by Jo Bartlett
‘Neither can I.’ Ella grinned. ‘I had a horrible feeling no one was going to show up. But if we can keep this momentum going and get everyone to sign the petition and spread the word to family and friends, it might just make a difference.’
‘Of course it will.’ Toni was wearing a sunflower headband and long-sleeved T-shirt emblazoned with the words ‘You Are My Sunshine’. She was usually the most no-nonsense of all the midwives, but there was definitely a twinkle in her eye today. ‘I’m sorry I can’t stay for the whole thing, but I’ve got a—’
‘Date?’ Jess cut her off before she could finish.
‘No, a prior engagement. I’m meeting a friend, that’s all, but I’ll come down to the beach huts before I head off.’ Toni shot her a look which suggested that any further discussion would not go down well. But they all knew she was meeting Bobby. Ever since Ella had joined the midwifery unit, Toni and Bobby’s relationship had been obvious to everyone who worked there, but it was something the two of them weren’t willing to make public. If Ella had been forced to guess the reason her friends were so determined to deny their relationship, she’d have taken a punt on it being something to do with their families. But after Ella getting jilted on the steps of a London registry office had inadvertently been caught on camera and gone viral, she knew exactly what unwanted attention felt like. So she was the last person to poke her nose in other people’s relationships.
‘What about you, Jess, are you coming down to the beach huts to follow the rest of the treasure hunt trail?’
‘Absolutely, I didn’t wear this outfit for nothing!’ Jess did a twirl. She was dressed as the May queen, complete with a headdress that looked like it weighed almost as much as she did. ‘Come on, last one to the beach huts is the designated driver on Anna’s hen night.’ Jess turned and winked, before somehow managing to sprint off in the direction of the second clue, despite her cumbersome costume – clearly determined not to be the only one drinking lemonade on Anna’s hen night.
By the time they reached the beach huts, most of the treasure hunters had found and read the second clue. Anna had pinned a copy of it to the outside of the beach hut that Brae had bought her on the first anniversary of them getting together, and which – for one day only – had a spring wreath hanging on its door, so that the treasure hunters would know exactly where to stop. There were a few stragglers, though, and someone had unpinned the clue, so Ella decided to put them out of their misery.
‘Okay, if you’re looking for the second clue, here it is. Above the giant’s shoulders sits his head, with a house of light that’s white and red, like the dancers’ ribbons you might see, you’ll find the clue for number three!’
‘There’s a maypole by the lighthouse at Titan’s Head, that must be it!’ The woman dressed as a morris dancer grabbed her partner by the hand, and the remaining treasure hunters followed after her. All except one.
‘You couldn’t take the baby for a bit, could you?’ Dan’s sister, Lissy, gave Ella an apologetic look. ‘I know this is your event, but a certain someone is getting very impatient to claim his prize from the Green Man. I might skip the rest of the treasure hunt and just do the meet and greet before it all gets too much for Noah and Tegen and they have a meltdown!’
‘That’s where insider info about the Green Man’s whereabouts can come in really handy.’ Ella smiled. Lissy had her hands full as it was. Her husband had finally been able to give up his job to help run their small farm full-time, but almost as soon as he’d come home from working away, she’d fallen pregnant again. It had been a shock at first and Lissy had been very tearful, but she’d risen to the occasion the way she always did. Raising a four-year-old, a two-year-old and a baby, as well as running a farm was enough to make anyone exhausted. When Ella had reconnected with Dan, more than ten years since their romance had fizzled out, she’d soon realised that his sister relied on his help to get by, and it was one of the reasons she’d fallen for him again so quickly. She was more than happy to help out where she could too, and looking after Dan’s gorgeous baby nephew was never a chore. ‘You can leave Bailey with me whilst you go and see the Green Man, and I’ll meet you in half an hour. I think the first of the treasure hunters should be arriving by then.’
‘Brilliant, you’re a star! There’s a bottle in his bag and a pouch of organic sweet potato if he wakes up. Are you sure you don’t mind?’
