by Deja Voss
“Gonna be a dad, eh?” Turtle asks. “Congrats, man.”
I nod and smile. Every time I hear it out loud I feel a little more confident that I’m making the right choice. Sure, things with Carley aren’t great, but a baby changes everything. It’ll definitely calm her down. She’s been clean ever since the test came back positive. I know we might not see eye to eye on everything for the rest of our lives, but I know if she loves this baby even a fraction as much as I already do, without even knowing him or her, the rest of my life is going to be just fine.
Kid doesn’t have that luxury. It doesn’t matter what he has with this woman today, because he doesn’t have a future ahead of him. Just prison. Because of his father’s fucked-up choices, he’s going to spend at least twenty-five years in jail.
“How do you know Kid?” I ask. “He come here often?”
He pops out his hearing aids and slaps them down on the bar, picking up his newspaper and completely ignoring me. Seems like all the other customers here are doing the same, keeping to themselves as they sit there in the dimly lit bar, sipping on their beers. Maybe that’s why Kid likes this place so much. It’s the kind of place nobody wants to know your name. That doesn’t really explain the mystery woman, though, or how long I’m gonna be forced to sit here in silence by myself nursing a water bottle.
I wonder what she did to him that could soften him like that. I wonder what kind of secrets my brother holds behind that patch and how she’s the key to them.
3
Annabella
He pulls a joint out of his pocket and waves it under my nose and I giggle.
“Turtle is gonna shit,” I say. I don’t know how to describe how being near Kid makes me feel, but I’m sure some people might liken it to going home. I’ve never really had a “home” per se, but having him around makes me feel like myself, makes me feel comfortable, like I can let my guard down.
“You’re holding it together pretty good, Bella. You alright? You need to talk?”
“She was so sick, Brad. What she was doing wasn’t living.”
“I told you I’d have a doctor come see her.”
“You’ve met my mother. You know she wasn’t trying to hear that.”
He smiles somberly, passing me the lit joint. I take a hit, hacking my lungs out as I exhale. I’m not much of a partier. I always have to be on high alert, except when he comes around, and I think he knows it by the way he laughs at me.
“Who’s your friend?” I ask, twirling a piece of hair in my fingers. It’s not every day a guy who looks like that walks into The Hideaway. I swear if I was wearing any panties I probably would’ve just taken them off and handed them to him. “Is it my birthday or something?”
He shakes his head and laughs. “Keep it in your pants, Bella.”
There’s an awkward silence between the two of us. I know part of the reason why he came here was to check up on me, it’s what friends do, but ever since I got off the phone with him the other night, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about the promise I made to him.
“You should probably know something,” he says, blowing out a huge cloud of smoke. “I’m not gonna be around much longer.”
I don’t know much about hearts breaking, but I feel mine drop into my stomach. I just lost my mother. I don’t know if I can actually handle another blow like this right now.
“I’m going to prison soon, Bella. Don’t know how long. Probably a real long time, though.”
I know the first question any sane person would ask would be “what for?” but I’ve known Kid long enough to never push him further than he’s willing to go. If it was important, he’d tell me.
“You’re worried about your club,” I say, placing my hands on either side of his face. His skin feels cold, and the dark circles around his eyes look like those of a sad old man. A man who carries way too much weight of the world on his shoulders. “I can see it, Bradley.”
“I’m worried about my club. I’m worried about you. I don’t know what it’s gonna be like in there, Bella. I don’t know if I’m ever gonna see you again.”
“Listen to me,” I say, grabbing his shoulders. “You do not have to worry about me. I’m tough. You know it.”
He lets out an exasperated sigh.
“And you know I’m happy to take care of the MC for you. I made you a promise a long time ago, and I fully intend on keeping it.”
“I can’t keep you safe if I’m inside,” he says. “If everything doesn’t go perfectly, you’re gonna end up fucking dead. I can’t have your blood on my hands. I didn’t pull you out of that shit just to let you die.”
“What do I have to live for, Brad?” I ask. “I spend every fucking day of my life looking over my shoulder, waiting for your father or my father to come find me and send me back to where I came from. I have no name. I have no identity. I can’t get a fucking ID. Can’t get an education. All I had going for me was my mom, Juniper, and you, and now all I have left is that fucking mutt. Let me have this. Let me get my revenge.”
He presses his fingers to his temples.
“Two bullets is all it’ll take. Their secrets will go to the grave, the rest of your men will be safe, and I’ll get the fuck out of Dodge. Nobody’ll have blood on their hands but me. By the time anybody realizes what happened, I’ll be so far gone nobody will know what hit them.”
“I knew this day was going to come. Your mama was always the rational one out of the two of you,” he says.
“My mom was a freaking saint, Kid. I’m not. I’m angry. I have nothing to show for my whole fucking life and it’s all because our fathers are pieces of shit.”
“You really want this?” he asks. I can see the wheels in his head turning as he paces back and forth beside the dumpster, anxiously puffing away at the joint.
“What do you think?” I put my hands on my hips and stare him in the eye. I’ve been waiting my whole life for this opportunity. I’ve been through the lowest lows any human could possibly experience, and there’s only one way I’m ever going to be able to sleep at night.
