by Hayes, Lane
“Very hard,” Zane agreed, pulling me close when my voice cracked.
“We haven’t given up hope on adoption,” I interjected. “Maybe something will happen eventually, but we didn’t want to wait any longer. We opted to try the surrogate route, and well,…Darcy’s pregnant!”
The room erupted into a new round of congratulations. And more questions.
Nick furrowed his brow. “Do you trust her? I mean, this a big deal. She’s not going to change her mind and take all your money and run, is she?”
“I seriously doubt it. She’s a good person, and yes, we trust her. This is a huge decision that’s going to impact our lives forever. We aren’t going into this lightly. Besides, you know Eric. The contract is ironclad and has been triple-checked,” Zane teased, mussing my hair playfully.
“True.” Josh and Nick said in unison, followed by a sophomoric round of “Jinx” that made everyone laugh and groan at the same time.
“You two are idiots,” I huffed without heat. “Hey, I admit it. I’m cautious. We’ve talked this decision through, over and over. As in every day, multiple times a day. Believe me, we’re ready, and we’re so fucking excited about this. We wanted to tell you sooner, but we decided to wait until we heard the baby’s heartbeat, so it felt super official.”
“You heard the heartbeat?” Grant asked excitedly.
“Actually no. I thought our appointment was Friday, but it’s Monday. I had big plans involving a video of the ultrasound and the baby waving to his or her guncles, but…I screwed up.” I flashed a sheepish glance at Miles before adding, “That probably wouldn’t have happened if you had known.”
“I should have guessed, shouldn’t I? It’s my job as your secretary to know everything about you.” Miles frowned. “I noticed things, but I couldn’t figure it out.”
“What kind of things?” Zane asked.
“Little things. Every once in a while, Eric seemed withdrawn or upset for no particular reason. If I didn’t know him so well, I’d have thought you were having marital problems. But you guys seemed closer than ever, so yeah…this makes a lot of sense.” He smiled warmly at Zane and me and then bit his bottom lip as if to hold back emotion. “Wow. I’m so happy for you both.”
When Miles’s eyes welled with tears, I moved to his side and hugged him impulsively. “Thanks, Mi.”
I had a soft spot for Miles. He was kind of like the younger brother I was supposed to mentor who always seemed to be a step or two ahead of me. He effortlessly paired his sassy, in-your-face persona with an innate kindness that drew people to him. Or maybe it was his sense of fun and his ability to find humor in odd times. In a lot of ways, he was Grant’s exact opposite. Miles was tall and very lean with a shock of auburn hair and a quirky sense of fashion while Grant was model handsome with dark hair, olive skin, and hazel eyes. They might be an unexpected couple to some, but I knew them both well and I couldn’t help noticing that they brought out the best in each other. The same way Wes understood Nick’s idiosyncrasies, and Finn and Josh balanced out one another.
Grant perched on the barstool nearby and gently tugged on Miles’s belt loop until he stepped aside and leaned against Grant’s knee.
“So, do you know what you’re having? And what about the due date?” Grant prodded insistently.
“Damn, Grantster. Are you guys next?” Josh gave a half laugh.
“Maybe,” he replied with a shrug.
Miles flashed an amused sideways glance at his fiancé. “Honey, you gotta put a ring on it before we’re having any kids.”
“Oh, I will,” Grant singsonged.
I chuckled at their antics as I reached for my Chardonnay. “To answer your question, we won’t know if it’s a boy or a girl until mid-February. And…he or she will be here mid-July. Any other inquiries?”
Nick raised his hand. “I do. I know it doesn’t matter, but which one of you is the biological donor?”
I shared a look with Zane, then shrugged. “We’re not sharing that with anyone. Maybe it’ll be obvious someday, but the truth is…it doesn’t matter. This child is equally Zane’s and mine.”
“Well said. When are you telling your parents?” Finn asked.
“At Christmas. My mom is gonna flip. This is much better than that yoga mat she wanted.” Zane skirted the island, set a slice of pizza on a plate, and slid it toward me. “Eat up, babe.”
