by Willow Aster
Hearing the words is both exhilarating and terrifying. I want to say it back, but I just can’t. I stare at him, and he leans in until his forehead is touching mine.
“It’s okay, Queenie. I didn’t say it so you’d say it back.”
I shift, feeling awkward all of a sudden, but he doesn’t seem upset with me. “God, why am I crying again? I told you that I don’t cry, and now you’ve seen me cry more than once.” I snort.
“Because you’re finally letting yourself feel everything. That’s a good thing.”
“I hate crying. It makes me feel weak.”
“Well, it makes you seem human.” He chuckles and kisses my cheeks where the tears are falling.
“I hate seeming human. It’s so boring.” I laugh and he rolls me onto my back and tickles me.
Maybe feeling human is a good thing.
Chapter Twenty-One
Spence
My mom pretends Thanksgiving is on Tuesday evening instead of Thursday since Emma and I are flying out tomorrow. Everyone just goes with the flow and that’s why I love my family.
First thing this morning, I found Mom and Emma in the kitchen making pies and I could see how much Emma was enjoying herself. It makes me happy that my mom is so drawn to her. Dad keeps grinning at me with his approval too. I don’t think I’ve ever smiled so hard during a trip home. Or ever, full stop. I keep getting teased mercilessly about it from everyone, girlfriend included.
Later that night when we’re all around the table, Mom pulls out the big question.
“Any chance we could get you to come back for Christmas?” My mother directs her question to Emma, and my girlfriend’s cheeks flush. She’s enjoying the attention she gets from my mother, and it makes my chest squeeze, which pisses me off because I’ve never been a sappy bastard.
“I would love to. I always spend Christmas morning with my dad and grandmother, but maybe a few days before.” Emma’s hand is on my knee beneath the table and I place mine on top of hers. I know this is a lot for her. My family is a lot, period. But once they love you, they love you hard.
“I was thinking that maybe Pen and I could fly out to New York and the four of us could do some holiday shopping together,” my mother says, and she looks between Emma and Mya.
“That would be amazing,” Mya says, and Emma repeats the sentiment. Her lips turn up in the corners and she glances at me and winks. Her eyes have lost some of the deer-in-the-headlights glaze and I think she’s loving this.
“Yes. I am so down with a girls’ trip.” Pen passes the rolls to Caden who’s sitting beside her.
“You know I hate being excluded,” Gus says.
“We’ll meet you at Mean Mug after.” Pen smiles at Gus and he shrugs.
The rest of the night is spent talking and laughing, and everything is better with Emma by my side. I don’t know why it took me so long to see the extent of my feelings for her, but I’m glad my eyes are finally wide open.
She’s quiet on the flight home the next day and I chalk it up to exhaustion. We stayed up late playing an extremely competitive round of Phase10 and then I phased her right on into the next morning, if you know what I’m saying.
I must be exhausted too, since I seem to be channeling Gus in my thoughts.
It was a great trip home and I’m looking forward to being with her family tonight. As soon as we land, we hustle to Em’s apartment and unload her many suitcases. Once everything is inside, I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her in.
“Why don’t you pack a bag and stay at my place tonight?” I lean down and kiss her and as always, my body shifts into ready mode.
She pulls back and puts her hands on my cheeks. “I usually stay the night at Yaya’s so I’m there to help with the turkey in the morning. You’re welcome to come over too, but I sleep on the couch.”
“Oh. Okay. That’s all right. I can just come over tomorrow. I don’t want to intrude on your time with Yaya.”
She turns and gets a couple of bottled waters out of the fridge and hands me one.
“Okay, yeah. Come over tomorrow and we’ll have another Thanksgiving feast.”
I don’t expect to wilt like a delicate flower at that. Who am I? I don’t recognize this fragile-assed man that I’ve become lately, and it hasn’t bothered me until this moment. I thought she might at least say I wouldn’t be intruding.
