So what was I going to do?
“Uh…” I stepped back from him carefully and Victor let me go. There was a worried look in his eyes, as though he wanted to help me but didn’t know how.
“Um…” He cleared his throat. “If…if you want to be alone, you could go to the bathroom. If you want to, you know, take a bath.”
I took a deep breath. “We both know that won’t help. No amount of…of baths is going to help me with this, is it?”
Reluctantly, he shook his head. “Afraid not.”
“I know what I need,” I said, making myself look at him as I talked. “But I can’t…Victor, I just can’t go there. Not yet. Maybe not ever. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be,” he said quickly. I’m the one who’s sorry. This isn’t unusual in weres, you know—the minute a couple gets blood-bonded, the female goes into, uh…”
“She goes into heat,” I said quietly, finishing the words he didn’t want to say.
“Yeah,” he said gruffly. “Exactly. It helps cement their bond, brings them closer together and makes the commitment permanent. I just…” He shrugged helplessly. “I never thought it could happen to a vamp.”
“Well, it is,” I said softly. “Now, what am I going to do about it?”
He appeared unhappy. “I don’t know.”
“What about just…just ignoring it?” The desire was growing even as I talked, my pulse raced and my pussy felt tender and swollen with need. My nipples were tight and I felt achy and unfulfilled all over. How could I possibly ignore this? I’ll try though, I thought grimly. If there’s no other way, I’ll damn well try.
But Victor was shaking his head. “I’m sorry, Taylor, but that’s pretty damn dangerous. At least in weres. An unchecked heat…it’s not good. Leads to fever, delirium…some females have been known to do things they can’t remember later. Things they, uh…” He cleared his throat. “Really, really regret. And that’s if they live to do those things after trying to put it off for so long.”
“So it’s fuck or die?” I demanded, suddenly feeling cornered.
Victor winced. “Baby, please…”
“I’m sorry.” I crossed my arms over my chest then jerked them away with a little hiss of pain. My nipples were incredibly sensitive now, as though my body was demanding I do something to help cure the raging fire building within me.
“Don’t be sorry,” he said. “It’s scary, I know. Some of the younger girls in the pack…wait a minute.” He snapped his fingers.
“What?” I gazed at him eagerly. “What is it?”
“I’m such a damn idiot—don’t know why I didn’t think of it earlier. It’s just been so long since I’ve had a pack.” He took a breath. “Sometimes a female who’s too young to be bred goes into heat early. Usually she already has an intended mate, they’re just not together yet, not bonded.”
“So what does she do?” I asked, feeling a faint tendril of hope.
“She doesn’t get bred. But she still needs…” Victor appeared uncomfortable.
“Go on…” I made a motion with my hand. “Finish.”
He sighed. “Well, she still needs help from her mate—her intended mate, that is. His scent…his touch…sometimes just the compounds in his uh, body fluids can help.”
“Fluids?” I said, seizing on it at once. “Do you think it would help if I fed on you?”
Victor looked uncomfortable again. “That’s, uh, not exactly what I meant but we could try it.”
“Come on!” I took him by the hand and led him back to the bedroom. We settled back on the bed together as though we’d done it a thousand times and he turned his head, offering his neck.
“Go on, baby,” he murmured. “Drink.”
I lay beside him and nuzzled close, my fangs aching to bite. It was true I was incredibly thirsty after my epic breakdown the night before but even as I sank my teeth into his exposed jugular, I had a feeling that I needed something else—something more.
Sure enough, though his delicious blood satisfied my thirst, my body was still hungry when I was done. I licked his throat to seal the wound and pressed myself against him, my entire being begging for more.
Drinking from him had made my problem worse—not better.
I was throbbing with need, so swollen and hot between my thighs I couldn’t bear to close my legs. I pulled away from Victor with an effort and moaned as my tight nipples brushed his side, sending shivers of desire through me.
