by Hayes, Lane
She sobbed as hugged Eric and me. I kissed their heads and then looked up at the faces of our friends looking on in the next room. I beckoned them over and laughed like a loon when Grant put Anna on his shoulders and raced to our sides. Everyone followed. Nick and Wes, Miles, Josh and Finn, Jeff and Lars, Danny and Ryan, Geordie and Levi…and even Lauren and her date.
“Gather ’round, everyone. Merry Christmas, my friends, my brothers…I love you guys. Group hug!”
We swayed in a giggling heap of holiday ridiculousness. I’d never been happier in my life. I was surrounded by family and friends who’d become family. I felt nothing but love and hope…as though anything was possible as we leaned into the holidays.
Epilogue
“All's well that ends well.”― William Shakespeare, All’s Well That Ends Well
Eric
I was a mess. I couldn’t blame the July heat or my heavy workload. The coastal fog had me reaching for a sweatshirt when we left for the hospital at the ass crack of dawn. I barely remembered the drive up and down San Francisco’s notoriously hilly streets. I was just grateful the traffic was light. We couldn’t be late. Not today. Not for this.
The past few months had been a whirlwind. Zane competed in a couple of regattas, came in first place in both, and somehow managed to grow his business selling boats when he wasn’t training. And Nick and I were busier than ever at EN Tech. We’d signed a few huge contracts and hired a ton of new talent. It was exciting for sure. And I could happily report that I’d become much better at the art of delegating. I simply couldn’t be everywhere at once.
This was where I was needed most. At Zane’s side in a hospital room with our laboring surrogate…who at the moment looked like she was on a chaise lounge sipping a piña colada under an umbrella in Tulum.
Slight exaggeration…Darcy lay with her feet crossed, sucking on ice chips, and chuckling at a Golden Girls rerun while Zane and I took turns nervously fussing over her. It was surreal that months of preparation—doctor visits, baby showers, Lamaze classes—all culminated in a Bea Arthur marathon with nurses joking around with our uber-relaxed friend as she dilated from three to nine centimeters without feeling a thing.
Was this normal?
Zane mouthed, I don’t know.
“Should we be watching football? Golden Girls is a little…gay, isn’t it?” I whispered.
Zane snickered. “Babe, we’re pretty gay. I think this kid will be okay with it too.”
“You’re right. You promise to help me macho it up for him, right? I don’t want him to be embarrassed by me or—”
“Hey, stop that. Not okay. We’ve talked about this a million times over the past few months. We’re going to raise an incredible human, baby. He’ll know better than to judge anyone based on skin color, sexual orientation, or religious beliefs. We’ll provide a loving home, and we’ll pay attention to his needs and interests. If he’s into trucks and motorcycles, we’ll—”
“No motorcycles,” I hissed adamantly. “Too dangerous.”
Zane put his arm around my shoulder and nuzzled my neck. “I love you, Er.”
“I love you too. I’m just so…” I wiped my clammy palms on the hospital gown I wore over my jeans and blue oxford shirt. “Nervous. I can’t tell if everything is okay. She seems perfectly healthy, but—”
“She’s fine, sugar,” our nurse butted in.
Sheila, a jovial middle-aged woman with a shock of red hair, had spent the past few hours repeatedly assuring us that all was well. Me, specifically. In fact, she kept giving Zane sympathetic looks of the “Your man is nuts” variety. Although I think she had a gay crush on us.
“Trust me, honey, this is the ideal birth situation. She’s relaxed as can be, letting her body do all the hard work. Your baby’s vitals are strong and”—Sheila checked the monitor before continuing—“it looks like it’s almost time to push. I’m going to find the doctor, Dad.”
“Oh, my God. Do you mean this is it?” I gulped.
She chuckled softly. “Yes. Well, soon anyway. Are you ready?”
“No.” “Yes.” Zane and I chirped in unison.
Darcy handed me her cup of ice, then clutched my wrist. “Eric, there’s no turning back now. We’ve got this.”
I gave her a wobbly smile and bent to kiss her forehead impulsively. “If I haven’t told you so already, I think you’re a rock star.”
“You too, Daddy.”
Not gonna lie, the next twenty minutes were harrowing. They’d lowered the dosage of Darcy’s epidural so she could push. I hated seeing her red-faced and in pain with sweat dripping from her brow. She squeezed my hand like a vise with each contraction, gasping for breath when it passed. Zane paced behind the doctor, pausing to joke once in a while about baseball or the 49ers’ chances for another Super Bowl run next year.
I was hyper-aware of every conversation yet completely in tune with the woman carrying my son. I felt a rush of warmth, affection, and gratitude I could never put into words. If my only job was to offer comfort as she navigated the final stages of labor, I’d give her my best.
“You’re amazing, Darcy. Almost there,” I singsonged.
“That’s correct. Looks like your little one is ready to make his appearance,” the doctor said. “Are you ready to push?”
Darcy nodded profusely. I held her hand tighter and turned to watch Zane standing beside the doctor.
“Oh, my God, Er. He’s…”
Darcy let out a strangled sob. “Eric, you can go. It’s o-okay.”
“Shh. Zane’s got it. I’m here for you,” I assured her.
