For Their Child's Sake

by Jules Bennett

  They were quite the trio of depressing emotions at the moment. Was it even possible they could all heal each other? Sam sure as hell hoped so because he didn’t want to see his girls this upset over anything ever again.

  “I’m so glad you’re home and safe. I’m so sorry about Daisy. She loved you very much.” Tara pulled away from Sam and bent to face Marley. “What do you say we paint? I bought new canvases the other day.”

  “Paint?” Marley seemed surprised by the request, but then her face lit up. “I love to paint.”

  And she was damn good at it, too, even for her age. They’d given her art lessons and she was simply a creative spirit. Sam hoped she hadn’t lost the natural talent. She still had her love of cooking, so perhaps the art would be there, as well.

  “Why don’t you two paint? I need to step out for a bit.”

  Tara’s eyes instantly came to his. That invisible barrier of protection immediately slid up between them. The way she looked at him, he knew exactly what she was thinking, and, damn it all, he wished she didn’t immediately go to the past.

  Yes, when he’d been vague about his outings in the past, he had been going to get a fix, but how long was he going to have to be reminded of that? Did her mistrust have an expiration date?

  As much as he wanted to defend himself, he was tired of using words to justify his actions. From here on out, she’d have to learn to trust him or he had no hope of Tara ever moving on and fully understanding just how far he’d come. And he realized they’d never find what they once had, but he sure as hell hoped that, for the sake of Marley, they could be friends without all of the side-eye glances and questioning gazes.

  “I’ll paint something extra special for you, Daddy.”

  Sam bent and kissed the top of Marley’s head. “I can’t wait to see it.”

  Without another word, Sam turned and grabbed his keys off the counter before heading out the door. Right now he needed to concentrate on Marley, not his jumbled feelings for Tara and not the awkwardness that had settled heavy between them.

  And he sure as hell couldn’t focus on the fact they’d be spending countless nights together—in the same bed they’d shared as a happily married couple.

  Chapter Five

  The paintings were done and dried, lunch was over, Marley had napped and Sam still hadn’t returned. Tara couldn’t stop the thoughts swirling through her mind. How could she not revert to when he’d lived here and would disappear for hours, and sometimes days, at a time?

  For all she’d seen over the past several months, he was doing his best, holding down a steady job and really putting forth an effort to be a better man. But was all of this with Marley too much for him? Did he need to find something to give him a break from reality?

  Tara wanted him to remain clean, to keep rolling into another day of sobriety. She only prayed this didn’t set him back. Unfortunately, when tragedy struck in an addict’s life, they would occasionally slide back into using their old crutch to dull the pain. But Sam was a strong man. She truly did have faith in him and his willpower. He wanted to remain the sober man he’d worked so hard to become.

  Marley sat on the sofa with her drawing pad, likely doodling another ocean or mermaid picture. Tara watched her daughter from the hallway and vowed to get her family through this without any hurt. Even though she and Sam weren’t together, she would still keep her eye on him to make sure he wasn’t bringing anything into the house and to make sure he stayed on the path he’d worked so hard to find.

  The separation nearly a year ago had been difficult for Marley to grasp. So once that memory reappeared, Tara figured the reasoning would return. They’d been careful about how they’d explained Sam’s condition, considering Marley was so young. How could anyone truly explain drug addiction to such an innocent child?

  Tara and Sam had been as honest as possible, explaining that he had to go away to get better and that sometimes people could love each other but not live together or be married anymore.

  Sam hadn’t wanted the divorce, and obviously still didn’t since the papers were lying unsigned in his apartment across town. What was the purpose of dragging this out? She’d had to muster up every ounce of her courage to go see her attorney and start the process.

  Her heart had shattered that day. The last thing she wanted was to be divorced, but she hadn’t seen a future for them. She worried that if she let him in he would fall down the same path and she would enable him once again. For months she’d hid his addiction, sometimes turning the other cheek because she didn’t want it to be true.

  Her counselor had told her that she had enabled him, but she hadn’t purposely done so. There was such a fine line to walk when dealing with an addict between wanting to help them and trying to love them. Tara had to keep Sam at a distance, no matter how difficult...no matter how much her heart still ached to have him with them.

  Tara crossed her arms and chewed on her bottom lip as she continued to watch her daughter. She didn’t want Marley to suffer more than necessary. Growing up, Tara never knew when her parents were going to be together or living in separate places. Her father came and went so much, the revolving door became the norm.

  There was no way Marley would have that lifestyle. The moment Tara discovered her pregnancy, Marley’s father had vanished. When Sam came along, Tara had been so hesitant to give her heart, to share her child. But he’d been impossible not to fall for. His charm, his compassion, the way he took to Marley as if she were his own.

  Tara’s heart clenched at the idea that the man she’d loved was forever gone. No matter if he was clean now, he’d been changed forever. Their worlds had been changed forever.

  So keeping this arrangement, with shared custody, was at least a routine they could all get used to, because if Tara opened their home and there was another setback... Tara didn’t think her heart could handle another break.

  The clatter of paws over the hardwood floor pulled Tara from her thoughts. That poor dog clearly couldn’t get traction on—

  Wait. Paws? Dog?