I smiled my thanks. “Mine will be over the moon too. I just have to mentally prepare myself for the questions about whether or not we’re raising our child in the Jewish faith.”
“Well, are you?” Nick asked as he popped the top off a beer and leaned against the counter.
I nodded. “Yes, but we’ll celebrate all the holidays that are important to Zane too. They’ll think it’s weird to have a menorah and a Christmas tree, but they’ll get over it. Eventually. I hope.”
“They will,” Zane assured me around a bite of pizza. “And maybe they’ll even want to help us decorate it.”
I snorted in amusement. “Yeah, I don’t think so. But that’s okay. This is our tradition. Someday in the not too distant future, I can see us gathered around a giant tree with all our kids running around us, jacked up on too much sugar while Mariah Carey sings about what she really wants for Christmas. Anna Banana will be the head elf in charge. Being the oldest should come with perks, right?”
“Right.” Josh beamed proudly.
“And what are we going to be doing?” Grant asked.
“We’ll be watching them and reminiscing about days like today when we knew everything was about to change. Somehow I think it’s about to get better.” I stood abruptly and raised my glass. “Let’s drink to that. To friendship. To our beginning when everything was new and nothing seemed impossible. To the people we’ve met along the way who’ve made our lives richer. And to our future generation. I can’t wait to see where we go, boys. Cheers.”
Everyone lifted their glasses…or beers or water bottles, in a toast. I was about to suggest that we get started decorating the tree when Nick waved his free hand above his head to get everyone’s attention.
“Wait. I want to say something.” Nick raised his beer bottle and fixed us with an earnest look. “To Eric and Zane. And to your incredibly lucky son or daughter. Congratulations. On behalf of all of us, baby Schuster-Richards has…” He paused to scan the group gathered around the island before continuing. “…six uncles who can’t wait to spoil him or her rotten.”
“Ten,” Wes corrected. “Don’t forget the boys in Napa. Geordie and Levi, and Ryan and Danny. By the way, Geordie is gonna go crazy when he hears your news. Prepare yourselves for an enthusiastic congratulations at the winery party next weekend.”
“And take your Range Rover. The oversized stuffed bunny he bought when we were expecting Anna didn’t fit in my car,” Finn advised with a laugh.
“Oh boy. I remember that. And thank you, Nick.”
“We appreciate it,” Zane slipped his arms around my waist and pointed at the tree in the bay window. “Now it’s time to decorate that bad boy. If I catch anyone hanging all the balls in clumps or on the bottom, I’m gonna kick some ass. I don’t want to spend my night fixing the tree after you yahoos leave and Eric isn’t happy with the ball placement.”
“That sounds like a personal problem, Z,” Josh quipped.
“Ha ha…or ho ho. Let’s fuckin’ do this!”
“And on that note, cheers!” We clinked our glasses noisily against Nick’s and then shuffled around the island, piling pizza and salads onto our plate before moving into the living area to gather around the tree.
The sound of familiar voices, chatting above the strains of Wham!’s “Last Christmas” warmed my heart. This was a good home. A safe place filled with love and laughter. I loved my husband, and I loved these people. I was grateful to have friends who truly felt like family. And I couldn’t wait for our son or daughter to meet them.
Chapter 3
Eric
Today was a bi
g day, and I was nervous as hell. I wished I hadn’t poured that fourth cup of coffee. My heart raced and my palms were sweaty. The only thing keeping me from spiraling out of control was knowing Zane felt the same way. My normally easygoing husband looked anxious and uncomfortable. Other than greeting Darcy in the chic lobby of the doctor’s office, he hadn’t said a word.
I leaned against his side as though I couldn’t hear our peppy surrogate highlight the details of her ongoing battle with morning sickness. Truthfully, I wanted an excuse to touch Zane, but I was also desperate for every little scrap of information she gave us. I wanted to know that she was eating well and getting enough sleep. If she felt even a twinge of discomfort, I wanted to know how we could help. I thought about asking her to move into our Marina townhouse for the duration of her pregnancy, but Zane hadn’t liked the idea.
“First of all, we don’t really have the room and secondly, I don’t want to be on my best behavior for nine whole months,” he groused.
