by Kim Nash
The boat’s engine stopped thrumming and Jason said that he’d dropped the anchor so that he and Martin were free to join the ladies for dinner. They were great company, entertaining them with tales of some of the nightmare and hilarious passengers that they’d taken on the boat over the years.
When the ladies were absolutely stuffed from the delicious meal they’d eaten every last morsel of, Martin and Jason cleared away and disappeared below deck once more. Phones were taken out of handbags, the glorious breath-taking and spectacular sky demanding that more photos were taken. Martin took a photo of the four of them with the sunset in the background, and they all knew in their hearts that it would be this photograph that would be the one that they put on their mantelpieces to remind them of a wonderful trip and an awesomely inspiring holiday.
Martin came around with a coffee pot and they all huddled around the mugs, noticing the start of a chill in the air. Two minutes later, Jason appeared with a selection of blankets and fleecy throws for the guests to wrap around their shoulders. The sky was turning deeper red and magenta hues replaced the gold-and-orange ones from earlier, giving even more depth to the sunset as the evening went on. Jason went back up to the helm and shouted for Martin to join him. There were muted whispers and furtive glances towards the women. Martin came back down, scratching at his stubble, and clapped his hands together, and in a voice which seemed a little more forced than before, offered more drinks.
Liv looked at her watch. She thought they would have been on their way back by now, that they were due into the marina from around nine thirty to ten p.m. It was nearly nine thirty now and they didn’t seem to be even thinking about getting back. She couldn’t put her finger on it, but her intuition was telling her that something wasn’t right.
She caught Martin’s eye and he smiled at her, then quickly looked away chewing the inside of his cheek before he disappeared down the stairs.
She stood and said she was just popping to the loo, and bumped into Martin who was on his way back up, just as she came out of the small cubicle.
‘Everything OK, Martin? What time are we heading back?’
‘Ah, well, I wasn’t going to say anything, but as you are on your own, I’ll tell you and perhaps we can work out what to do. I’m so sorry, Mrs Pemberton, but we seem to have a slight problem with the engine right now, which Jason has been trying to work on. But it’s getting later and I think we should probably call it in to the coastguard. I think we need some help. Hopefully they’ll send out a rescue boat for us. I just didn’t want everyone to panic. Do you want me to tell the others, or would you like to?’
Liv’s heart sank. Blooming great. It had been such a perfect night up till now.
‘I suppose I will. How long do they normally take to come out?’
‘Normally within a couple of hours.’
‘A couple of hours?’
‘Please keep your voice down, Mrs Pemberton. I don’t want anyone to be scared.’
‘Oh for God’s sake! This is a nightmare. What a way to spoil a night.’
‘If it’s any consolation, this has never happened to us before.’
‘No, it’s not any consolation, to be honest. I’d rather it hadn’t happened at all. But it has. I’ll go and tell the others.’
Liv went back out to the top deck, followed closely behind by Martin.
‘Girls, I have something to tell you, and I don’t want you to panic.’
Martin put his head in his hands. If there was one phrase to make people scared when you don’t want them to be, that was the one.
‘What’s happened, Liv?’ Fiona looked petrified.
‘What it is, Liv? Just spit it out.’ Samantha raised her voice.
‘There’s a problem with the engine and we’re not going anywhere without any help. Martin has—’
‘What the hell? Are you saying we’re stranded out at sea?’ Debs asked. ‘What time are we likely to get back? I’m meeting Eduardo when we get home. I’ll have to let him know that I’m going to be late.’ Debs picked up her phone but, to her dismay, noticed the words ‘NO SIGNAL’ on her display. ‘Oh, great! So not only are we stuck in the middle of a fucking great ocean, we’ve got no phone signal either.’
Martin headed over to the group. ‘Ladies, I am so sorry. I can assure you this has never happened before. We carry out full safety checks before every journey and today was no exception. But the engine appears to have developed a problem and we can’t get it started. Jason has called the coastguard and they’ll send someone out to us as soon as possible. I can assure you that you are all quite safe, but I cannot apologise enough.’
