by Dani Stowe
And damn it! She does!
I look around the diner and wonder where the manager is. Seriously! Who sits down on the job?
When I turn back to look at them, both girls are now sitting across from Jaxon and he’s in complete delight. He’s talking with his hands, waving them around as the women blush seemingly intrigued. The strawberry blonde tucks her hand under the table to trail her own thigh, starting at her knee and then slightly lifting up her skirt.
Something furrows in my gut. An aching. A pain. My shoulder leans into the wall.
“Hey miss, you okay?” calls a middle-aged burly Caucasian male dressed in white—a cook standing behind a flaming hot grill with hot dogs in his hand.
The flame glows brightly and I suddenly feel like I’m about to fry. I can’t breathe! I look at my hands. I don’t have my purse! I don’t have my emergency pills!
I force my weak legs to move, making a straight shot for the doors.
“Sue!” I hear as I shut the metal framed glass door behind me and I can breathe a little better.
I force my feet to move quickly across the sidewalk. I just need some space to breathe.
“Ursula!” I hear my full first name being called this time and I make a swift left turn past a brown brick wall into an alleyway to lean my back up against a building.
The pain is still there. It’s digging from my gut into my chest and into my head. My head hurts. I’m seeing stars. I’m going to pass out.
“Whoa, nope,” blurts Jaxon, keeping me upright with his forearm and tucking me into his bicep and chest. He wraps his arms around me to coddle me.
“Stop rescuing me,” I mutter between his pecks that feel like they are squishing my cheeks.
He eases up and leans me against the brick wall and cups my face. “What do you mean, ‘Stop rescuing you?’ I’m in love with you. Don can call it obsession or whatever he wants, but I call it love. I fucking love you so I’m always going to be there for you. Why the hell were you running?”
“Because I have a fear of pain.”
Jaxon tilts my head side-to-side, lifts up my arms, and checks out my legs, examining me. “Where are you in pain? Are you hurt?’
“Yes, I’m hurt, so let go because you’re hurting me.”
“Sue, I’m barely even touching you.” He grits his teeth. “Where are you hurt?”
My lips curl downward. “Inside.”
He pulls at my hips to look at my torso. He’s shaking his head furiously searching for the source of my pain. “Inside where?”
“Here,” I point under my left breast.
He takes a step back, bewildered.
“Jaxon, you have to let me be. You have to leave me alone. I cannot function with you around. Don’t you see you’re hurting me?”
“Hurt you? How the hell did I hurt you?”
My eyes well up. “I don’t know. I saw you sitting in the booth with the wait staff and I can only imagine how easy it would be for you to get those bitches in your GTB and take them back to Nick’s office and do whatever you want with them, even pain them because not only will they be able to handle it and handle you, but they’ll also probably like it. In fact, they’ll love you for paining them.”
“Ah, baby girl, come here,” he laughs. He kisses the top of my head and pulls me back into his chest. “Trust me, you have nothing to worry about. Honestly, it makes me feel good that it pains you a bit.”
How can he say that?! I put my arms between us and push. “This is why we can’t be together. We cannot ever be together.”
He shakes his head wildly, lacing his fingers behind my neck. “I don’t understand. I want us to be together.”
“How many times have you been in the dungeon?”
“Dungeon?” He’s acting feeblemindedly. “I don’t think talking about dungeons is going to help us.”
I cross my arms. “How many times have you been in Nick’s naughty room?”
“The Bank?” He’s still acting aloof so I stare him down and he swallows. “Nick calls it the Bank.”
“I don’t care what it’s called!” I feel like I’m about to pop a coronary. “How many times have you been in there?”
Jaxon looks up to the sky running his hands through his hair. “I don’t know. A few times.”
“A few?”
He scratches his jaw. “A bunch, but it was just silly exploratory—”
“Did you ever inflict pain on someone while you were in there?”
He glances at me and then looks away. “Yeah,” he mumbles, “a few times if we talked about it in advance.”