‘Yum, cold sweet potato!’ Ella grinned. ‘Of course I don’t mind. Any excuse I get for a cuddle with Bailey is fine by me. If he doesn’t wake up, I might have to give him a little prod.’
‘Feel free! I’ll see you later then.’ Lissy gave a quick wave, before running after her older son and daughter, who needed no encouragement at all to leave their baby brother behind.
‘Are we going up to the lighthouse, or have we got time for a cup of tea?’ Anna looked into Bailey’s pram. If anyone was willing the baby to wake up even more than Ella, it was Anna.
‘There’s always time for tea and I’m not going to any more of the clue sites. Dad is up at the lighthouse, ready to give out banana bread and cookies to all of the kids. Mum is at the harbour with a couple of her friends, and Dan and Brae are already at the end of the trail, which is why Lissy wants to get Noah and Tegen there before the mad rush. We might as well hang back here for twenty minutes and go straight to the end too.’
‘It’s just a shame there’s none of your dad’s cookies to go with the tea.’ Toni looked around the beach hut. ‘Have you got any biscuits, Anna? Tea’s not really tea without them, is it?’
‘I think Brae might have eaten the last of them when we came down for a walk on Sunday. We always sit in here for a bit whenever we come down, with a cup of tea, looking out at the sea and making plans.’ Anna shrugged. ‘It probably sounds boring, but it’s the best part of my week.’
‘I think it sounds sweet.’ Jess squeezed her arm. ‘When I was with Dom, I spent most of my free weekends freezing my butt off on the side of a rugby pitch, watching him and his mates half killing each other in the name of sport. Then I got to watch him down several pints, in the clubhouse. Thank God I don’t have to do that any more.’
‘Let’s just hope you don’t get matched with a rugby-mad foster child.’ Toni laughed, making Bailey stir in his pram.
‘Can I get him out?’ Anna turned to Ella, who nodded.
‘Of course, he’s really cuddly, especially when he first wakes up. I’ll stick the kettle on.’ Ella passed a bag to Toni. ‘And if you look in there you should find a box of Dad’s cookies that he made especially for us.’
‘Now you’re talking.’
‘He’s perfect.’ Anna held Bailey close to her, gently rocking the still sleepy baby in her arms.
‘You’re a natural, Anna. I bet you and Brae can’t want to start making babies.’ Toni laughed again, making the baby’s eyes shoot open, but he still didn’t cry.
‘Sadly I don’t think it’s going to be that easy.’ Anna’s voice was quiet and, as Ella looked over, her friend’s eyes had filled with tears.
‘Oh God, Anna, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to put my size seven feet in it.’ Toni frowned, but Anna shrugged.
‘You haven’t, honestly.’ Somehow she managed a smile. ‘I’d mentioned to Jess and Ella that I was having some tests to see why we hadn’t managed to fall pregnant after a year of trying, but I didn’t want to say too much to anyone until we got the results.’
‘You don’t have to tell us anything, unless you want to.’ Ella looked at Anna, but she was already nodding.
‘Because of our age, well my age really, I suppose I should have suspected it might not be completely straightforward.’ Anna stroked the back of Bailey’s head. ‘But because Mum didn’t have me until she was about my age, I just thought it would be okay, but then I got the results.’
‘What did they say?’ Jess held out a cookie as she spoke, but Anna shook her head.
‘I’ve got a very low egg reserve. Even for someone of my age it
’s well below average.’
‘So does that mean you definitely can’t get pregnant?’ Toni asked. Ella seemed to have lost the ability to say anything at all, grateful that she could busy herself with making tea. Anna and Brae were made for each other, and they’d make the most wonderful parents too; she couldn’t bear the thought of that being taken away from them.
‘No, but it means that my chances of falling pregnant naturally are much lower than they would be for an average woman who’s almost forty and that’s already dropped significantly to start with.’
‘What did Brae say?’ Ella finally found her voice, as she put the teapot on the little table in the centre of the beach hut.
