That same guilt washed over me when I finally finished taking it out on his body. Anger and envy were roaring through me when he came in my mouth, realizing that someone else could give him the same release that I could.
How was it so easy to move on?
I couldn’t continue and decided to end the session.
Yet, without him seeing me, he spoke my name when he kneeled before me, telling me that he missed me in Italian. Overwhelmed with emotion, I broke and held him.
He owed me nothing, but he now sat with me in his arms on the armchair in the living room, caressing my hair, wiping my tears away, and whispering soothing noises.
“You want to tell me what that was all about in there?”
Not for the first time, I found myself in a receiving position. Dante was always giving to me and never really taking. Yet, I owed him something now.
The truth.
Wiping my face with the tissues he handed me, I climbed off his lap and sat on a chair opposite his.
“Baby, come back to me.”
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “Not until I tell you the truth.”
“About why you left me or why you were so aggressive back there?”
“All of it. I hope that you can forgive me when I’m done, but if not, I understand. First, I want you to understand that I was hurt by your willingness to get involved with someone else so soon after me.”
“You told me that you did not want me, Indigo.”
“I lied, Dante. Okay? I lied, and I did want you. I love you, and I need you, but I was so fucking angry that someone else could so easily turn you on. That’s why I was so aggressive with you. All of my jealousy and shame I took out on you, to punish you. But then you called me your Queen. And I knew in my heart that you knew it was me. It was inconceivable that you would be calling someone else your queen.”
“You are right. I would never give that honor or title to another because no one can compare to you.”
“But I don’t understand. How did you know that it was me?”
“Maeve.”
“What?” I asked, confusion and worry filling me.
“She received my rejection of the appointment, and so she called to tell me that it was you would be making an appointment with me, and she told me the profile name.requesting the appointment. That was the only way I accepted it when she re-sent the request. She said that I should accept it because you had something very important to communicate with me, and I didn’t need to miss this opportunity. But she refused to tell me what you needed to tell me. Maeve only advised me that if you did not tell me tonight that she would meet with me on Christmas Eve and tell me herself.”
I knew that she was going to tell him, so that was no surprise to me.
Inhaling, I said, “Dante, I’m pregnant.”
“We’re having a baby?”
“Yes, we are.”
“We...are having a baby,” he repeated in disbelief as his features morphed from happy to shocked to happy back to stunned and then happy again.
“Dante, I know you’ll probably have a lot of questions, but before you say anything, I have some things I need to share with you.”
“Okay, but just one thing. How far along are you?”
“Almost three months.”
Confusion and disappointment passed across his face in shadows, a mirror reflecting the status of his heart.
The confusion in his brown eyes slowly erased as I explained what I went through in the week after his arrest and in the last month of our separation. There were times I knew that he wanted to ask questions and others where he appeared angry and even sad as a sullen expression took over his face.
I explained how I struggled to tell him about the pregnancy and why I lied to him when he asked me. I asked for forgiveness for lying on Maeve and putting her in a situation that she would have to lie to him, begging him not to hold it against her. And then I explained the feelings I held about my carelessness in getting pregnant.
“Dante, say something.” I pled when he remained silent a few minutes after I finished.
I could take anger or joy, but I couldn’t take this stagnant silence so pregnant with negative assumptions.
He pulled his hands down his face and sighed. Ruffling his hands through his hair, he looked back at me with a scowl.
“What is it that you want me to say, amore mio? It seems as if you’ve figured everything out and taken it all into your own hands to implement the solution.”
“No, Dante. That’s not what I was trying to do. I was so confused, and I just needed time and space to figure things out.”
“But you excluded me from enjoying every phase with you. My feelings did not matter to you.”
“But they did, Dante. That was the reason that I didn’t tell you about my pregnancy initially. Yes, it was selfish, but I did not want you to assume that I got pregnant on purpose. I didn’t want you to feel as if I was trying to trap you.”
“Trap? What does that mean?”
Sighing, I closed my eyes and opened them again. “It’s what women sometimes do to men when they want to ensure their place in a man’s life. Whether she’s trying to get him to marry her or just be the father of her child and, therefore, accountable to her for the next couple of decades, the woman intentionally gets pregnant. The choice to have sex with you without thinking twice about a birth control pill was irresponsible and neglectful. I’ve never done such a thing in my life, and it was a reprehensible decision. One that I’m not proud of but ashamed of. Initially, I had no intention of telling you because I didn’t want you to feel that way. Maeve was determined that if I didn’t tell you, then she would. And she gave me a deadline.”
“Yes, our meeting on Christmas Eve. Is that what she was planning to tell me?” he asked, hurt still etched on the planes of his handsome dark face.
“Yes.”
“So, if it were not for Maeve threatening you, you would not have told me?”
“I would like to believe that eventually, I would have done the right thing. But I can’t honestly say that I would have. A conversation with my parents convinced me of my wrong-doing, but I’m not telling you this expecting anything. I’m telling you because you deserve to know, and I’ve been wrong. Whatever you choose to do with the information is up to you.”
“Almost three months. Do you know what we are having yet?”
