Henry was a bad father. A neglectful, unkind father. But there was one thing Maggie had gotten wrong. He wasn’t uncaring. Henry cared more than he could stand. He was only afraid.
This was the first time he’d been lucid since his argument with Maggie in his study. All the thoughts he’d been trying to drown with alcohol came to him now that he was sober. And when he finally acknowledged the truth, Henry felt his eyes sting and water. He put his face in his pillow and let the sorrow and regret pour out of him.
Her mother had left her. And her father rejected her time and time again, just as his father had done with him. He’d known this all along, but had hidden from it so very well. He’d needed someone else to say it. To thrust in his face and make him see. Though he needed it, a part of him hated Maggie for putting him through this pain. The truth was too much for Henry.
By morning, Henry had wept himself dry. Despite being sleepless all night long, he felt stronger than he had the night before. The last dregs of his sickness were falling away, and there was one thing he wanted to do.
Henry got up and went to Alicia’s room. It was early. No one else was awake. He knocked gently on Alicia’s door and waited until her tiny, sleepy body filled the doorway. “Papa?” She murmured, rubbing at her eyes.
“Hello, sweetheart,” he murmured to her. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d called her sweetheart. Alicia blinked up at him. He tried to smile a little. The truth was that he was nervous. He hadn’t truly interacted with his daughter in so long. He couldn’t remember how he’d ever known how to.
Henry wrung his hands together in front of him, while Alicia stared up at him, perhaps wondering if she was dreaming. “I was wondering if you’d like to come to the library with me,” he suggested. “You could show me your favorite books.”
“Are you still sick, papa?” She asked, with a furrowed brow. Was the prospect of him wanting to spend time with her so unusual? He swallowed and shook his head.
“No, Alicia. I’m feeling much better.”
“Oh,” she answered. And then, ever so slowly, she started to smile. “I have this book about King Arthur. Can I show it to you?” With every word, her voice became more energized. He put his hand out for her, and she snatched it as if she was afraid he’d take it away again.
He walked with her to the library, while she told him about the book. All the while, he looked down at her. Truly looked at her, forcing himself to take in every feature, every characteristic. He’d stopped wanting to be around her because she was so much like her mother. And those similarities were still there.
But in the last year, she’d become more like him… and he hadn’t even realized it. The way she moved her mouth, the way she furrowed her brows when she was talking about something that excited her, the shape of the bridge of her nose. And most importantly her interests. The more she spoke about the books she liked, the more he realized that she’d adopted many of his likes and dislikes.
She was his daughter too, not just Amelia’s. And somehow, he’d forgotten that.
Chapter 15
Miss Magdalene Riley, Daughter of the Baron of Brambleheath
When Maggie woke up in the morning, she didn’t want to get out of bed. For a long time, she just laid there, thinking about what had happened the night before. About what Henry had said to her and about Jeremy’s confession. She knew that she needed to make a decision before she next saw him, because he was almost certainly going to propose.
Maggie needed to speak to her brother, but she was reluctant to do so. She knew what he’d say. That she should marry Jeremy. That she’d be an idiot if she said no. And that was true. Jeremy could offer them their lives back. Being with him promised wealth and security, and she wasn’t likely to get an offer like that ever again. Not penniless as they were.
Then why did she not feel happy? Jeremy was a good man. They enjoyed each other’s company, but the prospect of him proposing didn’t fill her with joy. It filled her with anxiety.
Maggie managed to drag herself out of bed and went to get Alicia for their first lesson of the day. But when she happened upon Beatrice, who usually got Alicia out of bed in the morning, the girl wasn’t with her, which instantly worried her.
“Where’s Alicia?” Maggie asked, with a deep furrow between her brows.
“In the library, I believe,” Beatrice answered.
“What?” Maggie snapped. She turned on her heel without asking anymore questions and practically ran to the library. Why wasn’t Beatrice with her? What if she’d gone missing again?
When Maggie reached the library, she had every intention of barging inside and searching every corner of it for Alicia. But before she reached the door, she heard a deep and warm laugh. A man’s laugh.
Maggie skidded to a halt, then proceeded towards the door more slowly. It was slightly ajar. She put her ear close to the wood and listened. She heard that laughter again. It was a velvety, wonderful sound. And then she heard Alicia’s high giggle.
Maggie put her palm against the door and pushed slightly so that she could peek inside. Of all the things she thought she might see, she couldn’t have imagined this.
Henry sat on the floor of the library, cross-legged, surrounded by open books. And Alicia was in his lap. She had a book open and was pointing at one of the pictures.
He was smiling, and his cheeks were rosy with amusement.
Henry. Smiling. Laughing.
Maggie’s lips parted, and she just stared, feeling as if she was witnessing someone else’s dream. Because surely this couldn’t be real.