‘Exactly the same thing as he’s been saying every month since we stopped taking precautions and he had to scoop me up from the bathroom floor every time I discovered we still weren’t pregnant – that he’s marrying me to be with me and if we have children that will just be a bonus.’ Anna hesitated. ‘You know Brae, he always says the right thing. When we first got the news, we talked about just stopping altogether. But after I’d read through the information the doctor gave me, I wanted to try one last thing before we give up and Brae said he’d do whatever it takes. The doctors have agreed to put me on Clomid to stimulate release of whatever eggs I’ve got left, but they’ve told me the odds are stacked against me. They warned me that there’s a higher risk of twins, but even having one baby doesn’t feel like it’s ever going to happen. I never wanted to be a midwife who doesn’t ever experience giving birth, but we’re starting to talk about other options, thanks to the infertility group that Jess helped me set up. Corny as it sounds, when I’m with Brae, I feel as if there’s nothing we couldn’t work out together.’
‘It’s not corny, it’s what we all want. It just seems so unfair that you and Jess have brought so many other people’s babies into the world, but you might never be able to give birth to your own.’ It was the closest Toni had ever come to expressing that sort of emotion.
‘What about you, are babies on the agenda?’ Jess gave Toni a quizzical look, but she played her cards much closer to her chest than the rest of them.
‘It’d have to be an immaculate conception, unless I find myself a man.’ Toni didn’t miss a beat and Ella nearly choked on the cookie she was eating. She’d caught Toni and Bobby kissing in the staffroom at the midwifery unit only the week before, and they’d come out with some convoluted story about a lost contact lens. Ella didn’t want to embarrass them by asking why they needed to have their lips locked together and their hands in one another’s hair to search for a missing contact lens. It was hard to believe they thought they were doing a good job of keeping their relationship secret, but if that’s what they wanted, everyone seemed willing to play along with it.
‘What about you, Ella?’ Jess turned towards her.
‘One day, but for now Dan and I are enjoying being Auntie and Uncle to Noah, Tegen and Bailey. Well, honorary auntie at least.’
‘I’m surprised he hasn’t asked you to marry him yet.’ Toni was straight in with the killer question again, seemingly forgetting that she’d put her size sevens in it once already.
‘I don’t know if I could go through all that again, not after last time. The whole wedding thing just brings me out in a cold sweat.’ Even though being jilted had turned out to be the best thing that could have happened to Ella, it didn’t stop a wave of heat rising up her neck every time the subject came up. Weller, her ex-fiancé, had been in love with his best man and thankfully he’d found the courage to call off the wedding, even if he had left it until the last minute. They were friends now – and not getting married had brought Ella home to Port Agnes. But it had definitely put her off the idea of a big wedding too.
‘You didn’t mention that when I asked you to be my maid of honour,’ Anna laughed.
‘Weddings for other people are great, just not for me, and I cannot wait for your big day.’ Ella glanced at her watch. ‘But if we aren’t at the end of the trail by the time the first treasure hunters show up, we might both end up single.’
‘I wouldn’t miss seeing Brae dressed as the Green Man for the world. He’s been practising a Brian Blessed-style voice for days, bless him.’ Anna really did light up every time she spoke about her fiancé, and it made Ella smile too. Whatever happened with her friends on the baby front, they’d be okay because they had each other. Her own wedding day might have been a complete disaster, but she’d do everything she could to make sure Brae and Anna’s day was perfect; she couldn’t imagine anything standing in their way.
‘Do you think this make-up is ever going to come off?’ Brae turned to look at Anna and the green tinge to his face might have made him look queasy if his beard hadn’t still been stained with face paint too.
‘You’ve got nine weeks until the wedding, so as long as it’s gone by then I think I can live with it!’ Anna slid her hand into his as they walked along the sea wall towards their beach hut. There wasn’t anything about Brae she wanted to change. The fact that he’d been prepared to dress up as the Green Man to entertain the children at the end of the treasure hunt – even if his costume wasn’t exactly flattering – summed him up perfectly.
‘I hope it doesn’t take that long. Ella looked mortified when the make-up remover she tried didn’t work, but I’m sure it’ll be fine when I get home and get in the shower. I might need you to get in with me, though, you know, just to make sure I get it all off.’
