Finally, he swings his eyes over to me.
“How…? Oh my god.”
“You… you didn’t know?” Is he lying? Is this all part of the ruse? They must be playing me. She said she’d never met him, maybe they decided to pretend to have never met.
But his cheeks are red, and I can see a smattering of freckles across his nose. Maybe his grey hair used to be red? He puts his elbows on his desk and drops his head in his hands, shaking it slowly.
“Jackie,” he whispers.
I watch him as my heart thumps, and I know.
I know that I was wrong.
Naomi was telling the truth.
They’ve never met.
There’s no way someone could pretend to have that reaction. A tear drops from Jerry’s eye and he brushes it away angrily. He looks at Naomi’s picture from the folder, running his fingers over her face. Finally, as if he remembers that I’m there, he looks up and closes the folder, pushing it back towards me.
“Take me to her.”
“What, now? I mean, we’re not exactly speaking right now…”
“Take. Me. To. Her.”
There’s no question in his voice. I’ve heard that voice before, and I know that Jerry is just like my father—they’re men who are used to getting what they want. I nod my chin and take the file back, sliding it into my jacket pocket.
“She’s probably at work. You can ride with me if you want?” I watch his hands shake as he squeezes them into fists. He nods curtly, saying nothing.
I wonder if he still has a voice.
His assistant tries to call after him as we walk out, but he just waves over his head. “Cancel my appointments!” He yells out, and we walk into the elevator.
He doesn’t look at me, and he doesn’t speak. His face is pale and drawn, and his arms are crossed over his chest. We find my car and drive to Naomi’s work in silence.
When I walk in, I see Meg right away. Her eyebrows shoot up and she rushes towards me. She stands in front of me, blocking the way. Her arms are crossed and she shakes her head.
“She’s not here,” she hisses. “You should go. How dare you!”
“Where is she?”
“I don’t know, Max. Home, probably. Even if I knew, I wouldn’t tell you. You should be ashamed of yourself. Get out.”
I exchange a glance with Jerry.
I probably deserve that. The shame makes my cheeks burn.
How could I have been so wrong? I let my pride and my ego make me push away the only woman that’s been decent to me. I chased her out of my house! I made her fucking cry!
My heart burns with guilt. We step back outside, and Jerry clears his throat.
“What was that about?”
“Naomi’s a bit mad at me right now,” I respond. That’s probably the understatement of the century, but I’m not exactly feeling like sharing my deepest, darkest feelings with my new companion. We get back in my car and I head towards Naomi’s apartment. If she isn’t there, I’m not sure where she could be.
I know one thing: I need to find her. If not for me, then for Jerry. He deserves to meet his daughter, and she deserves to know who he is.
A sliver of hope enters my mind when I think of it. If I bring them together, maybe she’ll forgive me for this morning. I shake my head and focus on the road. I can’t let my mind run away from me.
“What’s she like?” Jerry asks in the silence. I turn down the car radio and look at him. His cheeks have a bit more color, but he still looks nervous as hell.
I sigh. “She’s incredible. Smart, funny, successful. She’s gorgeous.”
We’re only a few minutes away from her house, and my heart is thumping. Jerry nods. “You love her?”
“Yeah,” I reply, and we’re quiet.
We don’t speak until I pull up outside Naomi’s apartment. I nod to the steps.
“Jackie’s probably up there, too. She’s been living at Naomi’s since she started chemo.”
“Chemo?” His eyes widen and his voice chokes. He glances at me and I see the panic in his face. “Chemo for what?”
“Breast cancer,” I reply. “It was in the file.”
“I missed that,” he whispers. “I shouldn’t be here. Fuck.” He hangs on to the passenger’s side door as if it’s a life raft.
“Too late,” I say. “We’re here.”
He glances at me and laughs bitterly. “I bet Jackie loves you,” he says. “She always liked people with a bit of personality.”
“I don’t think she likes me very much right now.”
