“Stop.” Ty sighed. “Don’t betray Alex’s trust. I actually don’t want to hear about Zoey second or thirdhand. It’s too hard.”
“Okay.”
“I just need to make a change; I’m exhausted from always being so sad.” Ty knitted his brows. “What kind of man cries himself to sleep for over a year?”
“You. You’re a good man. The best front man in the business. I’ll— We all will be here, whatever you need.” I stood. “Do you want some time for yourself?”
“Yeah, thanks.” Ty rose from his seat and jumped up into his top bunk. “Oh, and Jace?”
“Yep.”
“You don’t have to hide your feelings for Alex from me.” Ty smiled slightly.
“Um,” I stuttered.
“You were with her in Barcelona, right?” He flopped back on his pillow.
“Um . . .” I hung my head.
“Like I said.” He flung the curtain to his bunk closed.
“Okay.” I smiled to myself and went into the bathroom to get ready for bed, feeling touched that we had such a profound bonding moment.
In the weeks that followed, as an unspoken rule, no one brought up Carter when Ty was around. When the first big publishing royalty checks arrived, all of us were stunned to learn that we were millionaires. While Ty wrote most of the lyrics, all of us contributed to the music so we shared our songwriting credits equally. Somehow financial freedom lightened everyone’s mood. Our hard work had paid off. We were truly a success, our bank accounts showed it.
We ended up scheduling a few more dates in Europe, and during our travel days Ty, Connor, and I all browsed real estate sites for properties in Seattle. Connor and I wanted to pay off our family’s mortgages, and I bought a condo in a new downtown high-rise, sight unseen. Ty wanted to purchase his own place outright, so he’d never be homeless again, and he lined up a realtor to help him. Zane was less enthused about becoming a landowner and wanted to wait until he got home to make any decisions.
Just when things seemed to be getting happier, my sister dropped a bombshell when she showed up in Munich for Oktoberfest. Connor had been ecstatic for Jen’s visit; he hadn’t seen her in person for months. Many of their fights were because Jen hadn’t made the effort to visit him on the road. Their relationship was strained, but he seemed hopeful that reconnecting would put them back on track.
They left right after the show for the hotel. Ty, Zane, and I, on the other hand, went out and got obliterated on giant mugs of Augustiner beer with some of the other bands. There may or may not have been lederhosen involved. When I finally stumbled into my hotel suite near dawn, I was shocked to find my sister curled up and asleep on the pull-out couch.
“Jen? What the fuck?” I slurred.
“Sorry, baby bro, do you mind if I sleep here?” She sat up, pulling the blankets around her.
“Of course not. Where’s Connor?” I plopped down next to her.
“I had to break it off, J-bird,” Jen said, puffing a bit of air out between her lips. “It’s been coming for a long time, and I couldn’t keep going anymore.”
I just stared at her, shocked.
“I cheated on him.” Jen looked down.
“What? Why?” I felt immediately defensive for Connor.
“Because I fell in love with someone else.” Jen reached out and clasped my wrist. “I’m in love with Becca, Jace.”
“Oh. Wow.” I was instantly sober.
“I’ve known for a long time.” She sighed. “It was just hard for me to admit it to myself.”
“Oh, Jen.” Her revelation was surprisingly unsurprising now that it was out. “If that’s how you feel, I’m so glad that you did. You should always be true to yourself; Connor will understand that.”
“He’s sad and confused, he’s going to need you and the guys.” She started to cry. “I love him so much, but I—”
“You can’t love him that way because you’re gay.” I pulled her to me and squeezed her tight.
“Yes.” She sobbed. “I didn’t want to hurt him, I never wanted to hurt him.”
“It will be okay.” I held my sister tight. “He’ll be okay.”
“He deserves to have someone who can love him the way he deserves. He’s the best man I know.” Jen snuggled into me. “Well, besides you.”
“I love you.” I looked at her with compassion, I really did love my sister. All of my sisters.
“I love you more.” Jen elbowed me.
