by Honey
“Have you been intimate with her?”
“Oh, no, Father,” Darius said, shaking his head. “We haven’t done that. We kiss a lot, though.” He lowered his eyes again. “And I’ve thought about making love to her. Sometimes I want to desperately.”
“I’m happy you’ve remained pure, because once you cross that line, your life will change forever.” No one knows that better than I do, he confessed inwardly. “If you love Millicent and you want to spend the rest of your life with her, now is the time to walk away from theology school and chart a new path. Do not make the vow of celibacy or make any other commitments to God or the church if you’re having second thoughts about becoming a priest. This is a very difficult life to live. Don’t enter into it if you aren’t certain, because once you make the vow, God will expect you to keep it for life. Pray about it and search your heart. I’m sure you’ll do what is right.”
“Thank you, Father. I will.”
Chapter Thirty-seven
Andra sat across the kitchen table from Royce with her mouth wide open. Seconds passed as she stared at her older cousin, shocked and speechless.
“Say something, Andra, anything.”
“You and your priest are sleeping together? I don’t know what to say. Damn!”
“We’re not just sleeping together. We’re in a relationship. He loves me, and I love him.”
“Now I understand why you’ve been so secretive over the past few months. You’ve got Zora calling and harassing me.”
“Are you serious? She called you to ask questions about me?”
“Yeah, your nosy sister called me while you were in Chicago, asking a bunch of questions. I didn’t tell her anything, though. Hell, I didn’t have any information to tell her. And if I had, I still wouldn’t have told her your business.”
“Thank you, Andra.”
“No problem, cuz. Is Father Gregory going to leave the priesthood so he can marry you and knock you up with a choir full of babies?”
Royce shook her head slowly.
“So, what’s the plan?”
“I don’t know. I thought we would be lovers for the rest of our lives, but I’m not so sure anymore. I love him to the moon and back, but I’m not completely happy being his secret lover. I thought I could handle it, but now it’s driving me crazy.”
“If it’s real love, I think you should hang in there. If you continue to love that man and take care of his every need, he may walk away from the pulpit and make you his wife. Give it some time, cuz.”
“Did you just advise me to continue my affair with my priest?” Royce asked teasingly.
“I sure did. I know you, cuz. You wouldn’t be involved with Father Gregory if you didn’t believe what you share with him was real. Trust your heart.”
“I’m going to call him and invite him over tonight, so we can talk after Tyler goes to bed. I love that man, Andra, and I don’t want to lose him.”
* * *
Royce checked the caller ID on her cell phone. Her pulse quickened. “Hello?”
“How are you?”
“I’m much better now that I’m talking to you. I was going to call you later today to invite you over. I think we need to talk. Thanks for giving me the time I needed to clear my head.”
“You’re welcome.”
“So can you visit me tonight after Tyler goes to bed?”
“Yes. I’ll be there.”
Royce hung up the phone and did a little happy dance around the den. She was excited and refreshed. Confiding in Andra had been a good idea. Who knew that her younger cousin could give her such sound advice?
Royce ran into the kitchen and searched the wine rack for the vintage bottle of Riesling she’d been saving for a special occasion. Reuniting with the love of her life after a major misunderstanding was special enough. It was so special in fact that Royce felt like going to her favorite boutique to buy a few new pieces of sexy lingerie. Just the thought of being in Father Gregory’s arms again caused her body to shiver. Three days had been too long. Royce regretted that she’d been so angry about the situation in Chicago that she’d acted like a spoiled brat. But tonight she would make it up to Father Gregory in every way possible.
* * *
Father Gregory perused Royce’s curvaceous body from her braids down to her shiny purple toenails with lustful eyes after the front door closed behind him. She looked sexier than ever in a lavender satin camisole that stopped an inch above her belly button and matching boy shorts. Father Gregory licked his lips and smiled. The sensitive member between his thighs became fully erect, pressing ever so stiffly against the zipper of his customary black jeans. “Hi,” he finally whispered and placed a chaste kiss on Royce’s lips.
