When was the last time I ate warm food? Hell, when was the last time that I actually ate?
I shake my head at my own question, knowing it’s pointless to even ponder anymore. Slowly, I make my way to the next aisle, gorging myself on chicken as I do so. The whole cup is gone before I even make it halfway down the aisle. My mouth is still watering, knowing that I need to eat a little something more to make up for how long it’s been since the last time I ate anything. But the sad truth is, I’m on a massive budget right now considering the damage done to my bike. I’ve never had to pinch pennies so bad in my life.
I turn down the next aisle and see a trashcan at the end. I don’t even pay attention to the items on either side of me, I just make quick work of taking off my flannel to discreetly dump it in the trash can.
A little further down, I notice a pair of sunglasses and snatch them up. Next to that, several different boxes containing an assortment of colors of hair dye catch my eye. I’ve been a dark blonde for a while now. Going back to my natural jet black might buy me some more time. I know I need to be saving as much as I can, but a new look in a new town is always a necessity. It’s an expense I don’t have the luxury to walk away from. I need it.
I toss both items in my basket and make my way around the corner to the next aisle. This one thankfully has some food that I can actually cook and eat in the small motel room.
I place a few items in my basket and out of the corner of my eye I see a couple of girls turn onto the same aisle. They’re walking at a leisurely pace, each pushing a separate cart. They’re headed in my direction but on the opposite side of the aisle. I keep my face turned enough to see them out of the corner of my eye.
I try to make it look like I’m reading labels to the items in my hand but I’m monitoring every step they make as they get closer to where I stand. Slowly but surely, the girls, a baby in each cart, walk past me and I let out a small breath, placing whatever item I was holding in my basket without even looking at it. I make a mental note to take it out before I check out.
You’re worried about two chicks with babies? Come on, Remi. You’re losing it!
I turn to walk toward the exit of the aisle, the opposite way they’re headed. I’m silently scolding myself for worrying when I shouldn’t. There’s enough shit in the world I hide in the shadows from. Two bitches with babies aren’t on that list.
I’m a few steps away from the girls when all of a sudden something strikes me against the side of my head and slams the other side into the shelves along the aisle. Boxes and cans scatter to the ground around me, popping and smacking with enough force to alert other people in the store about the disruption.
“Remington fucking Jameson!” A female voice growls, venom dripping from her words. “What in the actual fuck are you doing back here?”
I shake my head a little to rid my vision of the stars that caught me by surprise. The last thing I need while getting over a concussion, but hey, I told you luck wasn’t on my side.
My heart rate begins to race as I turn around and fully take in the person standing in front of me. The person who just attacked me in the middle of the fucking aisle in the goddamn grocery store!
Her fists are balled up at her sides, her jaw is clenched, and her eyes look crazed. After all these years, she’s clearly not happy to see me. Honestly, though, I can’t blame her.
“Bree.” I state, feeling a small trickle of blood roll down my temple where her outburst broke open the healing wounds on my hairline.
If she’s surprised that I recognize her, she doesn’t show it. She takes a single step closer toward me. The motion sends a message to all who might be witnessing the interaction. It screams that I’m unwelcome. It’s a warning, a threat, a promise of what’s to come if I don’t get the hell out of town. Quickly.
It reverberates hatred.
“Does Brody know you’re back?” She asks through gritted teeth.
“Bree, what’s going on?” The girl behind her asks.
“Take the babies to the car, Sonya. Wait with the guys. If I’m not out in five minutes, call the cops.”
Sonya doesn’t waste any time doing what Bree says. She immediately takes the baby out of the cart Bree was pushing, not even taking the time to put her in the cart with the identical baby in Sonya’s cart. She holds the little girl tightly against her hip and wheels away without looking back.
“Answer me!” She yells.
I sigh, hating that this is what’s become of us. I glance around the aisle to see a few patrons now gathered at each end of the aisle, watching the hometown girl ready to throw down if the wind blows the wrong way. They all know that I’m the outsider. I know that I have less than five minutes to get the hell out of here before all of the Deacon Hill PD shows up and ruins everything I’ve spent so long working towards.
“No.” I finally say. “He doesn’t know. And I’m not back really. Just… I’m just passing through.”
“Good. Stay the hell away from him, Remi. I mean it. If you go anywhere near him, I’ll become as much of a murderer as you are. Do you understand me? He may not be my blood, but he is still my brother.”
I bite back the tears that want to fall a soon as she brings that up. I should have known that after all this time she’d still hate me. They all probably do.
I deserve it.
“I know, Bree. I know. Please just don’t tell anyone I’m here.” I beg her.
“Just leave. No one wants you here. Go back to whatever fucking hell-hole you crawled out of.”
“I’m only here temporarily. I swear I don’t plan on being here any longer than I have to be.”
“Make it as short as possible. Stay away from us. All of us. He doesn’t want to see you.”
”I know.” I whisper, hating the truth in my words. The truth tastes bitter on my tongue. It’s as if I’m swallowing the ashes of the life that was burned before my eyes. Taken away before I had the chance to make it my own.
I turn to walk away, knowing by now that Bree never backs down. Especially not when it comes to the boys.