  She spun around as a massive beast came barreling toward her, pulling Sam, who held on to the other end of the leash. Tara would have laughed at the sight if she weren’t so shocked at the takeover of her home.

  “What in the world?”

  Tara barely got the words out before she had to plaster herself against the wall to let the animal guiding her husband by.

  “Meet Daisy.” Sam gave the leash a slight tug. “Daisy, sit.”

  Immediately the dog dropped to her butt. Tara’s gaze bounced between the suddenly obedient dog and Sam. What in the world was happening here?

  “Whose dog is this?” Marley asked as she moved to the new dog invading their living room. “Can I pet her?”

  “Yes, you can, and this is our dog. Daisy.”

  Tara snorted. “This is not Daisy.”

  “No. Her name really is Daisy.”

  The monster was taller than Marley, which looked absolutely silly as she stood before the dog and patted its head.

  Tara looked closer to Marley’s feet and the dog’s paws...and what puddled between them on the floor.

  “Is that slobber?” she asked, turning her focus to Sam.

  “She has a little saliva issue. You don’t want to see the inside of my truck.” Sam leaned over and unhooked the leash from the St. Bernard. “She’s sweet and loving, and the shelter said she’s great with kids, a good protector and housebroken. Her owners had to move and couldn’t take her. She’s four years old.”

  Tara shook her head and attempted to regain control of her thoughts, which was all she could control at the moment because some mammoth animal was taking up the living room.

  “Why is she here?” Tara asked slowly, praying for patience.

  “Daddy said we could get a dog,” Marley stated, then giggled when the new Daisy gave a big lick
to the side of her face.

  Sam met Tara’s gaze and merely smiled. He had the audacity to smile like he was the one who should make all the decisions here. Really? Had the man not thought this moment through? Did he truly believe she’d let this fly? This was her house, not his—something he’d temporarily forgotten.

  “Daddy didn’t think to ask—”

  “But everything is fine,” Sam chimed in as he flashed a reassuring smile to Marley.

  Tara narrowed her eyes and silently cursed him for lying yet again. Fine? What would happen when Marley remembered and he moved back out? Where would the dog go then?

  She couldn’t handle this. All the deception from the past rolling into their present situation and making her relive all those times he’d lied so easily. Granted, the doctor had told them not to reveal the memories and let them come naturally, but this was proving to be more difficult than she’d realized. Who knew how long this would last?

  If there hadn’t been so much dishonesty in their past, maybe Tara could have handled all of the tiny fibs a little better. But she had to deal with all of this—and likely more—for Marley’s well-being.

  “So we can keep the new Daisy?” Marley asked, her attention turning to Tara.

  The rejection was right on the tip of her tongue. How could she care for an animal so large? They didn’t have the necessary things like bowls, food, toys, a dog bed. Getting a dog and caring for a dog were two entirely different matters.

  Apparently, Sam wasn’t completely reformed because he was still making rash decisions without talking to her.

  “The new Daisy is staying,” Sam declared with a wide smile as if he’d saved the day. “She’s going to love it here.”

  Here. As in her house. There was the biggest, slobberiest dog standing in her living room, coating her beautiful original oak flooring with who knew what. What cleaner took care of such a mess?

  Lord, give me strength.

  “Where will she sleep?” Tara asked. “Because my bed is off-limits.”

  “Our bed is off-limits,” Sam amended, covering her slipup. “I figured we could keep her gated in the kitchen. That way, if there’s an accident, we can clean it up easy and the hardwood isn’t in there to ruin.”

  “We have no gates, no dog bed, no dog food for this size of an animal...” Tara ticked off the list of needs, and that was all off the top of her head. What else would they need to get? Bib to catch the obvious drool issue?

  “All taken care of and out in my truck.” Sam bent over and tapped on the thick, purple collar with a heart tag dangling. “That’s what took me so long. I found the dog, then I had to go get everything, then return to the shelter for her and do all the paperwork.”

  And here she’d been thinking the worst. Guilt settled heavy in her gut. Clearly, this whole playing house situation was going to be one smack in the face after another. She honestly had no clue what to do or what would be thrown her way next. One thing was certain, though—she had to be prepared for the onslaught of emotions and feelings...and needs that would come with living with Sam again.

  And they hadn’t even gotten to the sleeping arrangements.

  * * *

  Sam settled Daisy in the kitchen and left the light on over the stove. He made sure each door was locked, just like he always had when he’d lived here before. The little accent lamp they’d gotten as a wedding present sat in the corner of the living room and always remained on at night, casting a soft glow throughout.

  The familiarity of the routine didn’t feel wrong at all...and that was a problem. He wasn’t staying; he couldn’t even let his mind think that way. This was no longer his home, but while he was here, he sure as hell would make sure his family was safe.

  With a final glance around the first floor, Sam mounted the steps to his room.

  No, not his room anymore. His pretend room where he would pretend to be happily married to Tara and pretend that none of this was awkward and one of the most difficult things he’d ever done in his life.

  Faking a loving, committed marriage to Tara was a hell of a lot more difficult than rehab had been. Because at least in rehab he’d known he was getting better and working toward becoming whole again.