Walking up the steps to her apartment building is like walking to both our funerals. Jerry’s so pale, he looks like he’s already died, and I can’t think of anything except how I’m going to apologize to Naomi.
How can I apologize for that? I accused her of some ridiculous conspiracy and then I threw her out! I hesitate at the door, glancing at Jerry.
“You sure you want to do this?”
“Nope,” he says, and then he presses the buzzer next to the name ‘Rose’.
It only takes a minute for Naomi’s voice to come through the intercom. Her voice sounds thin and distorted through the old audio equipment, but my heart still jumps.
“Yes?”
Jerry leans in. “Naomi, hi,” he says. “You don’t know me. I’m… I…” He glances at me. “My name is Jerry Irving.”
He hesitates, and the intercom clicks. Did she hang up?
A second goes by, and then the buzzer sounds. I look at Jerry, who takes a deep breath and then pushes the door open.
Chapter 34 - Naomi
My mother is patting her face, smoothing her clothes down and glancing around the room. We’ve moved to the living room to talk and she’s got a blanket thrown over her legs.
“Hand me that scarf, quick,” she says, pointing to a coat hanger. I do as she says and she wraps it around her head. “How does that look? Do I need some lipstick?”
“You look fine, Mom. What is he doing here? How did he find my apartment?”
“I don’t know,” she says, pinching her cheeks. She looks like she’s hyperventilating.
I’m in shock. Ten minutes ago, she told me my father’s name for the first time in my life. And now he’s here? How did he even find my address?
None of this makes sense, but I don’t have time to figure it out. A heavy hand knocks on the door. My mother yelps, and then takes a deep breath to compose herself. I wait until she nods to me, and then I open the door.
Jerry Irving is with Max. My eyes go from one to the other and my mouth opens and closes like a goldfish. Jerry—my father—is tall, with a thick head of grey hair. His eyes are dark brown, and he’s got the look of a man who used to be in great shape in his youth.
His arms are stiff by his sides. He stares at me, wide-eyed.
“Naomi,” he breathes.
“Hi.” Do I call him Jerry? Calling him ‘Dad’ seems wrong. “You, uh, want to come in?”
He nods his head down, staring past me towards my mother. My eyes flick to Max, and I step aside to let the two men in. Jerry runs a hand through his hair, stepping inside and wiping his feet on the rug.
“Keep your shoes on, it’s fine,” I say. “You guys want some coffee?”
“Sure,” Jerry says. “Thanks. I’m sorry to barge in like this.” His gaze swings to my mom and I watch his eyes widen ever so slightly. “Hi, Jackie.”
“Jerry,” my mother says. Her earlier nervousness is completely gone. Her eyes are brighter than I’ve seen them in weeks. She lifts her hands towards Jerry, who practically runs towards her. He clasps her hands and sinks down on the sofa beside her.
“Jackie,” he breathes. “You look fantastic.”
My mother starts laughing and shakes her head. “You’ve always been a smooth talker. You don’t have to lie. I know I look like I’ve been kicked in the ass by cancer.”
“I’m not lying. How’s… how’s that going?”
“It’s going.”
> My mother glances at me, and I slip into the kitchen to make some coffee. Her face is flushed, and she’s still holding Jerry’s hands. My heart is thumping. I don’t know what to think. She told me that Jerry was the love of her life, and that he left to build his company. She wanted to live in the country and continue painting. They broke up right before she found out she was pregnant with me.
I put a filter in the machine and then get the feeling I’m being watched. I pause, turning my head to see Max in the doorway. I freeze, not trusting my hands or my voice.
I wish I had a monologue prepared for this moment. I wish I could tell him what I think of him, tell him what today was like for me.
But I’ve got nothing. I just turn back to the machine and pour some water into it and flick the machine on.
“I’m sorry, Naomi. I’m so sorry.” His eyebrows are drawn together. I lean against the counter, folding my arms across my chest. He takes a deep breath. “I didn’t know. It’s not until I went to Jerry’s office and spoke to him that I knew I was wrong. I’m so sorry.”