‘And there was me thinking you wanted to have your wicked way with me!’
‘I always want that.’ Brae pulled her towards him as they reached the door of the beach hut. ‘I’d even forgo the promised cuppa and the last of Jago’s cookies for that.’
‘I promise you’ll get your back scrub in the shower later, but there’s something I want to talk to you about first.’
‘That sounds ominous.’
‘It’s nothing to worry about, it’s just we always seem to find our best solutions when we’re down here.’ Anna opened the door of the beach hut and put the kettle on straight away, while Brae set up the table and chairs, so they could look out at the sea. Setting two mugs of tea onto the table and handing Brae the promised cookie, she sank onto the chair next to him.
‘Come on then, what is it you want to talk about?’ Brae’s tone was gentle, but it probably wouldn’t have taken him many guesses to work it out. All of their serious conversations seemed to be about one thing these days.
‘I told the girls about the results of my fertility tests today.’
‘Did it help, telling them?’
‘It did and I was chatting to Jess on the way up to meet you at the end of the trail.’ Anna let go of a long breath. ‘She seems definite now that she wants to foster after she had a bit of a wobble, wondering if she could do it.’
‘Is that what you want to talk about, us fostering? You know I don’t mind what we do if the Clomid doesn’t work; fostering, surrogacy, adoption, or whatever else it is that leads to us becoming parents, if that’s what you really want. But I’m going to keep saying it until you believe it, however long that takes – as long as I’ve got you that’s all I need.’
Anna reached out to touch him, the warmth of his leg under her hand mirroring her feelings. To be told again and again that she was all someone else needed was amazing, but to actually believe it was something else altogether and she really did. Nothing could hurt them now, at least not enough to break what they had, and it was making her brave enough to take another risk trying something else if the Clomid came to nothing. ‘I don’t want to foster.’
‘Okay.’
‘But I think I could come around to the idea of adoption. I just need to let go of the idea of getting a part of Mum and Dad back by having family of my own.’ Anna sighed. ‘And the scariest thought of all is that any child we adopt might end up wishing that someone else had become their mum.’
‘Can I ask you a question?’ Brae put his cookie down, which was about a
s serious as things ever got with him. ‘If you discovered tomorrow that there’d been a mistake at the hospital when you were born and that you were sent home with the wrong people, would it change how you felt about your mum and dad?’
‘Of course not, but—’
Brae cut her off before she could finish.
‘No buts. Just tell me why not?’
‘Because they were brilliant parents, I couldn’t have asked for anyone better.’
‘Any child we adopted would say the same about you and what you’ve just said proves it’s got nothing to do with genetics.’ Brae stroked the side of her face, making her shiver despite the warmth of the afternoon sun. ‘As for letting go of getting a part of your mum and dad back, you don’t have to do that either. The way you bring a child up will mirror all the bits you loved about your own upbringing, and that will make your parents a part of the child’s life much more than biology.’
‘What did I do to deserve you?’
‘You just got lucky I guess!’ Brae laughed and the tears prickling Anna’s eyes were definitely the good kind. Jess had said she’d ask for some advice on first steps towards adoption once she’d been assigned a social worker and there was nothing more precious than hope. It was another option, another avenue for them to explore. Maybe there would be children one day, and they could all pile into a camper van to head off on an adventure somewhere with a crazy place name, with a dog the kids loved every bit as much as Brae had loved Jasper. If they got that dream, it wouldn’t matter how those children got there. Even if they didn’t, there’d be other roads to travel and with Brae by her side, she’d never have to do that alone again.
11
Jess dropped two Berocca energy tablets into a glass of water, watching them fizz and spin around as she stood in the kitchen area of the staffroom making a cup of coffee. Once upon a time a breakfast consisting of double the stated dose of energy tablets, followed by a chaser of generously sugared black coffee, would have been the result of a heavy night out. Now all it signified was another sleepless night, trying to work out if she might be about to make the biggest mistake of her life. If she didn’t count her short-lived marriage to Dom.