by M. H. Bonham
Table of Contents
Title Page
Llaughing Llama Media, LLC
Dedication and Acknowledgments
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Become a Preferred Reader and Get a FREE Book!
Chapter One
ELFSHOT
MH BONHAM
Llaughing Llama Media, LLC
© 2019 by M. H. Bonham.
Published by Llaughing Llama Media, LLC.
This is a work of fiction. All characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious, and any resemblance to real people is purely coincidental.
Cover by M.H. Bonham.
Printed in the United States of America
9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
Dedication and Acknowledgments
For Larry
Special thanks to Gary Jonas and Kate Steenberg
My cheerleaders and Beta critics
Chapter One
“Excuse me, sir, but your demon appears to be growing.”
I glanced at the harried waitress before looking at Tuzren. Beau Jo’s Pizza was surprisingly packed for the day after the almost Apocalypse. When we arrived, the staff put us on an hour-long waiting list. Other humans and Supernaturals hung out in the bar or stood around us and made idle chatter, totally unaware that the four people who hung out patiently waiting for their name to be called were the same people who saved all of humankind.
We humans are surprisingly resilient creatures, which has served us over millennia, but we also can be totally clueless. There wasn’t even a titter when the server called out my name, Ironspell. It was probably best. I didn’t want to be reminded that even though I stopped a poisonous alchemical gas from killing off all humans, millions had died.
Eventually the waitress seated us at a table which was somewhat in the middle of the room. Which meant just about everyone jostled by us, one way or another. But we were here at Beau Jo’s and, by golly, we were eating the best damn pizza on the planet.
We had just gotten through the first round of pizzas when the waitress noticed a problem with Tuzren. A middle-aged woman with slightly graying brown hair falling down in wisps from her ponytail, she set another large pizza with extra meat in front of my girlfriend, Luna. The waitress had enough tact to not mention Luna’s half-changed state. Luna was a werewolf with a shifting problem—she couldn’t control her transmutations and was more than halfway shifted to her wolf form. “Thanks!” Luna said brightly and smiled at the woman—a simply terrifying expression if one wasn’t familiar with werewolves. The waitress smiled back and left us to our double meat everything.
Now, I studied the object of the waitress’s concern. Damn if Tuzren didn’t appear larger as he chomped merrily into the Beau Jo’s pizza. Right now, he was as large as a Labrador Retriever, whereas just a few hours earlier, he’d ride on my shoulder and I’d hardly notice him. An innocuous demon, as demons go, someone had summoned him to this plane only to abandon him because he was too small for their purposes. I had found him Dumpster-diving near Bonnie Brae Denver and took pity on him.
“Hey, Tuz, what’s the deal? We can’t feed you after midnight or ever get you wet?” I asked.
“Nah, that’s gremlins,” Tuzren said between bites. “Apparently this pizza has magical properties.” He smiled at me with cheesy goo running down his chin. “Don’t worry. It’s not permanent.”
“Good, because I’d have to have you ride in the truck’s bed,” Elryn spoke as she picked at her salad.
“Says the Elf who eats salad at the best damn pizzeria on the planet.” Tuzren pulled another slice and held it out to her between his clawed fingers. “Oh, come on. Live a little and have some.”
Elryn winced. “I’d rather not.”
“Are you a vegan?” Luna asked. “You know they have vegetarian pizza.”
“I know,” Elryn said.
“They have gluten free and dairy free,” Tuzren added. “You know, in case you’re intolerant.”
“I’m fine.” Elryn’s face said she wasn’t.
“What’s wrong, Elryn?” I added another slice to my plate. “You’ve hardly said a word since we got here.”
“I’m all right, really. I just don’t like pizza.”
I gaped. “What? Why didn’t you say something?”
“Are you even alive?” Tuzren asked. The demon had grown to about human height and about twice as wide as a normal human. His Denver Bronco t-shirt looked like a tiny afterthought on him. The chair groaned under his weight. “Everyone loves pizza. You can’t ‘not like’ pizza and be alive. Did a vamp get to you or something?”