“She knows we’re married. I’m sure she knows we sleep in the same bed and do stuff.”
Zane threw back his head and laughed. “ ‘Do stuff.’ See? You can’t even say ‘fuck’ without blushing. And that’s at the idea of someone overhearing us. Besides, she has a kid and a routine of her own. Our job is to be supportive. Not to smother her. We’ve been very clear that if she needs anything…even if it’s just someone to talk to, we’re always available.”
Except Zane wasn’t particularly “available” at the moment. He was internally freaking out. When we embarked on this journey, we agreed that if one of us was overwhelmed by the specter of parenthood, the other should step up. It was my turn.
“…woke up feeling fine. I had a light breakfast, took Jack to preschool, and barely made it home before I puked,” Darcy reported matter-of-factly.
I frowned. “Do you think it was something you ate?”
Darcy pushed her long blonde hair behind her ear and grinned. She was a naturally pretty young woman with big blue eyes and high cheekbones who rarely wore makeup. She claimed it was a big day if she bothered with mascara. She taught yoga at a studio in Pacific Heights and worked part-time selling olive oil at a kiosk in the Ferry Building. It was a family-owned business she’d helped expand with her older sister after they’d graduated from college. In some ways, she reminded me a lot of Zane’s mom. She had a sunny demeanor and seemed to read people well. Like now.
“I’m fine now. In fact, I’m hungry. I could go for three quarter-pounders from McDonald’s, two orders of fries, a chocolate milkshake…what d’ya say, Zane? Are you in?” she asked.
The twinkle in her eyes gave her away, but Zane wasn’t quick on the uptake this morning. He jolted and shot a panicky glance at her. “I thought you didn’t eat fast food.”
“Oh, I don’t. Usually.” She snapped her fingers and grinned. “Ice cream sounds better. A pint of Ben and Jerry’s Double Fudge Brownie. Make it two pints. And a jar of pickles. I love pickles.”
Zane opened his mouth and closed it twice before turning to me. “Is that normal?”
I shrugged. “Maybe. But I also think she’s playing with you, honey.”
Zane frowned at Darcy and huffed. “Play with Eric. He’s smarter than me, and he’s cool and collected. I’m a mess.”
“Relax, Zane. Everything is fine.” She smiled at him kindly and set her hand over his. “I promise. You don’t have to—”
“Darcy Malecki?”
“Yay! That’s us. Come on, Dads.”
I watched Darcy head to the reception desk to check in before nudging Zane’s elbow. “This is it. Are you ready?”
“No. Fuck, Er. I’m not ready at all. What if something’s wrong? What if there’s no heartbeat? What if we have to start from zero all over again and—”
“Zane, baby, look at me.” I waited for him to obey. “Whatever happens, we’re in this together. You aren’t doing this alone. We're family.”
He nodded mutely, then looked into my eyes. “I don’t know if I told you this today, but…I love you so much.”
My heart was close to bursting. I bit the inside of my cheek and whispered, “I love you too. Come on. She’s waiting for us.”
We were escorted to a small room with a wide window overlooking a parking structure and a slew of equipment including a monitor stationed next to the paper-covered bed or lounge or whatever it was called. I swiped my damp hands on my suit pants and studied the chart of the female reproductive system above the petite sink in the corner. Nothing put a gay man into neutral faster, I mused, starting when a nurse knocked on the door.
She greeted us warmly and asked Darcy a few general questions about how she was feeling as she took her vitals. “Pretty good. Morning sickness isn’t fun, but it doesn’t last long.”
“Lucky you. Well, your blood pressure and heart rate are normal. I’ll be back in a sec with Dr. Wu. I’m sure you’re all ready to meet your baby,” she said.
“Perfect. Thank you,” I replied.
I set my hand on Zane’s hip and smiled at Darcy. “It’s kind of nice that you’ve been through this before. You’re so calm and we’re…not.”
“If you’re nervous, it means you care. And it makes me think this kid is going to be very well taken care of. But like I told you, I really am fine. Today is when things get fun. You’ll get your first chance to meet your new person.” Darcy’s grin was contagious.
