by Jo Bartlett
‘You’re doing an amazing job so far.’ Brae spoke before Anna had the chance, and Tamara’s face broke into a genuine smile.
‘Thank you so much. Would either of you like to hold her?’
‘I know I would, but I suppose I should let Anna do the honours first.’ Despite his words, Brae took a step towards Tamara. It was obvious he was desperate to hold the baby and Anna wasn’t going to deprive him of the chance.
‘You can have the first cuddle, as long as I get one before we go.’
‘You just need to support her head.’ Tamara gave Brae the instruction as she handed her precious daughter over to him. She didn’t know what a dab hand he was at holding babies, but Anna had seen him with his niece when she was younger. He was great with his sister’s son too, and Anna had been Morwenna’s midwife when she’d first met Brae. At the time, she’d still been with her long-term partner and she’d never dreamed that one day she’d end up as auntie to the children she’d helped bring into the world. She’d known for a long time that things weren’t right with her ex, but it had taken a catalyst to make her realise they’d never be right and it had broken her heart. It had made room in her life for Brae, though, and for that she’d be forever grateful.
‘You’re a natural.’ Luke patted Brae on the back. ‘It’ll be a lucky kid that gets you two as parents.’
‘We’re hoping we get to be the lucky ones.’ Brae smiled and he caught Anna’s eye for a split second before looking back down at the baby. ‘No matter how many times I get the privilege of holding a baby, they always amaze me. She’s so alert already.’
‘It’s her tiny fingernails and toenails I can’t get over.’ Luke laughed. ‘God, if my mates heard me talking like this, they’d laugh their heads off. But how can something so tiny be so perfect?’
‘What a couple of men’s men we’ve got ourselves involved with!’ It was Tamara’s turn to laugh. ‘But I wouldn’t have it any other way and I bet you wouldn’t either? Which reminds me, we’ve got you a wedding present.’
‘You shouldn’t have done that, but thank you so much!’ Anna took the large gift bag that Tamara passed her.
‘Should we open it now, or wait until the wedding?’
‘Open it now if you like.’ Tamara waited as Anna pulled out the package wrapped in tissue paper, tearing it off to uncover an A3-sized box frame, with words spelt out in wooden scrabble letters. Anna and Brae’s names were at the centre, with love, home, marriage, family and Port Agnes, all linked from them.
‘I love it, it’s perfect! Look, Brae.’ Anna turned the frame towards him.
‘It’s brilliant and what a fantastic idea.’
‘Tam won’t tell you, but she made it herself.’ The pride in Luke’s voice was tangible.
‘Really? You should sell these in Pottery and Paper, down by the harbour. They’d go down a storm.’ Anna looked at the picture again. Somehow it summed up everything that marrying Brae meant to her. It really was perfect.
‘It’s just a tiny thank you for everything you’ve done.’ Tamara obviously found it difficult to take the praise being heaped upon her, so Anna squeezed her hand, hoping it conveyed just how grateful she was. Ten minutes later she’d finally had her cuddle with baby Belle, and Tamara was looking worn out.
‘Thanks so much for the gift and for inviting us over, and especially for the cuddles with Belle.’ Anna turned towards Tamara as they said their goodbyes. ‘Toni will pop by tomorrow and I’ll be in to see you in a couple of days.’
‘I thought you might be off now until the wedding?’
‘No, I’ve got a few more days to go, then I’m off the day before to get everything set up, so I’ll see you the day after tomorrow.’
‘We’ll look forward to it.’ Tamara glanced down at her daughter as she spoke.
‘Thanks again for inviting me in and letting me cuddle your beautiful baby girl.’ Brae said the words without a trace of hesitation and it was obvious he meant every one.
‘It was lovely to meet you.’ Tamara looked as if she was desperately suppressing the urge to yawn. It was definitely time to go.
‘I’ll see you out.’ Luke stood up, stopping as they reached the corridor and turning to pull the living room door shut behind him. ‘She’s doing well, isn’t she? I’m just terrified that something might happen and she’ll go to pieces again. She still won’t even talk to her family and her brother is desperate to see Belle. I’m sure mending fences with them would help her let go of the past.’
‘She’s doing all the right things and the fact that she’s asking for support from the postnatal mental health team before she hits any bumps in the road, is a great sign.’ Anna touched Luke’s arm. ‘We can’t predict what might happen, but you know where I am if you need me. The whole team at the unit is there for you too.’
‘Thank you, that really helps.’ Luke nodded. ‘Which reminds me, I wanted to do something to contribute to the fundraising you’re doing for the lifeboat station. If you ever need some catering for one of the events, I’m your man.’
‘That’s great, thank you so much. Ella has been far more involved in that than me, so I’ll let her know. She’ll be really pleased. I’ll see you in a couple of days.’ Anna smiled as Luke opened the front door.
‘Great. Nice to meet you, Brae.’
‘You too.’ Following Brae out into the darkness of the street, Anna looked back at the glow of light in the front room where Tamara was still cradling her baby. Sometimes being a midwife seemed relentless and exhausting, but every once in a while there were nights like this when her job felt like pure magic.
