Love You Still

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Love You Still Page 7

by Kat Bammer


  She wanted to cover her ears and sing la la la, like a child, to make this all go away. She and Claire had talked about opening their own little hotel. But they’d had a small diver’s camp in mind—somewhere warm and beautiful, not an Inn, on a lake, in the middle of the mountains. But maybe they should try. Maybe this was their opportunity. Could she stay here in Moon Lake? Come home for good?

  Her brain started spinning. Now that her diving program got shut down, there was really nothing that fired her up about her old job anymore. She had to make a decision. She never wanted to come back, mostly because of her mother and because of what had happened with Peter. But maybe, maybe it would all work out. She was an adult now. She could do it. Her mother was obviously ready to let go of the Inn, so maybe she wouldn’t meddle too much. Even though, with her living in such close proximity, Lisa wouldn’t bet on it. And Peter—she still felt this insane attraction to him, but the years had changed them both. Maybe they could be civilized and become friends.

  * * *

  “I will do it.” Lisa looked up at her sister, who entered the room right at the same moment she spoke out loud. “I will come back and take over the Inn.”

  Karen smiled a sad little smile and her mother’s posture changed like a huge weight was taken off her chest.

  “I want to ask a friend if she would partner with me though. We already had plans to open our own hotel someday. She cooks like a goddess which I don’t.”

  “It’s your decision and I will not interfere with your decisions,” Lisa’s mother said.

  Lisa chewed on her lower lip. That she would believe when she saw it. Her mother was a meddler and a critic—always had been. But she would cope somehow. She was an adult now. She would make the Inn hers and come back home for good.

  10

  Lisa sat on a bench in the small park by the hospital. She held her mother’s phone in her hand while she sipped a huge cup of coffee. She tapped her foot. Why did she tell her mother she would take over the Inn? That was an impulsive decision. Sure, the concept of losing the Inn didn’t sit well with her, but if she doubted her decision already half an hour later, maybe it was the wrong one. Now she had to ask Claire, who might think Lisa had lost her mind. And she would be frank about it too.

  Lisa watched a sparrow picking on the gravel right in front of her.

  She should get going before the birds mistook her for a statue.

  Lisa gulped down a deep breath and dialed what was quite possibly the only number she knew by heart. “Hey, Claire.”

  “Lisa, I was sick with worry. Why did you wait so long to call? I tried your phone but couldn’t get through. What the hell is going on? How’s your dad?”

  Tears pooled in Lisa’s eyes. How she had missed Claire the last few days.

  In the background Lisa could hear clanging and shouting.

  Claire must be in the ship’s kitchen. She was one hell of a cook and quickly advanced to the position of sous-chef on the cruise ship.

  Lisa wiped at her eyes furiously and contained the sob she felt lodged in her chest.

  “It’s bad, really, really bad.”

  “Your dad?”

  “Yes, he hasn’t regained consciousness yet, and the longer it takes, the less chance there is he ever will.”

  “Oh, Lisa, I’m so sorry. What can I do?”

  “Actually I have to ask you something.” Lisa hesitated. Her friend hated surprises, and she was not a very spontaneous person. Maybe she shouldn’t say anything just yet.

  “What is it? Do you need me to come there? I have a few vacation days left. I can make it happen if you need me.”

  “Yes, I definitely need you here, but there is more.”

  “Come on, Lisa, just spit it out—you are scaring me.”

  Claire’s voice had turned impatient, so Lisa took a deep breath. “I will not come back.”

  “Back here, to the ship? What? Why?”

  “I…” Lisa hesitated; saying it out loud made it real, and she wasn’t sure she could stomach that, but it was too late for that now. “I kind of, agreed to take over the Inn.”

  “The Inn. Your family’s Inn? Gabriel’s Inn? Back in Moon Lake?”

  “Yep.”

  There was silence on the other side of the phone. Which added to the nervousness Lisa was already feeling. “Claire?”

  “What about your mom? What about your fights?”