“No. Not yet.”
“Your actions are deplorable, Indigo.”
Dante’s words were like a hammer to my heart, but no less true. If he stood up and walked out of this room right now, I could not be angry at him. I deserved nothing less.
“Your deception runs deep, and it hurts. I expected you to be a woman of integrity, one that I could trust and who opened up to me without reserve. How could you think any less of me than that I would want to be there for the mother of my children? My future wife? This behavior is not accepting of the woman that I want to stand by my side and run my empire.”
My heart thrummed in my chest. Maeve had said that he shared these things with her, but we had never had that discussion. Tears sprang to my eyes as I realized the thing that I had tried to prevent was happening.
I was losing him because of my deception, yet my deception was borne out of a desire to protect me from looking bad in his eyes and both of our hearts from potential devastation. Yet, my actions or lack thereof had made me look bad anyway, and both of our hearts were broken.
“You deserve better, Dante. You didn’t deserve how I treated you, and there is no excuse for me not telling you about our child. No matter the consequence, I should have been honest with you and told you what was going on. And if I lost you, then I should have dealt with it at that time. I want you to know that I hold no ill will towards you if you want nothing to do with me. I hope that since I’ve told you that you would still want to be a part of this child’s life, but if not, then...I’m sorry,” I muttered, standing up to walk away.
“Where are you
going?” he asked in a throaty voice.
“I’m leaving now. I understand you may need time to digest all of this. You know how to reach me when and if you’re ready,” I said.
“Indigo!”
His voice was demanding, harsh, and almost threatening, sucking up the oxygen in the room. It was like a hand reached out and grabbed me by the back of the neck, sending chills down my spine. I hadn’t seen this side of Dante before, but I had never pissed him off.
Turning around, I took in the tenseness of his shoulders and the clenching of his jaws. But none of that bothered me except for the glittering, flinty, hardness of his eyes. They were dark, no longer chocolate but closer to obsidian.
“Come here,” he called to me, his hands gripping the arms of his armchair.
Interesting. His accent was thicker than normal.
I found myself walking back to him as if I had no control.
Grabbing my hand, he led me to the bar, prepared a drink for him and a virgin margarita for me, and then led us back to the couch. I sat down and watched as he set his glass on the table. He walked to the bedroom and returned with his hands behind his back.
I waited in anticipation as he sat on the couch across from me.
“Come here.”
I walked to him and lay across his lap when he patted his knees. He positioned me so that my little pooch of a belly that was growing would have room.
Slowly he unzipped my fishnet body stocking and tugged it down my arms. I pushed it over my hips and ass, letting the material rest around my thighs.
Sliding a finger inside of my ass, he fucked me hard and fast with his thumb. Desire filled my belly as I grew wet again.
Without warning, Dante removed his thumb from my ass and spanked me. Tears sprang to my eyes again as the stinging spread across my cheeks and down to my ass.
“Bad girls get spankings, mia Regina,” he said in a low tone.
Nodding my head, I braced for another spanking and gripped the arm of the couch as he continued whacking my bottom. I regretted hitting him now but didn’t issue a complaint because he’d taken worse than this at my hand.
I counted seven smacks before he stopped what I hoped was for good. Tears rolled down my cheeks, but I was turned on and wanted him so bad.
Disappointment whirled through me when the whirring and humming sound of a vibrator filled the room.
I waited for the vibrator to enter me, but it never happened. Instead, he started giving me a speech.
“Indigo, the woman that I want by my side, must be ready to rule with integrity, power, and strength. She must be ready to embrace the empire that I have built and help me reach new levels with that empire. She must be prepared to help create a legacy that we can leave for our future children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. One of honesty, integrity, and self-discipline. Do you possess these character traits?”
“I do,” I said softly.
“You hurt me, but I know that you did not mean to hurt me, and therefore, I am giving you the benefit of the doubt. You said earlier that you love me.”
“Yes, I do.”
“Do you love me enough to stand by my side no matter what happens along the way? Through any accusations, through any challenges, through lies, and hurt and pain?”
“Yes, Dante, I do,” I wept.
Because what I knew about this man was that he was a good person, sweet, humble, and kind despite what I’d chosen to believe during the scandal. There was no doubt in my mind that he was ruthless when he needed to be, but he would never be that to me. I knew it in my heart.
The sound of the vibrator turned up higher, and I poised again, waiting for the insertion of the sex toy into one of my orifices.
“Sit up, Indigo.”
I did as I was told and watched as he got off the couch, kneeling in front of me. I opened my thighs, waiting for him to insert the vibrator inside of me. But instead, he pulled it from behind his back and held it in front of my face.
“What? Dante?”
“Indigo, would you officially become mia Regina by doing me the honor of becoming my wife?”
My heart thumped wildly in my chest as my mouth dropped open, and my eyes filled with tears. Covering my mouth with both hands, I nodded my head wildly.
“Yes, Dante. Yes, I will.”
“Do not ever hold another secret from me. Is that understood?”
“Yes,” I cried as he slid the platinum, double halo, pink diamond engagement ring off the vibrator, and onto my finger.