Liv shivered. The nip in the air they’d felt earlier, and the panic that had set in, despite Martin’s protests to not be scared, was definitely starting to take a toll on them all. Martin brought out extra blankets to them and asked them if they’d rather be below deck, but they said that they would prefer to be above water level and wrapped themselves up. Samantha had gripped Fiona’s hand and Debs had wrapped her arms around herself and started to tap her foot impatiently.
Oh God. They had to stay calm. Liv hoped that the coastguard was going to be with them soon. This trip had turned into a disaster.
Twenty-Seven
‘OMG! What if no one finds us and we die here out at sea?’ Debs stood up theatrically and waved her arms around.
‘Don’t be ridiculous, Debs. We’re just stranded for an hour or so. Stop being so melodramatic. You always have to dramatise every situation.’
‘I do not, Samantha. There’s no need to be nasty.’
‘Well, stop being an attention-seeking drama queen then!’ This time it was Fiona who spoke up. ‘We’re all scared. It would be nice if we helped each other stay calm instead of winding each other up.’
Debs huffed and flopped back down, wrapping herself back up in a blanket.
‘Look, we all need to stay calm. We just have to wait till someone comes and helps us. It shouldn’t be too long.’ Liv was always the voice of reason, had been all her life with these ladies. She giggled.
‘This is hardly a time to laugh, Olivia.’ She knew she was in trouble when Debs called her by her full name.
‘I’m just finding it funny that we’ve all reverted to our twenty-one-year-old selves. Debs the drama queen, Liv the sensible one, always trying to calm down any situation, and Fiona and Samantha huddled together, pretending that whatever is happening, actually isn’t.’
Debs’ mouth started to turn up at the corners until she broke out into a grin. ‘I thought I’d grown out of that. It’s you lot. You make me do it.’
‘Oh and now you blame everyone else as usual.’ Fiona laughed.
‘Nothing is ever your fault is it, Debs?’ Samantha joined in.
‘I bloody love you lot. Do you know that?’
‘I need to tell you all something.’ Samantha pursed her lips together. ‘I haven’t told a soul this but I had a bit of a scare recently when I found a lump in my breast. Luckily, it was just a “gristly lump of fat”, the doctor said. Gross, isn’t it? But until I had the results, I didn’t know if it was something more sinister and I don’t mind telling you that I was bloody scared.’
Fiona reached across and squeezed her hand.
Samantha smiled sadly, remembering how numb she’d felt at the time.
‘I’m one of the lucky ones, though. When I came out from seeing the consultant after he’d told me that it needed removing but wasn’t cancer, seeing people who were clearly having treatment and looked so ill made me realise that life is so precious and I’m fed up of wasting time. I’ve wasted years being stuck. When Robert died, I bottled up my anger with him just to get Peter and I through it, and now it’s time to deal with it once and for all and for things to change.
‘Being with you all, just for a few days, has made me realise that I love being with people and that I’m lonely. But I’m determined now that I need to do something about it. So all those suggestions you made for me, so I can m
ake some changes to my life, really couldn’t have come at a better time. I really am most grateful.’
‘Good for you. I’m so proud of you,’ said Liv. ‘I’m sorry it took a cancer scare to make you feel this way, but I always worried about you throwing yourself into making sure Peter was OK after his dad died, and I honestly think you never properly grieved yourself.’
‘I think you are absolutely right, Liv. When Peter left to go to university last September, it was the first time I actually sat and thought about Robert and how I felt. I actually had some counselling and it felt good to tell someone that I didn’t know how angry I was with him. I knew that they wouldn’t judge me and I could say anything and it would go no further. It really helped me to come to terms with everything and eventually forgive myself for feeling the way I did but more than that, forgive Robert. Forgiveness is a powerful tool. Forgiving someone isn’t about the fact that they deserve forgiveness but about the fact that you deserve peace in your life and not to be dragged down.’ There were nods all round. That made a lot of sense.