“Oh, my…oh…”
Zane blinked back tears as he met my gaze. I heard a flurry of instructions, a gasp, and finally…a baby’s tiny cry. I kissed Darcy’s hand, then her forehead. “Thank you. Thank you.”
“Go on. Go see your son,” she whispered.
I stood on shaky legs and hurried to Zane’s side, peering over his shoulder at the small bundle in his arms. Again, I was aware of background conversation involving healthy vital signs and a bath, but I pushed the excess noise aside and let the moment take hold.
“He’s here, babe,” Zane choked. “So beautiful, so little.”
I stared at our son in wonder, unable to find words. Tears streamed down my face. I’d literally never been more in awe of anyone or anything in my life. “He’s perfect.”
“Do you want to hold him?”
“I’m shaking.”
“Me too.” Zane laughed, nestling the baby in my arms before I could reply.
“Alexander?”
“Yeah, that’s what we decided. And he looks like a Xander, doesn’t he?”
I chuckled. “He does.”
“You’re a natural daddy, Er. You’re so fucking beautiful.”
“Me?” I grinned through the tears and bit my lip. “Are you Daddy and I’m Papa? I can’t remember what we talked about.”
“We’ll figure it out later. C’mon. They want to give our little guy a bath, and we need to call our family and—” Zane broke off, wiping a tear from his cheek. He leaned in to kiss me and then Xander. “I love you. Always have, always will.”
“I love you too.”
I hadn’t been sure what this moment would feel like. I’d supposed it would feel like Hanukkah and Christmas and every birthday I’d ever been excited about. And it did. But it was something more too. Something I couldn’t quite name.
Holding a piece of my heart in the palm of my hands was humbling, to say the least. I should have felt exposed and vulnerable, but hope and joy won. Standing at my husband’s side, cradling our son in my arms, was pure magic. A sign of a new beginning. Our beginning. I was more than ready to lean into the wonder, the challenge…and yes, I was ready to lean into love.
Starting From Series
Take it from the top! It begins with a song, then a record deal, followed by a tour, and a little geekiness…
Starting From Zero, Book 1
Justin Cuevas
is going through a rough patch. A broken relationship, a scandal, and the demise of his band have shaken the aspiring rock star’s confidence. With a little luck, he’s hoping to re-launch his music career in LA with his new band, Zero. The key is to stay focused, and not get distracted by his past…or the sexy songwriter he can’t get out of his head.
Gray Robertson has written dozens of hits and worked with some of the biggest names in the industry. But he’s never met anyone like Justin. The younger man is fiery, passionate, and smart. A powerful voice for a new generation. Other than an unforgettable one-night stand and a passion for music, the two men have nothing in common. Or do they?
Starting From Scratch, Book 2
Charlie Rourke is an ultra fabulous human whirlwind on a mission to launch the next biggest band in the world. However, he might have taken on more than he could handle when he signed on to manage Zero.
Ky Baldwin loves a challenge as much as anyone, but Charlie doesn’t make things easy. Zero’s manager is a force of nature and Ky can’t stop thinking about him.
Starting From Here, Book 3
Everything is finally going well for Declan…until his drummer breaks his wrists. He needs a quick replacement to record one more song and the obvious candidate hates his guts. Isn’t there an expiration date on holding a grudge?
Tegan doesn’t trust Declan McNamara. Sure, he’s talented, smart, and has more sex appeal than any one person should be allowed, but—he’s trouble. However, Scratch Record’s survival may depend on a truce and extreme measures…of the fake boyfriend variety. It may be time to set the past aside and start over…here and now.
Starting From Somewhere, Book 4
Bobby J knows what he likes and he isn’t afraid to go for it. And he likes the adorable geek from the bar. A lot. He’s smart and sassy…and he doesn’t seem to know or care that Bobby J is in a hot up-and-coming band. However, when he finds out Cody is the new intern at Scratch Records, things get tricky.
Cody’s quest is to research cool things and interesting people before starting his job as aerospace analyst—not fall for a rock star. He may be in over his head, but you’ve got to start somewhere.
Out in College Series
Out in College is my new adult series set in Southern California. Each book has a sports theme and though some characters will be feature in other stories, these books can be read on their own and in any order. So far, we’ve got water polo, football, baseball, ice hockey, volleyball. And coming soon…more water polo with a little skiing!
Check out the entire series, beginning with water polo with Derek and Gabe’s story in Out in the Deep, Book 1…
Football with Evan and Mitch in Out in the End Zone, Book 2…
A little more football with Christian and Rory in Out in the Offense, Book 3…
Some baseball with Max and Phoenix in Out in Field, Book 4…
Ice hockey with Colby and Sky in Out on the Ice, Book 5.
A little more ice hockey with Logan and Ned in Out in Spring, Book 6
AND beach volleyball with Braden and Elliot in Out on the Serve, Book 7
Coming Soon - Out in Winter- January 2021
Excerpt from Out in Winter - January 2021
It occurred to me as my life began to flash in front of my eyes that if I turned downhill, I could avoid the tree and move in the right direction. I might not have control of my skis, but Liam seemed to know what he was doing. No doubt he’d catch up easily and offer tips on how not to kill myself along the way. A comical vision of him doing circles around me while I tumbled into a giant snowball flashed in my head.