As if they felt her eyes on them, both of them looked up. And with them so close to one another, she realized how alike they looked. Especially when they smiled. Alicia beamed when she saw Maggie, while Henry’s smile fell away. “Miss Riley…” he said.
“Maggie!” Alicia cried, happily, and scrambled out of her father’s lap so that she could run to Maggie. The girl pulled her in by the hand and led her towards the scattering of open books. “Sit, please?”
Maggie looked down at Henry, her face still blank with surprise. “Is that alright?” She asked, softly.
He seemed to hesitate for a moment, before nodding.
Maggie lowered herself to the ground and sat cross-legged opposite Henry. “What are you reading?” She asked, trying to smile, but still unable to muster any feeling other than astonishment.
“Le Mort D’Arthur,” Henry answered.
Maggie quirked a brow. “Do you not think that’s a little adult for her?”
“She chose it,” Henry answered, with a shrug.
Maggie smiled and looked at Alicia. “Of course she did.”
Alicia returned to her father’s lap, but leaned forwards to show Maggie the book. This forced Maggie to shuffle closer, until she was on her knees in front of where Henry sat. She nodded along, smiling, but occasionally looked up at Henry, conscious of how close he was.
Once, when she looked up, she caught him looking at her too, which made her mouth feel dry. What was it about him? The three of them sat there for a long time.
At midday, Beatrice came to take Alicia downstairs to have some lunch.
Upon seeing Maggie and Henry sitting on the floor, she looked taken aback, which amused Maggie greatly.
“Are you alright, my Lord?” The poor Beatrice sounded almost horrified.
Maggie covered her mouth to keep her smile from showing. Henry didn’t stand up, but smiled and nodded. “Very well,” he assured her. Maggie thought that the only reason he didn’t stand and leave was because he liked to see Beatrice so out of sorts. Though he wasn’t smiling, she thought she could see a twinkle of humor in his eyes.
Unappeased, Beatrice took Alicia’s hand and turned to leave.
“Will you be here later, papa?” Alicia asked, pulling against Beatrice’s grip so that she could linger in the room. It was clear that she didn’t want to leave. That she was afraid of losing this precious time with him.
“Of course,�
�� he assured her. “Perhaps we’ll go riding after lunch. How does that sound?”
At this prospect, Alicia beamed so widely that it seemed to light up the room. The sight made Maggie’s heart warm. When Beatrice took Alicia outside, Maggie looked at Henry. “That was kind,” she said, rather softly.
Henry’s bemusement slipped away, and he stood.
He looked as if he was about to leave, without answering her, but she couldn’t let him do that. When he made for the door, Maggie caught his forearm to stop him.
Henry froze and looked back at her, with clear reluctance. She couldn’t read his expression entirely. It was blank and tense.
Her lips parted so that she could say something, but nothing came out.
“What is it?” He said, with a measure of impatience.
Maggie released his arm, her hand falling limply to her side. “Nothing,” she said, her voice faltering slightly. She took a step and looked away from his face.
It was hard to see the spark of tension in his eyes. It reminded her so much of that moment they’d shared in the kitchen. A moment he still didn’t remember.
A part of her wanted to remind him of what had happened, but she knew that wasn’t wise. It had been a mistake, and to remind him of it would just make it more likely to happen again.
Perhaps that’s why she wanted to.
“Is Jeremy coming today?” He asked, his voice increasingly stiff.
Maggie shook her head. “He didn’t mention it.” She hated it when he spoke about Jeremy. It was a harsh reminder of what he’d said. That she wasn’t good enough. A thought that had haunted her ever since it had fallen from his lips. Perhaps he was right. Perhaps she wasn’t good enough. But Jeremy seemed to think that she was. He wanted to marry her, and he thought she’d always been a mere governess.
If he knew the truth of her and her family, would he want her more or less? It was a question that had plagued her ever since he’d expressed his affections.
“Good,” Henry replied.
He nodded shortly, then walked quickly out of the room, leaving her standing there alone.
***
Lord Henry Rivers, Earl of Radingley
Seeing Maggie was hard for him right now. She’d seen him at his absolute lowest, and he couldn’t even remember most of what had happened. That was the worst thing; wondering if he’d done or said anything to humiliate himself in front of her. He was sure that Jeremy had never relinquished his dignity in front of her.
No wonder she wanted him.
Henry tried not to let her visit to the library ruin what he’d just shared with his daughter. An experience that he hadn’t had in over a year; he’d enjoyed her. Truly enjoyed her. Having her sit with him and tell him what she liked had made his heart feel full for the first time in what felt like forever. As she’d pointed at the book and told him about Lancelot, he’d felt certain that his heart was knitting itself back together.
It was a slow, grueling process, but it gave him hope. Perhaps his daughter wasn’t lost to him after all. She’d been right in front of him all this time, just wanting to be loved by him. And that love for her was still there. It had just been buried beneath a cracked and broken surface.