“Taylor?” He looked at me, his nostrils flaring as he scented my need. “Are you okay? Because you smell…”
“What?” I whispered, barely able to talk at all, I needed him so badly. “How do I smell?”
“Hot,” he admitted, his voice dipping down to the wolf’s growl. He shifted uncomfortably on the bed and I saw the telltale bulge in the denim of his jeans. “I’m sorry, baby, but you smell fucking hot.”
“I am,” I admitted softly. “I don’t think that helped. I think…I think it made it worse. Victor…what are we going to do?”
He sighed. “Like I said, sometimes you can hold it off. Satisfy it some other way.”
“With fluids,” I said. “Only, you weren’t talking about blood, were you?”
He shook his head. “No.”
“What then?” I said, already knowing the answer.
He frowned and glanced down at the bulge in his jeans. “Well, there’s the obvious thing but that’s not happening—not tonight.”
I felt a strange mixture of relief and frustration. “Then what…”
“Saliva. Licking.” He stared at me directly. “Sometimes that works.”
“You mean you want to…to…” I shook my head. “No. No, I don’t…I can’t go there.”
Victor closed his eyes briefly, as though he was thinking hard. Then he opened them and gazed at me.
“You don’t have to.”
“Then how…?”
“Just get undressed. Or, well, put on one of my t-shirts and nothing else—like you wore the other night. And I’ll show you.”
My heart was beating so hard it seemed to be shaking my entire body, but I nodded and slid off the bed.
“I’ll be right back.”
I changed in the closet, grabbing another one of his t-shirts from the basket. I could have taken a clean one from the stack on one of the shelves but I didn’t want to. Victor had worn the one I chose and his scent clung to it. Just as it had the night before, his warm, masculine aroma comforted me.
I thought of how the witch, Gwendolyn, had said weres and vamps stink to each other as I slid out of my skirt and blouse and underwear and pulled the pale blue t-shirt down over my naked body. How could that possibly be true? I had never smelled anything or anyone that attracted me more than Victor’s scent. It made me feel safe and hot at the same time—a strange mixture but one I was willing to go with because I trusted him.
I walked out into the bedroom to see that Victor had taken off his shirt and was leaning back against the carved oak headboard of the bed. He sucked in a breath when I came into view, his eyes moving slowly over my body.
I felt myself flush all over but not entirely with embarrassment. I knew he could see the tight little points of my nipples, pressing against the thin material of his shirt. And now that I had my skirt and panties off, he could no doubt smell how hot and wet my pussy was.
But I didn’t care. Or rather, I did care but only because I was glad he wanted me. I took a moment to savor that sensation—when was the last time I had been glad a man wanted me in his bed?
It was so far back I honestly couldn’t remember.
“C’mere, baby.” Victor’s voice was low and rough as he beckoned to me to join him. “It’s okay, I won’t hurt you.”
“I know,” I said, feeling a rush of gratitude that it was true. I went to the bed and climbed on it, settling myself across from him on my knees. “Now what?”
“Come a little closer.” He patted the spot right beside him and stayed where he was, let
ting me come to him.
I knee-walked a little closer until I was right beside him but still facing him. I gazed up at him expectantly. “Okay?”
“Yeah,” he murmured. “Now give me your hand. The one you write with.”
Mystified, I slipped my right hand into his, noticing as I had that first night when we were bonded at the altar, how much larger his hands were than mine. My fingers appeared small and fragile, like a little girl’s, in his big, rough paw. And yet his touch was so gentle.
“Now what?” I asked.
“Now this.” Victor brought my hand to his lips and folded down all but the first two digits. Locking his eyes with mine, he pressed a warm, wet kiss to the pads of my two fingers. Then he sucked them gently into his mouth.
My pulse skittered rapidly and I took in a quick breath. “Victor?” I whispered as he lapped delicately around and around my fingers. It almost felt like he was licking something else. Like he was showing me how it would be if he—my face got hot and I couldn’t finish the thought.
Finally, he released my fingers, still hot and wet from his mouth.