EPILOGUE – CHAPTER 27 – INDIGO (2 Years Later)
Beautifully lit sky lanterns floated, lighting up the dark Sicilian sky. The ridged surface of the centuries-old rock walls of Castello Chiaramonte alight with an orange phosphorescent glow. If the ancient sounds of the accordion and the mandolin weren’t romantic and the soft gasped whispers of the guests weren’t, then the light in the sky celebrating our love was indicative of the romance that carried Dante’s and my journey.
And the surrounding lanterns that lifted after he and I lifted ours was a testament to the love and support of our family and friends on our journey.
Our tightly clasped hands linked, newly crafted wedding rings rubbing against each other similar to the way our bodies had done two nights ago. Mama Antonella was a stickler for tradition; therefore, I had not seen Dante since the day before yesterday.
Mirrors were covered, and I wasn’t allowed to see myself until I was dressed and ready to go, but only after removing a glove from my hand. I thought the time-honored traditions were precious and romantic and had no problem adhering to them, but my mom thought they were a bit strange. The only thing that I stood firmly against was ripping a piece of my gown to bring good luck to our marriage.
I had faith that if we had come this far, the Lord would see us further. I wasn’t okay with ripping this one-of-a-kind gown that Sylvia Wang-Smith had designed and created for me.
After the birth of our baby, I lost the baby weight plus an additional thirty-pounds thanks to my trainer, Bishop Lexington, a man that had done mindfulness seminars at Dante’s resort in the past. Dante hired him to train me personally, at my request, and he traveled from Summer Cove to Sunset Harbor three times each week.
I was still a curvy, voluptuous woman. And Dante loved me as I was.
My search for the perfect gown was futile, and I’d shared with Dante how I would love to have a Sylvia Wang-Smith original. Dante mentioned that Bishop was cousins with Sylvia’s husband, Kole, and I couldn’t help but beg Bishop to give her my contact information.
She was a gracious and kind soul, one of the sweetest people I had ever met. My satin champagne-colored gown was an off-the-shoulder, deep V-cut, fitted sweep train bridal gown. The detachable chapel train cascaded into a pool of ruffled Chantilly lace down my waist and onto the ground.
Looking over my shoulder at my husband as his arms remained clasped around mine, I saw the love he had for me sparkling in his eyes. Dante wanted what was best for me, and it didn’t matter what that was. From having an initial ceremony in the States for my family and the news station to air, and to ensure our marriage was legitimate, to repeating a ceremony here in Sicily with his extended family and some of mine in attendance, he was willing to give it to me.
His family, though large and boisterous, welcomed my small ensemble of family and friends with open arms. They were even receptive of, though mistrustful of the news crew that traveled with us to air our wedding live on TV back in Sunset Harbor.
Dante bent his head and kissed my lips one more time.
“At this moment, mia Regina, you have made all of my dreams come true,” he said, kissing my lips again. “Not only will I love you forever, but I promise to cherish you from this day forward.”
Turning around in his arms, I looped my arms around his neck and pulled him down for a more intimate and personal kiss as our family continued to watch the lanterns floating higher into the sky.
We had opted to release the l
anterns from Weapons Square's courtyard at the castle at the very end of the wedding as a unity ceremony. From where we stood, we had an amazing panorama of the court and the sea.
“Thank you for teaching me to love again, Dante. Three years ago, I would not have thought it was possible.”
Pulling our ring fingers to his lips, he kissed them and said, “Anything is possible when hope is involved mio caro.”
“It is time!” Aunt Eleonora pronounced clasping her hands, marking the onset of the reception.
Everyone began to move inside to the Room Agnello, where the reception would be held.
Once everyone was settled inside, our names were announced, and my husband and I stepped into the dining room to thunderous applause. He bowed, and I curtsied until the applause died down just in time for us to hear a sweet little wail.
Dante and I both turned our heads simultaneously in the direction of the sound. It was our sweet baby girl, Carmella Simone. Now seventeen months, she preferred being under her father and me at all times. She adapted well to my parents and was pretty close to them since they saw her the most. It always took time for her to adjust to being with Dante’s family again whenever they returned to town, or we visited them.
However, she still had not become acclimated with his extended family and was now reaching for her daddy from her aunt Valentina’s arms. His sister, Francesca, reached for her and our baby girl willingly went, lying her head against Francesca’s shoulder and twirling her fingers in Francesca’s long black curls.
Ironically my daughter had those same long black curls as her aunt and my husband’s chocolate brown eyes. The only thing she seemed to have claimed from me was her full lips. Other than that, she looked like her father’s child from her eyes to the shape of her face to her nose and even her ears. It was the beautiful caramel-honeyed skin tone that pointed to hints of her African-American heritage mixed in with her Italian heritage.
We waited as our wedding planner, and her assistants finished tying colorful streamers to our hands and handed them out to several of our guests. As we danced, the streamers became entangled as a symbol of well wishes, fortune, and love for our future.
The Scandal : A BBW ALPHA MALE BWWM ROMANCE Page 17