“Something wrong, Ananka?” Kaspar asked. “I was hoping to get a walking tour of the dark and dangerous Bowery.”
I’d been longing to hear those words for years. Fate was cruel to put them in the mouth of a boy I could never have. “Sorry. I’m just tired. I haven’t been getting much sleep lately.”
“What’s been on your mind?”
Did he really want to know? “Oh, let’s see. Kiki’s kidnapping. Betty’s new job. The Atalanta zombie brigade. Oona’s evil twin. DeeDee’s stalker … and believe me, that’s just the start of it,” I said, conveniently leaving off number three on my list.
“It must be hard being left in charge,” Kaspar commiserated. “I hate to add to your troubles, Ananka, but there is something I want to discuss with you.”
My heart started thumping, and I wished I could rip the traitor right out of my chest.
“I’m worried about Betty,” he continued, and my hopes promptly shriveled. “She sounded different when she called me from Paris. I think she was really hurt that you guys weren’t taking her seriously before she left. She wants to prove that she’s just as tough as the other Irregulars.”
“Nobody told her she had to be tough!” As far as I was concerned, the Irregulars already had a surplus of toughness. “We just don’t want her to get hurt!”
“I think you’re missing the point. Just because Betty doesn’t go around beating up bad guys doesn’t mean she can’t handle herself,” Kaspar explained. “She has her own way of doing things. And that way works. If she thinks she has to act like the rest of you, she’s going get herself into a lot of trouble. Now that we know what Amelia Beauregard had planned for Betty in Paris, that seems like a pretty real danger.”
“What do you want me to do?” I asked.
“The next time you speak to Betty, give her the respect she deserves,” Kaspar said. “And make sure the other Irregulars do, too.”
I hadn’t been expecting a scolding, and I didn’t know what to say in response.
“Hey, I’m sorry.” Kaspar threw an arm around my shoulders and gave me a squeeze. He smelled wonderful. Like spray paint and bath soap and matzo-ball soup. “I didn’t mean to sound so harsh. I wouldn’t have said anything at all if I didn’t like you so much.”
He liked me! I couldn’t think about anything but that and the arm around my shoulders. Then it slid away.
“Look over there.” Kaspar pointed to a figure in front of us. “That can’t be our little friend Lili, can it?”
A thin, fur-clad female, just a few inches too short to be fully grown, had waltzed through the doors of a hotel down the street. Moving with caution, we followed behind her. But before we reached the lobby, the girl came barreling out of the building, a doorman hot on her heels. She was remarkably fast for someone wearing knee-high boots with stiletto heels. She and her pursuer veered east onto Third Street and disappeared from view. When Kaspar and I finally made it to the corner, we found the doorman leaning against a brick wall, casually checking the messages on his phone.
“The girl you were chasing—where did she go?” I panted.
The doorman straightened up and slid his phone into the pocket of his uniform. “I tried to catch her, but she got away.”
“You must not have been trying very hard,” Kaspar observed.
“Prove it,” the doorman challenged. “Besides, she’s just a kid.”
“Then why were you chasing her down the street in the first place?” I asked.
“Because that’s what my boss told me to do. It’s either that or call the police. Wait a second. Why am I being grilled by a couple of brats? I need to get back to work.”
We’d obviously gotten off on the wrong foot. I dropped the hard-boiled act and tried a little politeness. “I’m sorry if we came across as rude just now,” I said. “The girl’s name is Lili Liu. She’s the sister of a friend of ours. Would you mind telling us what she’s done?”
The doorman snorted. “You wanna know what she does? She uses the bathroom in the hotel’s lobby.”
“To do what?” I asked, imagining Lili robbing guests while their pants were around their ankles.
“Wash up,” said the doorman.
“I don’t understand,” Kaspar said.
The doorman sighed. “She comes to the hotel and uses the sink to bathe. I got a friend who works down the street at the Cooper Square Hotel. She goes there, too, sometimes. I guess some fancy guest must have complained to my boss, ’cause he told me not to let her in anymore. But the girl just keeps trying her luck. This is the third time I’ve had to chase her away.”
