“Oh, you know you loved getting to see all those fossils after hours,” Lu said.
“Listen, Nathaniel.” Will spoke up. “Before we go back to school, there’s one more thing I need to do. Everyone has been really brave tonight, and confronted their fears, and I just want to tell you guys something. Lu and Nathaniel and Tiny.” He took his phone out of his pocket, held it up to his face, and hit record. “And, everyone else at school and maybe even the world. I gave up a lot three years ago. I gave up a really brave, really smart, really funny, and really weird girl. Weird in the best possible way. I should have fought for her; I should have made her see that she could trust me and that I wasn’t going to leave her. I shouldn’t have let my own fears and my own insecurities stand in my way. But it was hard, and there was an easier option, and I took it. And I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Luella Jane Austen.”
“Ugh.” Lu put her head in her hands, but Will wondered if it was to hide tears. “My middle name is so embarrassing.”
“I gave up my friends, too. Nathaniel, we were buddies; we did everything together. We were like math nerds in crime. I should have fought for you, too. I should have made sure there was still a place for you in my life. I know I only call you when I have to study. I am going to get better about that. It’s been really fun hanging out with you tonight, bro.”
“Don’t say bro,” Nathaniel said, but he was smiling.
Will bowed. “And, Tiny, you are so cool and funny and talented, and you care more about holding this group together than any of us. You’re our glue. We need you, and I can’t believe we made you feel ignored. But I get it. The world is tough and loud and crowded, and you have to be really shiny and happy and loud to be seen and for people to like you. I think a lot of people just pretend. But that’s not good enough for you. It’s not good enough for any of us.”
“Thanks, Will.” Tiny grinned.
“I don’t want people to think I’m this asshole anymore, who just cares about the soccer team and partying and spending my parents’ money and getting into the best Ivy League school. I made everyone believe I was who I wanted to be. Even I bought it. I’m not the person I used to be. I don’t even know if he’s still in there. I’ve been lying and pretending every single day for the past three years, and I’m tired. And no matter how hard I try, none of it is, or will ever be, good enough. No matter how much of yourself you give them, everyone always wants more from you. None of you guys can know what it’s like to have that kind of secret. And I’m tired. I’m tired of pretending. Maybe I don’t want to go back. I’m still me, inside. I just want to be me. And I don’t care what anyone thinks.”
He hit the record button, and the video ended.
“You’d think you just won an Oscar,” Lu muttered. “We should have started playing music when you hit a minute and thirty seconds.”
“What are you going to do with that?” Nathaniel asked.
“The video?” Will looked down at his phone. “I’m going to post it online.”
Nathaniel stood up straighter. “Really?”
“Really?” said Lu, her mouth hanging open.
“Yeah,” he said. He tapped away at the phone. “There. It’s uploaded. I’m really doing this! And, Lu”—he held out a hand, and she took it and turned to face him—“I want to be with you. Now. I want to walk with you down the hall at school and hang out at the museum again and go out for ice cream—”
“Will—”
“And make out in my bedroom—”
“Will.”
“What, Lu? Aren’t you happy?”
“I don’t know. I mean, I think this is all moving a little fast. I mean, we just made up. I don’t know, I mean, if I’m ready for all . . . that.”
Will stared at her. “What?”
Lu looked uncomfortable. “I just think maybe you should think about this a little more. You’re in a really weird place right now. Maybe we could start off as friends again, and see what—”
“Friends?” Will was aghast. “I just posted a video on Facebook that is basically a big middle finger to everyone I know! I thought you had my back!”
“I do!” Lu grabbed his hands, but Will pulled them away. How could she do this to him? How could she leave him all alone on this ledge, standing a hundred million feet above the city? What if he tripped? What if he fell?
What if he had just given up everything—for nothing?
“Nathaniel?” Will spun around to his former best friend. “What about you?”
