by C C Monroe
“You get my heart racing all the time. You do the littlest things that make me swoon.”
I laugh at her choice of words. “Swoon, huh? Like what?”
She blushes trying to hide her face from me, turning it away.
“Like what, beautiful?” Her eyes find mine again.
“You in glasses at night when you’re watching a football game or reading something. That’s sexy. Or when your arms move a certain way and I see the veins bulge from your tan skin. When you wink at me, or the way you bite your lip when you make love to me, the thrust of your hips.” Well, my ego just boosted up to a hundred.
“You can be so cute when you’re shy and horny.”
“Hush, it’s not just sexual. I also love the way you say I love you, like it’s the last thing you’ll ever say to me. The way you listen to me, you listen like everything I say is something you’ve never known before. It’s romantic, it makes my heart beat super fast. When I think about the fact that we’ve been best friends for almost my entire life.” Her face looks soft under the pergola lights.
“Shayla Adams, you’re a fucking saint, you know that?” She smirks.
“Just wait. I have one more thing for you.” She pulls us toward the screen where our pictures are playing on the slideshow. Everyone else is standing around us. Kathy with Tom, Lana and Kingston wrapped in each other and they’re all looking at the screen. I lose Shay’s heat as she makes her way toward the screen. I watch curiously as she opens the disc slot and the slideshow stops. She replaces it with something else and the screen turns black. She saunters back to me then finds her place, snuggling back into my side, my arm wrapped tightly around her while her arms circle my hips, clinging to me.
The voice I hear coming through the speakers stops me dead in my tracks. I look up slowly from Shayla and watch the screen. Hit with a thousand emotions, the face staring back at me feels so far but so close. Pops.
“Trey, you did it. You may ask why I made this video. Well, if you’re watching it then you know why. After your mom left I saw the void in your heart form. I feared for the longest time that there would come a time when you would lose me, too. Unfortunately, this means you have, but really you didn’t lose me, Trey. I’m always gonna be there for you. Maybe not physically, but in spirit. I’m glad I made this video to tell you the words I wish I could say if I were there. You’re at school right now, so I took today to make you a couple of videos. One for every special occasion in your life.”
I can’t believe I’m seeing my dad, seeing him in a way I never knew I would. I look down at Shayla; she’s staring at the screen, entranced, little tears rolling down her face. She’s holding me to the ground, passing her energy through me and igniting enough strength for the both of us. The small smile on her face is understated and simple, beautiful and captivating—my talisman. I look up at the screen again. Meeting the same eyes as mine. He looks so happy, so proud. I wonder if he felt sad at the thought that I may one day witness this video in his absence. If he did I can’t tell, I only see my Pops, happy and proud.
“Today’s your wedding day, son.” He pauses, removing his thick black-framed glasses that he used to wear before I finally convinced him to get contacts. He pinches the bridge of his nose, and I feel a bolt of pain and protectiveness rip through me. If he were here, I would hug him. But I can’t, all I can do is watch and listen. He makes eye contact with the camera, tears falling down his wrinkled cheeks and his eyes even more blue. A smile tugs on his lips and I ease up a little.
“It’s your wedding day, and I wish more than anything that I could be there. I would have loved it.” Softly, music begins to play from the speakers on each side of the screen. I know the song. I hear Cole Swindell’s voice start the first words of “You Should Be Here.” There is something sparking from the center of my chest, the feeling of closure.
“I hate that you’re watching this, son, I hate that I’m not there. But what I don’t hate is the fact that you made me so damn proud. You gave up and let go of the past and opened your heart to true love and that’s the one wish I had for you. I don’t know who you are, woman, but damn it, thank you for sticking with my son. He needed you. P.S. if it’s you, Shayla, I’m so happy you’re gonna be my daughter, if not, Kathy, this needs to be edited out with whatever technology we have.” We all erupt in laughter as my dad points to someone behind the camera. Kathy says something and they playfully banter back and forth before he winks at her.
Smooth, Dad.
I look around at everyone, thankful they’re here. Looking back up at the screen, I listen to him, hanging on every word. Craving the sound of his voice for so long now.
“But, son, I have to leave you for now. Leave you with your new wife. You better take care of her, you better cherish her, love her, and adore every little thing she does. Especially if it’s Shayla, that girl... I can’t even explain it. But I think I know my son pretty well, and I’m sure you pulled that head out of your ass and made an honest woman out of her. Now, to my new daughter.”
Shayla breathes heavy through her small sobs, and I squeeze her hand, it’s my turn to be her anchor. She looks up at my dad as if he were right here.
“Forgive him when he’s wrong, love him when he’s weak, and support him when he falls down. My son wears his heart on his sleeve, but he can also be a stubborn caveman and, you, my beautiful daughter, will need to smack him out of it.” We both laugh while looking at each other for a brief second. I search Shayla’s beautiful eyes, completely taken by her beauty. I place my hand over her growing belly.
“Give him babies, strong, healthy, beautiful babies. He needs a taste of his medicine; give him a son with the heart of a fighter and a little girl to make him lose his damn mind when she grows to be as beautiful and perfect like her mama. Like I said, he needs a taste of his own medicine. Now, go enjoy the wedding and remember, son.” I steal one more look up at my dad. Wrapping Shayla up in my arms, I run my hands over her smooth back.