Finally, he could let it free again.
And it was thanks to Maggie. At first, Henry had wanted to fire her for criticizing him so openly. But she’d been right. Of course she’d been right. And even though it had stung at the time, it was making him almost… happy. He’d forgotten what that feeling was like.
As Henry left the library, leaving her behind, he wanted to remain angry with her. But it was getting harder and harder to do so. After all, he wasn’t blind to the fact that she’d been extremely kind to him during his sickness.
It was just the matter of Jeremy.
Henry tried to put Maggie out of his mind for the rest of the day. He didn’t want to squander his time with his daughter by being angry. So he pushed that feeling down and smiled when she ran to him after lunch.
Henry picked her up and they went outside together. It felt almost like old times, before Amelia had left them.
Chapter 16
Miss Magdalene Riley, Daughter of the Baron of Brambleheath
“He said that?” Joseph’s voice was slow with disbelief.
Maggie nodded. The pair of them were standing in the kitchens. It was late in the evening, because she’d wanted privacy.
“It must be some kind of trick,” Joseph said, with furrowed brows.
It stung Maggie to hear that. She shook her head. “I don’t think so,” Maggie said. “I think he means it.”
“But why? As far as he’s concerned, you’re just a governess. What could Lord Crawley want from you?”
“I believe he wants to marry me.”
Joseph looked like she’d tipped a bucket of cold water over his head. She’d implied this when she told Joseph what Jeremy had said to her, but saying it outright was another matter entirely.
“Then you’re engaged?”
Maggie blinked and shook her head. “No… no, he hasn’t asked me yet. But I think he will soon. And even had he asked me, I wouldn’t be engaged.”
“What? You mean to say no?”
“I don’t know what I mean to say yet. But Lord Rivers isn’t a fan of the prospect.”
“Then Lord Crawley has told him?”
“I don’t believe they’ve spoken about it,” Maggie replied. “But he suspects. He’s not blind.”
Joseph expelled a slow, hefty breath. “If he asks you, Maggie, you can’t say no. Not even for Henry. This would change our lives. It would fix everything.”
Maggie looked down at her hands, which were wringing together in front of her. “I’m not certain, Joseph.”
“Not certain of what?” He balked. “He’s a good man, isn’t he? And wealthy?”
“That’s true,” she said. “I enjoy his company, but I’m not sure I-” She stopped, and her cheeks went pink.
“What?” Joseph pressed, obliviously.
“I’m not sure I love him,” she admitted, with obvious embarrassment. She knew how Joseph would respond before he opened his mouth.
“Maggie, don’t be a fool. We’re in no position for you to say no to a good man. You understand that, don’t you?” He didn’t say it unkindly, which she was grateful for, but his words left no room for her own opinion on the matter. “Maggie?” He said again, when she didn’t answer.
Maggie nodded softly.
“So if he asks you, you’ll say yes?”
Maggie looked up at her brother. There was hope in his eyes, for the first time. She swallowed. “Let me think about it,” she murmured.
Joseph’s lips parted to deny her, but Maggie cut him off by putting her fingertips on his mouth. “Please, Joseph. Just let me think about it. I’ll consider it seriously – I promise you that.”
Her brother shut his mouth, albeit reluctantly. After a few moments, he nodded.
In the morning, Maggie wrote a letter to Jeremy. He’d given her his address when last they’d spoken. Maggie thought about handing it to Alfred to have it sent, but knew that it would raise questions. Instead, she got a carriage into town so that she could post it herself. The letter asked him to postpone his next visit, so that she had time to properly consider her feelings for him.
After sending the letter, she felt a little calmer. Her mind had been full of clutter since Jeremy had shared his feelings with her, but now that she’d bought herself some time, she could unpick her thoughts one by one.
And what she thought was that Jeremy wasn’t in love with her. Rather, he liked her, and she entertained him. She thought that he expected love to grow between them after they were married, but was that enough for her? Maggie had always thought of love as being this intense force. But what she felt for Jeremy, and what he seemed to feel for her, wasn’t like that. It was slow and gentle, like friendship.
Was that enough of a foundation for a marriage?
***
Miss Magdalene Riley, Daughter of the Baron of Brambleheath
Maggie didn’t see Henry or Alicia for five days. When she went to collect Alicia for her lessons in the morning, Beatrice would always have the same thing to say. “She’s with Lord Rivers.”
It made Maggie happy to hear that. Of course it did. This was exactly what she’d wanted; for Alicia to have her father back. But without Alicia, Maggie couldn’t help but feel lonely. She thought about joining them, but didn’t want to impose. Particularly as it was clear that Henry didn’t want anything to do with her.
The Sinful Secret 0f A Broken Earl (Historical Regency Romance) Page 12