by Ciara Graves
I stretched, pausing when a male grunt came from the other end of the couch.
Draven was still there, his feet in the seat of the armchair.
And my legs were being held securely in his lap. In the calmness of the surrounding darkness, I took the time to admire his face. His high cheekbones and the dark stubble covering his jaw. His lips weren’t bad either, and I fought back the strangest urge to lean over and kiss him to see what it would be like.
I warmed, simply remembering how he held me after we were safely inside. The only reason I hadn’t fallen apart was because of him.
What about Owen? Are you going to forget about him so easily? a voice nagged inside my mind. I cringed, thinking of Owen. He was the one who walked away from me. He abandoned me after he said no matter what he would be there for me.
Besides, Owen was strong, but he wasn’t who I needed in my life, as much as it hurt us both to admit it. His betrayal stung, but in the end, it was for the best. He did not need to be a part of what I was becoming. He wouldn’t understand. He never really had.
A small part of me missed him, but as I glanced toward Draven, the stark realization hit me that this vampire was what I’d been missing all this time. The one being strong enough to stand, unwavering, by my side. Or stop me when the evil within me won out, and I had to be stopped.
I shivered harshly as if an icy hand gripped my heart.
Draven frowned in his sleep, letting out a quiet hiss and held onto my legs more firmly, as if he would keep me safe. No matter what he said, I was losing my grip. Careful not to disturb him, I removed my legs from his lap and tiptoed for the door. Fresh air sounded great, and I figured he could use the rest. It wasn’t like I planned on going outside the walls, now that the shifters were siding with the enemy. Who knew who else was out there at this very moment, joining Rudarius’s ranks.
I passed a few fae as I wandered out of my room and down toward the courtyard.
Several bowed. Others looked on in disgust and scorn. As tempting as it was to scare them shitless, I pressed forward until I was outside. The air was cooler than I expected, and I wrapped my arms around myself, wandering toward the stone steps leading to the top of the wall. The patrol was at the other end and let me be.
From up here, the entire orchard came into view, though it was no longer beautiful to my eyes. My fingers dug into the stone as the shifters’ dying screams echoed in my mind as if I was killing them all over again.
How long until you turn on the others? How long until he wins?
“Shut up,” I hissed. “I am not going to turn.”
Aren’t you? It’s already started. You saw what power he had over you… You’ll never be free of him… Never…
“I said shut up.”
The guards further down the wall glanced my way at my outburst, worry on their faces.
I spun around and left the wall, grinding my teeth as I paced madly within the garden I’d found myself in. My left hand burned suddenly, as if I’d stuck it in hot coals. The sting grew worse with every pulse of my heartbeat.
I clutched my hand to my chest, hissing to whatever darkness Rudarius brought to life within my very being.
Through all the pain and torture, an anger was born I hadn’t known the full extent of until I faced him down again. Until I was face-to-face with the very monster who destroyed what I could have been.
The only way to kill him is to give in… there is no other way…
“Lies. All lies.” My hand shook as I held it out before my face.
The burns surrounding the three rings were red and angry-looking. The light inside the stones sputtered and sparked, nowhere near the light magic of the fae. Whatever this was, it was pure evil. Glimpses of the fight flashed in my mind. Taking down any vampire that came at me. Tearing Lacy apart. Unleashing my full wrath against Rudarius, ready to beat him to death if it would end my misery. The shifters. Draining one and letting myself get lost in the fiery blood rage that followed. I was too damned close to becoming the monster everyone saw me as.
Who said you aren’t already and you’re just now seeing it? Admit it, you’ve felt this seed of evil inside you ever since Macron saved you. Perhaps he saw it too.
“No, he would’ve said something.”
Like he said something about who you truly are? About the rings he gave you? About your part in this war? There must be a villain, Seneca. As well as a hero. Do you really believe you’re the hero?
Those words stopped me. I should’ve been freaking out that a voice was speaking to me inside my head, but that last question bothered me. Minnie mentioned I’d have a part in the war. She’d told me Draven would either become my ally or my enemy, but there was no context to say which way that would come about. And Macron told me to stay out of Otherworld and away from Rudarius. This hinted that he had not told me everything.
“I’m nothing but a tainted fae,” I argued, digging my nails into my palms until I drew blood.
If that were true, then why was Rudarius after you in the first place? Why does he believe you can be used as a weapon? Explain that to yourself.
“There’s nothing to explain because none of it’s true.”
Now, who’s the liar?
I held my head, sinking to my knees in the grass. On top of learning my family was composed of heartless assholes, and facing down Rudarius, I was losing my mind. This was great, just freaking fantastic.
Did you ever stop to wonder why you are the only fae vampire in this world?
Why would I? Fae blood was known to harm and kill vampires. They normally never bothered with us, though the voice spoke the truth. I was the only fae ever turned that I knew of. That anyone heard of. It was why I was such a freak and why everyone seemed so afraid of me. When I faced down Rudarius, he hadn’t seemed surprised to see me with fangs.
Minnie told you to remember who you truly are, which means also letting yourself remember everything he did to you. Everything. Think.