“If she shows up again, will you please give me a call?” I asked, searching for a pen. “Her sister would like to speak to her.”
“You two really friends with her sister?” the man asked, and I nodded. “Then I don’t need your number. I can tell you where to find her. My buddy takes the girl leftovers from his hotel’s kitchen sometimes. He feels bad ’cause he’s got a kid her age. He told me the girl hangs out in Extra Place—you know that alley off First Street. A super who works in one of the buildings there has a soft spot for her. He lets her hang out in an old maintenance shed that a construction company left behind.”
“Thanks for your help,” I said, casting a confused look at Kaspar.
“You’re very kind not to catch her,” Kaspar told the man.
The doorman refused the compliment. “No, I’m not,” he said, sounding disgusted with himself. “If I was kind, I wouldn’t chase her at all.”
Kaspar and I had no trouble locating Lili Liu’s lair. It was the size of a closet, without heat or electricity. A rolled-up sleeping bag sat in one corner and a camping lantern dangled from a hook. The walls were insulated with pretty dresses on hangers, and a row of shoes was arranged on the ground. The clothing looked well cared for, but it was beginning to show signs of wear and tear. A couple of tattered books written in Chinese waited to be read for the hundredth time.
I took it all in with one hand over my mouth. “I was sure that man had to be wrong, but it looks like Lili really is homeless,” I whispered between my fingers.
“She’s been stealing so she wouldn’t starve,” Kaspar added.
“But she’s the daughter of one of the richest men in New York!”
“So is her sister,” Kaspar pointed out. “Didn’t seem to do her much good.”
“We’ve got to get Oona,” I muttered. “She needs to see this.”
“Then step aside and let me look,” said a voice behind me. I spun around to find Oona and Iris.
“You’re here! Does this mean you’ve been spying on us?” I demanded. “Why?”
“Don’t ask questions you wouldn’t want answered,” Oona replied.
“It was all my idea,” Iris confessed.
I resisted the urge to strangle her. “We’ll talk about this later,” I growled as I left the shed.
Oona stood in the doorway, her eyes taking in every pathetic detail. She didn’t utter a single word.
“What do you think we should do, Oona?” Iris finally asked.
“You guys should head home,” she said. “I’ll wait here for Lili.”
“But it’s getting dark,” Iris argued. “And it’s already cold. Don’t you want one of us to stay here with you?”
“I’m happy to keep you company,” Kaspar offered.
“No,” Oona replied in an oddly emotionless voice. “Thank you all for your help, but I need to deal with this on my own.”
I should have put up a fight. But I didn’t. My long list of concerns had been replaced by a single desire. Instead of worrying about leaving Oona alone in a cold metal shed, all I could think about was spending a few more minutes with Betty’s boyfriend.
Chapter 24
Loose in the Labyrinth
PARIS: FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 20
Thirty-two hours can feel like an eternity when you’re stuck underground with someone you’re dying to smack. Kiki had anticipated spending no more than
twelve hours in her odious cousin’s company. She’d never imagined Etienne might need longer to convince Livia Galatzina to trade Verushka Kozlova for her only daughter. But if the clock in the underground hideout could be trusted, Kiki and Sidonia had passed more than a day together. If Sidonia hadn’t succumbed to exhaustion eight hours earlier, Kiki’s fists might have put her to sleep.
Sick with worry, Kiki was pacing the perimeter of the hideout when Sidonia woke. The girl’s once perfectly formed nose wrinkled prissily when she recalled where she was. In an instant, the princess was perched bolt upright on the sofa. She sat with her knees together and her hands in her lap, touching as little as possible.
“This place is disgusting, you horrible little troll. The furniture smells like butt, and we’ve been down here forever. How much longer will I have to wait?” Sidonia demanded. The complaining was about to drive Kiki to homicide.
“Until your delightful mother releases Verushka, and Etienne brings her safely here,” Kiki responded. “And then you will be escorted to the most luxurious police station in all of Paris. Now that’s the tenth time I’ve told you. Don’t make me say it again. I’m already itching to punch you, and I’m sure you want to look your best for your mug shot.”