I clear my throat and hopefully clear this downhill spiral I seem to be catapulting toward. “Can I bring anything?” I manage to say instead. I remind myself that she didn’t know I was coming back with her… maybe it wasn’t the best idea I’ve ever had to surprise her with this.
“Just yourself.” She smiles.
I nod and for the first time since we’ve started dating, I feel the need to escape a while. Not from her, not because of her, but because of the way I’m all in.
And I’m not so sure she is yet.
We say goodbye—this is not how I expected to be spending the day—and I go to my condo and catch up on a few work things I left hanging before our trip. I work out. I try not to think about all the fun going on at home with my brothers and Pen—I’d bring the family down if I was around them right now anyway. And in my weakest moment, I nearly cave and show up at Yaya’s with a bottle of wine. Instead, I work out again and go to bed early.
It feels weird sleeping without Emma in my bed. She’s been here almost every night lately. Maybe she just needs a little space. I toss and turn but manage to get some sleep and wake up feeling better about everything.
I buy a couple bottles of wine and get the biggest, prettiest bouquets I can find for both Yaya and Emma, and then head over to Yaya’s place. I run into Emma’s dad right outside the front door.
“Hey, happy Thanksgiving,” I say.
Sam studies me for a minute and neither of us makes an attempt to knock on the door. “It was really nice of you to fly back with Em to spend the holiday with her.”
“Of course. Happy to be here.”
He nods. “She told me how close you are with your family, so I appreciate you doing it. Em’s not big on showing her feelings—hell, the apple never falls far, right?” He laughs, and I can’t help but do the same.
“Yeah, I know it’s not easy for her.”
“Be patient with her, Spence. She’s not had it easy, though she’ll probably never admit that. Letting her guard down is not natural for her, but she deserves to be happy.”
“I couldn’t agree more. I’m in no rush.”
“Well, it was a big step for her to go with you to Chicago, so give her time.”
I nod and then chuckle again because it’s almost humorous that this big, tough man is giving me relationship advice. “I appreciate the tips.”
He knocks on the door and looks at me once more. “If you tell her I said anything, I’ll have no choice but to kill you.”
This time he doesn’t laugh, and the door flies open.
Jesus.
Happy fucking Thanksgiving.
I think he likes me, though the man is more unreadable than his daughter. But my guess is that he doesn’t have chats like that with most people, so I’ll count our conversation as a win.
Now to win over his daughter.
“My, my, my … how do you manage to get better looking each time I see you?” Yaya says, and I laugh and wrap my arms around her.
“Right back at you,” I say.
“Hello to you, Mom. Thanks for the warm welcome,” Sam says, as he pulls her in for a hug next.
“Well, look what we have here. Thanks for inviting the eye candy, Emma. No offense, Sam. You’re not my type.” Bernard wraps his arms around my middle and gives me the most awkward hug I’ve ever received from a man. He rests his head on my chest and dramatically sucks in a long, slow breath.
“Hey there, Bernard. Nice to see you.” I pat him on the shoulder and Emma’s father is shaking his head and laughing now.
My gaze lands on Emma who’s watching the interaction with a wide grin o
n her face. I’m still holding the two large bouquets and the wine in my hands.
“Are those for us?” Yaya asks me.
“Yes. Thanks for having me,” I say, my eyes still locked with Emma’s.
“You see, Samuel, the man came with flowers for his girlfriend and the hostess. I see you brought a twelve-pack of beer.” Yaya raises a brow at her son before taking the flowers from me and handing the wine to Bernard.
“He’s still sucking up to win brownie points. I’m already in the good graces of my daughter and my mother. This guy’s got to pay his dues.”
“Oh, yes, and boy does he pay them in full.” Bernard wriggles his brows at me before Emma rolls her eyes and hurries toward me.
“Back off, Bernard. He’s spoken for.” She pushes up on her tiptoes and kisses me gently. Her hands are on my chest, and she grips my shirt as if she can’t get close enough. Good. I missed her too. “Thanks for coming, and thanks for the flowers and the wine.”