  At the end of this farce, he seriously worried he’d not come out unscathed.

  Sam paused in front of Marley’s room and peeked in. She lay peacefully on her side, hugging her favorite stuffed mermaid...the one he’d gotten her for her fourth birthday. The party he’d missed. The gift had come late, unwrapped, but she’d carried it around since that day and loved it anyway...she loved him anyway, despite his multiple stumblings.

  The heart of a child was so humbling and precious. He deserved nothing, yet his daughter saw beyond everything and kept her heart open.

  An entire storm of emotions rolled through him. He’d purchased that damn mermaid thinking it would make up for missing her party. Seeing it now, he wanted to rip it to shreds and forget that time of his life.

  But it was remembering all those dark times, all the valleys he’d been temporarily rooted in, that kept him pushing forward each day to be a better man, a better father.

  Sam eased her door closed and turned to the room at the end of the hall. He hadn’t slept here in a year. Despite being gone for so long, he could still recall the creak in the floor at the foot of the bed, the way the sunlight spilled in the window if the curtains weren’t closed just right, the way he’d always thought the room smelled feminine and he wondered if his clothes would forever be embedded with Tara’s floral scent.

  Now he’d give anything to have that scent on his clothes, but that chapter was over in his life. Now he was lucky to have found work, considering his past. He often smelled like a sweaty guy, but he was proud of where he’d landed and he only hoped one day Marley would be proud to have him as her dad.

  Tara stepped from the master bath as Sam entered the room. The bed sat between them and he simply stayed in the doorway, staring across the room at his gorgeous wife—because, damn it, they were still married. Maybe not emotionally, but legally.

  “So, what do we do here?” she asked, blurting out exactly what he’d been thinking all evening. “I’m not having sex with you.”

  Sam stepped farther into the room. “I never expected you to, but for the sake of Marley, we will both be sleeping in this bed.”

  Tara quirked a brow. “For her sake?”

  “She still has nightmares,” he told her. “Well, she did before all of this. If she crawls into bed and I’m sleeping on the floor or downstairs on the sofa, do you want to answer all of those questions?”

  “Maybe we could lie to her. We’ve been doing it all day anyway.”

  The hurt lacing Tara’s tone irritated him. Not because she was in pain, but because he hated that she was in this predicament once again. No doubt when he’d been MIA during his addiction, she’d had to lie to Marley to cover for him.

  “This will get better,” he assured her as he pulled his shirt over his head. He was dead tired and wanted nothing more than to crawl into this bed and pass out. “I’m confident her memories will...”

  Sam lost all train of thought at the sight of Tara staring at his exposed chest. He knew she’d spotted the new tattoo, but she didn’t say anything. Instead, her eyes held on the ink for a few moments before traveling over his exposed skin. He couldn’t deny that his ego swelled, but again, lust and physical intimacy had never been their issue.

  He was just thankful she hadn’t asked about the tattoo. He wasn’t quite ready to explain its meaning to her quite yet...if ever.

  “This won’t work,” she muttered. “I mean, I’m still attracted to you, but I don’t want to be.”

  Sam laughed and tossed his shirt onto his suitcase in the corner. “Don’t hold back. Be honest with your feelings.”

  Her eyes darted up to his. “You don’t want me to g
o there.”

  No, he probably didn’t. “This bed is big enough,” he reminded her. “You won’t know I’m there.”

  Her eyes widened as she shook her head. “Not likely, but it sounds good in theory.”

  She grabbed a nightgown from the dresser and went into the bathroom. Sam blew out a sigh of frustration and stripped to his boxer briefs. He could be a gentleman and put on a pair of shorts, but this was his old bed, this was his wife and, damn it, he wasn’t going to be uncomfortable just because Tara was still attracted to him. Her attraction sure as hell wasn’t one-sided.

  Sam slid between the crisp, cool sheets and pulled the comforter up to his chest. Lacing his fingers behind his head, he stared up at the ceiling and wondered how long this night would be. Each minute would no doubt drag by at an excruciating pace.

  The bathroom door opened once again and Tara didn’t move farther into the room and she didn’t climb into bed. Sam shifted to see what she was doing, but she merely stared at him.

  “What now?” he asked.

  “I’ve been sleeping on that side.”

  His side? The side he’d slept on the entire time they were married? Interesting...and rather telling of her feelings. He really shouldn’t read too much into this nugget of knowledge, but he was human and his ego had taken a beating. He was most definitely grabbing on to this and tucking it away for future use.

  Tara raised a brow and continued to stare. Fine. He was flexible, so long as she didn’t think he’d be on the floor or the sofa.

  Sam tossed back the sheet and came to his feet. He circled the bed and Tara still hadn’t moved. She wore one of those tank-style cotton gowns that hit above her knees. The outline of her body drew his eyes. He fisted his hands at his sides and forced himself to reach for the corner of the blanket. In doing so, his arm brushed hers and he couldn’t ignore the tremble...from her? From him? Maybe both.

  Slowly he straightened, keeping his eyes on hers. All day he’d only seen worry, a touch of fear and exhaustion. Now, staring at her, all he saw was...damn it. All he saw was desire.