Less than a minute passed. “I’m starving,” Sidonia whined.
“And you honestly think I care?” Kiki shot back. “Thanks to your mother, I’ve been hungry my entire life.”
“You know, it’s too bad that poison didn’t put you out of your misery. I can’t imagine what it must be like to walk around looking like a freak of nature.”
“You didn’t seem to mind pretending to be me. By the way, Etienne thought that white wig didn’t suit you at all.”
The princess ran a hand over her ebony locks. “That’s the irony! Look at me! I’m exactly what everyone wants a princess to look like, and yet I’m forced to dress up like one of the undead just to claim the crown I deserve.”
“I’d stop placing so much importance on looks, if I were you,” Kiki warned. “All those princesses you see in the storybooks have a full head of hair.”
Sidonia glared at Kiki. “The curse is a myth,” she sneered. “I was just being cautious.”
“I’m afraid the curse is only too real, dear cousin. If you had ever bothered to study your history, you’d know that baldness has run in our family since at least the twelfth century. Ivana the Cruel was the first queen to lose her hair. Do you know how the people of Pokrovia discovered her secret?”
“How?”
“Her wig fell off when she was beheaded in front of a cheering crowd.”
“They chopped off her head?” Sidonia screeched. “I certainly hope those peasants were punished! The thought of putting a queen to death! And cheering about it!”
“Ivana was a tyrant with a serious diamond addiction,” Kiki said. “She sold Pokrovia’s grain to other countries and used the money to buy herself trinkets. She let her own people starve, and she tortured anyone who spoke out against her.”
“Maybe they should have kept their mouths shut,” Sidonia snipped.
“That’s when our people began to believe that bald women should never be queen,” Kiki continued. “It’s a stupid superstition, and it would have died out if it hadn’t been for your very own mother—Pokrovia’s worst ruler since Ivana the Cruel.”
“I’ll be a much better ruler than my mother was,” Sidonia said. “I’ll make sure to grease enough palms to keep the right people from turning against me.”
“Even if you manage to get yourself out of this mess, you’ll still be tested. You’ll have to prove that you weren’t born with the curse. Anyone who’s taken a high school biology class could tell you that the odds aren’t in your favor.”
“Unless you’re a changeling like mother insists, then my odds are as good as yours,” Sidonia snarled.
“Perhaps, but I have no intention of claiming the throne,” Kiki said. “Pokrovia is a democracy now, and it should stay that way. You don’t deserve to be queen and neither do I. Why should one of us get to rule a whole country? Just because we were born into the royal family doesn’t mean we’d be any good for Pokrovia. Look at what your mother did to the place. That’s why I’m going to put an end to the monarchy. There isn’t going to be another Queen of Pokrovia. But if I did want the crown, at least I’d be able to wear it. Because unlike you, my beloved cousin, I have the cure for the curse.”
“There is no cure for the royal curse!” Sidonia bellowed. “You made it up! It was all just a trick!”
“I didn’t make up a thing,” Kiki informed her. “In fact, the cure is already here in Paris. Right down the hall from your room at the Prince Albert Hotel.”
“Oh, please. A cure for baldness would be worth a billion dollars. There’s no way one of your hideous little friends—” Sidonia stopped mid-thought. “Who are you?” she demanded rudely.
Marcel Roche had just appeared through one of the hideout’s three entrances. Kiki was on her feet in an instant. How long had he been eavesdropping? she wondered. How much had he heard? Whatever information he’d managed to gather, she couldn’t possibly allow him to leave. A quick kick to the groin and a chop to the back of his head, and Marcel was on the floor, writhing in pain.
He tried to speak, but the wind had been knocked out of him.
“You have something to say, monsieur? Need some help spitting it out?” Kiki demanded, raising her foot to give him another kick.
“She’s gone,” the boy wheezed.
Kiki spun around. The sofa was empty. In all the excitement, Sidonia had silently slipped out of the room. Kiki rushed down one of the two passages her cousin might have used as an escape route.