18
The blue and grey pleasure boat, which ran tours from the harbour at Port Agnes, to spot seals on the rocky outcrops stretching along the coastline to neighbouring Port Kara, was chugging out to sea as Jess headed along the coastal path. It was almost seven o’clock in the evening, but still warm enough not to need a jacket. The last boat tour left the harbour at seven during the late spring and summer months, but there were private charters up until midnight when the weather was calm enough. It was how Jess had celebrated her birthday two years before, drinking champagne on deck under a canopy of stars. It had seemed too good to be true and that’s exactly what it had turned out to be. But she could still remember the words Dom had written inside the card he’d given her.
Darling J-J
Happy birthday! This is the last year you’ll get to party without having to be up with a baby in the morning. So we’ve really got to make it count!
Love you forever. Dom xx
He’d really pulled all the stops out, starting with breakfast in bed, lunch and cocktails at Casa Cantare, a wine bar in the centre of Port Agnes, and a private charter of the tour boat for a moonlit tour along the coast. It had all been topped off by a late supper and an overnight stay in the hotel on the Sisters of Agnes Island, which was cut off from the mainland at high tide. Dom had gone all out for a birthday that wasn’t even a milestone and, when she’d asked him why, he’d said he just wanted to make it a special one.
He seemed convinced that a night in a five-star hotel would give them the little bit of magic they needed to finally achieve their longed-for pregnancy. They’d been trying for almost six months at that point and, when the hotel hadn’t turned out to be the charm after all, it had been the beginning of things starting to unravel. Seven months after her birthday they’d finally had the tests to find out why it wasn’t happening and the results had been life-changing in more ways than one.
Her birthday this year had been a lot more low-key, dinner with Anna and Ella had been more than enough and she wasn’t going to give what had happened with Dom any more space in her head. It had been so sweet of Anna to fit it in with everything she had going on and the last-minute rush before the wedding. Jess had so many good friends now and she had so much to be thankful for, not least having miles of blue sea that seemed to stretch out to infinity five minutes’ walk from her house. She’d never get bored of
walking along the coastal path and taking in the view that nowhere else she’d visited had ever quite matched. It didn’t matter if it was a beautiful day, with the sun kissing her skin and bringing her freckles out of hiding, or the sort of squally weather that blew spray straight off the sea making salt stick to her skin instead.
Over the winter, just after she’d split up with Dom, the weather had seemed to reflect her mood – storms rolling in from the sea and icy winds making her jaw hurt as she took her daily walk up here. Her misery had seemed as unrelenting as the weather, but the discovery that Dom was already seeing someone else had actually helped. She’d been let down before and she knew the drill. It felt strangely familiar, almost comfortable, to pick herself up and put herself back together again.
Jess had come to the conclusion, at a scarily young age, that she was the only person she could rely on and it had stood her in good stead, although the other midwives had gradually chipped away at that belief. Anna and Ella had organised nights out and helped her find somewhere new to live, after the house she’d shared with Dom had sold within two weeks of going on the market. Her new flat, in a converted attic above the booking office for Port Agnes Boat Tours, was small, but she loved it. It was the first place she’d lived that had ever been all hers. After the student houseshares at university, she’d lived in nurses’ accommodation at the first hospital she’d worked in, then in a rented house with another midwife and two of the radiographers from the hospital, before finally moving in with Dom less than a month after meeting him. Living on her own was something she’d always resisted, but it had been a revelation.
The wooden staircase that led up to Jess’s flat probably wouldn’t have passed a safety inspection, but it meant she didn’t have to go through the booking office to access her front door. The same landlord owned the whole building and he’d given her a key to the booking office for when it was closed, just in case she’d preferred to go in that way, but she hadn’t ever used it. Being falsely accused of stealing in her first foster placement, and overhearing her foster carers’ neighbour saying it was all they could expect from a ‘kid like that’, had made her paranoid about putting herself in a situation where she could be accused of something she hadn’t done. The cash register for the booking office might be locked away in an inner office that she couldn’t access, but she didn’t want the boat owner coming in and saying there were two less life jackets on the stand than there’d been the day before, and everyone pointing a finger in her direction.
Although the paint was peeling off the bottom of the front door of her flat where it had been lashed by wind and rain, seeing the little sign on the wall next to it always made Jess smile. The words ‘Puffins’ Rest’ were written above a picture of two puffins sitting side by side on a rock. There was a certain way the key had to be waggled in the lock to get it to open, but it was all part of the charm; like having a secret code to access the flat that only Jess knew.
Being nestled in the eaves of the house made it feel cosy, too, and the skylights, on the right-hand side of the open-plan living room and kitchen, spanned almost the whole space from floor to ceiling. There were two small bedrooms at the opposite end of the roof space and, until Jess had moved in, it had been a holiday let. She was almost sure the landlord could have got more rent for it from holidaymakers, but Anna had delivered all three of his children. So, when she’d told him to let her know if a flat came up that one of the other midwives could rent, he’d offered up Puffins’ Rest. He’d said he was having trouble getting it on the books of the holiday rental firm, because he couldn’t let holidaymakers have access via the inside staircase in the booking office and the company’s safety regulations wouldn’t allow their guests to use the same entrance as Jess. He could have found a way around that if he wanted to, though, and it was just one more thing Jess had to thank Anna for.
