think it through when I took her hand, or jumped in the front seat of her car, or gave her the address to Willow’s house. But now that we are getting closer, the reality is setting in.
“Are you okay?” She glances at me, then turns back to the road. “You’re shaking like a Kardashian during a plastic surgery drought.”
“I’ve just realized how insane this is,” I reply. “We’re stealing a fucking dog.”
“Stealing back is more accurate. And we don’t have to if you don’t want. You just looked like you were about to have some kind of mental health episode back there.”
I take a deep breath. I’m still embarrassed about losing it in front of everyone on set. But at least I could hide behind acting in the scene. Though I know Dee was on to me. It’s hard to get anything past her.
I unlock my phone and look at the photos again. Benson on a beach run, Benson hosting a barbecue at my place, Benson visiting my dad.
“I want to,” I say, firmly. And I mean it. This is certifiably nuts, but the only thing worse than going through with it would be turning around and having Dee drop me back at my place, alone.
“Okayy,” she sings, tapping on the map on her phone screen. “And you’re sure she’s not home?”
I’m not sure. Willow’s life is
separate from mine now. But what I do know is that she isn’t exactly a homebody. She is always out and about, getting seen at the right places, busy with her music, hooking up with whoever she goddam wants to.
“I’m pretty sure.”
“I hope so,” Dee says as we pull up in front of the security gate. “Code?”
“Seven, three, seven, nine.”
Dee presses the numbers into the pad and the gates open wide, welcoming us inside. If only they knew what we were up to.
“Jesus,” Dee says under her breath as we travel up the driveway, craning her neck to see Willow’s house through the windscreen. We step out of the car, and I tell myself it isn’t a bad sign that Benson doesn’t immediately appear at our feet. Willow might be keeping him in a fenced area. But it is dawning on me that if Willow isn’t here, Benson may not be either. Maybe she takes him with her, like an oversized handbag dog. Maybe he’s perched up in the front of her convertible as we speak.
“Lead the way,” Dee says, looking over her shoulder. It’s getting darker now, but I can tell she’s starting to second-guess herself. This is very un-Dee-like. I walk around the side of the house, which takes a while, because it’s a mansion. There’s a huge space out back where Willow used to host her fabulous parties, and I imagine that’s where she keeps Benson.
We turn the corner so we’re at the back of the house, and I immediately remember the good times we’ve had here… lying out in the sun by her pool, drinking cocktails with our mutual friends. It’s so jarring to think we had an entire relationship… before everything.
But the one thing that’s missing is Benson. I push my eyebrows together. “Okay, I thought he’d be out here.”
We walk across the yard and over the huge wooden deck where countless lanterns hang overhead, all lit up like Willow’s ready to entertain at any moment. Everything about her life is set up. Every move calculated. Every idea well thought out. For someone who sold herself as some folky, down to earth, girl next door, she is the most disingenuous person I know.
I should’ve listened to Jack’s warnings about her before I got sucked in.
Looking around the huge outdoor space, I frown. “I don’t get it. Benson must be with her. This is the only fenced area outside, and she wouldn’t leave him inside if she wasn’t home. And her car’s not here.”
Dee’s shoulders slump. I know she was excited to reunite me and my dog. But I guess some things are just not meant to be.
I head back the way we came, a sinking feeling in my stomach. I was an idiot to think something would work out in my favor.
“Wait, do you hear that?” Dee says.
I turn around, and we are both silent. And then I hear it, the unmissable whimpering I’ve heard so many times before.
“Benson?”
I run back across the yard and the whimpering gets louder. And I see it—a little curly snout poking out from beside the house.
“Benson!”
I dive to him, wrapping him in my arms as he pushes his head into me. His silly, curly face licks and nuzzles mine, his whole butt wiggling as he wags his tail frantically.
“Oh, boy, I’ve missed you so fucking much.”
I laugh as his soft fur moves all over me. Dee walks over to us, her hand pressed to her chest, her lip poking out as she watches our reunion. “Well this is a bit fucking sweet.”
I laugh and stand up, only to take in what a weird place Willow has him in, hidden amongst the bushes and tied to a rope connected to the house. It’s only a couple of feet long, and he doesn’t even have nice grass to sit on. It’s all sticks and roots and dirt.
“Where is his water bowl? Why does she have him tied up when she has a fenced yard for him to live in?” I crouch down to Benson. “Does she leave you like this every day, boy?”
Suddenly I’m filled with rage. Keeping him from me is bad enough. But keeping him in these conditions? When she knows he had a good life at my house with me? Any ounce of positivity I associated with that woman departs my body. Like a demon during an exorcism.
What a fucking bitch.
“Oh my God, is that a car?” Dee whispers, freezing on the spot, her eyes glazing over. “I think I just heard the gate.”
