"I never wanted to be in charge. Everyone just assumed. I thought when we got to the compound things would be easier. Instead, I feel like being behind those walls is harder for me than fighting through the dead to get there in the first place. Everyone looks to me to make decisions. If I make the wrong ones, it could cost people their lives. Do you have any idea what kind of pressure that is on me?"
Alex knew the words were flowing out of her like a torrent. She couldn't stop it. All the stress, fear, and admittedly anger that had welled up in her for two months was bursting to come out somewhere. Marcus was the easiest target at the time. But Alex knew it wasn't his fault. It truly wasn't anyone's fault. She just felt that no one understood how she felt and why. Also, a large part of her felt guilt for even remotely being unhappy with their situation They were safe. What did she have to complain about?
"I have a general idea. But I'm not in your position, so no I can't completely understand," he replied. His tone was casual, but Alex knew he was listening intently to every word she said.
"That's exactly it. No one can really understand. And someone like Max doesn't even care to understand, as long as it's not her having to answer questions and set schedules. I lay awake most nights worried about the crops, if I made the right decisions with the animals. I think about if we are attacked, is the plan that I am responsible for, going to work to protect us," she continued.
"We worked together on that plan. It's not only on you," Marcus reminded her.
"I know. But I take the lead if the plan has to happen. What if I turn right and I should have gone left? What if our people die because of stupid choices I make?"
"Are you prone to stupid decisions?" He asked.
"I...well...I don't think so," she replied quietly, the wind coming out of her sails slightly.
"Did your father teach you how to run the compound?"
"I told you that he taught us all," she said.
"Right. So, he knew you could do this without him, right?" Marcus continued.
"I guess. But we never really had to," Alex replied, thinking about how her father had always been on the compound. He may have sent them into the forest alone, to camp and learn, but he never left them alone on the compound to fend for themselves in a complete survival situation.
"But he knew you could, or he wouldn't have taken all the time to make sure you had the lessons you did. You are the oldest, Alex. And from what I know, you're the most responsible."
"Rafe is..." she started.
"Rafe isn't irresponsible. He's just very in his own head. It's not a fault, it's just not the quality of a leader. You have the qualities of a leader. You care about others. So much so that you've driven yourself to this point with stress and concern over the results of the choices you may have to make," Marcus said.
Alex wanted to mouth off, tell him to not psychoanalyze her. She found herself wondering if he was a therapist in the times before the plague. Marcus had proven to have a number of talents such as doing hair, construction, and being a very accurate shot with a handgun. It wouldn't surprise her if he had been some sort of counselor or therapist at some point and now those talents were spilling over.
"Everyone trusts you to make those choices, Alex. No one expects perfection. The choices you make will be the best that can be made with the information you have at hand," he finally finished.
She didn't really know what to say to that. She huffed out a breath and looked at the ceiling of the Bronco. It was that trust she wasn't sure she deserved. She had picked up people and brought them to safety. During that she lost one person, Margaret's friend. The older woman never blamed Alex for the choices she made that led to the man's ultimate death. Alex knew she grieved for him often, as they had been close friends for years. It was difficult for Alex to not blame herself, even after Margaret let her off the hook telling her it wasn't her fault.
They fell into silence after that. Alex guessed Marcus was done, because he turned to his side and his breathing deepened. She wished she could fall asleep so easily. In her mind she checked off the items they had already gotten from their lists. Then she thought about the remaining items, wondering if they could just make one more stop and grab the rest. She was still running through those ideas when sleep slid into her mind and pulled her down into the dark.
Morning came before Alex was ready. When Marcus began to stir next to her, she was almost immediately awake. However, once she remembered where she was, she settled back down and closed her eyes. That one moment between sleeping and waking was the time Alex would forget where she was and what she was doing. It happened often at the compound as well, especially when she was plagued with nightmares. Behind the darkness of her eyelids, she concentrated on her breathing as she mentally prepared herself for the day to come.
The sun shone through the small sections of windows they left open. After a quick breakfast of homemade muffins, they rolled up their sleeping bags and rolls. They made quick work of moving the boxes around the back again so Alex could see as she drove the Bronco. There wasn't any traffic to worry about, but she didn't need any infected sneaking up on them because she couldn't see out of the windows. Their place in the trees seemed to be safe since no infected stumbled upon them during the night or as they prepared to leave.
Alex sat in the driver's seat, reviewing the map again for the locations they wanted to stop. She had already drawn a clear route from their forest clearing to their final goal. Marcus sat next to her, checking and rechecking their weapons. They had additional firepower in the Bronco should they need more than their 9mm handguns. Alex knew she would take her shotgun into the large store, the extra power making her feel safer. She realized that it was a false sense of security, but she would take it.
A loud engine caused them both to look up from their thoughts. A black van screamed across the parking lot they sat near. The turn it took was so fast, Alex thought it was possible the whole vehicle would go over. The driver seemed to suddenly get control of the vehicle and it straightened to exit the parking lot again. Suddenly the brakes were slammed, and the van came to a halt. Alex leaned forward, putting a monocular to her eye. She kept the one-piece telescope in the Bronco for times just like this, when they needed to see what was happening, without needing to get closer.
