by C. J. Welles
She doesn’t answer straight away, so I roll over and look at her. The moonlight coming in through the door highlights her beautiful face. She looks deep in thought.
“If you don’t want to, that’s fine. It’s whatever you want, baby,” I say, as I reach over and tuck a lock of hair behind her ear.
“I do,” she pauses. “I just…whenever I think of having a baby, I think of the little girl I gave up and I feel guilty,” she says quietly. “I feel like I don’t deserve to have another baby. I feel bad that she will never get to know her mother and sister or brothers.”
“Angel, there was a good reason you gave her up. It’s not that you were careless, you did the best thing you could for the situation you were in.” I pull her into my arms and nuzzle her hair. “I’m sure she’s happy where she is, and one day she can meet you and any children we have.”
“I know,” she sighs. “I just wonder what my life would be like if I had kept her. I miss her. I know it sounds stupid, I only spent an hour with her after she was born, but I still miss her.”
“I don’t know what it’s like for you, but it’s understandable. You gave life to her. You had a connection while you were pregnant. You could feel her when she moved. And I know you’d have been one of those girls who’d talk to her, which made people think you had gone crazy and was talking to yourself.”
She lets out a little giggle. “I used to talk to her all the time. When I lived on the streets it was just me. I think talking to her kept me sane, even though people probably thought I was insane.”
It hurts to hear her say that. I hate the idea of her living on the streets and I hate the idea that she had no one.
“The only crazy thing about you, is your love for bagels. I ain’t seen anyone eat as many as you do.”
“That’s because they are ah-mazing,” she says, with a laugh. “But seriously, do you think it’s wrong that I have another child? If it was you, would you hate me?”
“Babe, it’s a bit hard for me to comment. I have never been in the situation, but I would hope I would see why you did it and not hold it against you.”
“Hopefully she does” Callie whispers.
“Baby, I’m sure she will understand and hear you out if you ever meet her one day.”
Callie doesn’t reply but just nods, then curls up into my side. I understand and don’t comment anymore.
It’s been a long day for her with Krystal’s news and with the decision with the letter.
∞∞∞
Chapter 47
Callie
“WELL, THIS IS a good sight,” Jacks says, as he walks into the kitchen. “We’ve missed your face ‘round here.”
“Awww, thanks, Jacks,” I say, “I missed your old face too.”
He comes over and wraps an arm around my shoulders. “There’s nothin’ old about me,” he says before leaning in close “Just ask Claudia,” he whispers, and I nearly choke on my orange juice.
“You?” Is all I can say, and he gives me a wink.
“Don’t listen to him,” Claudia says. “He’s full of lies. Now a little birdy told me it’s your birthday next Thursday.”
“What little birdy would that be? Jace or Jane?” I ask.
“Both,” Jace says, as he walks in and comes over to kiss me. “And mom wants to organize a party next weekend for it. Beware, she will hound you until you agree.”
“Okay,” I say quietly. I haven’t celebrated a birthday since I was eighteen because they’ve always brought up horrid memories. I hadn’t even thought about the fact it was my birthday next week.
“If you don’t want to though, she will understand,” Jace says, as he sits on the chair next to me and pulls me into his lap.
“No, it’s fine. I’m happy with a party, just tell her to keep in small.”
“Okay, Angel, anythin’ for you,” he says and kisses my neck.
“Oi, I’m trying to eat my breakfast here,” Jacks says.
“I ain’t stopping you ol’ man,” Jace mumbles.
“I ain’t old.”
“You’re forty-five.”
“Yeah, not old. Just ask Claudia, this ol’ man ain’t old.”
“That doesn’t make sense.”
“Shut-up,” Jacks says, as he stands and puts his plate in the sink. “I’ll see you two later,” he says to us, before he leans down and whispers into Claudia’s ear.
Jace lifts me off his lap and sits me back on my chair. “I got to get back out there,” he says before giving me a quick kiss.