  “It’s complicated.” Lisa had sworn she wouldn’t ever put herself in a position again where her mother could criticize her.

  And now. Family obligations, a hefty dose of guilt, and emotional instability. Those were the reasons she could come up with.

  “Hell yes, I’d say so. I hope you know what you are doing. And I hope you really thought that through.”

  Lisa remained silent. No, she really hadn’t thought that decision through. She was afraid if she thought about it too much, she would see what a terrible mistake she’d made.

  “So, do you need me to pack up your stuff? Have you called Chad already?”

  Lisa squeezed her eyes shut. She hadn’t talked to her boss yet, and she wasn’t eager to do so. But there was something that was a hell of a lot more important to ask Claire, and she didn’t know how her best friend would react to this next ambush. “I want you to move here and become my partner.”

  Silence on the other end of the line.

  Lisa prayed for her best friend to say yes. “Claire? I know it’s not exactly what we envisioned for our own hotel. But we always wanted to have our own gig. Can it be this, can it be here?”

  “Are you serious?”

  “As a heart attack.”

  “Lisa.”

  Oh God. Her mind raced. Claire would say no. She should have thought about this first. It was a big step. Especially for Claire, who valued security so much. Too late now.

  “What if it blows up in our faces? What if the situation with your mom gets out of hand again? What if you want to leave again?”

  Lisa swallowed, desperation clawing at her throat. She wanted Claire on board. She needed her on board. “We don’t have to make huge investments or anything like that. My sister doesn’t want the Inn, and it’s either me taking over or my mother selling it. If it doesn’t pan out, we can always get a job somewhere else. Please.”

  “Hell, I hate your spontaneity. We need to really think this through. We need a business plan. I have to do a pros and cons list.”

  Lisa’s face split into a grin. Not a no, it wasn’t a no. “Okay, you are right, you could just come visit a few days. You would have enough time on the plane to make all your lists. And then, once you’re here, you can check everything out and then make your decision. There’s more…”

  “More? What? Wait a minute. You’re gone five minutes—what more could have happened?”

  “Well”—Lisa looked down at the sparrow which was still picking in front of her—“I found a body, and I met Peter.”

  “A body? Are you kidding me? That is not funny at all.”

  “No, it wasn’t. It kind of freaked me out.”

  “And who’s this Peter?”

  “Peter, my Peter. He is back home.”

  “Your Peter? One-night-stand-Peter? I thought he left—that’s why you left too.” Claire sounded confused and a little overwhelmed by her mental leaps.

  “Yeah, he is obviously back. Deputy sheriff. He, kind of, apologized.”

  “That was quick.”

  Lisa heard caution in the voice of her best friend.

  “We met at the airport, he came to pick me up, and then, we met again. After I found the body.”

  “Are you shitting me? You aren’t gone that long; how could all of this happen in a matter of a week?”

  “It actually happened yesterday—all of it. I’m still confused about all the details. I haven’t dealt with it all. The jetlag isn’t helping, and my brain is still a little fuzzy.”

  “Are you sure you should make life-changing decisions based on a fuzzy brain
?” The reprimands in Claire’s voice were hard to miss.

  Lisa felt vulnerable and whenever she felt vulnerable she either got snarky or sarcastic.

  “No, I’m not sure at all, Claire. But my father is in a coma, I found a dead body at the side of the road, and the one boy who I hated for the better part of my life, stood by my side and apologized.” Lisa fought down the tears that threatened to bubble up again. “I don’t know what to do, how to react to all of this. So, I go with what feels right and beneath the queasiness and fear and doubt, taking over my family’s livelihood feels right. Okay?” Lisa successfully fought her tears but her breath hitched.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to hurt you. I know this must be tough on you. But you are always so reckless and at the same time audacious. You always are—and I am not. I feel much more comfortable playing it safe. Holy hell, most of the time I feel like your babysitter, or your lame old aunt.”