“Nah.” I gave her a soft noogie. She might be older than me, but I was bigger.
Connor actually took the news as well as could be expected. In many ways, it was like a weight was lifted off him. He had remained staunchly faithful to her despite their rocky relationship and the hordes of groupies that vied four our attention each night. For the first time in the band’s history, all of us were single.
After we finished the final shows and had a few days off while the crew got our equipment sorted out and shipped to New York, the four of us went to a resort in the country. We hadn’t hung out together with no schedule and no work obligations for nearly two years, and it was a welcome break. For three days we slept, ate good food, and did nothing except jam through some of the songs we all had been writing.
The material was explosive, raw, and explored the gamut of emotions we were all feeling. Ty’s attempt to get over Zoey. Connor’s reflection on the demise of his long-term relationship with my sister. My developing feelings for Alex. Zane’s underlying anger at his father.
Anguish. Hope. Anger. Resolution.
We captured each of these emotions in the new material. All in all, it was magic.
After we heard the final masters, I’d like to say that the four of us looked at one another and knew that our lives were about to change even more than they already had.
Once the world heard our new music, however, no one could have prepared us for the type of fishbowl fame waiting for us just around the corner.
Chapter 10
ALEX
My face looked completely different after the hair and makeup people were through with me. I’d never worn so much foundation or eyeshadow in my life. I never planned to do it again. As if I weren’t already nervous enough to see Jace, I wondered if he’d even recognize me. We hadn’t been in touch in a few days, which was weird, but I figured I’d see him on set.
Dragging the long, unwieldy skirt attachment to the flesh-colored romper they dressed me in, I was led to an empty studio where I was posed on a square, white box against a green backdrop. After ten minutes of photos that I assumed were testers, I finally raised my hand to get the photographer’s attention.
“Um, excuse me, but where are the others?” I gestured around me, genuinely confused.
“What others?” Photo-dude looked at me strangely.
“The others for the photo, one of my friends is supposed to be here.”
“Um, no, we take shots of you individually, and then I’ll splice everyone together during editing.” He shot me a snobby look like I was an idiot. “You’re my last subject.”
My heart dropped to my knees. I’d been looking forward to New York for months. It had been so disappointing when I couldn’t meet Jace in London. Trying to be professional, I followed directions and finished the shoot, but broke down in tears when I got back to the dressing area. A full, blubbering meltdown. Grateful that no one was around to see me like this, I composed myself after a few minutes and found my phone.
Alex: Ru in NYC?
Jace: …
Jace: …
Jace: …
Jace: No
Alex: Where u at?
Jace: Seattle
Alex: Damn
Jace: Ru ok?
Alex: Y just sad ur not here
Jace: sorry
Alex: See u in Seattle?
Jace: leaving tomorrow
Alex: oh
Jace: sorry
Alex: me too
I hated myself for doing it, but I Googled LTZ to fin
d out where he would be, and it looked like they had dates all across Asia for the next two months, starting with Hong Kong for New Years. A part of me wanted to drive right to JFK and jump on a flight to intercept him, but something deep inside me started putting up a wall. Jace hadn’t promised me anything, and we certainly were not a couple. It was time for me to get over my girlish crush on a man who had the world at his feet.
Freedom from chasing Jace around gave me an opportunity to have some downtime with my mom. The two of us had an extended visit from Thanksgiving through New Year’s Day. It wasn’t relaxing, we made about a zillion holiday pies to fulfill her orders. Working side-by-side with my mom was strangely satisfying. It was surprising when my dad was actually complimentary about my success, as were my brother, Allen, and sister, Ariana. It felt good not to be the baby-didn’t-go-to-college-fuckup anymore, I had more money in my bank account than any of them at this point. Somehow that gave me credibility. And freedom.