‘He let us all down so badly before he died and I’ve kept people at a distance, but I’ve never felt so lonely in my life. Then there’s Peter. I send him texts and he doesn’t respond. I wait for half term so he can come home, and he decides to stay with friends instead. I’ve sat and cried and cried until I felt that I had no tears left. Peter’s fine, he’s getting on with his life and it’s time that I got on with mine. Being his mum was all I wanted to do. My favourite thing in the whole world, but now I’m left with nothing. And despite everything that Robert did, I did love him very much and he wouldn’t want me to be sad. I bet if he was here instead of me, he’d be living it up. He certainly did while he was alive, not caring whether he could afford it or not. I can afford it, so that’s what I’m going to do. I just might need your help, girls.’
‘You’ve got all the help you need, honey. We’re all here for each other. Always have been. Always will be.’ Liv reached across and patted her arm again.
‘I’m scared that I’m going to get dementia too!’ They all turned to look at Fiona as she blurted out the words she’d been holding inside for so very long. ‘I can look after Mum, but if I get it, who is going to look after me? Will I end up in a home with people I don’t know wiping my backside and cutting up my dinner because I’ve forgotten how to do it? Oh, and I think I’m a lesbian too. I think I’m in love with Brenda.’
‘Jeez, Fiona,’ Liv giggled. ‘Have you only just realised that? We’ve all known that part of it for years!’
A round of giggles swept across the table.
‘Seriously? Have you really? And you don’t mind?’ she asked.
‘Why would we mind?’ Liv asked.
‘I did wonder if you were going to come on to me once,’ Debs confessed.
‘Don’t flatter yourself, Debs. I might be a lesbian, but it doesn’t mean that I’m up for any old slapper, you know.’
Debs roared with laughter. Fiona’s sense of humour had been seriously compressed on this holiday. In the past she’d always been the one who made them smile in the worst of any situation and Debs was glad that the old Fiona seemed to be back.
‘Is dementia hereditary?’ Samantha asked.
‘The majority of dementia is not inherited, but when people develop it at an earlier age, there is a larger possibility that it’s the type that can be passed through the generations, even though it’s quite rare. But I’ve become obsessed with it recently. That’s why I’m so obsessed with being healthy, as it can help to prevent vascular dementia. It’s such an unfair disease. I hate seeing Mum the way she is. It’s so sad. You can send me on a one-way flight to Switzerland if I ever have to go through what she’s going through. It’s such a cruel disease.’
‘Eduardo has asked me to stay here in Portugal with him!’ Debs burst out her revelation.
‘Jeez, Debs. Change the subject, why don’t you? That’s a turn-up for the books. You’ve only just met him. What are you going to do?’ asked Liv.
‘I really don’t know. I went to his house today. It’s stunning. It overlooks the sea. My house overlooks a brick wall that all the kids play football up against and I know I probably haven’t told you this before, but I really don’t love my job that much. It certainly doesn’t make me want to jump out of bed every morning. Coming here and meeting Eduardo has made me think that I’m so lost in life and reminded me that I’ve always wanted to live by the sea. But do I do it here or do I move to the coast at home? I really don’t know. But as the holiday is coming to an end and we’re supposed to be flying home soon, I suppose I need some help from you guys to make a decision. All I know is that I have never felt like this about anyone in my life, and I’m scared that I might never feel like this again.’
‘But you’ve only just met him, Debs,’ Liv reminded her.
‘You think I don’t already know that? I hardly know him and this is the biggest, scariest decision that I’ll ever have to make. Do I want to take the risk of being hurt again? Dave leaving me, nearly broke me. But, I thought at first that I couldn’t live without him, but then I realised that I could. Do I want to go through it all again? But the thing that worries me the most is that I’ll never be able to give him children.’
‘You’re fifty years old, Debs, I think he’s probably worked that out for himself. And you never wanted children anyway. You’ve always said that,’ said Liv.