“You’re not having breakfast?”
“Nope, got too much on. But I will spend some time with you before you leave.”
“Okay,” I say as he gives me another kiss and stands up.
“I love you, always,” he says.
“You too, babe,” I reply.
I finish up breakfast before going to help Claudia do some housework. Claudia offered to do the cleaning jobs while I’ve been away. With the ranch duties and the office work, Jace has been too busy to keep on top of everything.
“So, things are going better with you both,” Claudia says.
“Yeah, I’ve been working on issues from my past that kept holding me back.”
“That’s great. I’d hate to see you and Jace end your engagement. You both make each other happy.”
“Me too. Jace says he calls me Angel because I came into his life like an Angel, but he’s the one who has helped me. When I met him, I decided I wanted to make something better of my life. I wanted to have a life that not only Jace was proud of, but myself as well.”
“That’s great honey. Life’s a lot easier if you are happy with yourself. You can always run away from a lot of things in life, but you can never hide from self-loathing.”
I don’t answer Claudia as I think about what she said. It’s only been the past few weeks since seeing Anna, that I have truly felt happy inside. Since I realized what happened to me was not my fault. The life I lived after was all on me, but we all make mistakes. I’ve realized that if you can acknowledge you’ve made a mistake and then change it, you truly aren’t as bad as you think.
“You right there?” Claudia asks, pulling me out of my daze.
“Huh? Yeah. What’s up?”
“I just asked how Krystal is. I heard a little of Jace and Bryson talking yesterday before I left. I didn’t want to intrude.”
“I haven’t talked to her since yesterday when I saw her. I’m going to visit her when I leave here this afternoon.”
“I heard the word cancer. What kind?”
“She has cervical cancer.”
“Oh gosh. How is she? How bad is it?”
“They got the results yesterday morning,” I say as I sit down on the edge of the couch. “She didn’t say a lot, but it’s advanced enough that she doesn’t want any treatments.”
“How are you feeling?” she asks, and I look to her. “I know she’s your closest friend. This will be affecting you as well,” Claudia says, as she sits down next to me.
“I honestly don’t know how to feel. It’s such a big shock still. I’ve heard of people dying of cancer all the time, but never anyone as young as Krystal and never someone who is close to me,” I say quietly. “She’s my best friend. She was the one who got me off the streets,” I sob. “And now I’m going to lose her,” I whisper.
“I know honey, but you will get through this. You have Jace.”
I don’t want to lose my best friend.
Krystal was all I had until Jace. I’m going to have to say goodbye to her one day and know I will never ever get to see her again. How does someone do that? Oh God, how is Krystal coping knowing what’s going to happen to her? I can’t imagine what’s going on in her head knowing she only has months to live. It would be the worst feeling.
“I’ve got everything under control here,” Claudia says an hour later. I’ve been sitting on the couch in my own little bubble. “How about you get everything ready to leave and after lunch, you can go visi
t Krystal. I think you could both benefit from it.”
“Yeah, okay,” I say.
As I stand, Claudia puts her hand on my shoulder. “I know it doesn’t seem like it, but everything will be okay. Everything happens for a reason.”
“People say that all the time, but I don’t see why. Not when it breaks your heart in the meantime.” I walk into the office before Claudia answers. She hasn’t done anything wrong, but I’m not ready to hear that yet.
I get busy paying some bills that I can see are due. It looks like Jace isn’t keeping up as well as he said he is. I feel bad that everyone around here is working harder to do my jobs.
I think it’s time I come home. Jace and I are in a much better place, and I am missing him like crazy. Hopefully, when we go see Anna on Friday she’ll say it’s a good idea as well. Not that I need her okay to do it, but she knows more about dealing with trauma and depression than I do.
“You don’t have to do those, Angel,” Jace says, and I look up to see him standing in front of me. I didn’t even hear him come in.
“It’s okay. I had nothing else to do.”
“Thanks. I know there are heaps needing to be done, I’ve just had no time.”