“You know, they have pasta.” Luna opened a menu. “If it’s the tomato sauce…”
“I’m fine. Really, I am.” Elryn took a forkful of lettuce and popped it in her mouth. She chewed, making an exaggerated face of enjoyment.
“Honestly, Elryn, you could’ve said something. We could’ve gone anywhere.” I tried to meet her gaze but she looked away.
Tuzren swished his tail and accidentally knocked over two guys wearing cowboy hats who were walking behind our chairs. “Oops,” said Tuzren.
“Hey, watch where you put your tail,” the first guy said. He wore a wife-beater shirt and jeans. He also had at least a hundred pounds on me and about three inches or so in height. Even though it had just turned 11 am, the guy looked half in the tank already. His buddy wore denim that looked stylishly well-worked in. Probably a couple of guys from the resorts around here. Given how over-the-top Western they looked, it was probably for show. I bet if you quizzed them, you’d find they were from California or another urban center. Still, it was better not to piss off the locals.
“Sorry, guys,” I said. “Can we buy you a couple of beers?”
“Is that a demon?” Wife-Beater asked. He cracked his knuckles for emphasis.
“Why yes, I am,” Tuzren said, his voice an octave lower than his normal voice. He turned around and met their gaze solidly. “Is there something wrong with that?”
“Demons and Elves.” Denim-Guy spat. “They don’t belong here.”
Suddenly Beau Jo’s got very quiet. I could feel all eyes on us. I winced as I heard a growl issue from Luna. I stood up slowly, opened the wallet when I kept my badge, and flashed it to the men. “Police officer. Sirs, I don’t think you want any trouble.”
Murmuring went through the restaurant. A few teenagers, probably with fake IDs, tried to melt into their seats. Wife-beater squinted at my ID.
“That doesn’t even look real.” With that, he threw a swing.
I caught his arm in mid-throw, arm-barred it and took him down easily with an added wrist lock. His buddy held up his hands and retreated. “Hey, man, I don’t want no trouble.”
“Get out of here,” I said. Denim-Guy needed no more urging. He left.
I was handcuffing Wife-beater when an Idaho Springs police officer came in. He looked like the clean-cut average officer with the chiseled jaw and c
rew cut hair. My guess is he was around thirty. “I hear there was an altercation?” He walked up to me.
“Hello Officer…Duncan.” I hesitated and read the name badge. I handed him my badge. “This fellow and his cohort decided to take offense to my friends here. This one took a swing at me.”
“Officer Ironspell?” Duncan said.
I nodded.
Whispers and exclamations ran through the restaurant. I glanced at Elryn, who shrugged. Luna beamed at me and the demon chortled in amusement.
“Well, you’re always welcome in Idaho Springs,” Duncan offered me his hand as he grasped handcuffed Wife-beater. He glanced at the man. “Now, Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you to quit getting drunk and bothering the tourists?” He grinned at me. “A night in the drunk tank will sober him up. He’ll be fine.”
“I’m sorry, Mike,” Johnny muttered.
“I’m going to remove the handcuffs—are you going to behave?”
“Yeah, yeah, I’m sorry. Me and Jesse were just havin’ fun…”
“Doesn’t sound like fun getting in a fight with a police officer.” Duncan unhandcuffed the man and handed the cuffs back to me. “Thanks, but I’ll take him from here. Enjoy your pizza.”
“Thanks, Officer,” I said. I sat back down and looked at the cooling pizza. I wondered if they even had a microwave to reheat them.
Just as Duncan walked to the door with Johnny, Duncan’s radio went off. “Duncan, we’ve got a situation at the Gold Nugget Mine.”
The hairs on the back of my neck stood up as I listened. The waitress handed me the bill.”
I glanced down. Almost $500 for pizza? I remembered the beer we had. How many had Tuzren drank? I put my credit card down and the waitress promptly scooped it up.
