And then he knew. All this time he’d been working on gaining her trust and he might as well have been beating his head against a wall. Clearly, they hadn’t made any progress at all.
“As much as I’d love to stay and discuss the fact you still don’t believe me, I have to get to the office.”
Sam stepped toward the door and grabbed his key from the hook.
“Sam, wait.”
He turned, his shoulder brushing hers as his eyes landed on her. “No, you wait. I’ve done nothing in the past year to make you think I’m doing anything but working my ass off. As much as I’d love to stand here and continue to defend myself again, I have to go.”
Without another word, he jerked the door open and turned to make sure Daisy didn’t try to sneak out. He didn’t slam the door, but that was simply because he’d already fixed the damn thing once after an argument and he didn’t want to waste time doing it again.
Besides, slamming doors wouldn’t help their situation. Sam was starting to wonder if anything would.
* * *
Tara had never been a fan of her mother-in-law, but Carol had always been good to Marley. She’d called and asked if Marley could spend the night with her and come home in the morning after breakfast. As much as Tara wanted her daughter with her, she was thankful for an evening where she could think through her feelings.
But having a few hours of peace and quiet wouldn’t necessarily give her the answers she needed. She’d hurt Sam earlier and that was the last thing she’d wanted to do. She knew he’d worked hard, she knew he was evolving into a new man, but for a split second she’d been thrust into the past when he’d tell her he had to go out. She couldn’t help it; she was human.
He used to disappear and for a time, she hadn’t known why. Later she realized he was taking his pills and needing to escape so she didn’t realize what he was up to, and then later he tried quitting but the addiction had been too strong and he’d started sneaking, lying.
He’d left believing she thought the worst and he’d been gone for hours. While she fully believed he was at work, she also worried something would set him back. The amnesia with Marley or the way she’d handled their encounter earlier—would either of those make him seek something to numb the pain?
She’d never believed in the past that he’d get addicted, so she truly had no idea what would keep him clean now. Did he have cravings? Did he struggle?
Questions she should ask instead of hiding behind her fear of the unknown.
She opened the screen door and let Daisy out to use the bathroom. Tara hadn’t eaten for most of the day because her caseload had been heavy. Then she’d talked to Lucy on the phone about Kate’s baby shower. So the little pack of pretzels she’d had at her desk had long since worn off.
She looked through the pantry to figure out what to make. She’d been spoiled when Sam lived here and she’d come home from work to a nice meal. Then, when he’d left, she’d cooked for herself and Marley, but that wasn’t the same. The whole family feel had been gone and there was only so much mac ’n’ cheese a girl could eat before she started noticing her waistline expanding.
Tara went to the fridge and found some steaks she’d picked up the other day. She wasn’t sure when Sam would be home, but she could have a meal for him when he got here. A peace offering of sorts.
She grilled the steaks while Daisy let out some energy. Tara decided to set the table on the deck since it was so nice outside. The sun was slowly starting to descend, but that only added to the beauty of the evening.
She made up a nice salad and even threw some veggies on the grill, just like she knew Sam enjoyed. She owed him a major apology and hopefully this meal would help segue into her groveling.
Tara was stirring the sugar into some tea when the front door opened and closed. She tapped the spoon on the side of the glass pitcher and set the spoon in the sink. Sam’s footsteps neared and she braced herself before she spun around.
He leaned against the doorjamb and simply stared across the room at her.
“I made dinner,” she said with a smile. “Want to eat outside?”
For a moment, she wondered if he was going to even reply, but he finally offered a simple nod before pushing off the door frame and stepping into the kitchen.
Tara busied herself getting drinks and taking them out back. Sam disappeared into the office before he came out and took a seat in one of the patio chairs. Tara let Daisy inside so they could eat without a giant dog head right at table height.
“I hope you’re hungry,” she said as she settled adjacent to him. “I was so busy I didn’t get to eat much and then I put on the biggest steaks and made a huge salad and then I figured you’d want some vegetables on the grill and—”
“Relax.” Sam covered her hand with his. “Were you a nervous wreck the whole time I was gone?”
Tara sagged deeper into her chair. “Pretty much. Listen, Sam, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you or make you think I don’t trust you. This is all so difficult and sometimes I get stuck in the past. I’m scared but there’s no excuse for how I treated you.”
Sam eased his hand away. “No excuse? You don’t need to make an excuse for how you feel. Yes, it hurts to think you don’t trust what I’m saying, but that’s all on me for putting you in that position to begin with.”
“Are we okay?” she asked.
Sam smiled, but there was a sadness in his eyes and she knew he was still upset over their encounter. “Yeah. We’re good.”
He didn’t speak again as he dished up her salad and vegetables. There he went again, doing little things for her. That part of him had never changed and she’d be lying if she said she didn’t enjoy that caring side of him.
“Has Mom not brought Marley home yet?” he asked as he cut up his steak.
“Oh, she called earlier and wanted Marley to spend the night. I hope that was okay.”
