‘Leo, gosh, I can’t imagine how hard that would have been.’ Laura whispered, the empathy in her voice ringing loud and clear.
‘It takes time to learn to be okay. But I have come to realise that despite it all, I loved my Mother and she loved me, and she lives on in my memories.’
Laura’s heart expanded and she felt her respect for Leo swell. ‘She would be very proud.’
Leo smiled then, an honest, kind smile that brightened up his entire face. ‘I think that’s why Stel and I were asked to take over the Manor. I think they thought I would be able to help the students on a deeper level, because I understood what it was like to lose a family. And Stel, well she’s the Motherly figure we all need when tragedy strikes.’
‘I think you’re right.’ Laura agreed, then glanced back down at her once again fidgeting hands. ‘If I had known I would have offered something of my own up to the Gods. Is there any way we can get the locket back?’
Leo shook his head sadly, ‘no I don’t believe there is. But it would hurt me more to see one of you suffer with the burden, so I’d rather they take my locket than cause any of you pain.’
Laura stared for a moment, tears forming behind her eyes. She choked them down quickly.
‘Thankyou Leo. For doing that.’ She said sincerely.
He inclined his head, the corners of his mouth still upturned. ‘Of course. My students will always come first.’ The smile left his face as quickly as it appeared, ‘which is why it’s important we find Caspian.’
It was Laura who found herself staring off into the flames, horrific images of Caspian locked away flashing through her mind. ‘I can’t imagine what they must be doing to his soul.’
They both fell quiet, sharing a moment of honest fear for Caspian.
‘We will find him.’ Leo said finally.
Laura clenched her fists. ‘I hope so.’
~
I’m cold.
Alone.
Drifting through darkness; nothingness.
I’m trapped.
Who am I? I don’t know anymore. I’ve lost sense of time and space and most of all… myself.
I… I… Who am I? Oh god who am I?
The memories are almost gone too. And when they leave, I will truly have nothing. I will lose everything I once was. Everything I still am.
All I can recollect is the woman with hair as bright as the sun; the man constantly pushing his glasses up to the bridge of his nose; the boy and girl who are different but the same, eyes emerald green and hair as black as midnight; the dark skinned girl who struggles to trust yet is stronger than anyone gives her credit for; the boy who fights better than anyone else I know; and the golden hazel eyes of the girl who offered me comfort and understanding when I needed it most. But through all of that, I don’t remember myself.
Who am I?
God who, who, who!?
A symbol. There, before me, in the darkness. Winged. A beak. Feathers. A Falcon.
Falcon.
My Family Name.
Falcon. But my given name? What is it? What is it?!
C.
It starts with C.
I have to remember who I am. My name is my only salvation.
I must. I must. I must.
C…
C…
What is it?
C…
And suddenly it’s there, written before me.
Caspian.
My name is Caspian.
I am Caspian Falcon, I will remember who I am and I will survive.
Chapter Seven
Goodbye Is All There Is
Monday appeared as though it were going to be a reasonably warm day for winter. It was also the day Laura would lay her Father to rest.
From the moment Laura awoke, a sense of unease and guilt shrouded her, for she was only reminded that her Mother, the one person she needed by her side most, and the one person Oliver would have wanted there, would miss the funeral. In addition, Laura wasn’t ready for what was to come, and yet at the same time, maybe saying goodbye was exactly what she needed in order to allow herself to begin moving on.
With a sigh, she sat up and swung her legs over the side of the bed, grabbed her jacket from the closet and shrugged it on over her pyjamas. Perhaps some breakfast and time alone in the Library would bring her the solace she required.
She slipped out the door, peeking down the hall just in time to catch Drew ducking into his room. He was avoiding her, and had been for the past two days. Of course, she didn’t blame him after the nasty things she’d said, but it seemed, with the distance, she’d come to recognise how much she truly relied on him. She missed him, his kindness, his laugh, his humour, and the fact that he was constantly there to fall back on. She knew that she’d taken advantage of the comfort he provided, and she wished she hadn’t been so spiteful and cruel. Perhaps she did need him more than she realised? She shook her head, scolding herself for once again being more concerned about her own problems.