I nod. “Thank you,” I say. “I appreciate the apology.” My voice sounds tense, even to my ears. Max runs his fingers through my hair and looks at me with those stupidly piercing blue eyes of his, and I hate how much I want to forgive him.
I turn to watch the coffee drip into the pot, not wanting to look at his annoyingly perfect face.
Finally, I take a deep breath.
“Why didn’t you believe me?”
I glance over my shoulder. He crosses his arms, biting his thumbnail and staring at my old linoleum floors.
“I don’t know.”
“It hurt.”
“I know.”
The coffee machine gurgles, and I pour the steaming liquid into four mugs. I hand him two of them, grabbing the other two and nodding towards the living room. I’m not ready to forgive him. Just a few hours ago he was throwing me out like I was some lying scumbag. And now he comes here, to my house, with my father of all people! And he thinks I’m just going to fall over and forgive him?
I can’t. I just can’t. Not right now. Not like this.
I sit down across from my mom and Jerry, who both turn towards me. Max leans against the wall in my peripheral vision and I try to ignore the thumping of my heart. I’m being torn apart by so many different emotions right now, all I can do is sit down and breathe.
Jerry clears his throat.
“It’s nice to meet you, Naomi.”
I nod.
“I’m sorry… If I’d have known…”
“Mom told me that she kept me a secret from you,” I interrupt. “I know you didn’t know about me.”
“I hope that maybe we can get to know each other?” His voice is hesitant. My mom has a hand on his thigh. She looks like she’s still in love with him, even after all these years.
I nod. “Yeah, we can do that.”
It comes out as a croak, and I clear my throat.
“Maybe I can take you out to lunch sometime. Maybe I can take you both out,” he adds. My mother smiles. She squeezes his thigh.
“I think you and Naomi will have lots to talk about without me,” she says gently.
As much as I want to ask him a million questions, I know it isn’t the time. I force a smile and nod, and then get up.
“I’m going to give you guys some time to catch up. Max?” He jumps up, eyes wide. “I’ll walk you to your car.”
I slip into my room and grab the little black velvet box in my underwear drawer, and then follow Max out the front door.
Jerry and my mother are still staring at each other when we walk out. As soon as we leave the apartment, the tension between Max and I escalates. I fumble with my keys when we get to his car, staring at my hands and waiting to find the courage to say something.
“I’m sorry, Naomi,” he whispers.
I finally meet his eye. I nod.
“I know. Thank you. And thanks for bringing my… Jerry around. Saved me looking him up.”
We stare at each other for a few moments as Max’s eyebrows draw together.
“I was hoping, maybe, we could hang out? I don’t want this to be the end of us.”
I smile sadly, shrugging. “What is ‘us’, Max? A pretend engagement? What are we going to do? Keep pretending? Or are we going to tell everyone the truth and then start dating from the beginning?” I shake my head. “Maybe this is a sign.”
“A sign of what?”
“A sign that we should just let it go. I have a lot to deal with, with my mom and now, with Jerry. You’ve got your parents to deal with. Your new position at the company. This gives you an excuse to end the engagement without consequences. Let’s just… leave it where it is.”
“I don’t want to leave it where it is, Naomi,” he says, taking a step towards me. He reaches towards me but I take a step back. My throat starts to close and my heart feels like it’s shattering more and more with every second that I stand out here. I shake my head slowly and watch the pain enter Max’s eyes.
“Is this what you want?” He asks in a hoarse whisper.
I can’t speak. I just nod, and pull the ring out of my pocket. When I hand him the box, his face crumples. He flicks the box open and stares at the ring, and then at me. His mouth opens, but he says nothing.
I turn away from him. I don’t want him to see me cry. I don’t want to stay here with him, because then I might change my mind.
So I turn away, and I run back towards my apartment. As soon as I’m inside the building, I sit down on the staircase and let the tears flow. I watch him get into his car and drive away, and I cry some more.
I know it’s better this way. It’s simpler.
It’s over.