I glanced at Elryn, who was also listening attentively.
“Roger, that. What’s going on?” Duncan keyed the mic.
“We have tourists trapped and possible terrorists in the mine. Elevator stopped working and before communications got cut off, people were screaming and Salazar heard metal banging. He thinks it’s Drow.”
Duncan frowned and then looked at me. He pointed at Johnny. “You wait here.” He walked over to me. “What do you make of that?”
I shrugged. “Tommyknockers, maybe. Could be Hobgoblins. I’d get the Supernatural Unit of the Army involved.” I met Elryn’s gaze. She gave a slight nod.
“Good luck with that,” Duncan muttered. “You see the latest news? The National Guard and military have been called out to calm everyone down. It’ll be a week before they’ll respond. We’re it.”
“We’re? Uh, we were just here after saving the world. I really hadn’t planned on rescuing people today.”
The waitress came back. “Excuse me, sir. But your card’s been declined.”
Silence ensued. I began to stutter, but then I remembered the Hostess snack cakes. Tuzren had stolen my card and maxed it out to bring Twinkies, Ho Hos, Ding Dongs and other snack cakes to distract the troll guards at the Dark Elves’ entrance. I figured he would’ve just given them my name and address, but no. “Uh, I might have another card you can try.” I pulled out my wallet and started rooting through it. I glanced askance at Elryn, who shook her head and I felt my face flush with embarrassment. I guessed I was going to be washing dishes to make up the tab. They clearly stated “NO CHECKS.”
Duncan smiled. “Let me get that tab. I’ll expense it out to the Idaho Spring’s budget.”
I glanced at everyone in my party. Luna was laughing and Tuzren gave me a thumbs up. Elryn rolled her eyes.
“Okay,” I said. “Let’s go rescue some tourists.”
Chapter Two
I couldn’t figure out why the Drow would attack tourists in the Gold Nugget Mine. Especially a mine that wasn’t well known. The smaller Gold Nugget Mine is not far from the Argo Mine that made Idaho Springs famous. The Gold Nugget’s entrance sat northeast of the Argo and you got there via a one-lane dirt road that neither Duncan’s police car nor Elryn’s giant Dodge RAM were well-suited for. To get to this smaller and cheaper tourist attraction, you had to first get through town and then take the main road up through Virginia Canyon and into the mountains. In other words, it was a bit of a hike.
I was going to send my friends back to Denver, but I soon found out that there was no way in hell I was going to get rid of them that easily. Elryn insisted if the Dark Elves or Drow (as they were frequently called) were involved that she would come with me. Luna insisted I needed werewolf support. And Tuzren…well, how are you going to keep a demon out of anything he wants to get into? So, Duncan deputized the three and because I was already a cop, he gave me authority to help with the Idaho Springs police department. Despite my jeans, t-shirt, and leather jacket, I was an on-duty police officer.
So, we followed Duncan’s police cruiser in the Dodge RAM. We made quite a sight because Tuzren was so big, he couldn’t fit into the cab. He sat in the short bed and hung on, but he obviously didn’t mind. He swiveled his head to get a look at the old Western town of Idaho Springs and gave a running dialogue of what he saw.
“Look at that building! It must have been one of the original buildings in this town.” He smack my head through the open side window.
“Ouch!” I yelped after my teeth clacked together. I nearly bit my tongue.
“Sorry about that.” Tuzren didn’t look sorry. “Check out that mine there. What’s the Argo Mine?” He pointed at the red mine on the hill.
“It’s the Argo. They built it to take advantage of the Argo Tunnel and they mined gold there,” I said.
As we drove through town, I noticed a black Jeep CJ7 with a For Sale sign in someone’s front yard. Something about it made me sit up and pay attention to it. I swear, if a car could talk to me, it told me to look at it. And buy it.
“Wow! That’s a really nice Jeep.” Tuzren smacked me in the head again. “Your Toyota is toast—why don’t you buy that?”