“Congrats by the way.” I tell her over my shoulder.
I see the perplexed look in her eyes at my statement.
I nod to her stomach. “It’s Dex’s I assume?” I ask, knowing that they would find their way together eventually. It was just a matter of time.
“You don’t get to ask those kinds of questions anymore.” She bites back.
I nod my response, knowing that I have no rights to them or their lives anymore.
Especially after what I did.
It doesn’t take away from the happiness I have for her. That’s all I’ve wanted for any of them. Happiness. Love. Fulfillment. Things that no matter how hard I tried to give Brody, I just couldn’t.
I make my way to the checkout counter, purchasing the few items in my basket. I watch through the store windows as Bree emerges in the parking lot, making her way toward where her friend was waiting.
If anyone besides Bree would have assaulted me like that in broad daylight, there’d be a hell of a different outcome. There are so many reasons why I can’t put her in her place for treating me like that. The main reason being Brody. I’d never do something to hurt him like that.
Again.
After taking my bags, I toss my sunglasses on and make my way outside just as my phone begins to ring.
“He’s ready for you. Just don’t answer any of his questions. You know he’s nosey.”
“I’ll let you know how it goes.” I tell her, schooling my voice so that she doesn’t try and take on any more of my shit than she already has to.
I’ve been in Deacon Hill for less than twenty-four hours. If she knew Bree had already accosted me, she’d yank me out of town and risk everything. This is just one more burden I need to bear on my own.
“Be safe.” She says before ending the call.
I stuff the phone in my pocket once again and glance at all of the
parked cars around me. I notice that none of the cars I cataloged on the way in have moved closer than they were before, so I know it’s safe to make my way to Liz’s dad without the fear of being followed.
About fifteen minutes later I walk through the doors, jumping at the sound of the bell that chimes when I enter. Looking older, but certainly not any more frail, I see him waiting for me. The smile on his face forces one from my lips.
“Henry!” I scream, dropping the bags I was holding, running into his arms. “I’ve missed you.”
I sigh into the comfort he brings as soon as his fatherly arms wrap around me. “Awe, no need to cry Remi-girl. Liz told me you were coming.”
“I won’t be in town long.” I tell him, disengaging from the hug.
He leads me to a barstool and hands me a bottle of water. “What can I do to help while you’re here?”
I melt a little at the lack of hesitation in his voice. He’s always been more than willing to help in any way he can. In any way Liz will let him. It doesn’t matter how much time passes in between our visits, he always welcomes me with open arms and a smile on his face.
“I need a job. It has to… Well, it has to be under the table, off the books.” I tell him, stuttering over my words.
“I know the drill, dear. Thankfully this time you’re old enough to work inside the bar or else I’d be hard-pressed to find work for you. Have you ever bartended before?”
“Yeah, I can handle it.” I reply quickly.
Should I be taking on a job that puts my face in front of countless people who can identify me? No, probably not. Do I really have much of choice? Again, sadly no.
“Well then I can pay you upfront for a week, I know you’re worth it.”
“I need a lot of money, Henry. Do you know of anything else in town I can do before the bar opens? My bike is out of commission right now.”
“I’ll make some calls and see what I can find out. Do you have a place to stay?”
“Yeah, I’m at the motel down on the boulevard.”
“Well you can stay in the room here in the back so you can save some extra money. Liz already made some calls about your bike. You know she doesn’t waste much time when it comes to you.”
I throw myself at him for another hug. It’s been so long since I’ve been able to count on someone, or something, besides my calls with Liz. I mean yeah, she helps me with so damn much, but it’s not the same as physical affection. Sometimes it’s the only thing that can help hold you together when all you want to do is fall apart.
Henry’s hugs are a little bit like magic. Despite the cracks in my armor, he envelops me in his fatherly warmth, healing the dents as best as he can, for what little time I’m with him.
“Are you gonna tell me what brings you to town so suddenly?” He asks, knowing that there’s always been an air of mystery around my comings and goings.
There’s that nosey streak Liz mentioned. I know he means well. I know he just wants to protect what he perceives to be the lost soul of one of his daughter’s friends. He doesn’t know the truth. He can’t find out the truth.
“Just passing through.”
He nods his head, knowing damn good and well that there’s more to the story than he ever hears. Knowing there’s more to me than he’s ever been told. After all this time though, he never pushes me for more. He always skirts the waters, hoping to learn more, but he respects my choices. He doesn’t really have a choice though. Honestly, neither do I.
“Thank you, Henry.”
“Don’t worry about it. Just go get your stuff and meet me back here when the bar opens. It’s gonna be a good night to show you the ropes.”
I hop off the stool, grabbing the bags that I left scattered on the floor, and fly out of Henry’s bar, racing back to my shitty motel room. I’ll grab a shower and a quick nap before heading back up here for however long I’m in town.
Damn, it’s nice to have people to actually count on. I almost forgot what that felt like.
Chapter Five
Brody
I finished dropping off my second delivery of the day and now I’m making my way back to town for the final haul before calling it a day. I’m about ten minutes away from the pickup location so I have my playlist turned all the way up and the windows rolled all the way down to let the fresh air settle my mind.