She threw her arms around his neck and pulled his body snugly against hers. “I’ve missed you. Let’s go into the living room.”
Father Gregory followed Royce across the foyer toward the room where they had shared many intimate moments late at night whenever Tyler was in the house. As usual, he removed his shoes before he walked through the double glass doors. No one was allowed to walk on the plush white carpet with their shoes on. The candles, the wine, and the chenille blanket spread across the floor caused Father Gregory’s heart to beat triple time.
“Let’s sit on the sofa and talk,” he said, taking Royce by the hand. He led the way. Sitting and still holding her hand, he looked into her eyes. “I love you from deep within my soul. I never dreamed of meeting a woman like you and falling madly in love. You’re my heart, Royce. You mean everything to me.”
“I love you too.”
“I know you do. That’s why my heart is bleeding right now. I came here to tell you we can’t continue this relationship. It has to end, Royce, tonight.”
“No, Nicholas. I’m sorry for the way I acted in Chicago. It was very childish of me. I believe you tried to get to the restaurant on time. I overreacted. Please forgive me.”
“My decision has nothing to do with what happened in Chicago, sweetheart. I’m a broken man,” he croaked with tears flowing from his eyes. “I love you, but I love God more. I’ve been living this double life, trying my best to please you and the Lord. I preach to others about living righteously while my life is filled with sin. I’ve abandoned the most sacred vow I’ve ever made. My conscience has caught up with me. I’m going crazy. We have to end our affair. I’m so sorry.”
Royce wiped her tears and sniffed. “You promised to love me forever. You said we would always be together no matter what. I believed you.”
“I will always love you. Nothing can change that. I want you in my life, but I can’t have you if I want to please God. I made a vow to Him and His church.”
“You made one to me too, but I guess breaking vows and promises means nothing to you.” Royce stood up with tears still spilling from her red, swollen eyes. “You’ve said what you came here to say. You can leave now. Get the hell out of my house!”
Father Gregory did as he was told. Leaving Royce was the most difficult thing he’d ever had to do. He loved her. He wanted her. But he couldn’t have her. His tears continued to fall as he guided his motorcycle over the familiar route back to the parsonage. His heart was filled with grief over losing the one and only woman he had ever loved. There would be no other. Hurting Royce caused Father Gregory the most pain. He would learn to live without her, and within time, his wounded heart would heal. But he would never forgive himself for the emotional pain loving him had caused her. It was a burden he would carry with him throughout eternity.
If only Royce could understand the agony Father Gregory had experienced when he looked into Darius’s peridot eyes and spoke words to him that he, himself, no longer lived by. He had broken his vow to God and the church, and he was deliberately living in a sinful state. He wasn’t worthy of offering Darius or the other theology students any advice about sanctification, but he had, and emphatically so. The blatant hypocrisy of it all had been sobering. Father Gregory wasn’t able to face himself in the
mirror after admonishing the young man. The Holy Spirit had convicted him, causing him to become overwhelmed with guilt and shame. It was his sorrow of turning his back on God and the vow he had made to Him that had influenced his decision to end his romance with Royce. Nothing else.
* * *
“Tabatha, I’m going to take the rest of the week off, so I need you to continue to man the ship and crew. I hope you don’t mind.”
“I don’t mind at all. Are you okay?”
Royce stuffed a spoonful of pralines and cream ice cream in her mouth and swallowed. “I’ve been better. Hopefully, a few more days of rest and relaxation will cure me.”
“Would you like me to email you the midweek numbers and the expenditure report?”
“That won’t be necessary. I’ll look over everything Monday.”
“Okay. I’ll call you later. Take care.”
“I will.”
Royce had no idea what to do with so much free time on her hands. She had no place to go, and there wasn’t anyone in particular she wanted to see. It would be her luck to run into Father Gregory at Walmart if she dared to venture outside. Thoughts of him twisted her stomach into knots.