  She immediately felt bad for her outburst. Claire was not like her. She needed safety and control. No wonder, if you took her past into account. But their differences made them a hell of a team. “And what a good job you are doing as my babysitter. You are certainly up for a bonus. How about a little Inn, settled on the shore of a beautiful lake, surrounded by beautiful snow-capped mountains?”

  They both snorted with laughter and for the first time Lisa felt a resemblance of normal again. This was their thing. Hers and Claire’s. They didn’t always see eye to eye on things, but even if they had opposite opinions, sometime even fights, they never stayed pissed at each other for long. They cleared the air with banter. So they could go from fighting to laughing their heads off in under a minute. Claire really was a gift.

  “You’re such a smart ass. This is serious shit.”

  “Only if you let it be. No, it is. So, will you come down here? Protect me from the bad wolves? Please, please, I’m begging you.”

  “There are wolves there? Then absolutely not. I hate wildlife of any kind.”

  They both giggled as they recalled the one time Lisa took Claire diving. When Claire saw a small black-tip shark she nearly fainted and tore through her air supply so fast they had to cut the dive short. As soon as they were back on the ship, Claire swore she would never ever get her head back under water again.

  “Please?” Lisa wasn’t beyond begging. Whatever it took to get her best friend down to Moon Lake, she would do it.

  “Of course, I’ll come. We’re a team. I can’t just leave you there all alone. You’re right. It was always our dream to have our own little hotel. So why not in Moon Lake?”

  “Oh perfect. Hey, will you marry me, please?” Sometimes Lisa really thought it would be a lot easier if she could fall in love with her best friend.

  “Ha, you’re such a goofball. So, let me check flights; I have to make arrangements, pack up our stuff. But you give your notice to Chad yourself. I really don’t need his anger, or attention on me.”

  Lisa smiled, a weight lifted from her shoulders. She wouldn’t lose her best friend. They would take over the Inn together. Work as a team. “You really make me happy, Claire.”

  “So, what about Peter?”

  A queasy feeling replaced the happiness she’d felt just moments ago. “I don’t know. He kinda took care of me. And he wants to be friends.”

  “And you? Do you care about him?”

  “I don’t know. The first time I saw him, I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me.”

  “Why? He was the one who ran and left you high and dry. You have nothing to be ashamed of.”

  “I had a little run-in with some baggage boys who had fun with my underwear. And he was there. Even commented on the underwear. But he’s really trying, you know. So, I have to think about it.”

  “A run-in with baggage boys? Get real. Are they even called that?”

  Lisa shrugged; heat climbed up her throat when she thought about Peter’s arms around her waist and his body pressing against hers.

  Claire snickered. “I thought your life was as boring as mine. Looks like coming home did shake things up quite a bit.”

  A lightness spread through her chest. “You just come here and I’m sure your life will get shaken up a bit too.”

  Claire stopped snickering. “I like boring. It’s safe. I’ll call you as soon as I know the details of my flight. You just hang in there, girl. And I hope your dad gets better.”

  Her chest tightened again—just thinking about her dad made everything else going on so insignificant in comparison. “I hope so too.”

  She had to get back to her mother. Maybe there was news.

  11

  Waking up in her old room was still a little disturbing. Her old life, childhood, and youth all mashed together in her room. Thank God her old posters were gone. Unluckily her beautiful, very not-her, flowery curtains were still there. Timeless—her mother had told her when she’d forced them on her. Well, she still hated them, that’s for sure.

  She stood under the shower and groaned. Jet lag was a beast. She turned the shower to cold but jumped out as soon as the cold water hit her. Not gonna happen today. She put on jeans and a T-shirt. She loved her T-shirts. This one she had gotten from Claire for her last birthday, with the text I’m in shape. Round is a shape. written on it. A friendly reminder for them both to not be ashamed of their womanly figures.

  Lisa knew intellectually she was in good shape now. All the fresh air and diving took care of that, but sometimes, the voice of her mother in her head, telling her that her thighs were getting too big still haunted her.

  Oh God, why didn’t she think of this yesterday.