Chapter 35 - Max
It takes me three weeks to work up the courage to hand in my notice to my father. Quitting the family business is not something I thought I’d ever do, and by the look on my dad’s face, he never thought I’d do it either.
But I have to do it.
Once Naomi left, what else was there to do? It’s like she opened my eyes to what I was putting up with, to the mental games that my parents play. She made me realize how crazy this life really is. Why would I keep working for the company that tried to control my life like that?
I finally grow a pair. I’m a grown man, for Christ’s sake. I can find a job on my own. If my parents cut me out of their will, then they cut me out. It’s not worth living my entire life on a short leash just to get a payout.
Somewhere in the back of my mind, I know Naomi would be proud of me. She hasn’t spoken to me since the day at her apartment, but the thought of her being happy for me gives me the courage to quit. Maybe I just tell myself that to make myself feel better, but it still helps me go through with the resignation.
My father’s face is grim when I give him my notice. He takes the envelope from me, staring at it for a few minutes. He purses his lips and shakes his head.
“Is this because of the girl?”
“No. Well, maybe. I just need to be my own man, Dad. I thought you’d understand that.”
He nods slowly. “There will always be a place for you here,” he says as he shakes my hand. My chest feels tight, and a lump forms in my throat. I nod.
“Thanks, Dad.”
“What are you going to do?”
I sigh. “I’m not sure yet. I want to pursue a career in football. If I’m not playing, I can still coach. I’ve got lots of contacts from college.”
My dad extends his hand towards me. “I’m proud of you, son,” he says. He tightens his grip on my hand and pulls me towards him, wrapping me in an unexpected hug. “You remind me of myself when I was your age.”
“Just wait to see how I turn out before you say you’re proud,” I laugh. He grins at me, and the tightness in my chest eases.
A couple weeks later, when I walk out of the building on my last day, it’s like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I know it was the right decision. And if I e
ver see Naomi again, I’ll thank her for giving me the courage to do it.
“So I heard you’re all finished up at daddy’s company!” Graham asks as I walk into Joel’s living room. It’s Sunday, and me and the boys are all here to hang out and watch the games.
I fall onto the couch, grabbing the beer that Connor hands me. “Yep. Last day was Friday.”
Joel whistles. “He’s finally cutting the apron strings, boys,” he laughs. “I’m happy for you, man.”
“What are you going to do?” Graham asks. He tosses me a bag of chips and turns down the volume on the TV.
I shrug. “Been talking to my old college football coach. He said he might be able to get me on as an assistant coach for next season. Spring training starts in a couple months, so the timing would be good.”
“Nice,” Connor says, nodding. “Sounds like a good gig.”
“Yeah, it will be. I walked into the athletics building at college last week to talk to him and it was like coming home. I spent so many hours in that building. It’ll be nice to be around football again,” I say. “I missed it.”
“If your knee is better, you should join our rec team,” Connor says. “You won’t have that excuse anymore.”
I grin. “It’s not quite there yet, but maybe in the fall.” I haven’t found a physical therapist since Naomi, and progress on my knee has stalled. Even doing the exercises she showed me reminds me of her, and most days I avoid doing them.
None of my friends mention Naomi, which I’m grateful for. They haven’t mentioned her since the weekend after it ended between her and I. The boys took me out for the weekend and got me completely wasted, and then helped to nurse my sorry, hungover self back to health with Gatorade and greasy breakfasts.
It seems like it all happened a lifetime ago, even though it’s only been a few weeks. My heart was just as shattered as my knee. It’s recovering slowly, but it’s recovering.
Eventually, the rawness of the whole ordeal fades. My heart still skips a beat when I see a redhead in the street, or at the bar, or at the grocery store, but it doesn’t hammer against my ribs quite so hard as it used to. I make it through the holidays without too many reminders of Naomi. My parents make a few comments that sting, but I try to ignore them.
Engaged to Mr. Right: A Fake Marriage Romance (Mr. Right Series Book 1) Page 15