by C. C. Piper
So when they were killed, I didn’t know how to function.
Sometimes, I wondered if it was because I was still relatively young. At twenty-one, I’d gone home over the summers and spent my winter breaks with them. We swam together in the warm weather and skied when it snowed. Pictures of the three of us together filled every room of their house.
And then, after their combined funeral, it was my responsibility to sell that house – the place of so many happy memories that it hurt to walk back into it – and to take all those framed photographs down. Following through with all that had devastated me.
Had it not been for Andy, I wouldn’t have made it.
That next school year, I nearly dropped out of college and ruined my prospects for receiving my degree. I remained in my dorm room rather than go to classes. I stayed blackout drunk for seven straight days, alternating between huddling in my bunk and puking into the trash can my parents had bought me my freshman year.
Andy had only put up with that shit for a single week, though. Then, he staged an intervention. He dragged me outside into the sunshine. He made sure I put nutrition into my body rather than just eighty proof liquor. He assigned someone to accompany me to my classes and stay there with me if he couldn’t do it himself. And he spent every evening by my side, just being there for me, refusing to leave until I was asleep.
He wouldn’t let me give up.
Now, we never talked about those times, choosing instead to concentrate on the friendly competition we’d had before. We’d challenge each other over every little thing. Who would win at frisbee or the local pie-eating contest. Who could make the most free-throws in a row and who could toss the football the furthest.
Up to that point, we’d competed over our grades, too. Then, for a while there, we hadn’t. Until law school. That changed things back to how they had been, and we both scrambled to beat one another. This had continued when we became junior associates in his dad’s firm, and we were competitive to this day. Yet, deep down, I knew I owed him big. I always would. Which made my attraction to his little sister even more inappropriate.
Yet, here I was in their house ogling her every chance I got. And now, I’d failed to show my parents how much I loved and missed them on this incredibly important anniversary.
Every year before, I’d done something to mark my parents’ passing. One time, I went to our favorite vacation spot, a cabin up in the Cascades. Once, I sat in front of our old house and stared up into its windows, even though other people owned it. Once, I went out to breakfast and ordered my parents’ favorite meals, a western omelet for my mom and blueberry waffles for my dad. Even though I had to overstuff myself, I ate every bite.
There were two things I knew I needed to do but hadn’t managed. One was go through all their pictures and scan them so they’d be saved into a digital format. Instead, I had three boxes in a storage unit below my townhouse overflowing with frames and unopened albums. I’d only taken two photos into the townhouse with me. An image of the three of us laughing during my high school graduation and one of all of us from the fourth of July.
The second had been the last one taken while my family was still intact.
The other thing I’d neglected to do was visit their graves. At that time of their combined funerals, there had been no tombstone. The statuary place hadn’t been able to complete it before the service. Not given a choice, I’d buried them without any markers. I knew the site had a memorial stone now, though. I just hadn’t seen it.
I was the worst son ever. The worst friend ever. The worst person ever.
I felt so shitty that I almost didn’t attend the family dinner. I sat there in my SUV and gazed out my side window, not seeing a damn thing. I didn’t know what to do except drive, so I took off having no idea where I was going.
On automatic pilot, I wound up rolling up into the Williams’ circle driveway. Coming here had become a habit, so feeling resigned, I went inside. Bryant and Andy were talking shop while Caroline inserted comments about an upcoming luncheon with the chamber of commerce. The atmosphere felt surprisingly normal considering my internal turmoil.
Then, right as the chef announced that dinner was ready, Alaina came down the stairs. My gaze fastened onto her. She wore a long sweater that clung to her hips and simple black leggings with tall boots. She was a vision. Once she was seated, Caroline reached over to both Andy and me, patting us each on the hand.
“It’s so nice to have all three of my children back home so often,” she said. The problem with Caroline was that she wasn’t the warmest woman out there. And the tension between her and Alaina was enough to make me uncomfortable. The words she’d issued might’ve been kind but her tone as she glanced over at her daughter smacked of irony. This was enough to yank me out of my own head.
But only for a minute.
Then, my mind filled with the multitude of times my own mother had told me she loved me. She and my dad had both been free with their affection, each of them never failing to hug me before every goodbye, even when I’d been a surly teenager and shrugged them off. I wanted that for Alaina, but I also wanted it for me. Without warning, my throat closed and my nose stung with this sharp prickling sensation.
Why had I come here again?
Roughly, I pushed to my feet and the wooden dining room chair raked against their hardwood floor. “Excuse me,” I mumbled, keeping my head down as I escaped to the nearest bathroom. Good thing this place had so many.
As soon as I was safely hidden, I put my head in my hands. I’d been so stupid to wander over here, and now, all I wanted to do was escape. But if I did, I knew Caroline would be insulted. I had to pull myself back together.
Get a goddamn grip, King. Right fucking now.
I splashed cold water on my face, just barely staving it off. The anniversary of their accident always made me blue, but maybe because I felt guilty, this year hit me extra hard. My eyes stung again, so I splashed more water on them, trying to stay calm. When someone knocked on the door, I jumped.