“I don’t know if it will even run, much less pass emissions.” Although I objected, already I was forming a plan to look at the Jeep on our way back. I couldn’t rely on Elryn for transportation much after this, and I knew damn well the insurance wouldn’t cover the Toyota’s damages due to “civil unrest.”
“It looks in great shape.” He tried to smack me again, but I blocked his whack and bruised the hell out of my arm.
“Hey, how long are you going to be this big?” Luna asked from the back seat.
Tuzren scratched a horn. “I don’t know. I’ve never had this happen.” He swished his tail, causing the truck to rock back and forth.
“Hey, demon! Stop that now or get out!” Elryn yelled.
“Sorry.” He leaned in the side passenger window. “She sure is tetchy.”
“I don’t think she’s used to driving with a supersized demon in the truck bed.” I looked forward. “It might be a good idea to keep still or fly, if you can keep up. The road looks iffy.”
“I’ll behave.” Tuzren’s voice held a sulky note.
Duncan made a quick detour to the local police station where he put Johnny in a holding cell before we started off to the Gold Nugget Mine. Heading up the main road out of town, the road soon turned to dirt. We took a road on the right, and then another.
We then wound our way up the mountain in a series of switchbacks. I hated to think what the road would be like in the winter. Our only guide to the mine were a series of printed signs on laminate that said “Gold Nugget Mine Open. Tours Hourly” and an arrow in the direction. We climbed halfway up the mountain and took a cut that hid us from the highway and Idaho Springs.
As we bumped along the road, I wondered what we were going to meet there. I had only a handful of spells, and of course my Glock 9mm and the Vorpal sword. Elryn had her short sword. We had stashed them in a secret compartment while we ate pizza because none of us really expected trouble at Beau Jo’s. Elryn had the compartment built into the Dodge RAM after she bought it. It was warded, locked, and hidden wi
th a high-level invisibility spell.
We finally arrived at the Gold Nugget Mine. It sat in a smaller coulee on the side of the mountain with a scattering of dilapidated cabins with chain link fencing around them and “KEEP OUT” signs.
The building in front of the mine was the visitor center. It looked brand new; however, it was still unfinished with scaffolding and unpainted siding along the building. A large yellow banner draped overhead announced “NOW OPEN!” in big black lettering. The parking area had been carved out and flattened from the hill right next to the visitor center. A few cars, SUVs, and trucks sat in the parking lot. One of the cars was another Idaho Springs police cruiser. We parked beside it and got out.
“Great Mike, I’m glad you’re here.” A police officer who looked even younger than I was—if that was possible—walked out of the visitor center. He was about six feet tall and gangly with dark hair and Latino features. He looked more like he was fifteen than over twenty. I suspected he was fresh out of the academy like I was. “Who are these people?”
Duncan introduced me and I introduced my team. “Wow, you’re the officer who ended the poisonous gas?” the new cop said. “I’m Frank Salazar.”
“Yeah, well, we got lucky,” I said. “And I have a great team.”
Luna and Tuzren did a high five, with Luna jumping up to meet the demon’s hand. Elryn stared ahead as if she didn’t even hear the compliment.
“So, can you get us up to speed on this?” Duncan looked at the entrance. The mine’s visitor center looked deserted from where I stood.
“Come on in, and I’ll brief you guys.” He glanced at Tuzren who looked too big to walk through the door. “I don’t think your demon will fit.”
“How tall is the ceiling in there?” I asked.
“About fifteen feet.” Salazar took a look back at the door.
“Okay.” I turned to the demon. “Tuz, meet us in there?”
“Got it.” Tuzren blinked out.
We walked in and Tuzren stood next to the elevator entrance. Two employees cowered behind the desk. “It’s okay, he’s with us.” Duncan stood next to the demon as though Tuzren wouldn’t eat him for breakfast. Thankfully, I knew the demon wouldn’t. Certainly not with as much pizza as he chowed down.