The more this voice spoke to me, the more it sounded like someone familiar. Someone I’d known a very long time ago. A woman. I shut my eyes, not wanting to remember, but the magic within my veins came to life, and it was like the floodgates slammed open.
I was thrown from the garden into the memories I’d suppressed all these years.
A baby screamed, and the room was fuzzy. Nothing came into focus. There were voices, though, many voices.
“Should we worry?” a woman asked sounding on the verge of panic. “This has never happened before, one of our own born under a double lunar eclipse.”
“No, she’ll be fine,” a man replied, though he sounded just as on edge.
“But what if she’s not? What if this harms her?”
“She’s one of us, no matter what,” the man said as the baby cried on and on.
Vaguely, I realized the baby must be me, as two faces I could barely make out as Raine and Karina hovered over me. “Our little Seneca. Born in the darkness.”
“She’ll be fine,” Raine repeated, louder this time. “You’ll see.”
The memory shifted and faded, and then I was outside playing in the mud.
I wasn’t very old, three or four maybe. The two fae I always assumed were my parents watched from the edge of the garden, but they weren’t alone.
A woman who looked like a much older version of Karina was with them, her long, white hair blowing lightly in the spring breeze. Was that my grandmother? Something told me it was. But why wasn’t Karina with her?
I was too far away to hear everything, but I caught a few choice words the toddler version of me never would’ve paid attention to.
“Her magic is strange,” the woman I’d assumed was my mother said. “I’ve never seen anything like it.”
“She was born in the darkness. We held out hope it would not affect her.”
“Well, we were wrong,” the woman snapped even as she turned and smiled at toddler-me.
“If you feel you can’t take care of her, I mu
st know now,” the old woman warned. “We’ll have to find others willing to take her in. The mages would be willing to do so. To ensure she remains safe from others and from herself.”
The woman blanched. “You would hand her over to them? No, that is no life for a princess.” She hesitated, her face paling. “We can handle her. It’s just she’s not normal. If she goes back to Otherworld, I don’t know if they’ll accept her. Not like this.”
“Of course, they will, she’s their princess.”
“A princess whose power is prone to shadows more than the light. The only time I’ve seen light magic is if she’s holding one of our hands. Otherwise, it’s all darkness. She teeters on the edge of an abyss. I feel it,” the woman went on, wringing her hands worriedly. “We will continue our duty and watch over her, but I fear if she is without the guidance of her true family for too long, if she is in any way exposed to true evil, Seneca will turn.”
The image shifted and then was gone, leaving me stumbling around in the woods. Tears streamed down my cheeks.
I was in the woods, alone at night. I was scared, so scared, but there was no going back. I remembered this night all too clearly and when I heard his voice, the grown me kneeling in the garden hissed and cringed, willing myself to tear myself away from these memories.
“What is a little thing like you doing out in the woods all alone?”
Rudarius.
I stilled and spun slowly about to see the vampire standing right behind me, fangs gleaming in the night. He snatched me up in his arms as I screamed and begged to be released.
All these years I wondered how he found me or why.
I believed I wandered too close to the Veil, but now a darker truth emerged. There was no Veil close to where I was. He had walked with me for days, keeping me quiet by feeding me some sort of sleeping concoction.
As my vision blurred before one such time, he whispered, “What are you, my pet? Such dark magic, such delicious potential. What to do with you, now that I’ve found you?”
Rudarius hadn’t aimlessly wandered into the woods that night and bumped into me. Oh no.
He’d been drawn to me, to the darkness inside me. If it was that strong for him to sense then, how much worse had it gotten over the years?
The memories pushed on, even as I pleaded whatever force was doing this to me to stop.
I didn’t want to see anything else. But I was plunged right back in that dungeon, screaming as a vampire clamped down on my arm. The pain was beyond brutal, and I was close to passing out when Rudarius appeared over the vampire’s shoulder and yanked him away. I slumped against the cold stone wall, chains rattling, and willed death to come claim me. I remembered so many moments like this. Why was I being shown this all over again? Living it once hadn’t been enough?
“Weak. All of you are weak,” Rudarius ranted as the vampire staggered away, clutching at his throat. “Take his blood before he dies, do it!”
Two more vampires moved forward and slit the wrist of the one dying. Then they dragged him back toward my chained-up form. I was slumped in the chains, not caring what was happening.
Rudarius grabbed the vampire’s wrist and crushed it against my mouth.
I gagged on the blood, sputtering and spitting. The taste of metal filled my mouth making me sick as I watched the memory. The vampire shuddered then died at my feet. Rudarius leaned in close, watching. Waiting.
Waiting, I realized now, for me to turn.
As the seconds passed and the change didn’t come over me, Rudarius shouted in rage, smashing his fist into the stone wall right beside my head.
I, however, was in too much shock at seeing this memory.
Why hadn’t I turned? I shivered, and a gasp escaped my mouth.
Rudarius whirled around, glaring at me intensely as the tremors grew worse.
My eyes shot open. I screamed in agony, eyes glowing red, but then they were overtaken by a black cloud, and I collapsed in a heap on the floor.