Sam met her eyes. “Fine. I’m surprised you didn’t mind.”
Tara shrugged. “We may not see eye to eye on many things, but we both love Marley and I know Marley will have a good time. If anything happens, your mom will call.”
Sam reached for his glass and sat there with his fingers curled around the drink. “You’ve changed.”
Tara blinked. “Excuse me?”
“You’ve changed over the past year,” he repeated. “You and my mother always dodged each other, and then when I started my downward spiral, you guys flat-out hated each other.”
“Hate is a strong word,” Tara replied. “We simply didn’t agree on what was best for you.”
Sam took a sip and then eased forward in his seat. “She never thought you should’ve kicked me out.”
Tara slowly set her fork on the plate. “And what do you think? Now that we are past that point in time. Looking back, what would you have done had you been me?”
“Exactly the same thing.”
Tara was stunned. She’d never expected him to agree with her, and he hadn’t even hesitated. “You’re serious.”
Sam pushed his plate aside and kept his eyes locked onto hers. “I know you had to push me out. I never would’ve gotten the help I needed had you not.”
The invisible vise on her heart tightened. She had never heard him admit that before and all he did was confirm that she had been partly enabling him. Not because she wanted to, but because she’d thought he would get better on his own or with her help. She’d contacted some of her associates to reach out to Sam when she’d forced him out of their home. She couldn’t just leave him with nothing, but making him leave was the only way she could think of to make him realize the severity of the situation.
“That’s why you can’t come back.” She said the words before she could think not to. “I mean—”
“You think letting me in will...what? Make me turn to the pills?”
When he
said the words out loud, it didn’t sound as logical as it had inside her head, but damn it, she couldn’t risk it.
“I think I’m scared and the last thing I want to do is risk your future over my selfishness.”
Her last word came out broken and she realized she’d raised her voice and was on the verge of a breakdown. She’d never intended to tell him her true feelings. She’d never wanted him to know her real reason for not letting him back in.
But there it was. She’d laid the words right between them and now he knew her heart.
As if her emotions hovering in the air between them weren’t enough, the combination of his heavy-lidded stare and the silence was simply too much to bear.
Tara scooted her chair back and started to pass, but Sam’s arm snaked out and his hand curled around the bend in her elbow. She didn’t look at him; in fact, when his thumb caressed along her bare skin, she shut her eyes to avoid revealing her emotions.
“You still love me,” he murmured.
Tara’s chest tightened. Of course she still loved him. That wasn’t the problem. The problem was all the chaos that kept attacking that love, that relationship they’d built.
Sliding her arm from his touch, Tara went into the house and was immediately greeted by a very eager Daisy. She tried to get out, but Tara held her back. Sam stepped inside right after her and kept going so that she had to retreat. When he shut the door, he didn’t do it gently.
“We broke one door already,” she reminded him. “I don’t want to fight with—”
Sam hauled her against him and covered her mouth with his. Tara beat her fists against his chest, but he held on tighter. He slid his hands up her spine, into her hair, and tipped her head as he arched over her. Tara’s fists unclenched and she found herself gripping his shirt, then she was tugging at it.
Apparently, there was a fine line between frustration and passion... She wasn’t going to take the time to analyze that line right now. Over the past week, she and Sam had obliterated any relationship line.
This is what they both understood, what they both needed...and Tara would worry about the ramifications later.
Chapter Fifteen
Sam walked Tara backward toward the hallway, but when she wasn’t moving fast enough, he hooked an arm behind her knees and supported her with the other arm. Sweeping her up had been something he hadn’t done in too long and he earned an adorable squeal of delight, just like always.
Yes, she’d hurt him earlier, but he knew she was sorry. Her mind had been reprogrammed and it would take time for her thoughts to shift back.
But right now he had his wife in his arms and there was nothing that was going to interfere with this moment. She’d made him dinner, she’d apologized, she cared for him so much more than she was verbally expressing.
He loved this woman. He was going to fight like hell to keep her, to prove to her that he was a man of worth. He was done thinking he wasn’t good enough, because he’d worked damn hard to prove he was.
Sam kicked the door closed to the bedroom and stalked to the bed. The sun had started to set and the orange glow cast a beam of light directly into the room.
As he laid her on the bed, Sam took a moment to appreciate the woman displayed before him. So much had happened between them, yet here they were with another chance. But did she see it that way? Did she only want the intimacy or was she looking to build on this?
Sam reached behind his neck and gripped his shirt, yanking it off and tossing it aside. Tara raised up onto her elbows, her eyes roaming over his chest.
He made quick work of getting his clothes off, but when it came to her, he planned on taking his sweet time and enjoying every delicious moment of it.
Sam gripped the waistband of her shorts and jerked on the snap. Slowly he eased the shorts and her panties over her thighs and pulled them off. Tara sat on the edge of the bed as he stepped between her legs. Keeping his eyes locked onto hers, he unbuttoned her shirt...one button at a time until the material parted to reveal a pale yellow bra.