“I’m not going to cry. I refuse to cry. I knew better. I gambled with love and lost.”
Royce left the den and went upstairs to her bedroom. She hadn’t slept very much the previous night. Maybe the sandman would have mercy on a weary, lovesick woman right now.
Chapter Thirty-eight
“Father Gregory offered to drive me home today after summer camp.”
Royce looked at her nephew with her peripheral vision, careful to avoid a fender bender in the early morning traffic. “When did you speak with him?”
“Last night.”
“Did you call him, Tyler?”
“No, ma’am. He called my cell phone to ask how we were doing. He wanted to know why we skipped church yesterday, too.”
He has some damn nerve! “Look, honey, now that you’re out of school on summer vacation, I don’t think you need to spend as much time with Father Gregory as you used to. You finished the year with good grades and a satisfactory behavior report, so I think you’re okay now.”
“Yeah, I did improve, but I still want to hang out with Father Gregory some days after I finish volunteering with the little kids at summer camp. He’s my friend, Auntie Royce.”
Royce sighed in frustration. She didn’t want to disappoint Tyler. He had bonded with Father Gregory while Eric was away. It wouldn’t be fair for her to demand that the child stop spending time with him just because he had dumped her. “Okay, you may hang out with him twice a week after camp, but I’ll transport you to and from the church.”
“Oh, he doesn’t mind driving me home.”
“I do.”
“Huh?” The boy looked at his aunt, visibly confused.
“Father Gregory was more than nice to you when you were acting a fool at school with those thugs. He helped you improve your basketball skills, too. Let’s give him an opportunity to help another child who may need him. Okay?”
“Okay.”
* * *
Father Gregory’s body jerked backward and out of view. He peeped at Royce’s SUV from behind the curtain in the front window of the multipurpose building. Over 200 small children were at play, shouting and laughing in the background, but he heard nothing. The vision of loveliness outside the window had seized all of his senses. Royce was a sweet treat for Father Gregory’s eyes but a torturous blow to his ailing soul. He would never get over her.
Alfred Lord Tennyson was a damn fool! He had deceived romantics worldwide for more than a century with his famous quote:
’Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
Nothing could have been further from the truth. Father Gregory had learned firsthand in the most painful way possible that a man under a divine calling such as his would be much better off if he never loved a woman or shared his body with her.
Tyler waved to Royce before she drove away. He turned toward the building, bearing his backpack on his shoulders. Father Gregory left the window quickly and made swift footsteps down the hallway in the opposite direction.
“What’s up, Father? I’m here on time like you asked.”
The priest did a slow about-face. He glanced down at his watch, smiling. “Good morning, Tyler. You’re early actually. I’m impressed. You’ll be assisting Sister Eva and Mrs. Amica with the six- and seven-year-old boys and girls. Come with me. They’re expecting you.”
* * *
Andra looked out the restaurant window in time to see Royce exit her SUV. She watched her put on her designer sunglasses to protect her eyes from the bright late June sun before she locked the door and sashayed toward the entrance of Shiloh’s Grill. Andra hadn’t seen her older cousin in a few weeks when she’d made the emergency visit to deliver ice cream to her house. That was the same day she had advised her to continue her relationship with Father Gregory. Andra grimaced and took a long swig of her electric lemonade. She wished she could take back every word she’d said that day regarding Royce’s secret love affair. How wrong she had been.
“I’m sorry I’m late. Traffic was crazy.”
Andra gave Royce a thorough once-over. “Somebody’s been eating too much pralines and cream ice cream. Girl, look at your hips.”
“Is it that noticeable? I’ve gained ten pounds since the disappointing Chicago trip. I haven’t exercised or taught a single class since I returned to work. I’ll get back on my regimen after Tyler leaves for the summer.”
“When will that be?”