"Is the van rocking?" Marcus asked, squinting against the morning sun, but not having any sort of help to see closer.
"Yes. Odd," Alex replied.
She studied the dark vehicle. There were no back windows to see into, only the backdoor holding a small window that was covered in brown paper. The entire vehicle seemed to be shifting back and forth on its wheels. Alex sat back, wondering what the trouble was and if they should find out.
"No," Marcus said suddenly. When she just looked at him, he continued, "This isn't our problem. And I don't know why, but it gives me a bad feeling. We are staying away from that van."
The discussion was cut off as the van revved its engine again and took off. It quickly rounded a corner, cutting off Alex and Marcus' visual of the vehicle. Alex couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't right in that van. But Marcus was right. She couldn't involve herself in every issue they came across. They had the compound and their own people to worry about. She would never turn anyone away, but she also couldn't bring any more trouble down on them.
Ten minutes later, Alex pulled the Bronco into the parking lot of Wal-Mart. They had been to the big store a number of times for supplies they couldn't easily get at smaller places. The glass doors on both entrances were smashed, allowing anyone and anything to wander in and out. The inside was dark, no matter the time of day. There were high sky lights that sometimes let in dim illumination, but it wasn't enough to chase away all the shadows. The shadows were the biggest threat, as there was no knowing what they hid.
Though she knew Marcus had already completed the task, Alex checked her 9mm and shotgun for ammo and turned off the safeties. Marcus didn't comment on the lack of trust, because he knew t
hat wasn't really it. Alex was used to doing these things on her own. The only people she worked cohesively with were her siblings. The act of surviving together and managing situations was engrained in them. Each of them had a role from the time they were little. And now that the world had truly fallen to its knees, those roles seemed to be permanent.
"Ready?" Alex asked, as she popped open the door.
Marcus didn't answer, just popped open his own door. He carried his own 9mm on his hip and a bat that he had hammered nails through. Alex had thought it was a foolish weapon at first. She changed her mind after the first time she saw him fight with it. The nails were long enough to pierce the skull, but weren't going to become stuck if he kept a good hold on the wood. She felt confident that he could watch her back as they went into danger.
At the broken door of the store, Alex stopped. She bent and grabbed a larger shard of glass. Tossing it into the depth of the store, the sound of the glass pinging against tile echoed slightly. In a haunting answer, a deep growl emanated from the dark. Slinging the shotgun over her shoulder, Alex pulled her Bowie knife instead. She couldn't be positive, but she thought there was only one infected nearby.
Soon a grotesque face could be seen in the light from the doorway. Involuntarily, Alex stepped back, not in fear, but revulsion. The once man, was completely nude. She couldn't imagine how he ended up as an infected, out in the world, without a stitch of clothing on. When she looked over to Marcus, she could see his face screwed up in a pained expression. Bite marks marred the majority of the man's exposed flesh. The muscles from his right calf were completely torn away, nothing but a flap of skin hung from the back of his knee. The lack of support caused him to drag the foot behind him. Alex was lost in her mind wondering how that was even possible, when Marcus stepped forward and swung his nailed bat.
Marcus stood above the body for a moment, as if he couldn't look away. Alex stepped to him and touched his shoulder. She could feel his shudder as it went through his body. She tried to keep her eyes up, but they wandered down the dead infected of their own accord. The man was covered in black crusted wounds, some clearly bites. Others were ragged tears of skin and muscle, where the infected had taken the time to feast on him. If he hadn't been nude, Alex wasn't sure she would be able to tell anything about him, his body was so destroyed.
"At least they missed one part," Marcus mumbled.
Alex almost missed it, but when she realized what he said, she had to choke back a gagging laugh. Part of her found the humor that a man was going to be more concerned about the manhood of the infected, than the gaping wound showing the white bones of his ribcage. The more rational part of her couldn't move beyond the horror of his body and she realized she needed to get away from it.
"Let's go. I can't look at it anymore," Alex whispered.
Despite their delay outside of the doors, it didn't seem like any additional infected were wandering the store. They made plenty of noise as they crunched across the broken glass in their heavy-duty boots. Alex was at the ready with her knife and a small flashlight as soon as they moved deeper into the dark abyss of the store. She swung the light back and forth, checking for movement. Without thinking, she moved toward the clothing she knew they wanted to pick up. She had a mental map of the store, not wanting to wander to find what she needed.
At the boy's section, she stopped and signaled to Marcus to watch. Using a duffel she had carried in, she began to grab whatever T-shirts in Henry and Aiden's sizes she could find. She moved to pants, concentrating on the heavier jeans that were still in stock despite the plague starting as Spring came around. She made quick work of what they needed, and she whistled low to Marcus to signal she was done.