He grazed his fingertips along the swell of her breasts just over the top of the lace. Her body trembled beneath his touch. He reached around and, with an expert flick, had her bra released. She took over and threw it behind her, then reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him onto the bed.
“I was going to take this a little slower.” He laughed as he fell on top of her.
“We have all night for slow.”
Sweet mercy, no other words could’ve made him more aroused or more hopeful. He was staying in her bed tonight and Marley wasn’t even home. If that wasn’t a testament to her true feelings, nothing else was.
Sam flattened his palms on the comforter on either side of her head as he joined their bodies. He looked directly into her eyes, wanting to see each and every emotion crossing her face. There was nothing sexier than seeing the passion and desire his wife displayed. There had been no other woman for him since he met her and there would never be another. She was absolutely it for him.
Tara wrapped herself all around him and nipped at his chin until he lined their lips up and gave her what she needed. He maneuvered their bodies and flipped over so she was in complete control. Even though he was a guy, he could fully appreciate a woman who knew what she wanted and went after it...especially since the “it” was him.
Sam circled her waist with his hands as she rested her palms on his chest. When she leaned down to kiss him, her hair curtained his face. Her hips jerked as he swallowed her moan. Tara’s entire body tightened and trembled and he was helpless not to follow.
Her fingertips curled into his shoulders as she tore away from the kiss. Her cries filled the room.
Once the shudders stopped, Tara relaxed against him. Sam wrapped her in his arms and never wanted to let go. The sun had all but set now, yet the light from the living room filtered down the hall. At some point they’d have to get up and clean the mess from the patio and make sure Daisy hadn’t eaten the kitchen, but for now, he was more than happy to deal with all the chaos later.
Tara rolled to her side and lay in the crook of his arm, her hand settled over his heart.
“I guess you forgive me for earlier,” she joked.
Sam smiled. “I forgave you when you said it. I understand why you were concerned.”
She lifted her head and rested it on her fist. “You’re really a changed man, but the same...if that makes sense.”
He knew exactly what she meant. He was the same, but so very different. He’d learned so much about himself over the past year. That you could get knocked down and be utterly defeated and still rise out of the ashes stronger than ever.
Sam trailed his fingertips up and down her spine. “I had to change. I had to be the man you and Marley need. I had to be a man I was proud of. I can look in the mirror and not be ashamed anymore.”
“Sam.” Her whispered breath tickled his chest. “I don’t even know what to say.”
“You don’t need to say anything,” he assured her. “I had to get better because I wanted to, not because anyone else wanted me to. And I knew if I didn’t, then I’d never get my family back.”
Her lids fluttered as she let out a sigh. He didn’t want to hear what she had to say, so he pushed on.
“You don’t have to reply,” he added. “But you need to know where I stand. You need to know I’m not giving up on us.”
Tara opened her eyes and granted him a soft smile. “Maybe I’m not ready to give up on us, either.”
Sam didn’t know that he could feel such relief, such elation—and too many other emotions to label—all at once. He wrapped his arms around Tara and rolled her onto her back.
“Say it again,” he demanded. “Say you want to give us another chance.”
She stared at him, her eyes misting as she framed his face with her hands. “I’m scared, Sam. What
if—”
He nipped at her lips. “We’re not playing that game. The only thing that’s going to happen is we’re going to work on this family and be one unit again. Marley’s memories will return and we’ll be stronger than ever.”
“You make me want to believe it’s really going to happen.”
Sam took her lips, slowly coaxing her mouth open to let him in. Her fingers threaded through his hair; her legs shifted to let him settle between her thighs.
Sam lifted his head just enough to whisper, “Believe it. You deserve nothing less than everything I plan on giving.”
* * *
Tara had taken the biggest leap of her life the previous night. Waking with Sam next to her, knowing this wasn’t a farce anymore, was both scary and positively glorious. She hadn’t had such a burst of hope in so long; she actually felt optimistic about the future.
Sam had gone into the office that morning and Marley was on her way home. Things were slowly turning around and Tara planned on making sure from this moment on that her family came first. She and Sam were determined to make this work and as stubborn as they were, there was no way they would fail...she prayed.
The front door burst open and Marley came rushing in.
“Mom, look at my nails,” she yelled.
Daisy took off toward the front door as Carol stepped inside. “Oh, my. This is one big dog.”
Tara walked over to Daisy and grabbed her collar before the overly excited dog could slobber too much on Carol’s shoes.
“She’s a bit large,” Tara agreed. “But that makes for the best cuddling. You know, when the drool is somewhat under control.”
Marley bounced up and down, waving her hands. “Look, look. Rainbow colors.”
Carol laughed. “She insisted.”
“They’re beautiful,” Tara said as she admired the yellow, blue, pink and purple nails. “Why don’t you take Daisy outside and let me talk with your grandma a minute.”
“Okay.” Marley slid her arms around Carol’s waist and stood on tiptoe to kiss her cheek. “Love you. Thanks for letting me stay all night.”
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