And that might have been when things really went sideways.
“Slow down, Drew!”
“I can’t,” I bellowed, bending my knees per his instructions.
The wind bit at my cheeks and sent me hurtling down the steep ass mountain. I barely resisted the urge to close my eyes. That wouldn’t help. But maybe I was bending my knees too much, overcompensating, and throwing myself out of whack. I straightened my legs and boom! That was the end of me.
I went flying over a shallow ledge and crashed into a snow drift. I lost my poles, one of my skis, and maybe one of my fillings. I lay flat on my back, staring up at the clear blue sky while cartoon birds circled my head. What now? Was I supposed to walk down the mountain? Or maybe I was already there. I couldn’t tell and I was afraid to look or—
“Hey, there. Looks like you had a garage sale. I picked up a few items I think you might have let go of prematurely. Sit up.”
“I can’t.”
“Yes, you can. You’re okay.”
“I’m not okay. I’ve fallen and I can’t get up,” I grumbled, blinking madly when a shadow fell over me.
Liam chuckled. “You took a tumble but it was more of a slide than anything. Like a bad run at home plate.”
“I have no idea what that means.”
“Never mind. It’s not important. Time to get up.” He unclipped his skis and propped them in the snow before crouching at my side and tugging my sleeve. “Good job. Let’s try it again.”
“Again? I can’t do that. I think I broke something.” I wiggled my fingers and toes experimentally.
“You’re fine. Take my hand,” he commanded, pulling me to my feet, batting snow from my shoulders. “Did you forget how to stop? You were doing okay at first, then you went rogue.”
“I started thinking about bloody marys and that was the end of me. The universe is telling me to hang these up and meet you in the bar. Point me in the right direction and I’ll somersault down the mountain. Are we close?”
Liam shook his head and gave me a lopsided smile. “Nope. But we’ll get there soon…without doing any gymnastics. Let’s take a quick refresher in stopping, turning, and maintaining control. Here are your poles. Hold on to my arm and click your boots onto your skis.”
I let out a defeated sigh, but did as instructed. “Now what?”
“Now we try again. It’s like everything else in life. You need to balance. Don’t get too far over your skis and don’t go backward. Shake off the tension and relax.” He flapped his arms and rolled his shoulders in case I needed a demonstration. “Just like in the real world, if you’re too uptight, you have a hard time adapting to the terrain.”
“Are you insinuating that life is just like skiing?”
He nodded. “Yeah, but you can substitute any sport and come up with a passable analogy. The core principle that allows everything to work is balance. So…show me what you got.”
“Like this?” I leaned forward with my knees bent and…promptly fell on my ass again. “Fuck me.”
Liam helped me up, pulling me against his chest. “Is that an invitation?”
I rested my hands on his hips and chuckled. “I’ve never been more tempted to barter my ass in my life.”
Liam snorted. “I’ll keep that in mind. But I promise you can do this on your own. Let’s go.”
He zipped by then paused at the next incline, and motioned for me to follow. I waited for a couple of seasoned snowboarders to pass before gliding toward him. He let out a whoop when I reached him and beckoned me close. Then he tipped my chin and kissed me.
Coming Soon- Starting From The Top - Winter 2021
Starting From The Top- Winter 2021
He couldn’t be that bad.
I didn’t particularly care either way. I mean, he wasn’t anyone I needed to know. Though I had to admit, Sean was definitely DILF material.
He was a couple of inches taller than my six feet. His salt and pepper hair was close-shaven and probably more on the salty side. But the extra gray went well with his light eyes and chiseled features. When I first met him, he rocked the bald look and it totally worked for him. I wondered why he grew it out. Justin said it had to be a mid-life crisis thing. Maybe. Didn’t know, didn’t care. However, it worked for him.
Sean was handsome, commanding, and had a badass vibe I totally appreciated. But he wasn’t my kind of people, if you know wha
t I mean. He was too wealthy, too self-assured, too worldly, too connected, too…experienced. I couldn’t relate to this man on any plane whatsoever. We had nothing in common, but Justin and Tegan. One guy hated him, the other didn’t. I preferred to remain in neutral territory.
Neutral meant friendly but distant, right?
I smiled politely and inclined my head. “I’m doing okay. You?”
“I can’t complain.”
Okay. Commence awkward silence.
I made a half-hearted motion toward the action outside. “Um, I’m gonna…”
“Congrats on your new album. It’s fantastic,” he said with a lopsided grin.
“Thanks. We’re proud of it. It’s been a rush.”
“I bet. Tegan told me the tour went well.”
“Yeah, it was great. Exhausting, but great. I’m looking forward to some down time.”
Sean took a swig of beer and glanced away briefly. “So I heard.”
“You heard…what?”
He chuckled. “I wasn’t eavesdropping. Not on purpose anyway. Sound carries in here. I overheard Charlie tell you about Clay and I heard you say something about finding a new place to live. I want to offer some unsolicited but well-intentioned advice.”
“That’s okay,” I huffed. “I don’t need any—”