“About that,’ I say nervously. “I was thinking of coming back. I think I am ready. I’m not having panic attacks when I’m alone, I’m learning to trust you won’t leave me and I’m not ashamed of my past,” I say confidently. They are only a few of the things I am working on, but they are the major ones that were coming between Jace and me.
“Baby, I want you back here like crazy, as long as you feel it is right,” he says, as he walks around the desk and comes to stand between my legs.
“It feels right. But we do still have to go see Anna tomorrow.”
“Sure,” he says as he pulls me up then sits in the office chair. He spins me around so I’m facing him then pulls me to straddle his lap. “Anythin’ for you. Anythin’ to get you back here with me where you belong,” he says, as he nuzzles my neck.
“You just miss the sex,” I say, as I feel his cock harden beneath me.
“Well, I do miss the sex, but I miss all of you. I miss your smile in the morning’ and I miss your sass. Shower sex, God, it’s been ages since I’ve had that,” he says, and I poke him in the chest with my pointer finger.
“See, always about the sex,” I say laughing.
“That,” he says looking into my eyes. “I’ve missed that.”
“What?”
“Your laughter,” he says seriously. “It had been missing from here for the past two months. It’s the sweetest sound I’ve ever heard.”
“Your cheesy lines are sweet as well. I’ve missed them.”
“See, that sass? That’s what I love about you,” he says. “Now give me a kiss.”
He leans forward and captures my lips in a mind-blowing kiss and before I’ve even had a moment to enjoy the kiss he’s reaching down to undo his belt. “Babe, I need you now,” he mumbles against my lips.
I nod without hesitation and get off his lap to remove my jeans. Once my jeans are off, I straddle his lap again and lift myself up and line my sex up with his cock.
“You look hot, ridin’ me like this,” he groans out, as I lower myself down. Holding onto his shoulders I lean up on my tippy toes and slide up so just the head of his cock is inside me. Jace grabs my hips and takes charge by thrusting up into me.
“You can never let me stay in control, can you?” I ask with a moan, as his thumb finds my clit and starts rubbing in circles.
“I wouldn’t be a man if I did.”
“Ha-ha,” I begin to say and finish with “Ohh.” As he begins moving inside me faster.
I bring my knees up and rest on each side of his hips and let him do all the work. “Oh, Jace, fuck,” I moan.
“I am fuckin’, if you hadn’t realized,” he growls.
He somehow picks up speed, slamming into me over and over. I can hear the sounds of our sweat-slicked bodies, our moans filling the room and it makes me hornier.
He suddenly stops and lifts me off him. I’m confused for a second until he places me on the desk and parts my thighs, then kneels between my legs and lowers his mouth to my hot sex.
“Jesus fucking Christ,” I call out, as I feel his tongue sliding in and out of my sex as he rolls my clit in between his thumb and forefinger. I look down and seeing him between my legs is all it takes before I am coming.
“Jace,” I yell out as my climax crashes over me. “Fuck, don’t stop,” I moan as I feel him pull away. Oh, God, I’m like some desperate woman begging for sex.
He continues to rub my clit as he enters a finger inside me, while he stands up and lines his cock up with my entrance again.
“Hold on tight, Angel.” I do as he says and grab each end of the desk as he wraps my legs around his waist and slams into me. He pumps in and out of me hard and fast and its only moments later before I am calling out his name again.
“Fuck, you’re sexy,” Jace mumbles against my neck, as I feel his body tense then his hips jerk as he comes. “I love fuckin’ you.”
“That’s so not romantic,” I say whilst panting.
“Angel, I can do romantic. But sex like that, on my office desk, is not romantic. It’s fuckin’,” he says, as he nibbles on my ear.
“Okay,” I pant, as I wrap my arms around his neck. He goes to pull out, but I wrap my arms around him tighter. “Please don’t pull out yet. I want to feel you for a moment longer.”