The next few hours were about her Father. That was it.
~
Drew darted back into his room to where Logan and Grace sat cross legged on his bed, playing cards splayed out before them.
‘Would you just go to her already?’ Grace groaned with a roll of her eyes.
‘I told you, she asked me to leave her alone.’ Drew replied, leaning back against the door.
He hated his current predicament, however he hadn’t had much practice in talking to girls, and he had absolutely no clue as to what he was meant to do to eradicate the situation that was evidently creating such a divide between he and Laura. He wasn’t even entirely sure what it was that he was doing wrong, or why she seemed to be pushing him away. In that moment, he couldn’t help but think of Caspian, his best friend, who would have known exactly what to do. In recalling his kind-hearted friend, Drew felt a pang of sorrow spread through him like wildfire. In losing his best friend, Drew had felt a determination like no other to bring him home, however after seeing Erebus in Caspian’s body… He could only pray that his friend was still alive. Still fighting.
‘She didn’t mean it Drew. It’s her Father’s funeral, her emotions are running high.’ Logan reasoned as he gathered up the cards and began to shuffle them.
Forcing the thought of not seeing Caspian again from his mind, Drew resurfaced, reminding himself of why he was currently barricading himself in his room. Laura.
‘You didn’t see her, she was so… angry.’
‘Exactly, Drew. She is angry. She came so close to saving her Mum, then lost her again, and now she has to show up to her Father’s funeral without her, feeling alone and like a failure. On top of that, she’s still learning about a world she never knew existed, she possesses a power that can kill, she feels as though she’s to blame for Caspian’s capture and she has to accept the fact that to get her Mother back, she will have to come face to face with Erebus again, the man who has, essentially, ruined her life, and still wants to take over her body. I don’t know about you, but I’d be pretty angry too if I were her.’ Grace countered.
‘Since we met her, she’s been a girl of action, determined to keep going regardless of the obstacles she’s faced. That hasn’t changed, Drew.’ Logan added, handing out the cards to Grace and himself.
‘So how do I get through to her? She won’t even talk to me past polite discussion when necessary.’ Drew asked, lacing his fingers together nervously.
‘Don’t talk. Just be there.’ Grace responded, picking up her cards.
‘How will that ever resolve her anger?’ Drew disputed.
Grace turned to him. ‘She’ll talk in time, when she’s ready. Right now, she just needs to know you’re there for her.’
Logan nodded in agreement. ‘She needs friends more than anything today. It’s all she has.’
~
Laura completed the neat braid in her hair, tied off the end, then adjusted the black dress she was wearing. It was a plain, capped sleeve dress, reaching past her k
nees, and she wore black stockings underneath. She glanced up at her appearance in the mirror, staring for a while, a sense of calm slowly settling over her. After a moment, she bent down, slipped on her black shoes, and left the room.
Her friends had already assembled in the hall and were talking in low voices with one another. They quietened at her approach, and Grace broke away from the group, linking arms with Laura, providing her with the strength she needed to continue standing upright.
Their escorts, the same two young boys from the other day, appeared in the doorway, beckoning to the group. Stella and Leo, to Laura’s relief, received an exemption from house arrest for the day, and together, they made their way down the path to the cars at the foot of the hill.
The drive was a blur to Laura, and all of a sudden they were pulling up out the front of the graveyard. Laura was hit with a wave of anxiety as she climbed out of the car and caught sight of the number of people who had shown up. Her parent’s friends, colleagues, distant relatives, all mingled around in the chapel and out the front of the building. Laura also caught sight of her old friend Beth, standing off to the side, taking to… was that Rad Tyler? Laura felt her face contort as she realised it was, indeed, the jerk she use to go to school with. When Beth caught sight of Laura she immediately took off at a run, sprinting over to her and tugging her into an enormous hug.