Sadly, Zoey didn’t come home for the holidays, her folks met her in Texas and took her to Florida for Christmas. She barely texted me anymore, claiming that she was too busy trying to get through undergrad quickly to go to law school. Truthfully, I thought she was hurt when I’d confessed about my hookup with Jace. And angry that I told the band about Carter. We’d never gone through a stretch like this during our entire friendship. I felt very abandoned and alone.
By January, I was ready to get back to work again and decided that Sydney, Australia, would be my next destination. For one thing, it was summer there, and why not chase an endless summer? For another, I’d lined up a few high-paying gigs and a six-month volunteer stint at a horse rescue north of Sydney in a rural town that looked absolutely stunning.
I told myself that I had already planned on going this direction before I’d learned that LTZ would be in the same part of the world. Telling myself this little white lie over and over made it seem quite true.
Regardless of why I went to Sydney, the experience was life-changing for me, in more ways than one. Once the Vanity Fair article hit in February, my social presence increased to nearly ten million followers, which put me in an entirely new influencer category. My mind was blown by the level of success and opportunities that were coming my way.
Being a public persona was weird, so I really wanted to choose what I did wisely. Agents, managers, and lawyers were circling my wagon, but I decided to manage myself. Mainly because I knew what mattered to me. The money I made gave me the power to raise awareness of animal rights issues throughout the world. When I volunteered at an organization and set up a fundraiser, my following gave them access to more money than they had ever dreamed possible.
It was a big responsibility. An endorsement from @alexlerouxseattle meant exposure. The exposure led to scrutiny. Before I’d commit to a non-profit, I had to research it meticulously. I’d even created applications. A lot of my time was spent vetting these places to make sure that any money raised under my name would be used for the right things.
Australia was such an incredible country that placed such a high value on conservation. They also had so many species that needed help. My plan was to spend six months, one month each at rescues for racehorses, dingo-hybrids, kangaroos, emus, and two months at the Great Barrier Reef to delve into all of the sea life conservation efforts. Each of these organizations received over a million Australian dollars from my followers, which was record-breaking fundraising in the animal rights community. The best part about all this was now I was more famous for my animal charitable work than my single-girl travel tips.
Television, radio, and podcast hosts began to book me, literary agents contacted me to write books, producers wanted me to be on television shows. One company wanted to create an entire docu-reality show around my adventures, it was crazy. Despite all these opportunities, I found that I didn’t crave the spotlight. I preferred to work behind the scenes.
The other big change for me was my Australian boyfriend, Sam. We met at the Great Barrier Reef and hit it off immediately. He was gorgeous. His sandy-brown hair was longish and wavy, his chocolate-brown eyes were kind, and his body was surfer-licious. His heart was in the right place too, including our shared passion for animal rights. We were still in that googly relationship stage where we couldn’t keep our hands off each other.
Until Sam, it had been a nearly eight-month sex drought after Barcelona. I was desperate to recreate the immense pleasure I’d discovered with Jace.
There was only one small problem.
Yeah.
Sam was on his “gap” year, which many Aussies took during college, so he didn’t have any responsibilities. We could spend all of our time together, and he traveled with me for work and fundraising activities. I’d never dated anyone so proud to call me his girlfriend. I’d met all of his friends, learned how to surf, and spent a lot of time at his parents’ house in the suburbs of Sydney. Everything was perfect on paper, and it was awesome to have companionship after being on my own for so long.
Plus, I loved Australia. My only problem was the visa. I was on my second ninety-day visitor’s visa, and once it ran out, I’d have to leave. During my first stint, I’d popped over to New Zealand for a couple of weeks for a vacation and came back to Oz. With my social media presence through the roof, I didn’t want to risk getting kicked out on a technicality.
According to the Australian government, I wasn’t legitimately working. The “influencer” career was such a new “profession” that there were no rules to follow about how I was paid or where to pay taxes. My dad helped me get a business manager to help with all of that, but I couldn’t help but wonder if the shit would hit the fan.
Toward the end of my second visa, Sam and I were having dinner at his folks and Sam got down on his knee and asked me to marry him. Shocked, I didn’t know what to do. I loved him, but I certainly wasn’t sure about forever with him.