“Dude, you sick or something? The rest of us are already finishing up.”
If Andy was checking on me, I’d been in here way too long. I flushed the toilet as I cleared my throat. “Yeah, man. Sorry. Gonna need a few more minutes. Just sort of came over me all at once.”
At least that last bit was true.
My best friend paused on the other side of the door. “Need me to get you something?”
“No, thanks. Didn’t mean to do this here.” More truth. “I’ll be out soon.”
“Hey, I uh…have a late date tonight,” Andy said, sounding sheepish. “I know that’s against Williams dinner night protocol, so I’m not telling Mom.”
I chuckled despite everything. This was my best bud all over. Even at twenty-eight, in many ways, he still let his mother call the shots. How fucked up was it that I envied him that? Especially when my own mom had never behaved that way?
“Gotta go, huh?” I asked him.
“Yeah. Should’ve left five minutes ago.”
“Go on, then. I’ll cover for you.”
“Really? That’d be awesome, man. Sure you’re up to it?” he asked me, but I could hear the eagerness in his voice.
“Yeah, just get out of here already.”
“You’re the best, Mace.” Then, I listened as his footsteps disappeared.
Since I’d made my bed, there was nothing else for me to do but lay in it. At least the emotion had now passed. I analyzed my reflection in the mirror. Deciding I looked pale but passable, I hitched a mask of normalcy onto my face.
I rejoined Andy’s family, thankful for Caroline’s propensity to utilize her flashy candelabra at the table rather than the overhead lighting. The dimness should help camouflage anything conspicuous. Thank God for small favors.
“Mason,” Caroline cawed like a pecking hen, which made all attention center on me. Or it would have if Alaina hadn’t already been following me with her gaze the instant I strode into the room. “You’
ve been absent a while.”
“I’m a bit under the weather. Sorry.”
“In that case, I’ll have the chef whip you up some soup.” The woman marched into the kitchen clapping her hands as if she was the First Lady.
“No, I’m…” I began, but it was no use. Caroline had already followed through.
“Just let her,” Bryant told me, a sardonic grin lining his mug. “She’ll bulldoze over you until she gets her way regardless. Where’d Andy go?”
“Had a meeting with a client who works odd hours,” I lied. I was really racking them up tonight.
Bryant frowned and blew out a breath. “Guess we’ll let it go just this once.”
I ate my soup at the table to humor Caroline, then wandered into the family room with everyone else afterward. Bryant was watching the news while the matriarch of the clan made these fussy little noises from across the room on her iPad. Alaina appeared to be scrolling through something on her phone from one end of their large sectional, so I sat on the opposite end.
After a few minutes of pretending to concentrate on the news, I pulled out my cell and texted Alaina. She might consider it ridiculous since we were only feet away from one another, but I needed to occupy myself while keeping our conversation private. This was a safe thing for friends to do, right? Though she might refuse to answer me.
You tied up with homework?
No, she sent back, and relief washed over me like summer rain. Just trying to come up with a business plan.
That’s cool. How’s it going so far?
Okay. I have some marketing ideas that I’m planting seeds on.
Small talk was infinitely better than having a nervous breakdown right here in front of everybody, and I felt myself beginning to relax in their plush cushions. But then Alaina switched gears. Are you okay?
Sure. Another lie. Good thing my name wasn’t Pinocchio. Your mom fed me the cure for everything, chicken noodle soup. I had plenty of practice at peppering in truths with my falsehoods. Lawyers had to be proficient at disassembling just enough to make themselves and their clients appear believable.
You don’t have to go all stoic and macho on me. I know you’re not sick. This day must be rough on you.
Fuck, she was on to me. My gaze remained studiously on my screen as I did my best to squash any outward indications of dismay. How did she remember what today was? She’d been all of fourteen when my parents’ plane crash happened. I’m all right.
You don’t look all right. Since she could apparently see right through my denial, I didn’t bother to add anything else. Andy talks about them sometimes. Your parents. He never has anything but nice things to say. He thinks they were awesome.
This line of discussion was shocking the hell out of me, but still, I felt compelled to respond. They WERE awesome. Thank you. I didn’t know Andy talked about me like that. I hope he hasn’t told you everything. There are some youthful misadventures that are best left hidden.
What? Like smoking pot behind the school or mooning your principal?
Damn you, Andy. You’re supposed to be my bro’. Good God! Remind me to murder your brother next time I see him.
LOL! It’s not all his fault. Although I have it on good authority that eavesdropping at closed doors can provide a teenage girl with lots more information than she bargained for.
Now it was my turn to LOL.
I will say this much, though. Alaina’s next text came through. I probably know more about you than you do about me.
I stared at this line, letting my gaze flick to her face for the most fleeting of seconds. Her complexion bore a distinctly reddish tint to it. Maybe she regretted sending that, but I saw it as a challenge.
Oh, really? I think you’re wrong about that. Care to make it interesting?
Now she smirked and squinted at her phone. What you got?
Answers about you. Though my intel was probably woefully outdated. At least unless it had to do with how her lips felt against mine. Nope. Not going there. How about the first person who gets ten answers correct wins?