“Uh, I want to be friends again. I do. But I don’t know. She’s kinda right, Will. I mean, you don’t know anything about my life now. All this stuff that you’re saying, it’s awesome, but you don’t have to give everything else up for us to be friends again, you know?”
Will was livid. Every dark thought, every dark fear he’d ever had came boiling up in him.
“You think you’re smart, Nathaniel? You think you’re some brilliant scientist? Then how come we’re still like this? How come I’m still morphing? And Lu’s still numb? And you’re still some superfreak of nature? And Tiny—” He pointed at her. “Oh shit,” he whispered.
Everyone looked. His blood went cold.
Tiny was gone.
Either she had run away again, really, really fast when they weren’t looking—
Or it had happened. She had finally disappeared.
Tiny
She hadn’t. Not yet.
But time was running out, and she had a plan. She needed everyone to stop fighting, and to work together.
She needed one more grand gesture.
Tiny could feel something in her changing. It had started after she’d thrown her poems off the top of the Empire State Building. She got a little bit stronger, a little bit more solid. She came back—a little bit. And again, after the ghost incident at the Plaza.
And again, when she ran off while Will was talking.
Before she knew what she was doing, she’d turned around and was running away, down the steps. She was taking out her cell phone. She was dialing.
Nathaniel and Lu were right, she realized, as the thunder rumbled beneath the sidewalk and the lightning crackled above her. Lightning takes the path of least resistance. This night was magical, but who knew if it would last? Just because she had some cool experiences and had thrown a hundred copies of her poem into the wind, just because she tried to be brave for a night, didn’t mean her whole life was suddenly going to change. Would they be friends again tomorrow?
Maybe. Tiny felt a responsibility to make it happen. Will had even said it himself. She was the glue. And it was time to glue them all back together.
The park was wild. It didn’t feel like she was in the city anymore. It felt like she was in a dark fairy-tale forest.
She walked farther into the deserted park. Normally, she’d be terrified to be in the park this late at night, alone. This is where people got murdered and attacked when the sun went down. Central Park in the middle of the night was where people went to disappear. But in the dark, amid the trees and shadows, Tiny was already hard to see.
And she was going there for a different reason.
“Hello?” said the voice on the other end of the line.
She was making a very important phone call.
One that she hoped would save them.
Lu
Lu spun around frantically.
“Where did she go?”
“I think—I think it finally caught up with her.” Nathaniel looked pale. “She turned all the way invisible.”
“But we can still hear her, right? And talk to her? Why isn’t she saying anything?” Lu said, gasping. “Tiny!”
“Tiny!” Nathaniel cupped his hands around his mouth. “Can you hear us?” Then he put his hands on his knees. “Oh god. This is my fault.”
“No!” wailed Lu. “It’s my fault. I let this happen. She’s my best friend and I let this happen.”
“Lu, what are you talking about?” said Will.
“S
he’s so good to me and always taking care of me and making sure I don’t do stupid shit. She was there for me throughout my parents’ divorce. And she’s also the only person I can go on adventures with and who I trust with my secrets and who . . . just gets me. She’s the only person I can be strange with. What did I do? I let her disappear.”
“It’s okay, Lu.” Will took her hand and squeezed. She didn’t feel it. “We’ll find her.”
“We have to find her. We have to. Without Tiny, I’m . . . alone. I have no one.”
“You have me, Lu.” Will looked hurt. “You have us.”
“But you don’t understand. Tiny is my best friend. And I took her for granted. We have to find her.”
She wheeled on Nathaniel.
“Nathaniel, help, please. Use your superpowers. No! Use your superbrain! You get all this science stuff! You can figure it out! We have to find Tiny, and then we have to get to school, to normal, for real, before . . . it’s too late.” She gulped. “If it’s not already too late. I can be numb for the rest of my life, I can handle it, but Tiny can’t disappear. I couldn’t handle that.”