‘Laura! You’re okay! I missed you so much! I thought something had happened to you too. I’m so sorry about your Dad. I heard your Mum up and left too, I wasn’t sure I would ever see you again!’ Beth exclaimed, barely stopping to suck in a breath.
Laura pulled back lightly, for Beth felt like a stranger to her. After all she’d seen and experienced, the small slice of her old life felt almost as if it were, ironically, a dream.
‘Thanks for coming Beth.’
‘Of course! Gosh, Laura, I still can’t believe it!’
Laura nodded, ‘yeah.’
‘Do you know where your Mum is? Who are you staying with? You can come stay with us if you need.’
Laura took a small step back. ‘No, not sure where she is. But I’ll find her. And I’m staying with some… friends of the family. Thanks for the offer though.’
‘Well, any time you need a place, you’re welcome! When will you be coming back to school?’ She asked, finally pausing for a breath.
‘Oh…’ Laura paused. She hadn’t even thought about school in, what, over a month? Had it really been that long? ‘I… don’t think for a while.’
‘But you’ll still come back, won’t you?’ Beth pressed, concerned.
‘I… Um… I think I just need to focus on today for now.’ Laura responded, her voice quiet.
Beth offered Laura a tight-lipped smile. ‘Yes, of course. I’m so sorry again for your loss.’ And then she left, disappearing in the crowd.
‘Old friend?’ Grace asked, re-linking their arms.
‘Something like that.’ Laura replied.
Stella took Laura’s free arm, calmly leading her past the chapel and out into the sunshine where seats were set up before a small podium. Laura’s heart skidded to a halt at the sight of the cradle that would hold her Father’s coffin. Her breath hitched in her throat, and she stopped walking. She noticed then that there was a hand on her shoulder, and she turned to see Bill, their ex-farm hand.
‘How ya doin’ kiddo?’ he asked kindly.
Laura wasn’t quick enough to stop the inward flinched at the name, for that was what her Father use to call her. She hid it well though, and even managed a small smile.
‘I’ll be okay, Bill. Thanks for coming.’
Bill was shaking his head. ‘Not at all. I still don’t believe it. I’ll be driving his ute in with the coffin. I hope you’re okay with that.’
‘I couldn’t think of anyone better to do it.’ She said.
‘Thanks kiddo. Well I gotta go get the ute. You’ll be all right, your Father was a great man, and he loved you and ya Ma more than life itself.’
The condolences continued, and Laura held herself together as best she could, however she couldn’t hide her partial relief when it was finally time to take her seat, for she wasn’t sure she could stand for much longer. She was overwhelmed, emotional, and the whole day was passing by in a trance she couldn’t seem to break free from.
Then, the music chimed, everyone else took their place and the cemetery fell silent. Laura swivelled in her seat at the familiar sound of her Dad’s ute, and watched as it pulled up by the edge of the curb. Bill jumped down from the cab and a number of Oliver’s friends and cousins stepped forward to lift the coffin down from the back and help carry it down the aisle.
Laura’s heart stopped. Inside that coffin, was her Dad. And finally, the tears began to fall.
Laura felt a hand grip her own, although, after a moment, she realised that it was she who had grasped onto Stella’s hand with all she had. Grace still sat on her right, arm clinging to hers, tears of her own trailing down her cheeks.
All was quiet as the men place her Dad’s coffin onto the stand before the platform, and Laura raised her wet eyes to where a Priest stood, readying to speak.
‘Today,’ he began. ‘We remember a high spirited man so full of honesty, kindness and joy. A man who always put others before himself; who loved fiercely and laughed wildly; who forever vowed to see the good regardless of the bad. Oliver Ralf Harmer was all of these things and so much more…’
Laura found herself smiling ever so slightly at the Priests speech, laughing a little at the happy memories he spoke of and crying as she recalled the man her Father had been.
Bill spoke next, followed by a few close friends, until at last, it was Laura’s turn.