“You’re my best friend, and I’m so proud of you.” The screen fades to black and as the rest of the song plays, I let myself feel.
For most of my life I let my fears control my willingness and ability to fully love others, but honestly, I was far off. I realize now more than ever that it wasn’t just others I was trying to love, it was myself. Learning to forgive Gwen and not put blame on myself was the end goal. Shayla was that clarity. The expansion of time with her in my life was when I began to forgive Gwen and accept myself.
Shayla was the main piece in my journey to loving again; it’s always been her.
“I love you, Trey.”
“Oh, I fucking love you too, baby. Always.”
The End
However, what if…
TJB—
You are my inspiration, my light house, my guiding ship. Every word I write is inspired by you. Thank you for letting me be me, even if it means I may fight every battle. But at least I will have you to help me fight it. I love you, alpha mine.
Seashell—
Book two S-dawg. We did it, through every tear, every smile, every break down and break through, I guess you could say every ultimate fall. I love you, always and forever. Trey was and will always be yours. XOXO
Carmen—
I can’t tell you what your ever lasting friendship means to me. I always find it amazing that I can trust you so deeply without any reservation. That is hard to find and I will never let it go. You are now my sister. You, Brooks, Monkey and sweet Peyton, are my family. Kingston thanks you ;D
Jenny—
My Jenayyyyy I love you. I had no idea when we became friends that we would become best friends! I feel like you were made to be my spirit animal as I was made to be yours. From our bullshiting facetime calls to our shit talking calls, you are always there for me. I FACKING love you. The rose to my beauty and the beast, the rose to my thorn—the rose to my Jenny. K tenks, seriously, I love you.
Janell—
Thank you for always bein
g my bestie, you have been here since day one and have never left my side. I ADORE YOU. You are a rare gem and I am glad I get to know you and call you my best friend!
Camille—
What can I say about you that can do you justice! NOTHING, you are that amazing. You have always had my back as I have had yours! I thank God that he put you in my life and put us so close to each other, I couldn't handle you living in another state. You are never allowed to leave.
Heather A—
You. You get me. You lift me up. And you restore my faith in man kind daily. You are whats beautiful in the world. Your light and spirit has brought me so much joy! I love you so darn much, girl.
Stacy—
“Talk to me, talk to me, talk to me BABAYYYYY!” Lol. I love that movie! Anyways, I adore you and your constant positive love and affirmation in me. You support me and I couldn't thank you enough for taking time to read my books and loving them the way you do. You are my hero.
Keeana—
You are my chocolate love! I adore you and how much you make me laugh and smile! You never should change because you are perfect! I LOVE YOU.
To the indie authors and readers who I have met—
Yeah, like there is nothing compared to you. Nothing! You guys welcomed me and took me under your wing! I adore you all with everything I have! You inspire me, you motivate me and you push me to do greatness! I will NEVER be able to thank you enough.
CC Monroe’s YAS Honeys!—
You know who you are! I got you honeys! More so as in you got ME! You are the tribe, the squad, the street team, the group of beautiful, inspiring, humble humans who I now can call my family! I do everything with confidence because you all push me and thats EPIC! I will forever cherish you…FOREVER.
Jules—
Hey Jules. I fucking love you. You fucking rockstar, you fucking goddess. I love you for making my covers beautiful, my pages perfection, and I love your love for all things the word fuck, like me. I couldn't be who I am without your skilled hands and eye for real perfection. Love you, fucking babe.
Kate—
I am in your debt forever. I bow down to you and I will never, ever, forget what your love and support has meant. EVER.
Megan—
Thank you for making my words glitter. Thank you for being patient and letting me be me! I love you for that. You have been the best. I love you!
Mom and Dad—
This year I faced many, many trials, as did our family. Shit, the worst of the worst, but through it all you stayed strong for me. Mom you lost pepaw and you still let me cry with you. You still let me have my moment to mourn while holding my hand. You faced bullshit like no one can imagine and you still pushed me to published. You held me when I cried about infertility, you held my hand as I wished, prayed and screamed for a miracle. You saved me mama.
Dad, you are a sarcastic shit and I wish so badly that I could one up you with knowledge on movies and music, which one day I will. My love for music, movies and all things vintage is because of you. Thank you dad. Thank you.
Pepaw—
My writing career is for you. RIP. I miss you. Grandma misses you and we are keeping her busy. She loved the book, which means you would too. I love you too, memaw.
Lastly, my infertile companions—
You are not alone. You are not worthless. YOU ARE amazing, you are strong, you are evidence of survival. We will have our blessings one day. We will have our little TREYLA miracles. <3
There is so many more people that I am thankful for, but I can’t get to them all. I love ANYONE and EVERYONE who has supported me through this Journey. I love you.
Always and Forever Series
Always The One
Always Us
Author CC Monroe is from the hottest city in the world, Phoenix, Arizona. She spends her days working in fashion and her nights with her face in her laptop telling the stories of the voices in her mind. She left Arizona a few years back and now lives in the beautiful snow state of Utah, where she married her true love!
When she isn’t writing or working, she is making people laugh with her mad sense of humor and tip of the tongue one liners.