“Sidonia!” she shouted into the silence. “Don’t be an idiot! You can’t go off on your own! You don’t know how to read the signs! You could die down here! Sidonia!”
There wasn’t an answer.
Far more annoyed than concerned, Kiki sprinted back to the room to get a flashlight. Marcel was still groaning on the floor, but now Etienne and Verushka were standing over him. For a moment, Sidonia Galatzina was completely forgotten as Kiki threw her arms around the old woman still dressed in a nun’s habit.
“I’m sorry it took so much longer than expected,” Etienne said. “Your aunt kept stalling. She thought the police could find Sidonia. When she finally gave in, we had to stop off and get Verushka some food. Livia hadn’t fed her for days.”
“Are you okay now?” Kiki asked, pulling back from the embrace and studying her guardian’s face.
“I feel strong as a mule,” Verushka insisted, patting her stomach. Then she pulled Kiki close and whispered in her ear. “The boy is charming. A good match. Your mother would have liked him very much.”
“A match?” Kiki scoffed.
“Excuse me, Kiki,” Etienne interrupted. “Where have you put your cousin? And why is Marcel on the floor?”
“Sidonia’s gone,” Kiki reported. “The moron on the floor was eavesdropping on us. I had to keep him from going back and blabbing everything to his daddy. While I was dealing with him, Sidonia ran off into the tunnels. I don’t even know which way she went.”
Etienne peered down at Marcel, who was finally beginning to recover. “Do you realize what you’ve done?” he asked coldly. “This is the second time in two days that you’ve put others’ lives in danger. Why are you here?”
“I couldn’t go home,” Marcel explained. “I couldn’t face my father. I spent last night in the Luxembourg Gardens, but the pigeons wouldn’t leave me alone, and I barely got any sleep at all. I was just going to take a quick nap in the hideout.”
“This is my hideout,” Etienne said. “I built it myself. You are no longer welcome here.”
“Etienne, I’m sorry! Please forgive me,” Marcel pleaded. “I should have never betrayed you.”
“It makes no difference if you’re sorry or not,” Etienne replied mercilessly. “When you told me all the cruel things that your fath
er had said, I felt sorry for you. Now I realize he was right. You’re hopeless, Marcel. You’re a bumbling idiot who screws everything up.”
“No.” Marcel looked stricken. “It’s not true! I’ll show you how useful I am. I’ll help you find the girl.”
“We don’t want your help,” Kiki told him.
“Get out,” Etienne ordered.
The boy pulled himself to his feet. “Please,” he begged. “Let me help.”
“Perhaps we should give the boy a chance to speak,” Verushka advised.
Etienne seemed too angry to listen. “Get out,” he repeated, pointing toward an exit. “Now.”
As soon as Marcel had slunk away, Etienne pulled off his backpack. “We need to get to work,” he told Kiki. “Your cousin is in terrible trouble.”
“Who cares?” Kiki said. “We don’t need her anymore now that Verushka is safe. Let Sidonia wander around here for a while. She deserves a good scare.”
“I don’t think you understand,” Etienne told Kiki. “Without a flashlight, Sidonia will never find her way out. Without water, she’ll be dead in a couple of days. And if she runs into the wrong people, she might not even last that long.”
Chapter 25
Betty Bent Gets Tough
There had been no further instructions from Kiki Strike. So at eleven a.m. on Friday, Betty Bent marched through the lobby of the Prince Albert Hotel. Every perfectly coiffed head she passed turned to follow her progress. Gone were her sensible shoes and pretty dress. Betty was sporting a sleek black jumpsuit of her own design, knee-high black boots, and a backpack filled with supplies. A compass. A miner’s flashlight. Duct tape. And a small device that resembled a kazoo. Betty had come to Paris prepared.
Amelia Beauregard and Detective Fitzroy were waiting for her by the exit. More than twenty-four hours had passed since Betty had last laid eyes on her employer. Time had only fueled her fury, and the sight of the prim old woman in her gray wool suit made Betty’s fists clench.
“Miss Bent!” Madame Beauregard exclaimed. “What on earth are you wearing?”
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