They repeated their process of searching and bagging in the girl's, men's, and women's sections. They headed to the garden section last, as it was the furthest from the outer doors. There was an outside area to the garden section, that was separated by a sliding glass door. The door no longer worked with no power and Alex had no problem with that. In the garden section they had counted five infected wandering at one point. She didn't know how they had gotten out there, but every time they checked the same five were still wandering aimlessly.
With Alex's duffel full and a second they had taken from the luggage section, the pair set out for the door of the Wal-Mart. As they neared the open doors, screaming reverberated into the store. Alex froze in her tracks and looked at Marcus. He was already looking at her, for a decision she realized. She wasn't interested in losing everything they had just collected. But if someone was in trouble, she couldn't just leave them alone.
Making a quick decision in her mind, Alex began to run toward the door. She was hindered by the duffel but she just tightened her hold and kept running. The Bronco was only a few feet from the door. When they slid to a stop at the back, Alex quickly fished out the keys and opened the tailgate door to throw their bags inside. The screaming was coming from the side of the Wal-Mart now. After she locked the truck again, Alex took off for the noise, Marcus easily on her heels.
They came around the corner of the store and Alex immediately tripped to a stop, before she ran headfirst into a horde of infected.
Chapter Seven
"Alex, back to the Bronco," Marcus hissed from behind her.
Despite being quiet, not even hearing themselves over the groaning and growls from the infected, they were quickly noticed by some of the outlying infected of the group. Alex knew they needed to make a quick choice. If the horde surrounded the Bronco, they wouldn't be able to escape the mass. There was easily over a hundred dead bodies chasing whoever was screaming. That person sounded like they were in the alley behind the store now and Alex couldn't understand what their escape plan was.
"We'll get the truck, head to the other side of the building and grab whoever is being chased there," Alex said, as she began to backpedal.
Marcus took one step to the side and slammed his bat into an infected that was getting too close. Alex decided it was too late to worry about noise. As soon as she started the truck, the infected would hear that as well. She pulled the shotgun from her back and aimed for the heads of the nearest infected. She easily dropped three that had taken an interest in them. The loud echo of the gun had a lot of the infected changing their target and Alex knew it was time to run.
They easily outran the nearest infected, but as they got to the Bronco, Marcus turned with his 9mm in his hand. Alex only had a moment to glance back to see an infected running toward them. Ok, what the hell? She thought to herself. This wasn't her first time seeing running infected, but it had been quite a while. Enough time had passed since her time in the dark forest near the Montana border that she had started to think she had imagined the faster dead. Now Marcus was having a tough time with headshots as they moved much quicker. That trouble didn't stop him from ending their dead lives, but it took a few more rounds.
As these thoughts ran through her mind, she shoved the key into the lock on the driver's side door. 302RD was the pathogen that Charlie was studying, that she believed released the plague they were now dealing with. It was clear to Alex at that moment that something was changing and she wasn't sure they were equipped to deal with it. Knowing your enemy was part of the battle. They were already dealing with the unknowns of the government and when they may strike again. Right in front of her was proof that the enemy they did know was evolving, they just didn’t understand why.
"Drive around the side of the building!" Marcus yelled over the gun fire.
"Get in the truck!" Alex yelled back as she climbed in.
"I'm going to run, see if I can draw them away. You go grab the survivors!"
Without giving her a chance to tell him his plan was ludicrous, he sprinted away. Alex slammed the truck door shut just as quickly, set on chasing him down if need be. But as she sat in the quiet vehicle she watched as a good number of the infected ran after him. She hated his plan and was going to tell him she was tired of his going off on his own all the ti
me, but first she wasn't going to waste the small window he had given her. She couldn't do anything about his actions now. As she started up the truck, she hoped that he didn't die before she had the chance to kill him herself.
The sound of the truck was enough to pull the attention of the passing infected and the noise Marcus was making was further away. She quickly stomped on the gas and sped toward the other end of the shopping structure. The tires squealed as she went around the corner. Just as she was pulling up to the small alley in the back, two men burst out running full tilt toward her. She slammed on the brakes; glad she hadn't accidentally run them down. They skidded to a stop and stared at her through the windshield. She rolled her window down quickly.
"Get in! Quickly!" She yelled.
The two men didn't hesitate. They ran for the passenger seat of the Bronco and jumped into the front and back seats easily. Once they were in, Alex had to make a decision on how to find Marcus. He hadn't exactly given her directions of where he would be. That was the problem with Marcus's half-baked plans, they were never completely thought out. She concluded the easiest way to find him, was to follow the part of the horde that had broke off, heading his way. She just hoped she didn't find them feasting on his remains.
"Thank you for stopping," the man in the passenger seat said.
"Sure," Alex replied.
She glanced over and for the first time took in the image of the man sitting next to her. He was filthy, covered not only in blood and black gore but dirt and possibly other unknown substances. He eyed her in a way that didn't make her feel completely comfortable, but she tried to not jump to conclusions. She glanced into the rearview mirror, pretending to be checking as she drove. The man in the back seat was in just as bad shape, if not worse with his shirt ripped away from the collar and bruises covering his exposed skin.
Sundown Series (Book 4): Torment Page 8