His whole family got excited and all of a sudden there was talk about fiancé visas and me moving to Australia permanently. Aside from my mom, it was the first time in forever that I felt enveloped with acceptance. Zoey and I hadn’t spoken in months. Jace and I had basically lost touch too, only checking in with each other occasionally.
Suddenly, becoming Sam’s fiancée felt like the best idea in the world. In fact, I convinced myself that it was the answer to more than just my travel issues. He gave me his grandmother’s ring, a simple band with a small diamond and two emeralds. When we called my mom to tell her the news, I couldn’t help but think of Jace when the sparkling green of the precious stone flashed in light. Pushing the thoughts away, I threw myself fully into the engagement.
Sam’s folks didn’t waste any time setting us up with a solicitor to begin processing my fiancé visa. Once I didn’t have to worry about getting kicked out of the country, time went by super-fast. I was caught off-guard when a calendar reminder popped up on my phone about LTZ’s Sydney show.
It hadn’t seemed relevant to tell Sam about my not-quite romance with Jace because, in all honesty, there wasn’t much to tell. When every media outlet began advertising the concert, I stupidly let it slip that I knew the band. And that my best friend had dated the lead singer. Sam lost his mind and begged me to try and get us into the show.
Even though I could find my way into any event in the world, something compelled me to reach out to Jace for passes.
He enthusiastically said yes.
Hand-in-hand, Sam and I picked up our tickets at will-call. Jace left us all-access laminates, which we hung around our necks and entered the stadium. It should have been a fun night, but my stomach churned with anxiety at the situation I’d put myself in.
All I could think about was seeing Jace and launching myself into his arms.
So inappropriate.
A bigger part of me was dreading seeing the sexy drummer. I hadn’t told him about Sam, let alone that we were engaged. I was a professional withholder of information.
Gawd.
My fiancé was
so damn excited to meet the band, I didn’t have the heart to say no.
Did I mention how much the word “fiancé” bugged the crap out of me?
Fee-yawn-say. Ugh.
With all of my random thoughts, I did realize that it would be weird not to go, and at least say hi. After all, I did get the passes. Sucking it up, I pinged him.
Alex: Yo - I’m here.
Jace: Cool where ru, I’ll have security come get you.
Alex: I’m with a date.
Jace: Oh, ok.
Alex: Is it?
Jace: Of course.
Alex: I’m stage right.
Jace: ok sending someone
A big, burly, tribal-tattooed aborigine dude approached the security gate and motioned me over. Clutching Sam’s hand tightly, I followed him through the backstage area down a dark hallway into LTZ’s dressing room. The minute I was through the door, Jace, Connor, and Zane surrounded me and gave me full-body hugs.
“Hi, guys! This is my boyfriend, Sam.” I motioned to my guy, who looked shellshocked to be in the same room as his favorite band.
“Fiancé,” Sam said politely as he shook their hands. “We just got engaged.”
Ugh.
I couldn’t meet Jace’s eye for some reason, but Zane reached down and grabbed my hand to look at the ring.
“Nice one, Alex.” Zane threw his arms around me again. “It’s good to meet you, Sam, welcome to the family.”
Looking up from under my fisherman’s hat, I caught Jace’s eye. He was delicious. His cheekbones were more pronounced than usual. His green eyes were the same color as my ring. The front part of his dirty-blond hair was pulled back into a braid. All he had on were tight black bicycle shorts, an LTZ T-shirt, and sneakers. Keeping his expression blank, he subtly swept his eyes up and down my body.
“Congratulations.” He looked like he swallowed a watermelon, but he still held out his hand to Sam. “Nice to meet you, Sam. You better take good care of her.”
“Surely, I will mate!” Sam said too loudly in his distinct Aussie brogue. Which suddenly sounded cartoonish.
LIMITLESS: A Less Than Zero Rockstar Romance: Book 2: Jace & Alex Page 11