Ah jeez. He can easily talk to other women about pain and sex and we can’t even sit down and talk over a meal.
“Did you enjoy it?” I ask.
He sighs as he closes his eyes.
“Did. You. Enjoy. It?”
“Yes!” he shouts. “But I don’t expect you to do any of that.”
“But you like doing that.”
“Sue.” He grips my arms and cocks his head, not indifferent anymore, but serious. “I know what you’re trying to do. You’re trying to push me away and you’re looking for any excuse not to face your fears. You’re so close to a breakthrough and I want to help you. I want to help us.”
“You can’t help me, Jax. Don’t you see? You’re only going to hurt me. I have a fear of pain—and you! You are the trigger.”
Jaxon’s eyes blaze into mine. “I’m the trigger?” he asks, sarcastically, pointing to his own bobbling head.
“Yes,” I affirm. “You’re the trigger.”
“Well,” he exhales. “We both know there’s only one cure for that.”
Cure? “There’s no cure for you.”
“Sure there is.” Jaxon bends down and hikes me over his shoulder. “It’s called exposure therapy.”
I’m hanging when I smack his ass. “Put me down.”
“Nope.”
I smack his ass again when he marches us around the corner. “Where are we going?”
“Home.”
“What home? You’re home?”
“Yep.”
“I don’t want to go to your home.”
“You don’t seem to want to go anywhere with me, but too bad. I need to expose you to as much of me as possible.”
Chapter 15
Ursula
Jaxon plants me on my feet inside of his apartment. He got a hold of my purse before I could get to it. He wouldn’t give it back, and I succumbed, hopping in the GTB, hoping I could convince him to bring me back to the hotel. But here I am after having been carried away again into the elevator and into his apartment.
“I feel like I’ve been kidnapped,” I smirk.
He opens the door wider. “You can leave.”
I take a step towards the opening but he slams the heavy cherry-stained wooden door, blocking the way. “After you shower with me.”
“So, I have been kidnapped.”
“I’d like to think of this as another rescue.”
I laugh. “Do you really think if you can get me in the shower and have a do over of what happened between us when we were younger that I’ll be cured of my phobia?”
Jaxon’s eyes well up. It’s very strange and my chest gets a little tight.
“No,” he blinks and gazes at me. “I think if I can get you in the shower, so I can make love to you the way I had intended to if I had known it was your first time and not just mine, then maybe we can finally be together.”
I spin around. I can’t look at Jaxon. My heartrate is beginning to pick up. Don’t look at him!
I clutch the handles to my purse tighter. My pills are inside and just knowing I have them puts me at ease. I look about Jaxon’s apartment. It’s nice, except everything seems so rectangular and square and... spotless. A stiff polar white leather sofa without armrests sits perfectly center in front of a large square, low-to-the-ground, marble white coffee table that rests on rustic wooden floors. Grayscale photos are scaled to fit entire walls. The images
are so large it’s difficult to make out what they actually are, but the photographs look like blown up portions of water droplets.
He’s turned his friggin’ apartment into an oversized languish bathroom. It’s looks like a damn spa. It even smells like one—fresh, tropical, but clean. I’ve never smelled anything like it.
“It smells nice here,” I mutter.
“I make my own cleaner.”
Of course, he does. Lord of the Chem Lab.
Fingers link into my hair at the back of my head and a kiss comes from behind. Hot lips touch the side of my neck and float up behind my ear. “I want to make love to you.”
“Jax, we can’t—”
“Just tell me you want to make love too and maybe we can do a few therapeutic exercises to get to that point.”
“Exercises?”
“Ah!” I gasp as the rim of my ear is nipped and the slightest sting forces my immediately trembling hands to let go of my purse, dropping it to the floor. I cradle my ear where Jaxon just bit me.
“Did that hurt?” he asks, shifting to my opposite ear.
“A little,” I admit, panting, though the nip surprisingly also sent a sweet shock straight to the heart of my femininity.