What do they win?
What do you want to play for? I was having entirely too much fun teasing her, but for the first time all night, I felt significantly better.
A favor? How about you write one of my papers for me? One of the fifteen to twenty-five pagers.
Only if you agree to play receptionist and get coffee for me for a whole day.
Deal. You’re going down, law boy.
Law boy? Those are some fightin’ words, buttercup.
She sent me a devil face emoji, and I snorted before I could catch myself. Bryant cast me a puzzled look before going back to his news channel.
Smack talk. Alaina Williams and I were texting with honest to goodness smack talk while sitting in the same room as her parents. Had I tumbled into the Twilight Zone and not realized it? I couldn’t back down now, though. My pride was at stake here, so I started us off.
Here we go. Your favorite color is lilac, just like Gilderoy Lockhart from Harry Potter. Your favorite song is the oldie but goodie “She Will Be Loved” by Maroon 5, and your favorite book is To Kill a Mockingbird. How’d I do?
She released a huff that she turned into a cough. How in the world did you know all that?
Yes! I just do. Don’t think you know any of that about me, though.
Prepare to be massacred, then, she texted. Favorite color: blue. Favorite song: “Sabotage” by the Beastie Boys. Favorite book: professionally it’s Sun Tzu’s The Art of War, and for fun, LOTR, just like half the population of the galaxy.
Hey, half the population has great taste. The Lord of the Rings is cool.
She sent the rolling eyes emoji. Yeah, if you like fantasies.
What’s wrong with fantasies? Some of my favorite activities involve fantasies. I pushed send, then immediately regretted it. That could be construed in a lot of ways. And sure enough…
Ewww. Dude, I do NOT want to know what you fantasize about when you are off by your lonesome.
I felt my dick twitch as my blood arrowed southward, and for a second, my libido took over.
Why not? Don’t you have any fantasies of your own?
Of course, I do.
Dare you to share.
I doubted she would share. It was too risqué. Besides, we were crossing into some dangerous and uncharted territory. I’d typed out a response that would return us to our PG-rated game when she shocked me for the second time that night.
I have this one where a guy licks me all over. Head to toe.
Holy fuckballs!
I blinked several times and read it over again. Then I read it twice more, unable to believe what she just sent me. But it was right there on my phone. She couldn’t retract it, and I couldn’t unsee it, as my now heavily swollen dick could attest to. And since that part of me had evidently taken over my fine motor functions, I deleted my original reply and sent something back that only egged her on.
That sounds fun. What happens next?
She was huddled over her phone now as if unwilling to move. We’d officially gone too far, and now she was likely either frozen in horror or about to flee in panic from the scene. There was a long break, but then, my phone vibrated in my palm again.
The licks become sucks.
Her words might’ve been vague, but they were having one hell of an effect on my body. I’d gotten so hard I was pretty sure I could use my favorite appendage as a gavel. That was my poor excuse for what I messaged her next.
Does he make you come?
A hand landed on my shoulder and I jerked away from it so violently that I nearly fell off the sectional.
“My goodness, Mason, did I startle you?” Caroline asked, standing behind me. Could she see what was on my cell? Or who I was on my phone with?
“Um… A little.”
“You really do seem out of sorts tonight. Do you want to stay over? You can sleep in Andy’s old room. We didn’t have the heart to pack away his childhood things,” Caroline
went on.
“No,” I answered too quickly. I took a breath and forced myself to calm down. “No. I am tired, though. I should head home.”
“You okay to drive, son?” Bryant questioned me. “You’re looking awfully flushed.”
“And so are you, Alaina,” Caroline inserted into this outlandish excuse for a benign family discussion. “Although in your case, you may just need to use a better foundation. Still, I hope you’re not both coming down with something.” Alaina’s mom pressed her palm to my forehead, and it took every ounce of my resolve to keep from flinging her hand away.
“I’m just tired.” I stood, and this motion was enough to remove Caroline’s link to me. I had to get out of here. Since they sat down for their special meal at nine o’clock every week, it was nearing midnight anyway. This gut-wrenching anniversary was counting down to zero, and it was too late for me to do anything about it. “Gotta go. Thanks for dinner. Good night.”
I vamoosed out of there like an inmate who’d just successfully climbed a prison’s perimeter fence. Adrenaline surged through my system, making my fingertips tingle and reminding me of how I felt when Alaina and I touched. What started out as a silly little game between us had morphed into sexting so fast I couldn’t wrap my head around it. It was crazy. It was wrong.
It was invigorating.
Once in my Escalade, I shifted into drive and careened down the road, speeding well past the legal limit. After I’d closed my townhouse’s door behind me, I sent Alaina one final text, wondering if she’d respond.
Sorry that got so out of hand.
It was me who got out of hand. She sent back, and curious, I sent a response.
I’m home now. Did you go back to your room?
I did. And I need to tell you something.
What?
She said nothing back for a few moments, and this worried me. I felt like I was hanging off the edge of a goddamn cliff.
What do you need to tell me, Alaina?
It’s about this guy.