“Shit.” I look down at Benson, whose butt is still wiggling like ‘hey man, set me free!’. Willow catching us in the act is not part of the plan, but I can’t leave him. Not now. I pull the lead from my pocket and clip it to his collar, and untie the rope.
“This way!” I whisper to them both, and we dart back across the patio. Sneaking down the side of the house, I can hear a car crunching gravel down the driveway. As it comes to a stop, we peek around.
It’s Willow, in her stupid fucking convertible like she’s Hollywood Barbie. Only she’s not alone. As they step out of the car, my fist tightens around the lead.
It’s him.
They are still fucking.
Benson doesn’t even respond when he sees her, just stays quietly by my side as they walk up the steps to the front door. It’s like he doesn’t want this plan to get fucked up even more than I don’t.
“What do we do??” Dee whispers.
I look between where we are hiding and Dee’s car.
“Run.”
“What??”
But before she can protest, me and Benson are off, and Dee rushes behind us. We race to her car and Benson dives into the back seat without any coaxing. He knows what’s up. As she starts the ignition, the front door opens and Willow stands there, her neutral expression turning into a frown.
“What the f—”
“Drive!” I yell.
On command, Dee floors it, circling Willow’s dumb fucking fountain and leaving marks in the gravel. When we reach the gate, she hits the exit button frantically, desperate to get away from the shouting Willow behind us.
“Come on!” Dee screams at the gate, and the second the wings are wide enough, she charges through.
I look behind us in the rear-view mirror, and the last thing I see is Willow flapping her arms around in a cloud of dust.
The second I open the back door, Benson bolts, darting around like Robin Williams coming home after twenty-six years in the Jumanji jungle. He sniffs his bed by the pool, an old chew toy that’s sitting on the lawn, my shoes at the door. Everything is exciting, everything is worth attention, and it’s only after he’s done the full rounds he comes bounding back to me.
He jumps up and we spill onto the ground as he licks my face, his front paws pinning me down by the chest. I laugh and twist my face away. I hate it when he tries to lick my mouth. I see him licking his bits waaayy too often to ever be okay with it.
“I’ll leave you two alone to be reacquainted.”
As soon as Dee speaks, Benson looks up, like he’s just realized we have a visitor and he’s being very rude. He runs over to her, butting her leg with his curly face so she’ll give him attention. She giggles and runs her fingers over his fur.
“It’s lovely to meet you too, Benson. And you’re welcome.” She looks back over at me and smirks, and even though I know she’s teasing, she’s right.
This wouldn’t be happening if it wasn’t for her.
I go over to the pair of them, resting one hand on Benson’s head and holding her wrist by the other. She looks down at me holding her, and then back up to my eyes.
“Thank you,” I say. “You have no idea how much… just, thank you.”
She smiles, tilting her head. “I couldn’t have you losing your shit on poor Harold every time he comes to set.”
I laugh, shaking my head. But I can’t bring myself to regret how I reacted at the studio. If it led to this, it was all worth it. Something finally worked out, and it was all because of the woman standing next to me.
“Well, as his fellow liberator, Benson will expect to see you back here for a visit,” I say, thinking of how pretty she looks with the lights of the swimming pool reflected against her skin.
She crouches down, so she’s face-to-face
with Benson. “Is that right?” She rubs the top of his head before standing and walking toward her car. Before she climbs inside, she smiles crookedly.
“I think that can be arranged.”
25
Dee
It’s getting harder to keep my guard up around Xavier. Between our conversation in Hawaii… to the other stuff in Hawaii… to the way he’s gotten his act together, I can no longer tell myself he’s just an egotistical douchebag who only cares about himself. I just have to face the fact. He’s a good guy. A guy I have feelings for.
And the way he’s been acting, I think he might have feelings for me too.
But I can’t let the feels take over. Because despite all that, he still cheated on Willow, and that doesn’t sit well with me. I don’t know that I could ever be with someone who is capable of betraying the person they are meant to love the most. Especially when I have a career to focus on.
Though I still feel like he deserves some recognition for turning a new leaf. Despite all the effort he’s been putting in, I can tell he still feels like an outsider. He’s always sitting alone at lunch, or with Vik; not joining in on the banter amongst the crew in-between takes. I could brush it off as him not being interested, but I see the way he looks when we congregate together, see the way he watches as we talk shit in the lunch tent… it makes me kind of sad, especially after what he told me about his high school experience.
Which is why I’m walking toward his trailer, with an invitation I hope he’ll accept.
“What’s on the agenda for you and Benson tonight?” I ask, knocking on the door and stepping inside. His face immediately lights up when I mention Benson’s name. I think stealing him is the best crime I’ve ever committed.
“Just laying low I think.”
“On a Friday?” I slide my hands into my pockets. “Why don’t you come with us to the bar? Jayden has organized something for the crew, and Sadie will be there. Should be fun.”