Sam and Bernard have moved into the kitchen to help Yaya, and Emma and I are still standing in the entryway of the small apartment.
“Sure. Happy to be here.”
“I missed you last night,” she says, and her words are all breathy and sexy.
“Missed you too.”
“I have two Slippery Nipples for my favorite young couple,” Bernard says as he makes his way toward us once again, handing us each a fancy glass.
I take a sip and cough. It’s strong, and I can tell Bernard’s been dipping in the sauce because his eyes are all glossy as he watches us.
“This is delicious,” I say, covering my mouth as I continue to cough.
Emma takes a sip. “Are you trying to get us drunk, you old fool?”
“Maybe. We certainly need your dad to loosen up, so I thought we could all have a little fun.”
Yaya calls him back to the kitchen to help her with more drinks and Emma leads me into the living room.
“I’m so glad you’re here.” She takes another sip and looks up at me like she wants to say something more, but she can’t find the words.
The way she’s looking at me is enough.
It’s been a crazy week since Thanksgiving and I’m swamped at work. Emma has been working long hours too, but we manage to spend every night together. There hasn’t been a lot of sleeping going on, but I figure I’ve got my whole life to sleep. I’m enjoying seeing her walls come down as we find our rhythm together. She’s supposed to meet me at my apartment, but I got hung up fixing a leak downstairs. I send her a text that I’m on my way up and step onto the elevator.
“Hold up,” someone shouts, and I grab the door.
Sadie? Sophie?
Can’t get her name straight, but I sure as shit remember that she’s a nanny by day and a sex slave by night. Hard to forget that one.
“Spence, hi,” she says, as she steps onto the elevator.
“Hey, how are you?” I ask. “Sorry, we haven’t had any openings yet. I gave your number to Jesse to give you a call if anything comes open.”
“That’s okay. I just stopped by to visit Tara.” She’s standing uncomfortably close to me and she turns to face me. Her tits brush up against my chest. “I’ve been thinking about you lately.”
I take a step back and put my hands up. “Listen. I’m seeing someone.”
“That doesn’t bother me.” She steps into my space again. The door opens on her friend’s floor, but she doesn’t get off and the doors shut.
Nothing subtle about this woman.
“It bothers me, and I’m fairly certain my girlfriend wouldn’t appreciate you cornering me on the elevator. And I believe you missed your floor.” I try to move away again, but my back hits the wall, and she puts her hands on my chest. “Do not make me physically restrain you. Step the fuck back.”
She giggles. This girl’s got skin thicker than a fucking crocodile because nothing about me seems friendly right now.
“Ohhh, please, restrain me,” she purrs.
The doors open, and I look up to see Emma standing there. She raises a brow as I step around the horndog currently trying to have her way with me.
“What the hell is this?” Emma hisses, looking between me and the crazy-ass woman on the elevator.
“Don’t worry, girl. He said he had a girlfriend. But I’m down with that if you are. Three’s not always a crowd, if you know what I mean.” Sophie licks her lips and winks at Emma.
Before I can process what’s happening, my girlfriend lunges forward and hisses like a motherfucking feral cat. Her arms are flying forward and I wrap my arms around her middle to hold her back just as the elevator doors close.
This is a whole lot of crazy.
Emma’s flailing and cussing out the woman long after the doors have closed.
“Stay in your own fucking lane, girl,” she shouts at the elevator and it takes all I have not to laugh.
I set her on her feet and she hurries to press the button on the elevator as if she’s going after her. I lean forward and tip her over my shoulder, fireman style. I slap her ass as I move down the hall and she hollers and squirms.
“Put me down. This is not over.”
I put the key in the door and set her ass on the kitchen counter once I get her inside. “Calm down. Nothing happened.”
“That’s not how it looked to me,” she says, crossing her arms over her chest and still huffing.
