“Yeah, because that worked in Iraq,” I muttered.
“Technically, there were a wide variety of factors in the failure of Operation: Iraqi Freedom including the dissolution of the Iraq military, the failure of rebuilding, corporate malfeasance, and—” the Century Box started to say.
“Shut up, Box,” I said.
“Shutting up, sir,” the Century Box said.
Cindy called up to Gabrielle. “Ultragoddess, there’s something you need to know. I’ve always loved you! I mean that sexually!”
Gabrielle looked down, a confused expression on her face.
That was when the skies opened up and the seven Primal Orbs descended. A glowing light covered us all and everything went white. The light faded away and I was surrounded only by blackness.
Leaving me alone with Death. She was standing there, a few feet away, appearing to be Mandy.
“You don’t have the right to wear that form,” I said, numb.
“I am all dead, everywhere. I am the person who remembers them when they are forgotten and their loved ones are long dust themselves.”
“I’m not going to make the wish,” I said, taking a deep breath. “I can’t lose her.”
“You already did, Gary.”
I cried in the dark, for I don’t know how long.
“Mandy is now reunited with her loved ones. It is a timeless place where you will someday join her. It is a place of no pain, no hatred, or suffering. There is nothing but joy and everything will be alright for her from now on.”
“Is that true?”
“Would you want to know if it was not?”
“I guess I’ll just have to have faith.” I took a deep breath. “So, there’s no resurrections from this point on? Death is final. Time and casualty are permanent?”
“Mostly,” Death said.
“Mostly?” I asked.
Death gave a sad smile. “The rules are still folding into place. You wouldn’t be much of a necromancer if you couldn’t speak to the dead and time will always be a river. Even in worlds where magic doesn’t exist, life is merely a place in space and time rather than a candle that flickers out then ceases. The future will be open to you as well as the past for future adventures.”
“Screw that,” I said, looking at her. “I am done.”
“I’m afraid that bell can never be unrung,” Death said, her eyes sad. “Your daughters will both be superhumans and at the center of the conflicts that are coming in the future.”
“The racist assholes coming for superhumans,” I said.
“And aliens who sense blood in the water now that the majority of Earth’s most famous defenders are dead.”
“And the fact there’s still many more supervillains than superheroes.”
“Power doesn’t corrupt absolutely, but it has a very high success rate.”
I felt my face in despair. “I don’t want any of this.”
“You did, once.”
“I don’t anymore!” I shouted at her. “You lied to me! You said Mandy was back.”
“I did,” Death said.
“Why?” I asked, betrayed.
“Because you needed to be strong and angry for this final battle. Because you needed to make the wish to set your wife free. Because no one should ever love Death.”
“I certainly don’t,” I said.
Death closed her eyes. “I’ll give you one last freebie.”
“Excuse me?” I asked, too devastated to care.
“You killed one of my champions, Gary. The rules are clear. I have to take from you your power and never associate with you again.”
I thought about that. “Good. What sort of freebie?”
“One last favor.”
I thought about it. “Anything I want?”
“You could spend the rest of your life with your wife if you want then both die at ripe old ages.”
“Is Diabloman actually damned?” I asked.
“Yes.”
“Undamn him.”
“That’s not really a thing, Gary.”
“Make it a thing.”
Death nodded. “All of the evil that he has committed, the murders, the torture, and the destruction of worlds is wiped away as if it had never happened. It is the ultimate act of mercy and you may have to choose another name after this.”
“I won’t tell if you won’t.”
Death waved goodbye. “Farewell, Gary.”
“Is he going to heaven or resurrected?”
“Good luck, my love.”
Death vanished and I remained in the darkness of the void. I didn’t see anyone else around me but felt my cloak disappear and all of the power I’d stolen vanish. I was a normal, ordinary, all too mortal human.
That was when there was a pulse of light from the ground where Death had once stood. I walked over and reached down, finding a single marble sized orb on the ground. It was the Death orb. I closed my fist around it and channeled the power within.