‘Yes, I did say that. But the one thing that I’ve never shared with anyone is that I couldn’t have children.’ She took a deep breath and carried on, her voice wobbling. ‘I had an abortion when I was younger, when I first met Dave, and it went horribly wrong.’ Debs began to sob. ‘I haven’t told you this yet but just before I came out tonight, Dave sent me a text to tell me that bloody Penny is pregnant, so she’s giving Dave something I could never give him and that breaks my heart. So it’s alright for you, Mrs Perfect, with your perfect house and your perfect family and your perfect life. We’re not all as lucky as you, you know.’
Liv didn’t even hesitate before firing back at her.
‘You know what, Debs? You know nothing about me and my life. So get your facts straight before you go shooting your mouth off. For your information, and while we’re all getting our confessions out on the table, I seriously don’t want to go home and am thinking about telling George and the boys that I’m not going back. I cannot go back to a life where I’m not happy. Life is for living and I’m just skivvying around after them. I’m just not going back to that life. Do I leave them? Do I find myself somewhere else to live? Or do I stay here too? Can I come and live with Eduardo? Does he have a spare room?’ Liv laughed at the horrified expression on Debs’ face. ‘That last bit was a joke by the way.’
Debs smiled and stroked Liv’s arm. ‘I’m so sorry for that outburst. I should never have said that, Liv. I had no idea that you were so unhappy, hon. I’ve been so wrapped up in this holiday fling that I never noticed. I am so, so sorry.’
‘What you see isn’t always what’s going on underneath. Yes, on the surface I have a perfect life, my husband throws money at me like I’m some lap dancer he met in a bar.’ She mimicked him, ‘Here you go, Liv, your chin is sagging a bit, go and have a face lift. Your tits are getting droopy, go and have a boob job!’
‘God, I wondered how your tits were so pert. I bloody knew it,’ said Fiona.
They all burst into fits of giggles at Fiona’s attempt to calm the situation. Tears streamed down both Liv’s and Debs’ faces, it wasn’t clear whether from sadness or laughter.
‘I have all the money I could ever want, I have a fabulous house, but I have nothing for me. I’ve lost me. I don’t know who I am any more. All I know is who I don’t want to be. I want a job. I want to help people. I want to do something useful for others. I don’t want to just potter about all day doing washing and ironing and walking the dog for something to do. I need to feel good about myself and right now I feel like shit.’
‘
Oh man, I had no idea, Liv. I’m so sorry,’ said Debs again.
‘And I’m sorry for what you’ve gone through. I wish you’d told us. I can’t believe you went through that alone. Did Dave know?’
‘No, it was in the early days. We’d been together a few months, then we split up and were having a break. I found out I was pregnant and didn’t know what to do. So I made a decision that I’ve regretted for the rest of my life.’
‘God, we’ve got some talking to do, haven’t we? Perhaps it’s a good job we’ve got some time on our hands right now.’ They all held hands across the table in a big circle. ‘We’ll get through everything together. At least we have each other.’ Liv squeezed Debs’ hand.
‘Martin, you got any more booze?’ Debs asked.
‘Now that is something I can definitely help you with.’ He appeared with another bottle of bubbly. ‘I really am sorry about everything tonight, ladies.’
‘To be honest, Martin, getting stranded out here has probably given us a true opportunity to really talk and get a lot of things out in the open, so please don’t worry. As long as the coastguard is on the way, we’ll be fine. Won’t we, girls?’ Liv looked around at her friends and realised once again just how much she loved them.
Twenty-Eight
Amongst many tears of laughter and sadness, and much talking, the chug of a motor could be heard as the coastguard veered around the headland towards them. A cheer went up from the friends, who were starting to shiver under their blankets.
Raised voices in rapid-fire Portuguese that the ladies could not make out, and lots of arm flinging from everyone, eventually ceased and the coastguard clipped a bungee rope onto the back of the yacht and started to tow them back to land.
When the marina came into sight, another cheer was raised and holidaymakers looked to see where the noise was coming from. They just saw four women back from an evening’s yacht trip. What they didn’t see was that these friends had been sharing secrets that they’d kept bottled up for years. The old saying ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’ had held true. Every one of them felt lighter for getting worries off their chests and admitting concerns they’d been holding on to, which they really could, and should, have shared years ago.