Rudarius lifted my upper lip, but there were no fangs there. I was not a vampire.
“Master? I don’t understand,” a vampire I didn’t recognize said quietly, stepping forward. “Why won’t she turn?”
“Our dear Seneca is not like other fae. She is more powerful, far more powerful. Her magic is fighting against the change.” He smoothed back the hair from my face. I snarled in rage, hating that I was unable to do anything to him. The way he looked at me was sickening. As though he truly cared for me in his twisted way. “One way or another, she will become one of us.”
His eyes glimmered darkly and sent a jolt through me. All these years, I believed he’d been draining me for my blood for fae dust. Used me as his personal executioner. Instead, he’d known all along what was inside me… was trying to turn me.
“No matter how much blood it takes, you will be mine.”
I witness that while I was still passed out, he lifted my wrist to his mouth.
The vampires begged for him to stop, but he bit down.
I screamed, jerking upright as he drained me. His mouth burned, and his body weakened as it fought to heal itself before it was destroyed. He slashed open his wrist and shoved it to my mouth.
“Drink, Seneca. Drink. For one day, you will hear my call, and you will answer.”
How did I not remember this? How? The image faded out and just when I believed the memories were finished, another rushed up to greet me.
This was the last memory I’d have ever wanted to see.
I was alone, fighting off the vampire who turned me but wasn’t strong enough.
I screamed as he bit down on my neck, sucking the life from my body. There was nothing different about this moment. He tore his fangs free with a pained shriek as my blood burned him. Then he collapsed on me. I’d I assumed his blood accidentally got inside my wounds.
As I watched it from outside my body, I was horrified as I passed out and the vampire lifted his arm, tore into his wrist, and shoved it against my lips.
I swallowed so much blood even as the vampire struggled to stay alive. The hood of his cloak fell back as his strength gave out and I shook my head, not wanting to believe it.
“No!”
It wasn’t possible, couldn’t be possible. I screamed, not wanting to see anymore.
A trick, this had to be a trick.
“Seneca? Seneca, snap out of it.” Two hands grabbed my shoulders, shaking me hard. “Seneca. Look at me, damn it. Come back to me. Open your eyes.”
Slowly, I did and found myself back in the garden at the fort. The memories were gone, and there was only Draven, eyes frantically searching for my gaze.
“Draven.” I clutched at his arms, but the rest of the words were lodged in my throat.
“Calm down. You’re safe,” he assured me. “Take a deep breath.”
“I can’t… I can’t be here,” I gasped, shoving away from him. “It’s not safe.”
“What? Seneca, just wait.” He held fast to my arms when I went to stand. “Stop and talk to me. You can’t leave the fort. It’s not safe out there.”
“I’m not safe. You don’t understand. I didn’t either, but now… Now I do. They’re right. They’re all right.” I ripped myself free and stalked away.
Then he was there blocking my path.
“No. I have to go. Get off me. Get away before I hurt you.” I shoved at him, wanting him to understand how dangerous I was.
“You’re not going to hurt me.” He wrapped his arms firmly around me, crushing me to his chest. “Seneca, look at me, damn it. What are you talking about?”
“Rudarius.”
“What about him?”
I squirmed in his arms, but he didn’t budge, not an inch.
Guards around us whispered to each other and started to come closer, but fear of what I would accidentally do to them had me screaming at them to back off.
Draven told them everything was alright, but he had no idea how wrong he was.
“Let’s go back inside, a
nd we can talk about this.”
“Draven,” I started to argue, but the look on his face said he wasn’t giving me a choice. There was no point in fighting him. As soon as I told him the truth, he’d understand there was no choice but for me to leave to keep everyone else safe. “Fine.”
Keeping my arm in his steel grip, he dragged me inside. I rolled my eyes, telling him I wasn’t going to run off, but he refused to let up until we were back in the room. He closed the door, then crossed his arms, resting against it to stop me from making a quick escape.
“Talk, now,” he ordered. “What is going on?”
“You should just let me leave.”
His brow rose. “Right, so you can go wandering around out there alone when Rudarius’s entire army is closing in. Plus, who knows how many allies he’s made. Not happening. Talk, now.”
I paced away from him, around and around the couches, not sure what to even say. How did I tell him what I saw? Tell him the truth of what I was?
“Seneca, you can talk to me.”
I shot him a look.
He growled, annoyed. “I woke up, and you were gone. I track you down to find you screaming your head off in the garden like someone was attacking you. What did you see?”
“Memories,” I blurted, reality slamming into me all over again. The room spun, and I fell to my knees shaking.
Draven hurried to my side again, but I threw my arm out to stop him from touching me.
“I saw my past. Saw what I was told I needed to remember.”
“By who?”
“Macron and a seer.” I hugged myself as if that would ward off the darkness creeping in. “I know who turned me.”
“You said it was a vampire.” He shrugged. “Said you killed him that night.”
“I was wrong. So wrong.” I swallowed hard. The moment the words were out of my mouth, there was no going back. “All those years I was with Rudarius, it wasn’t by accident. He knew what I was.”
“Seneca, you’re not making any sense. You’re just a royal fae.”