Sending Mandy’s spirit one last ‘I love you.’
It was now time to confront her imposter.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
YAY, WE WON. NOW WHAT?
The Primal Orb of Death rested around my neck as I conjured a black cloak of shadows around me. I didn’t want the powers it promised me or the connection to Death, but I wasn’t strong enough to resist the temptation. To not have magic at my fingertips whenever someone tried to kill Gabrielle, Cindy, or the other people I knew—who could probably take care of themselves. No, maybe I just did it because I was stupid and selfish.
In the end, I saw the darkness recede and be replaced with the setting sun on Hell Island. I was on the beach and saw everyone else lying on their backs, having been transported from Abaddon. The Castle of Ultimate Sorrow was nothing more than an empty ruin and it would be another ten thousand years before it was the site of the next tournament.
“Yeah, I better not be called back for it,” I muttered, walking over to Gabrielle first. “I don’t even want to be a DLC or re-skin fighter.”
Gabrielle was staring up at the sky. “Well, that was a thing.”
I took her hand. “Yes, it was.”
“You saved the multiverse,” Gabrielle said.
I took a deep breath. “I’m honestly not sure it was ever in any actual danger. The Man Behind the ManTM was Destruction. He wanted to make an amusing story. Bigger stakes and stupider plots.”
Gabrielle squeezed my hand, not getting up. “I know Destruction. He’s a superpowered fanboy. If things didn’t go exactly to his specifications, he would have destroyed everything. Whatever you did, you did the right thing since we’re still here.”
“Do you remember what I said to you when we first met?”
“Here’s twenty bucks and if you want a more personal tip, come on in?”
I grimaced. “I remember our first meeting differently.”
“You were kind of an asshole.”
“Yeah, I was. Still am,” I said, remembering my early college years. I’d paid for it by selling pot and ripping off the local criminals with Cindy. In the end, my parents had kicked me out and I’d bought an older house in Depression Suburbs that was my home until I raised enough money for college. I still thought of it as a more honest and noble means of getting a higher education than taking money from the government.
“What do you recall?”
“I’d been having a party and you looked tired. So, I thought you’d like to come in and enjoy yourself.”
“Yeah, a house of petty criminals and local gang bangers. I’d spent the day beating up demons who’d escaped from the Inferno. I should have arrested you all.”
“You didn’t, though, and fell asleep upstairs.”
“Best sleep I had all year,” Gabrielle said.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
“I’m intact,” Gabrielle said. “Gary, I don’t know if you meant what you said—”
“I meant every word.”
“You’re not in a
good place. I didn’t know about Mandy not—”
“I’ll deal with that,” I said, looking at you. “I don’t know if I can be everything you want me to be, though, Gabby. Not after what I’ve lost or what I’ve done. I’m not sure I’m worth it.”
Gabrielle rose up and hugged me. “Gary, all I’ve asked is you be yourself. I won’t make any demands of you. I love you, though, and want you to be part of our child’s life.”
“I’d like you to be part of my child’s life.”
“I’d love to,” Gabrielle said, holding me and pressing her head against my shoulder.
I moved to kiss her.
That was when Cindy hugged us both.
“Uh, Cindy.”
“I was with you guys first,” Cindy said. “Also, I feel like we should bond by driving a stake through the heart of the vampire and then having a weenie roast on her burning corpse.”
Gabrielle pulled away. “Please, don’t kill her. Maria was a good person once.”
“So was everybody,” I said, getting up and heading toward the Fake Mandy. “We’ll talk later.”
Cindy wrapped her arms tightly around Gabrielle then took a selfie.
“Cindy,” Gabrielle said.
“Shh, we could get so many followers from this,” Cindy said.
I passed by Guinevere who was kneeling on the ground and praying. I couldn’t understand her because she was speaking in Gaelic. I could understand the general gist of it, though. Somehow, she knew she was not going to see her friends again in this life.