“Thanks.” Zane met her gaze as he laced his fingers with mine. “For everything.”
“It’s just the beginning, Zane. We’ve got a ways to go still,” she reminded him with a chuckle.
Another knock interrupted us. This time a tall woman with short, dark hair and a lab coat joined the nurse. She introduced herself as Dr. Wu, made idle chitchat that basically covered all the same general health questions the nurse had, and instructed Darcy to lift her shirt and expose her stomach. She turned to the ultrasound equipment and liberally gelled Darcy’s lower belly before moving a wandlike instrument over the slick skin. She didn’t speak for a long moment. She kept her eyes locked on the monitor with an intensity that worried me.
“Do you see anything?” I asked anxiously.
Dr. Wu smiled. “I do indeed. Look here.”
“Where? That little pea shape?”
“Yes. That little pea is your baby. He or she is actually closer to a strawberry in size right now.”
“And that’s good, right?” Zane whispered.
“It’s very good. And right here, we have the heart. Can you hear?” She turned up the volume and gave Zane and me an expectant nod. “That’s a nice, strong sound.”
I furrowed my brow as a whoosh of static broke the silence followed by a distinctive beat. I opened my mouth and stared at Zane with a wild-eyed look as the sound echoed in the room.
Zane brushed at the tears welling in his eyes and grinned at me. “That’s our kid, Er. Our baby.”
Chapter 4
Eric
Conrad Winery had become a second home among our group of friends. Nick had moved to Napa less than a year after he met Wes Conrad. The vineyard, tasting room, processing plant, and various storage and supply warehouses were located on a gorgeous property with sweeping views of the valley. It was more of a compound than a simple business location. Wes and Nick’s ranch-style home was within walking distance of the tasting room. Wes’s business partner, Geordie, lived up the hill from them with his boyfriend, Levi, who owned a popular restaurant in town. And there was even talk of Ryan and Danny, long-time employees and good friends of Wes and Geordie’s, building a small bungalow on the far edge of the estate too.
It was funny how seamlessly our lives had intertwined over the past few years. It felt like yesterday that I was yelling at Nick to return the personalized bottles of Conrad wine stacked in my office. Who knew that fateful trip to Napa on a rainy afternoon would introduce Nick to his future husband and the rest of us to an extended family of friends?
“What’s your favorite an
imal?” Zane asked as he navigated our Range Rover along the quiet ribbon of highway toward the winery on Christmas Eve afternoon.
I snorted a laugh, twisting in my seat to face him. “Spirit animal, wild animal, pet? Where are you going with this one?”
“Okay, smartass, let’s go with spirit animal first.”
“Hmm. That’s tricky. I want to say something fierce like a lion or a grizzly bear, but I’m probably an elephant,” I said.
“Ha! Why an elephant?”
“What’s wrong with elephants?”
“There’s nothing wrong with them. I happen to love elephants. They’re pretty cute. Didn’t you make me watch a documentary on the National Geographic Channel about them a couple of months ago? The things I do for you,” Zane sighed playfully.
I huffed. “I didn’t make you watch it. You could have left the room. And don’t pretend you weren’t fascinated. You liked it as much as I did.”
“That’s debatable,” he teased. “Okay. I guess it was interesting. They said elephants are extraordinarily attentive and sociable, and loyal. So yeah…that could be you. I just don’t think of them as a sexy animal, and baby, you’re a sexy beast.”
“Who, me?”
“Yeah, you. Fuck, this morning was hot.” Zane made a production of adjusting himself before returning both hands to the steering wheel.
That was an understatement. It had begun with a normal morning chat over a cup of coffee. I’d stood behind the island while Zane lounged on a barstool. We’d been discussing his mother’s “sudden” plan to go out of town for the holidays, which had caught Zane by surprise. Originally, we’d planned to spend Christmas with her and tell her our news. But if she wasn’t going to be in town, there was no reason for us to fly to Orange County until my parents got home from their cruise on the twenty-seventh. Supposedly Wendy would be home that day too. The whole concept of her not being there bothered Zane more than I realized it would. I’d quickly switched the topic to house-hunting.