“Now,” he said, his voice a hoarse growl. “Touch yourself, baby.”
“What?” I glanced at him uncertainly.
He nodded. “Go ahead…do it. See if it helps.”
I had never done this before—not willingly anyway—for any lover. But Victor wasn’t asking me to put on a show for him—he was trying to help me. Trying to help me in the only way I could stand to be helped.
I felt hot all over with embarrassment but I was also throbbing with need. My body wanted him, wanted so much more than this. But this was all my mind would allow.
Slowly, I raised the t-shirt and parted my thighs. Though I knew Victor wasn’t asking for a show, perversely, I wanted to put one on. A little one, anyway…enough to let him know how I felt. How much I wanted him and wished I could stand to have him the way we should be together.
I heard him take in a ragged breath when my pussy came into view. I was so hot, so wet that even my inner thighs were slick with my juices. My soft little mound was clean and smooth—I had just been waxed at the time Celeste turned me—so that was my permanent state now. To judge from Victor’s expression, he approved.
“Go on, baby,” he urged me again in that deep, husky voice.
“All right,” I whispered and slid my first two fingers, still wet from his mouth, between my swollen outer lips.
The effect was immediate and electric. It felt right—good. Delicious. I felt like a plant that needed only a certain type of moisture finally getting watered. Victor’s essence helped the craving between my legs just like his blood eased my thirst—but just a little bit. I stroked slowly between my pussy lips, moaning softly as my fingertips slid over the aching button of my clit, trying to make it last. But all too soon, the sweet relief was gone and I was burning again.
Victor must have seen the frustrated look on my face—heard the soft little sounds I couldn’t help making at the back of my throat—because he held out his hand for mine again.
“Come on,” he murmured. “You need more.”
“Oh, but I…” I pulled my fingers away, ashamed to see they were shiny, coated with my juices. “I should…I’d better wash my hands first.”
“No.” He held out his hand more insistently. “Please baby, I know I can’t touch you, can’t taste you the way you need to be tasted, but at least let me do this. Please.”
Reluctantly, I gave him my hand again. Victor brought my fingers to his mouth again but inhaled first, clearly he was enjoying my scent. Then he slipped my fingers between his lips and began to clean them very slowly and extremely thoroughly.
My heart skipped a beat and then began to pound even harder as he held my eyes with his and sucked my fingers clean. I could feel his tongue laving each digit in turn, licking me with long, hot strokes, trying to get every drop of my honey before he finally released me again.
“You…uh…you like it?” My cheeks were so hot I felt sure my face was about to catch fire but my need was almost equal to my embarrassment. Seeing that look on his face, that naked desire that mirrored my own and knowing it was meant for me was both frightening and incredibly hot.
“Delicious,” he growled softly. “Knew you would be. Go on, baby—touch yourself some more.”
I did as he said, slipping my wet fingers into my pussy again, sliding over and around my aching clit, even exploring inside to try and spread some of the delicious relief there.
But once again, it was gone too soon.
Over and over again Victor sucked my fingers, lapping away my juices with obvious enjoyment. Over and over I returned them to the source of my heat, trying to satiate the need burning there. But it was like trying to put out a forest fire with a single bucket of water.
Finally, I was almost moaning with frustration. I felt like I was close to achieving some kind of release—not just an orgasm but something deeper. Something that would let me relax for awhile and not be so hot and helpless and sexually frustrated.
“Victor…” I looked up at him uncertainly. “I can’t…it’s not working. Not enough. Is there anything else other than, you know…we can do?”
He looked at me directly. “I could try. Touching you, I mean—only touching. Sometimes the touch needs to come from the female’s mate. I think that’s how your body recognizes me.”
I bit my lip, indecisive. I hadn’t willingly let a man touch me in over six years. Although I had been touched unwillingly plenty in that time. But I had never been with anyone as gentle as Victor. Even now, though I could see the hard bulge in his jeans, he simply sat there on the bed, waiting for my decision. No judgment, no impatience—all I saw in his eyes was desire for me—and a wish to help me without hurting.