I’m going to eliminate the source.
“I’ll make sure you get taken care of really well, Bella. I got more money than you’ll ever know what to do with. ‘Fuck you’ money. The kind of money that’ll make sure you never have to work a day in your life.”
“I don’t want your money,” I say.
“Too bad. A deal’s a deal.” He stubs out the joint and hugs me long and hard. “You are a good woman, Bella. You better promise me when all this is done you’re gonna find yourself a real decent guy to settle down with. Somebody boring. A car salesman or some shit who worships the ground you walk on.”
I laugh and squeeze him tighter. “I think if you can arrange a one-night stand with your sexy ass friend with the tight jeans, I could probably die a happy woman.”
He grabs me by the shoulders and shakes his head. “You better stay far away from him, babe. He’s a good man, but you can do so much better. Besides, it’s too dangerous. You can’t get close to my men. You don’t know what you’re going to have to do to make this happen.”
“Two bullets. I’ve been hunting since the day you moved Mama and me out here. You know I can handle it.”
He lets out an exasperated sigh. “You’re gonna have to hang tight a couple months, you understand? I don’t know how long it’s gonna be until I’ll be able to talk to you again, but I’ll make sure you know it’s me. When the time is right, you’ll be ready to go?”
“I’ll be waiting by my phone,” I say. “I’m gonna miss you, Kid. You don’t know how much you mean to me. You saved my life.”
“And you’re gonna save mine,” he says. “You and the club, that’s all I got anymore. No hope, no future, no freedom.”
“Don’t say that.” I wipe a tear from my eye. I wish there was something more I could do. “If I could do the time for you, you know I would. I’d do anything for you.”
He grabs my hand and brings it to his lips
. “You’re a good friend,” he says. “I’m sorry for what my father did.”
“He’s gonna pay, I promise,” I say, raising my eyebrows, trying to will myself to smile. It’s hard to make myself, knowing when Kid leaves today I may never see him again. I’ll be all alone in this world.
“Someone will get in touch soon. It’s time for me to go.”
“Can’t you stay the night?” I ask. “You know I have plenty of room for the two of you.”
He smiles and shakes his head sadly. “The law’s on my tail, Bella. I already dragged you into enough. You don’t need them up your ass, too.”
I hug him tight, my body tensing around him, knowing that when I let him go I might never get to hug him like this again. My hero. My savior. If only the police knew what a good man he really was. I know he’d never say a word, though.
He walks back into the bar and I stand there sucking down a cigarette, watching as him and his friend emerge. Kid nods at me and winks, and I wave. My eyes meet with Ransom’s, and I let myself get lost in them for just one second. If only he knew what I was about to do to his club. He wouldn’t be throwing me that gorgeous devilish smile.
I watch as they drive off on their motorcycles, a cloud of dust filling the air in the parking lot, filling my eyes, filling my lungs.
“I’m sorry, Mama, but it has to be done,” I whisper, stubbing out my cigarette.
The only thing left to do is wait and see.
4
Ransom:
“So you’re not gonna tell me anything? Not one fucking thing about what that was all about?” I ask. We’re pulled over on the side of the road right on the border of West Virginia and Pennsylvania, right up on the panhandle, taking a piss.
“Keep your eyes on your own paper, dude,” he teases. “This might be the last time I get to piss in private for the rest of my life.”
“Stop talking like that, Kid,” I say. I hate the way he’s already given up, accepting his fate behind bars like there isn’t some other option. I know it’s totally selfish of me, that the only reason why I don’t want him getting locked up is because I know what’s going to happen to my club as a result. Without him to keep his old man in check, the MC could be headed for some rocky territory. His father, Stoney, our prez, hasn’t gotten any softer as he’s gotten older. He’s downright dangerous, cutting ties with our alliances and getting wrapped up in all sorts of shady deals. I fear for our club. I fear for our name. I fear that, without Kid’s pushback, it’s going to be old generation versus new generation, and I don’t know if I’m in a position for that kind of fight.
My MC is my home. My family.
This short, loud, rude motherfucker is my voice of reason.
“I’m just speaking the truth, Ransom. It’s about time for me to go.”
I roll my eyes and zip up my pants, ready to get back on my bike and do the last leg of this drive and get home to Carley. I want to trust her alone, but our checkered history makes it pretty fucking hard. I know it’s her body and she can do what she wants with it, but now she’s carrying around a little part of me. Now she’s carrying around my heart. I know she struggles with staying clean, and it isn’t fair for me to expect her to do it on her own.
I’m changing. I only hope my effort is enough to keep her motivated.
Leaving her home by herself all hours of the night while I’m out running around with Kid probably ain’t the best way to show her how hard I’m trying to make things right.
“I gotta tell you something, bro. You’re not stupid, you know. No matter what anybody says, I know you’re a smart man. I know you’re loyal. I know I can trust you to look after the club when I’m gone.”
“I guess I’ll take that as a compliment?” I say, hurrying back to my bike.
“I mean it, Ransom. If I tell you everything I know, I won’t survive whether I’m in prison or out. Shit’s gonna get weird. Just know that me going away is for the better.”