I turned to her. “You know, I don’t hate you anymore. If, you know, you need to talk.”
Guinevere paused. “Thank you, Gary. I’ll probably talk with Gabrielle first, though. Still, I suppose we are family of a sort.”
“Yes, you’re the mother-in-law I utterly hate.”
Guinevere smiled. “I can live with that.”
I passed by Jane, G, and Cassius who were all lumped together in a pile.
“Great job killing Wizard Satan,” Jane said, pausing. “Which I’m assuming is a hallucination because shit has been just too insane to be real.”
Cassius stared up the stars. “The universe is full of infinite craziness. Nothing humans have conceived of can be stranger than reality.”
G looked up. “I’m moving to Jane’s world instead.”
“Good call,” I said, pointing to all of them. “We’re all getting pizza on me before I figure out how to send you back to your realities, though.”
G growled.
“Or the reality of your choice,” I said, pausing. “Personally, I’m thinking of Rap Video Universe.”
Jane laughed. Nobody else did.
“See ya,” I said, glad to have them with me. Sadly, there was no sign of Diabloman here. If he was alive somewhere, it wasn’t here. I paused before I was out of earshot. “Okay, guys, this is going to sound like a weird question but do any of you know who Jason Todd is?”
Jane and G exchanged a look.
“Uh, yeah,” Jane said. “He’s the unloved second sidekick of Batman. The fans voted for him to die and he stayed dead for like three decades until they brought him back as a mean anti-hero who kills.”
“I think he’s cool,” G said.
I stared at them then Cassius who shrugged.
“Huh, that was less complimentary than I expected,” I said. “Well, stay alive. I like all of you. Well, except you Cassius, since you stabbed me.”
“That’s fair,” Cassius said.
I continued on and found Fake Mandy standing up and cleaning the sand off of her attire. “Hey, Gary.”
“Only my friends get to call me that. You are most definitely not my friend.”
“No, I suppose that wouldn’t be the case.”
I grit my teeth. “Lady, there’s a serious double standard going on here. What you did is not an ‘oops, I broke a a plate’ sort of deal. If someone possessed a woman’s husband and lived with them for years, then you damned well can expect people to want him set on fire.”
“Call me, Maria,” Maria said, simply. “I also know exactly what you feel.”
“How the hell do you figure?” I wanted to attack her, but couldn’t because human brains weren’t logical and mine was less logical than most.
She looked too much like my deceased wife.
“I probably wasn’t always Mandy,” Maria said, sighing. “Destruction could and does retcon things he thinks into better stories, logic be damned. The nastier, the meaner, the better. I wanted to be a hero my entire life and when I returned to the Earth I found my own true love was a horrible parody of his former self. Jim went from being a singing cowboy to a hitman and anti-hero who’d taken up with a succubus.”
“Jim Six-Strings, the Guitarist,” I said.
“Yes,” Maria said. “That was the first time I was brought back from the dead. The next time? The next time I was a vampire. My own personality drowned out in your wife’s memories, but left with the despair of losing the people I loved. Your triumph in bringing your wife turned to ashes so it made the pain all the sweeter when it happened.”
“I’m sorry, but I’m not going to blame God. You could have told me, you could have told your brother—”
“My repentant brother. The worst murderer in the multiverse.”
“Who died trying to make amends.”
Maria looked down. “I tried to drive you away, Gary. Tried to make you hate this Mandy, but I wanted a family as well as loved ones. Despite the unholy thirst, the need for pleasure, and the hatred for all life inside me. So I gave you mixed signals.”
“Mixed signals.” I conjured white fire with my hands, two balls of it, one in each hand. “Lady, you have no idea what qualifies as mixed signals.”
“No, that’s pretty unambiguous,” Maria said. “I’m now the dark and edgy remake of Spellbinder. An adulteress, a rapist, and a liar. A person who has killed hundreds of people as a vampire as well as having switched bodies with an Asian woman. Can you think of something more ridiculous?”