“Babe, I’m not a robot and I’m not on Viagra. My cock does not stay hard.”
“Why do you always have to ruin a romantic moment?”
He shrugs. “Because I’m a man.”
I huff but let him go. He cleans us both up and then sits on the couch, in his office, before pulling me down to lay on him.
“I want to play something for you,” I say, as I lean up and grab my phone for the office desk. “I have been listening to this song nearly every day. It makes me think of you.” I press play and Footprints by Sia begins.
“I know that through everything, even though we have been at each other’s throats, you have been here for me. You have tried to carry my hurt.” I rest my head on Jace’s chest and listen to the song as I lay wrapped in his arms where I belong.
∞∞∞
Chapter 48
Krystal
PULLING ME KNEE’S up to my chest, I close my eyes tightly and try wish away the thoughts that are circling around in my head. Last week when I went to the doctor, cervical cancer was the last thing I expected him to mention. When we got the results back yesterday, it was as if someone had pierced a hole in my chest and all the oxygen from my lungs had escaped. I couldn’t breathe after hearing those words. Every breath I take hurts. Knowing each breath that I take is one of many of my last ones is too much to take in.
I can’t get my head around it.
Cancer.
Cervical Cancer.
Two words from the doctor’s mouth changed my life. Those two words are going to end my life.
How do I sit around knowing my life will be over by the time six months is up? How do I live, day to day, knowing that one day soon I will see my friends for the last time? That one day I will never wake up.
Callie is finally happy for the first time since I met her. I don’t want to leave her. I don’t want to miss out on seeing her walk down the aisle. She will be such a beautiful bride and I’d love to see her face as she walks towards the love of her life.
Everyone dies, but to be given a timeframe and knowing that you’re living the last days of your life is hard.
I don’t want to know that my number is nearly up. In some ways, I wish I hadn’t of found out, then I wouldn’t be sitting here waiting for the inevitable. But other ways I am glad I know. I know that my days are limited and I’m going to cherish every day that I am alive.
I wipe away a tear that has escaped when I think of my family. I spent so many years away from them, trying to p
rotect them from the hell my dad had left behind. With Bryson’s help, I’m finally free from the people who were after me and now I’m told I’m going to die soon.
I let out a quiet sob when I feel Bryson’s arms wrap around me. “Please don’t cry baby,” he mumbles into my hair. “It breaks me, knowing you’re hurting like this.”
His words make me cry harder. How am I supposed to leave him? Bryson is the first person who I have completely let inside my heart. He is the first person who I have let myself get close to. I’ve always tried to keep people at a distance because it was easier than people finding out what I was hiding. But Bryson came in and blew away all my fears and walls that I had built.
“I’m sorry,” I croak out, as more tears slide down my cheek and onto my pillow.
“Don’t be sorry, don’t ever be sorry. I just wish I could take this all away. I wish I was the one with cancer,” Bry says, with a shaky voice.
When I feel wetness at the back of my neck I know he’s crying too. I hate that my body, my cancer, and my life is doing this to him. Doing this to all my family and friends.
Rolling over, I wrap my arms around his waist and cry into his chest. I let it all out, wrapped in Bryson’s arms as I feel his body shaking from crying as well.
*
Bryson
HOLDING KRYSTAL TIGHT in my arms as she cries, breaks me. It rips shreds off my heart, knowing what she is thinking. I am trying to be strong for her, but I just want to be angry at the universe. How can this be happening to someone so young? Someone like Krystal.
I rub Krystal’s back as she cries, and I try to fight away my own tears, but they slowly trickle down my face.
I tighten my hold around her. I don’t want to let her go. I know that one day she won’t be here with me anymore. I don’t want that day to come.
“I don’t want to have to say goodbye,” she hiccups into my chest, as I feel more tears slide down my face.
“I know baby,” I say with a shaky voice.
“How do I live these next few months? How do I live day by day, knowing that one day soon it’s all going to be over?” she asks.