As much as I enjoy having the fresh air pouring it, it’s the middle of the summer, which means the air is sticky and hot as hell, so I have the AC cranked up so that I can still keep cool.
MGK comes to life through the speakers and I know that if any of the guys were in the truck with me right now, they’d give me shit and judge the hell out of me for listening to this guy. But I can’t help it. This song gives me nostalgic vibes and always puts me in a good mood. I mean, who in our little family didn’t go through an emo phase when they were growing up? This song takes me back to those days. Easier times. More fun, less stress.
I smile to myself as the chorus hits, imagining what it would have been like if this song came out when we were younger. We’d be on the beach in the dead of fucking winter, bundled up and getting drunk on whatever cheap ass beer we could afford at the time. We’d all start out sitting on the giant logs arranged nice and cozy around the bonfire and we’d just be swaying to the beat, singing the lyrics, and laughing with each other.
Eventually, Bree would hop her little ass up on one of the logs, pretending that one of her balled-up fists was a microphone and she’d start singing way off-key.
But no one would dare say that out loud.
She’d walk across the logs, stepping over anyone in her way, until she got to Dex and she’d sing at him, shaking her hair in his face, making him laugh a full-body laugh. A sound that he’s only ever reserved for her.
Something Abel should have picked up on a long ass time ago.
Dex would grab her behind her legs and pick her up, swinging her around until she was curved around his shoulders with her head on one side and her legs on the other. Their crazy antics would get the rest of us riled up. We’d all give in to their contagious free spirits and we’d stand up, jumping up and down as we sang along. Eventually, we’d all be standing together on the ground, hands in the air, fists pumping the sky, and shouting in unison; “Something’s fuckin’ wrong with me!”
I smile to myself as the vivid thought crosses through my mind as potent as if it were an actual memory. Damn, it’s been years since I’ve been that carelessly happy before.
Since she left.
Where the fuck did that come from?
It’s been a long damn time since I let myself think of her.
Like a deep wound that’s just now starting to heal over, her face assaults me and the scab gets ripped back open again. The pain never really fades, it just becomes a little more tolerable with time. That is until a random thought sends me spiraling back in time, memories strobing around me, forcing the pain down my throat all over again like it was the very first time.
I swear I can feel her warm breath on my neck, tickling my senses, bringing them all to life. The memory of her is so strong I can conjure up the smell of her body wash involuntarily, the smell of cinnamon gum on her lips.
My throat and chest tighten, with anger or misery, I can’t fucking tell anymore. Both?
Definitely both.
”Goddamnit!” I scream, punching the steering wheel, not giving a fuck that the guy in front of me flips me the bird, thinking I’m honking at him.
I’m gritting my teeth so hard that I can hear them squeaking against each other over the roar of the music pouring out through the speakers. It drives me insane that she still wreaks such havoc on my mind.
I hate her.
Not a little bit. No, I hate her with everything that I am. With every fiber of my being, with every molecule in my body, I hate her.
I hate her for ever even walking into my life, to begin with. I hate her for being everything I wanted
and needed out of life. I hate her for making it impossible not to fall in love with her. I hate her for pretending to love me back. I hate her for what she did to us. I hate her for running away when all I wanted was answers. Hell, I hate her for just simply running away.
Plain and simple, I just fucking hate her.
And that will never change.
I pull up to my final stop of the night, spotting the bike in question that I’m hauling back to the shop. I park right next to it, angling the back of the truck in a way that will make it easier to load up. I cut the engine and just sit still for a moment, trying to reign in my swirling, raging emotions. This is a side of me that rarely ever comes out and I damn sure don’t want to scare off the customers by greeting them when I’m more Hulk and less Bruce Banner.
My phone chimes with a text and I grab it from the cup holder, welcoming the distraction.
Dex: You decided to go get laid tonight?
B: Why are you obsessed with my dick today, dude?
D: Cuz I’m pretty sure if you go too long without using it that it falls off. Just lookin’ out for your health, brother. You’re welcome.
B: Well stop it, it’s freakin’ me out.
D: So ungrateful. Call that one girl. I bet she’d help you out
B: What girl?
D: The one you fuck every few months but never bring around.
B: How do you know these things?
D: I’ve been around these nosey ass girls too long. Their FBI skills are rubbing off on me I think. Maybe this is a call for help?
B: You need help alright.
D: Blow me.
B: That’s Bree’s job
D: She’s damn good at it too. But on a real note, call the girl. Relieve some stress. Save the life of your dick.
B: Pretty sure I hate you
D: Luv ya too bro. See you when you get back
I toss my phone back in the cup holder, scrubbing my hands up and down my face in frustration. Maybe Dex is right though. It’s been a couple of months since Brooke and I hooked up, maybe it’s time I give her a call.
The best part about Brooke is that she knows the drill. She uses me as much as someone may accuse me of using her. Neither of us has any interest in anything remotely resembling a relationship. We have a strictly physical… arrangement… It’s been going on for about eight or nine months now, but we only ever call on the other when there’s a fiending itch that we need the other to scratch.
Absolution Page 4