“Good Lord, woman. I’m not interested in anyone else. Have I not made that clear?” I move between her legs and she runs her fingers through my hair, before giving it a hard tug.
“What was she doing rubbing all up against you? I swear I’ll scratch her eyes out. I’ve taken on guys twice her size and made them weep,” she hisses, and I crack up.
Emma typically keeps her emotions in check, so seeing her unravel on my account is the best thing I’ve seen in a long time.
“Easy, Tiger. You don’t need to fight anyone.” I tease her lips with mine.
“No?”
“No. But the visual’s got me a little worked up.”
“It’s not a joke. I don’t share.” She yanks my hair again, forcing my head up to meet her gaze. She can pull my hair any fucking time.
“You claiming your stake, she-devil?”
“Damn straight.”
“Good. I’m all yours,” I say, lifting her off the counter as her legs wrap around my waist.
My mouth covers hers as I carry her down the hallway toward the bedroom.
Sometimes showing is better than telling.
And I intend to show her exactly how I feel tonight.
She’s yelling a far different tune once I have my way with her.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Emma
“Have you told him you love him yet?” Mya asks from the chair across my desk. She stopped by before she heads out for the night, and I still have another hour of work before I can leave.
“No. You know I’ve never said it to anyone before.”
She studies me. “So what does that mean? You can’t say it even if you feel it?”
I already know I love Spence. I admitted it to myself before he even told me. But saying it aloud—that terrifies me. I’ve said those words to very few people in my life, my mother being the first. And that didn’t stop her from leaving. So I’m cautious about who I say it to. Who I trust my heart with.
“He’s not rushing me, so why are you?”
“Because I know you. And I know you love that man like crazy. I don’t want you to regret not telling him,” Mya says, and my back straightens.
“Because he’ll leave me? Is that what you’re saying?”
She narrows her gaze. “No. Why would you think that?”
“Because you said I’d regret it.”
“I just mean that you’ll regret not letting yourself say it and feel all the things. Spence is crazy about you. He’s not going anywhere.”
I have been fighting this fear since we returned from Chicago. Wanting to let my
self enjoy how happy he makes me but still be prepared if it all comes to an end tomorrow. I’m thankful that my best friend doesn’t know that everyone is capable of hurting you. Of disappointing you.
So, don’t put all your eggs in one basket.
Which is kind of what I’ve been doing with him, and it’s terrifying.
“I’m enjoying him, I promise,” I say, trying to make light of the conversation, though it goes to a terrible place in my mind per usual.
“I’m excited for Melanie and Pen to get here tomorrow. They are counting on you to take us to all the best shopping spots in the city.”
“Yeah. It’ll be so fun. And I need to get all my shopping done because I’ve been putting it off,” I say, as my phone vibrates on my desk. Spence. I smile.
Let me know when you leave the office. I can come pick you up.
“Has Gus been texting you to get an invite too?”
“Yep. He’s been blowing up my phone about coming with us. But Pen says no boys are allowed.” I laugh.
“It’ll be fun. Call me when you get home. Love you,” Mya says, pushing to her feet.
“Love you.” The words come so easily when I’m saying them to my best friend.
Saying them to Spence feels more like forever.
And I’m just not ready to count on that.
His mom and sister have been texting about the trip, and they’ve all made me feel like part of the family. Caden and Gus and Jesse treat me like they’ve known me their whole life.
It feels good. But if Spence walks away, where does that leave me?
Alone once again?
This is the way I’ve been torturing myself for far too long now. I don’t know how to get my brain to stop.
I bury myself in work and startle when Arwin stands in my doorway.
“Did your boyfriend give you the night off?”
The hair on the back of my neck stands on edge. “No. He just texted. He’s on his way up right now to get me.”
I move to my feet and grab my coat off the chair. When I go to move by him, he does an awkward little dance and laughs. I’m ready to slug him in the gut and make a run for it, but he finally moves aside and I glare at him as I walk by.