  She’d committed to stay and take over the Inn. But she was an adult now. She’d developed self-esteem and a thick skin.

  As Lisa went down the stairs, she heard clanging pots and pans in the kitchen. Mary must be back again. With a shake of her head, she banished the image of a grinning Peter from her mind. Warmth pooled in her belly. The Fishers were so good to them. Besides helping out at the Inn, Peter had even gone to the airport to fetch her.

  Lisa had forgotten this was the way in Moon Lake: everybody in everyone’s business all the time but also eager to help each other. She was thankful. Maybe staying had been the right decision.

  At the bottom of the staircase, her dog Cookie waited for her, tail wagging.

  Lisa petted her. “Hey, girl, you need to get out?” So, no Peter in the house today. Something dulled inside of her. Was she really disappointed because he wasn’t there? God, she was pathetic.

  “I’ll just grab a cup of coffee, then we can go for a walk,” Lisa said to her dog on her way to the kitchen.

  Heavenly smells instantly surrounded her, the evidence—freshly baked muffins right there on the table, next to a beautiful bouquet of red roses.

  Mary turned and a smile spread over her face. “Morning, Lisa. Did you sleep well?”

  “Fine, thank you.” Lisa hadn’t slept well—again. She had hardly slept at all. The combination of jet lag and pictures in her head of the hand under the bushes didn’t do too much for her sleep, yet again. She needed to ask Peter about it. Maybe he could tell her more and maybe this would cure the pictures that prevented her sleep and the crushing terror, that came right after the pictures.

  “I’ll go walk Cookie,” Lisa said, “and, Mary, thanks for helping out around here; we really, really appreciate it, you know.”

  Tears welled up in Mary’s eyes and Lisa hugged her.

  “Thank you, my dear. You know. Your parents became real good friends to me. They helped me through the tough times after losing Sophie and now it’s my turn. I’m glad I can give back in times of need.”

  Sophie—with all the shit happening in the last few days, she hadn’t thought much of her. Peter’s sister. Killed at age nineteen.

  Her death had had a big impact on everyone in Moon Lake. After their night, at Sophie’s funeral, Peter withdrew a lot; he got moody and private. But that was after he completely ignored her the next days
in school, so Lisa had been hell bent on ignoring all that.

  The marriage of his parents went to shit in the years after too.

  Lisa always thought that might have been the trigger for Peter to join the military so suddenly, even though, before Sophie’s death, he’d always declared he wanted to go to college, even got a hockey scholarship.

  “I’ll come with you. The weather is perfect for a little walk,” Mary said.

  Lisa got her cup of coffee and out they went through the main door. She looked to the left, over the meadow that separated the Inn and the lake. What a beautiful patch of land.

  White deck chairs gleamed in the sun at the water’s edge, and all kinds of games would be played on the meadow. In fact she had to check the shed for the outdoor play stuff. The shed had been a small cottage, but it hadn’t been used for guests in a long time so more and more outdoor equipment had ended up in it.

  They turned their backs to the lake and rounded the corner, crossed the parking lot, and walked past the beautiful vegetable garden, fenced with an ancient ornate fence and dozens of beautiful roses. Her mother’s heart and soul.

  Soon they would bloom, and their sweet smell and beautiful blossoms would carry on throughout summer.

  They veered right and passed the small cottage behind the Inn. When Lisa’s parents took over the Inn, her grandmother still lived there, but she died when Lisa had still been very young. Now her parents lived there. Her dad had renovated the cottage himself.

  It was too small for a family, he’d always said. But perfect for her mother and him, once Karen and Lisa were out of the house.

  He’d finished the renovations three or four years ago, and her dad had raved about it over the phone.

  Mary and Lisa entered the small forest, which separated their property from their neighbor’s and had a looped path through it. Perfect for a little walk for their guests and a perfect playground when Lisa and Karen were kids. They built forts and played cops and robbers with their friends. Often the whole day. It’d been a good childhood. Fresh air and a lot of freedom—advantages of living in such a rural area.

 

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