“Eric called Monday. The mission in Sierra Leone will be officially over Thursday. He and Zora will arrive in Atlanta Monday night. They’ll be here a couple of weeks before they leave for the West Indies on another mission. It’ll be a brief assignment, so they’re taking Tyler with them.”
Andra nodded. “Cool. How are you doing, Royce?”
“I have days when all I do is cry. Then some mornings I wake up and feel like I can conquer the world. Working helps me. When I’m busy, I don’t think about him.”
“Have you seen him?”
Royce shook her head and reached for a menu. “I’ve been lucky. Every morning on the drive to the church, I whisper a prayer that he’s not outside when Tyler and I arrive. So far, God has had mercy on this pitiful soul.”
“In time you’ll get over him and move on. Then you won’t be afraid to face him, because he’ll mean nothing to you. You may even start attending church again.”
“That’ll never happen. I will always love him, Andra. And he will always mean the world and beyond to me. Eventually, I’ll learn to live without him and find another church.”
“Hopefully, you’ll find yourself another man, too.”
Never, Royce’s heart whispered. If she couldn’t have Father Gregory, she didn’t want anyone else.
* * *
“All I’m asking you to do is be mindful of your words, sweetheart. You should be happy that Royce ended her relationship with the priest. Isn’t that what you wanted?”
“I wish she had never gotten involved with him at all.”
“It’s too late. She already did, and now it’s over. Therefore, I don’t see any reason why you should bring it up.”
“I want to know what happened. Aren’t you the least bit curious, honey?”
Eric looked at his wife when he paused briefly at the stop sign. “It’s not my business. It’s not yours either, Zora. The only thing Royce told me was that she is no longer seeing Father Gregory. If she had wanted me to know the details, she would’ve told me the whole story. She didn’t.”
Zora watched her husband greet the attendant in the guard shack at the entrance of Royce’s community. She wanted the entire scoop on her sister’s breakup with the priest. Inquisitiveness was gnawing at her. They would talk about it one way or the other, even if she had to interrogate Royce.
The car rolled to
a stop in front of the house. Eric turned to Zora and placed his hand on her knee. “Please don’t go inside asking your sister a bunch of questions. I’m sure her feelings are still raw and she doesn’t want to talk about it. Let’s spend some quality time with her before we take Tyler home. We haven’t seen them since the day after Christmas. Let’s have a happy reunion.”
* * *
Royce hugged Zora and released her quickly. “Welcome home.”
“It feels good to be back. How are you, little sister?”
“I’m fine.” Royce turned and smiled at her handsome brother-in-law. “What’s up, Doc?”
Eric wrapped his arms around her and squeezed. “I missed you, sis. Thanks for taking good care of my son while I was off saving lives. I owe you.” He kissed her cheek before he dropped his arms.
“Mom! Dad!” Tyler screamed, running down the stairs. He sprinted toward his parents. He hugged his mother first and then his father. “I’m glad you guys are finally home.”
Royce walked away, leaving the Bensons in the foyer. She went to the kitchen and grabbed a spoon from the draining rack. Then she walked straight to the refrigerator, opened the freezer, and grabbed the carton of ice cream. Royce peeped over her shoulder. Tyler didn’t need to know that she was still on her binge. The first scoop slid down her throat and hit the spot like a drug. One more will do the trick until they leave, she reasoned with her conscience.
“Is that why you’ve gained weight? Have you replaced him with ice cream?”
Royce spun around fast, spilling ice cream on the floor. She closed the carton and replaced it in the freezer. “I’ve been eating more often than usual, and I haven’t had the energy to exercise,” she explained, reaching for a paper towel on the counter. Royce bent down and wiped the ice cream from the floor. “How was your flight, Z?”
Zora pulled out a chair from the dinette and sat down. “It was long. We had a five-hour layover in Brussels. Eric insisted that we go sightseeing, so I made him hand over his credit card. I put it to good use on a few souvenirs.” She paused as if gathering her thoughts. “What made you finally come to your senses, Royce?”