“What the fuck were you two smoking out back?” I ask. I can tell by the look in his eyes he’s dead nuts serious. Kid’s not exactly the kind of guy who’s into philosophy or feelings. He’s a “no talk, all action” kind of guy, just like his father. Gets shit done. The club’s always the first and only thing on his mind.
The guy’s got as much depth as a slice of bread. What you see is what you get. That’s why I like him so much, why we get along so well. He’s always been a straight shooter.
He shakes his head and straddles his bike, looking over at me with a sad smile. “You won’t know til you do, Ransom. If I tell you everything I know, you’re not gonna be safe, either.”
“You sound like a lunatic,” I say.
“Promise me. Whatever happens. You promise me on your life that woman will be protected at all costs.”
“I don’t even know who the fuck she is. I don’t even know where to find her, and you want me to protect her?”
“Someday soon, Ransom. Someday you’ll know. She’s going to save us all.”
I have no idea where these ramblings are coming from. He’s making me nervous, but I guess knowing that the cops could be coming for your freedom at any minute probably fucks with your psyche a little more than I can understand. “Sure, Kid. Whatever you say.”
“Promise me,” he shouts over the revving of his engine. “Promise me on your life.”
“On my life, Kid,” I shout. I don’t even know her name. I don’t even know who she is or why he cares so much, but I’ve never seen him so enthusiastic about a bitch before. Sure, she’s gorgeous. If I wasn’t in so deep with Carley, I’d probably be falling all over my feet trying to get with her. But she’s just some random West Virginia pussy who I probably wouldn’t recognize if I saw her in a police lineup.
That curly black hair. Those mysterious eyes. The freckles on her face. The legs. The curves. I can tell by the way she moves through a room, she’s the kind of woman who doesn’t put up with any shit, the kind of bitch who calls you on your bullshit, the kind of woman who makes you earn it. The kind of woman who drives me fucking nuts.
I try to forget her face as we pull out onto the highway, into the night, knowing I got a pretty good thing back at home. Not perfect, but it’s my responsibility to make it work.
We cross the border into the state, and Kid makes a turn down some back road. I follow closely behind. Maybe he got word of some police checkpoint ahead. Don’t much matter to me. Out here the deer are just as bad on the freeway as they are in the forest.
We follow the river through some forgotten town, a giant factory that probably once sustained this entire community now covered in graffiti and rusting away. The homes are covered in a layer of dirt, like an homage to the memory of what once existed here. Makes me sad when I see places like this. Places where good honest people settled down, raised their families and once thrived. Now stray cats wander the streets and the sound of gunshots fills the air.
I guess I wasn’t really paying attention to where he was taking me, but as soon as he puts on his turn signal, all the blood leaves my head. It’s a state police barracks. He stops and looks over his shoulder at me. “Go home,” he mouths.
I can’t remember the last time I cried. Maybe when my grandma died back when I was still a kid. I know what he’s about to do, and a little part of me doesn’t blame him. Spending your life running away from consequences will drive a man insane. Whatever Kid did today, he was tying up his loose ends. He was making things right, and now he’s off to face the music.
I nod and throw him a fist, not knowing when I’ll see this crazy motherfucker again, but somehow feeling a little more respect for him now than I ever felt before. My brother. Our Kid. All grown up and taking his sentence like a man.
I don’t stay and watch him turn himself in. I already know what it’s gonna look like and I don’t want to watch one of my men get handcuffed. I’d rather let my memory of Kid be that of the brave and badass brother he was. Is. I’d rather honor him in the way I live my life an
d the things I do for the club than commiserate his impending prison sentence.
And that means taking care of that girl no matter what. Even though I don’t know who she is or what she wants or why she even knows Kid.
I slowly drive past the barracks, and on my way down the road I look up at the sign on the side of the road. “You are now leaving Freedom, PA,” it says. I can’t help but chuckle at how fitting that is, wondering if Kid planned it this whole time. He always was a jokester.
5
“What the fuck happened?” Driller asks, wiping the sleep from his eyes as he stands in the doorway of his room. “Why didn’t you call me?”
“He didn’t want me to. It’s fine. We’ll probably have to go down and pick up his bike tomorrow so they don’t impound it though.”
“God dammit,” he groans.
“It was gonna happen either way,” I say. “He seemed pretty happy with his choice.” I can’t shake that look he had on his face as he turned and waved me off. It was nothing short of pure bliss and contentment, a look I don’t think I’d ever seen on his mean mug before.
“His old man is gonna lose his shit if he finds out what went down.”
Stoney will definitely have a stroke if he finds out Kid turned himself in. I think he’s so deluded at this point he thought Kid was never going to get caught in the first place. Anytime the subject came up, he just brushed it off like it was some sort of joke. In Stoney’s eyes, he was the law. The fact that his only son went running to the arms of the police will seriously gut him.
“That’s why I wanted to talk to you first. I figured we could keep that on the low.”
“Yeah,” he says somberly. He pounds his fist into the doorframe and shakes it off. “I’m getting really fucking tired of the secrets.”