‘Do you want me to come?’ Stella whispered, giving Laura’s hand a squeeze.
Laura squeezed back but shook her head. ‘I need to do this.’
She rose from her chair and began to walk in the direction of the platform. As she rounded the coffin, she found herself trailing her hand over the wooden surface, her heart pounding in her chest at being so close to her Father.
‘I miss you Dad.’ She whispered, lifting her fingers from the coffin and pressing them to her cheek, wiping away the lingering tears.
Then, she stepped up onto the dais, turned to face the sea of people, and began to speak.
‘My Father was, and still is, the best man I know. He was so full of light and joy, laughter and humour. And I love him so much. I miss him. Everyday. But I’ve come to realise he wouldn’t want me to spend my days mourning him, but living my life with the kind of spirit and peace he did. There’s a hole in my heart, one I know will never truly be filled, but I understand now that Dad will never really be gone. How could he be when his memory lives on in me? I feel him with me every time I hear a song we both loved, see myself in the mirror, play a game of cards, smell the grass and watch the rising and setting of the sun. He is with me every step of the way, watching over me, and, despite the fact that I feel like I’ve failed him, I hope-’ tears were sliding down Laura’s cheeks, and her throat felt constricted, but she sucked in a shaky breath and kept going. ‘I hope he’s proud of me. I love you dad. I hope wherever you are, you’re happy. And I hope you know that I won’t give up. Not ever.’ Her voice cracked as she spoke her final words, ‘goodbye Dad.’
She raised her face to the sky and closed her eyes, praying her Father could hear her. And suddenly, a single drop of rain landed on the tip of her nose, the exact place her Father would kiss her goodnight. She opened her eyes, and smiled, reaching up to wipe it away along with her tears. All that was left to say was goodbye, and she’d done it. At last, she felt at peace.
~
Freshly showered and dressed in her most comfortable pyjamas, Laura snuggled down into the library’s couch where warmth radiated from the fire. She pick up her and her Father’s favourite book, Treasure Island. As she began to read, she was overcome by a wave of memories; little Laura nestled amongst the pillows, eyes wide with admiratio
n as she watched her Father read, creating different voices for each character. She adored the facial expressions and movements he made without really meaning to as he portrayed the pirates, and grinned at him over her mug, filled to the brim with hot chocolate, while she watched him use a hand for an eyepatch.
‘Hey.’
Laura resurfaced, the memory fading away, and glanced up at the voice, her eyes blurred by tears. However, for the first time, she understood that they weren’t really tears of pain over the loss of her Father, but joy at the wonderful memories she had, and would cherish forever, of him.
Drew settled down on the couch beside her, placing an arm around her shoulders in comfort. Before Laura could comprehended, let alone halt, what she was doing, she’d leaned into his chest, allowing herself to cry into his shirt. She felt Drew’s other arm reach around her back, pulling her tighter to him in a hug. Laura appreciated his kindness, his simply being there.
‘I just- I miss him.’ She whispered through her sobs, ‘I… I think I’m okay with it, I know I’ve accepted it, but gosh I miss him.’
‘I know.’ Drew said softly, and Laura knew he meant it, for he truly understood.
In that moment, it hit her how much she did need Drew, and maybe, just maybe, he needed her too.
‘I’m sorry. For being so cruel to you.’ She breathed.
‘Don’t apologise for feeling the way you do. I understand.’
‘But that’s just it, I was saying things I didn’t mean. I don’t want you to leave me alone.’
She felt Drew relax a little, as if he’d been tense, unsure of her wanting him there until she spoke those words.
‘Then I won’t ever leave. We will get through this, all of it, together.’
She nodded into his shoulder, and they fell quiet for a moment, until suddenly, Drew passed her the book.
‘Will you read to me, Ace?’
Her heart expanded at the nickname, and she smiled, took the book, and began to read.
~
‘What are you thinking?’ Mitch asked, rubbing his stubbled chin.
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