“Quite a few things, actually,” I said, looking at her. “I don’t want you coming anywhere near my family or loved ones again.”
“I’m not sure the universe will let such a simple solution stand.”
“Yeah, well, it’s a new universe.”
Maria stared. “I’m going to change the world, Gary.”
“That’s your business.”
“No, it’s our business. We made a promise we would take over the Two Earths and bring an end to the age of chaos that has been afflicting this universe since the Primals became involved in the Age of Superheroism.”
“I didn’t make a promise with you,” I said, dissipating the fire. The time to incinerate her had already passed.
“You’ve already taken the first step to changing everything. Death will hold villains. You’ve killed Entropicus forever.”
“I’m not sure, to be honest. Assuming the dude works like a lich then Abaddon might be its phylactery. I might have blown it up or I might not have. Either way, I’m mostly hoping to die of old age before he comes back in a few centuries.”
Assuming I could now that I was all orbed up. Yeah, I had balls now. The ball was in my court. Okay, now wasn’t the time for puns.
“No,” Maria said, pointing to me. “This is the dawn of a new age and I’m going to make sure the world knows it.”
“Okay, crazy lady, I’ll be taking a few steps back now.”
“I’m also going to make sure my daughter knows this is for her.”
My blood boiled in an instant. “What the hell do you mean, your daughter?”
“I mean the one who I raised.”
“The one you barely know who is Cindy’s biologically?”
“She’ll be of my blood once I start feeding her mine,” Mandy said, her voice low and cold. “She’s the future.”
“Like hell, you’re going to—”
That was when Maria used the distraction to grab my Century Box.
“I’m sorry, Gary, but I really can’t have you interfering in all this.”
I tried to blast her but a portal was opened up in front of me that sucked me in like a vortex, drawing in others behind me. I was so shocked by Maria’s actions I didn’t have a chance to react before I slammed against the ground of a wooden ship’s bridge.
It was strange looking vessel that appeared to be similar to a Spanish galleon but had helicopter-esque rotors and crystal-powered steam devices attached to it. We were traveling over an iceberg filled ocean and the air was freezing. My eyes looked up toward a ring around the planet as well as two moons.
“Great,” I muttered. “I’ve been transported to another planet. Apparently one that is into Final Fantasy.”
Then Jane, G, and Cassius landed on me.
“Oomph!” I said.
Then Guinevere, followed by Cindy, and then Gabrielle.
“Oof!” I shouted, now buried under a pile of people.
Turning insubstantial, I passed through them to try and get through the portal before it closed but I missed it by seconds.
“Dammit,” I said, looking around.
I’d been snookered. I could be in any part of the galaxy right now. Hell, I could be in any number of galaxies or universes or times. The Century Boxes were some of the most advanced technology in my universe.
Possibly the multiverse.
“Well, this isn’t good,” I said, levitating myself down and looking at our surroundings. “I don’t suppose anyone knows the way back home?”
“I do,” a female voice said, sounding very familiar but different.
A second spoke with a light Spanish accent. “Yeah, we’ve been looking for you for a while, dad.”
“Dad?” I asked, turning around.
Greeting me was a twenty-something looking version of Leia who was wearing a red jumpsuit with brass buttons and wore a pair of thick steampunk goggles around her neck. The Time Cube was hovering over one shoulder, turning into various different shapes. She was also fiddling with a 40th century computer.
Beside her was a brown skinned teenage girl with a thick pony tail, wearing a gray hooded sweatshirt with a pair of blue-jeans. The sweatshirt had the Ultragoddess symbol on it and looked like it had been bought in a mall. Her eyes glowed with the Ultra-Force. I also saw Gizmo child Leia standing beside adult Leia which made me wonder if Death had left her with herself.
Tournament of Supervillainy Page 25