I feel my hair get pulled back then to the side forcing my other ear to become exposed to his hot breath.
Jaxon licks my other ear—right along the rim—then trails his tongue down my neck where he plants kiss after soft kiss. My breathing slows, loosening the constriction of muscles at my ribs where Jaxon gently places his hand and presses firmly.
“I’m going to nip at you a little bit—just a little exposure. Okay?” He slides the tips of his teeth along the nape of my neck.
“Jax, I’m scared.”
“Do you want me to stop?” he asks, but I can’t answer, as I am too distracted by the hand encircling my ribcage, coming around to the front, and sneaking into the opening at the top of my dress then under my bra where he palms my breast to knead it firmly.
Oh, it feels good.
“Does this hurt?” he asks, his hot breath steamy in my ear.
“No.”
“How about this?” He pinches my nipple and twists it. My hips buck back in response.
“Ah, Jax! That—” I’m breathless when he grips my jaw to twist my head to him so he can cover my mouth with his.
I can’t snap at him. I want to. I want to cuss and yell, but I can’t because my words are caught in my throat as his mouth engulfs the lower half of my face. What he’s doing to me—the back and forth playful nip and tug then gentle caresses—it hurts and feels good at the same time.
He nips at me, my upper lip, and my knees weaken.
Is this his idea of exposure therapy?
Pushing my arms back against him, I propel myself forward towards the sofa but I only make it as far as the white marble coffee table because I trip on my purse.
I almost land head first but luckily, Jaxon’s hands are at my waist as my hands plant at the edge of the table. I take a moment to breath in this position—bent forward with pursed lips. I feel like I can breathe again until my skirt lifts up from behind where I feel a swift but soft swat across my ass.
“Jax!” I scold.
“Did that hurt?”
Not really—it was just surprising, but I’m not going to tell him.
“I want to spank you again, Sue.” He rubs my ass poking in the air. “I think you need a little hand-to-ass exposure or do you want me to stop? Tell me you want me to stop or I’m going to spank you again.”
I don’t answer. I can’t answer. He was right. Don was right. I need a breakthrough. I’m near a breakthrough. An itty-bitty bit of pain in small doses is what I need and what the doctor prescribed. Right?
I feel the tug of my panty yank up between my ass, exposing my butt cheeks and this time a hard smack strikes my bottom, which is loud and painful. Another smack comes. Harder! Then another and another. From the side to the bottom to the top. Damn! I think I’m tolerating the stings fairly well. Except, those top ones really hurt. I feel like I’m about to pass out so I turn around to plant my flaming ass against the cool marble table.
Looking to each side of me where I’ve planted my hands, the table looks like an expensive chopping block. I wipe my brow. Dear Lord, I’m sweating, marinating.
I look up to Jaxon. He pulls his shirt off, tips off his shoes, and then pulls down his jeans and black boxer briefs. He’s so gorgeous, it hurts.
“Why do you pain me so much?”
“I don’t want to pain you, Sue. I want to make love to you, but look at me.”
I look at him—right between his groin. I already know what it looks like and how big it is—the cock that could split me right open. He brings the tip of the hard mass closer to my face. “I can’t make you feel good without also giving you at least a little discomfort.”
I swallow and he squats.
I squeeze my legs together, but he spreads them open.
I lean back and he leans in closer.
I lick my lips and he kisses me.
And then he bites me!
Pierced by the quick clamp of Jaxon’s front square teeth, my lower lip swells. Ironically, my sex swells, too. A throb—a painful throb—more painful than the ass smacking starts to beat within the deep crease between my legs. The beat is in sync with the repetitive pulse of pain at the rim of my mouth from being bitten and I want Jaxon to put some pressure on both my mouth and in my core—to stop the throb, to appease the pulse, to make it all feel good. Make me feel good.
“Make me feel good, Jax,” I beg.
“I don’t want to make you feel good, baby,” he shakes his head. “I want to make love to you. I want you to feel love. There’s a difference.”