“All right,” I whispered at last. I raised the t-shirt higher, to just above my breasts—it was a relief not to have the cotton material rubbing against my tight buds—and widened my stance, opening my pussy even more for him.
“God, baby…” Victor groaned. He shifted on the bed but stayed where he was, not crowding me though his eyes devoured me hungrily. I could see them flashing wolf gold as he took me in from my bare breasts to the slippery folds of my swollen pussy. It gave me a sense of power…and of safety. Knowing that he wanted me so much but that he would never hurt me. That he would go only as far as I asked him to and no farther.
“Do it,” I whispered.
“Yeah, okay.” Victor sucked the tips of his first two fingers and reached out to me. To my surprise, instead of touching between my legs, he traced a slow, hot line around my right nipple. Around and around…I moaned as I felt the healing of his essence penetrating my skin. The pleasure was intense and my nipples got so hard it was almost unbearable.
“God,” I whispered as he sucked his fingertips and did it again, this time to my left breast. It felt so good, so right. But I needed more—needed him between my legs. “Victor,” I whispered… “Victor, please…”
He sucked his fingers again and held them out to me. “You’re sure?” he asked, looking me in the eyes. “This is all right with you, Taylor?”
It was more than all right. I was aching to feel him, dying for his touch.
“Please,” I whispered, spreading my thighs even wider. “Please, Victor—yes.”
“All right.” Carefully, he slipped two long fingers between my swollen pussy lips and began a slow, gentle caress.
“Ah!” I gasped, throwing back my head as he circled my clit. He had me now, literally had me in the palm of his hand and I had no desire to be anywhere else. The blunt but gentle tips of his fingers slid over my slippery folds, finding the places I needed him most and giving me what I craved.
His touch helped—it did—but I still needed more. Victor seemed to know because he sucked his fingers clean and did it again, murmuring for me to spread wider so he could touch me more thoroughly.
I was getting closer, I could feel my pleasure…and the relief t
hat I knew would come with it…building inside. But I still needed something more.
“Victor,” I gasped. “Oh God, please…I’m getting close but I need…I don’t know what I need.”
“I know what you need,” he growled softly, looking in my eyes. “You need me inside you, baby. Deep inside—my fingers, I mean,” he added. “But I wasn’t sure how you’d feel about that. About letting me penetrate you.”
I bit my lip, my whole body suddenly flushed with a strange mixture of desire and fear. I had put my fingers inside myself but to let Victor do the same…to let him actually breach the entrance to my body and put anything—even his fingers—deep inside me where I had been hurt so deeply…Could I do it?
“It’s okay, baby,” Victor murmured, shaking his head. “I understand if—“
“Yes,” I heard myself whispering. “Yes, if…if you go slowly.”
His eyes softened. “I promise. As slow as you need. But I think it would be easier if you came a little closer.” He patted his lap and raised his eyebrows at me, asking a silent question.
I nodded and climbed into his lap. Or rather, I straddled him, my knees on either side of his long legs and narrow hips and put my hands on his shoulders.
Victor sucked his fingers and then raised his other hand to stroke a strand of hair out of my face.
“God, you’re beautiful, baby. Can I…do you mind if I kiss you while we do this?”
In answer, I leaned forward and captured his mouth with mine.
It was a light kiss at first, but it deepened as he entered me below, his long fingers finding the entrance to my pussy and sliding gently and slowly deeper and deeper.
I moaned breathlessly when he parted his lips and I tasted my own secret flavor on his tongue. And at the same time, his long fingers found the end of my channel.
This was what I needed—exactly what I needed at last. Well, not exactly but much closer than we had gotten previously. I felt my inner muscles grip his fingers and at the same time, I held on to his shoulders, my nails digging in as I struggled to hold still, to simply sit there and take what was given.
Victor seemed to sense my problem.
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