‘Luna, I’m home. Are you there?’ Jess called out into the silence. There was no sign of the little cat, whose dark and light grey stripes made her look like she’d stepped out of a black-and-white movie.
Jess had never intended to have a cat. She adopted Luna when she’d first moved into the flat, although it was more the other way around if truth be told. Luna was a well-known character around the harbour, hanging out in the hope of being thrown a sardine by one of the fisherman, but no one seemed to know who she belonged to. After Jess heard her mewing loudly one night and took a tin of tuna down to soothe the little cat’s hunger, Luna had decided that she’d found her new owner. Maybe it was because she recognised a kindred spirit in the little lost cat who’d been forced to fend for itself, but, whatever the reason, Jess had done nothing to discourage Luna from following her home. Eventually she’d had to confess to the landlord that she was no longer the only tenant living in Puffins’ Rest and, to her surprise, he’d offered to put in a cat flap. So Luna had officially become a permanent fixture.
‘Hey you, have you had a good day?’ Jess leant down and rubbed Luna’s ears when she finally appeared from behind the sofa, threading herself in and out of Jess’s legs and purring loudly. Scooping up the cat she braced herself, never knowing whether Luna was going to nuzzle into her neck, or expose her claws and sink them straight into Jess’s flesh. Thankfully Luna appeared to be in an affectionate mood, her whole body vibrating with contentment as she purred into Jess’s ear. ‘It must be your turn to make dinner tonight?’
This had to be the first sign of madness; talking to a cat as if there was a chance it might turn around and answer you. Opening the fridge door, she peered in. There were three Waitrose ready meals from the last time she’d been in Truro, and she was just trying to decide between the risotto and the tomato and pesto pasta, when her mobile started to ring. Fishing the phone out of her pocket, she half expected it to be a patient, but she didn’t recognise the number.
‘Hello, is that Jessica Kennedy?’ The woman on the other end of the phone sounded as if she hadn’t expected Jessica to answer either.
‘Speaking.’
‘Great, I wasn’t sure if you’d still be at work. My name’s Esther and I’m calling from the fostering assessment team at Cornwall County Council.’
‘Oh, hi. Thanks so much for calling.’ Jess immediately felt the urge to put on a posh accent, although there was every chance Esther was phoning to say she wasn’t going to be recommended to move forward with fostering. Jess had expected to start the assessment process almost straight after her initial training, but the checks had taken longer than anticipated to come through and she’d become increasingly convinced that Dom had scuppered her chances.
‘No problem at all, I just wanted to let you know that all your stage one checks are complete at last and we can go ahead with your assessment as soon as possible. If that’s still what you’d like to do?’
‘Absolutely.’ Even as Jess said the words her stomach suddenly churned like she was on a fairground ride.
‘That’s brilliant, because we want to put you on a fast-track assessment with a view to getting you ready for panel as soon as October.’
‘That sounds…’ It had been on the tip of Jess’s tongue to say ‘terrifying’ – it was only three months away – but somehow another word came out. ‘Amazing.’
‘Brilliant! Well I’m hoping you’ll also be pleased that Dexter, the social worker who was at your Skills to Foster training, has confirmed he’s happy to carry out the assessment.’
‘That’s great news.’ For the first time Jess really believed what she was saying. The assessment was going to be hard; it needed to be for the local authority to make sure it got the right carers for children who deserved the best possible second chance in life. But knowing Dexter would be the one asking her the questions and taking her back to a time she’d rather forget, immediately made it feel less like her legs were about to give out from under her.
‘I’m so pleased you think so! Although everyone loves working with Dexter, so I didn’t expect anything else to be honest. I’ll let him know you’r
e happy to go ahead and he’ll be in touch to set up your first meeting.’
‘Thank you so much.’ Jess’s posh accent might have disappeared as quickly as it had arrived, but frankly she was amazed that she was still managing to speak at all. It was really happening. If she didn’t totally mess up the next three months, then she was going to be a foster carer. Picking Luna up again, not even having her shoulders raked by razor-sharp claws could dampen Jess’s mood. Forget the Waitrose ready meals, this called for a celebration dinner and only a takeout from the Yangtze would do.
Anna needed one more look around the room before she could bear to close the door. Along with Brae, she’d spent the afternoon at the Red Cliff Hotel putting the finishing touches to the ballroom where, in less than twenty-four hours, they’d be getting married.
The hotel had provided all the usual decorations, but they’d wanted to personalise the event and add something to each table that was more meaningful than the centrepieces the hotel had suggested. Anna had bought ornamental trees and decorated each one with things that represented the guests on that table and their relationship to Anna and Brae. It had taken hours online, finding and ordering just the right things, but it looked amazing and, with a relatively small guest list, everyone at the wedding meant something really special to them. Brae’s parents were flying back from Spain for the wedding and his brother-in-law had gone to the airport to pick them up. Everything was in place at last.
‘Are you ready?’ Brae put his arm around her as she finally managed to turn away from the doors of the ballroom.