“How is it different?”
“You’ll know it when you feel it. It hurts a little.”
“How do you know?”
“I want you so badly, whenever I think of you, I hurt.”
Hurt? Jaxon hurts? He’s in pain as well?
“Then make love to me, Jax.”
Jaxon nods, cups my face, and kisses my cheek before he helps me to lift off my dress and pull off my underwear. I snap off my bra and when my breasts bounce free, his breath hitches. He rubs both breasts with his hands before he wraps his arm around my back as I drape my limbs around his torso so he can move me to the center of the table. I love the feel of his skin—warm. And his strength—powerful. He has grown as physically commanding as his mindset was on the night of the fire.
I look at his body as he lays me down on the hard surface, unfolding me. I am trembling as he slides his hands over my arms and legs, opening me up to him, making me vulnerable to him, exposing my entire body to him. He kisses me, licks me, and nips at me from shoulder to breast then to the other breast and to my navel.
I run my hands through his hair making him growl and he licks up my middle until he kisses the point of my chin and comes face to face with me. His body covers mine. He becomes a heavy mass of muscle and bone that I know could easily hurt me, but I find excessively desirable in this moment.
I want to trust him. I’m desperate to trust him. He is the cure to my fear.
Jaxon kisses my cheek again and my hair and then my neck until he grips my inner left thigh with his fingers to open me even wider so he can settle between my legs where I feel the hair of his groin brush along the sensitive skin of my inner thighs.
I feel his erection.
He lets go of my thigh to feel for himself and I sense he has taken hold of his long, thick member.
My body tightens. What am I doing? What am I thinking? I’m not ready for sex! I’m not ready for this! I’m about to engage in some serious pain here!
I hastily push on Jaxon’s chest while trying to conjure an excuse to stop. “Jax, what about the shower? I thought you wanted a do over in the shower?”
“Fuck the shower,” he groans. “I want to do you right here.”
“Jaxon,” I can’t he
lp but quiver. My teeth are chattering.
He coddles my head and looks me in the eyes. “If you feel any pain at all, just tell me to stop. Okay?”
I shudder. I can’t tell if my head feels safe or stuck in his strong grip, but I agree. “Okay.”
He enters me.
“Nnn,” reverberates between my tongue on my teeth with the invasion of his thick blunt head penetrating my tightness. It doesn’t feel like the first time. There’s a lot of pressure but it calms the beckoning throb that was once there. It even feels good compared to the first time.
“You okay?” Jaxon’s eyes watch me intensely and I nod.
I’m okay.
He pushes in a little further and then pulls back, though not coming all the way out.
“You all right?” Jaxon queries and I smile.
I’m all right.
He starts to move, kissing my neck softly as he glides. His lips make their way down to my chest where he engulfs the teat of my breast in his mouth and I feel a sudden urge to want him deeper. I want to feel full, but I think he’s holding back.
I tilt my head up to look down at him. He hunches to suckle my rosy bud—it feels so good—while his hand runs over the side of my body as he thrusts in me, shallow and slow but repeatedly. His muscles are rippling so controlled, so experienced, so sexy, so...
So. Fucking. Gifted.
I wrap my legs around his ripped torso and he growls, coming up to suck on my chin then my sore lip. He digs his thick slick tongue into my mouth as his groin and his erection dig into me, prying but not quite hitting that spot. It’s a spot in my gut I know is there that needs to be struck, needs to be banged, and I find myself curiously anxious to feel it. I once let the boy Jaxon was beat on that spot, but I want the man he is to claim it.
“Fuck me, Jax.”
“Whoa! What?” He stops.
That painful throb at my center is back with his halt. I rake my hands through his hair. “I said fuck me.”
“Baby, don’t say that,” he gasps. He caresses my face and kisses my cheeks. “You’re not ready for that and it turns me on to hear you say it. I don’t think I could hold back. Don’t tell me you want me to fuck you. I don’t think you can handle that just yet.”