“Okay,” said Nathaniel more to himself, it seemed like, than anyone else. “Okay. Where could she go?” He looked up. And his face fell.
Lu followed his gaze, and her heart sank. The museum was across the street from Central Park. At four a.m., it was the place to go if you didn’t want to be found. Maybe if you never wanted to be found again.
Did Tiny want to disappear? Or was it possible . . . she was leading them someplace?
If she were Tiny, where would she be?
Then she remembered. That picture. The one of the four of them sitting on the giant Alice in Wonderland statue in the middle of the mushroom. Tiny had given one to each of them that summer, the photos in pretty wooden frames she’d gotten on Etsy. Traditions were Tiny’s favorite thing—or had been, once. Lu had a lot going on that summer. She’d thrown it in her desk drawer with her movie tickets, concert stubs, stray Post-its with random ideas scrawled on them to be completed at a later date.
Alice in wonderland. A normal girl who falls into a bizarro version of her own world. A place where nothing makes sense and the rules have been rewritten by someone delusional without any firm grasp on reality. A place like high school.
Lu didn’t know who she was, not really. She had been living in her own delusional world for the past few years. Owen was right. Will was right. She really did push everyone away. She really was afraid of being vulnerable, of getting hurt. She’d pushed Tiny away too. Her best friend. The only one who had been there for her through everything.
She had to find Tiny and she had to let her in. Before she ruined everything.
“This way!” Lu yelled. “Hurry!”
Wi1l
The path was familiar.
The three of them were running through the dark and, frankly, terrifying park.
Will remembered running down this same path with Tiny, Lu, and Nathaniel years ago.
The last day of summer before high school started:
* * *
Will was the slowest. He was always the slowest.
“Hurry up!” Lu shrieked gleefully over her shoulder. Nathaniel—always fast, always a little bit super, even then—was so far ahead, Will couldn’t see him anymore. Tiny fell back next to him.
“What are you doing?” Will huffed. “You can go faster than that. We both don’t need to lose.”
“Then you’d be running by yourself,” Tiny said, as if it was that simple. “That’s no fun.”
* * *
It was her idea to have the annual traditions in the first place. It was her idea to take that picture, which he still had. He could never bring himself to throw it away.
He needed to go back to normal now more than ever. If he didn’t have Lu, if he didn’t have Nathaniel, and if he didn’t have Tiny—he had no one. He felt like he was backsliding. Second-guessing everything. The whole night—the past three years, even—started to unravel before his eyes. He was tired. Not just tonight, but of everything. He was so tired of pretending to be happy. Of acting like this new life he’d made for himself was what he wanted.
The picture of the four of them sitting on the giant bronze mushroom, with the giant bronze Cheshire Cat smiling like a big old cat creep above them, was lost somewhere in the tangle of socks and dirty laundry under his bed. He should dig it out. It was a good picture. His old life—his old self—was worth remembering.
He’d been so caught up in himself, he didn’t realize other people were hurting too. He didn’t want to lose Tiny. He wanted her to know that they cared if she got found.
Nathaniel
The path wound around the reservoir and under a series of dark footbridges. He grabbed Lu’s hand in one hand and Will’s in his other, to keep them close in case the crazies who came out of the woodwork in the park at night made any sudden moves. Nathaniel kept the three of them moving with his superspeed.
The air was heavy. Lightning flashed somewhere up ahead.
What did it mean to be super, anyway? He hadn’t acted like it back then, during that pivotal summer that had changed all of their lives. He hadn’t made Tiny feel like she was someone worth saving. He’d been the one to pull away. He’d been the one to hide in his desperate attempt to become his brother. Tiny had never asked that of him. He shouldn’t have blamed her for it.
He had a second chance to make it up to himself, to her, to all of them, tonight. He had a second chance to be super. And he didn’t have to be Tobias’s definition of the word. He could make up his own definition of what it meant to have superpowers.
Lu was running alongside him, crying and panting. She was a total mess. Will was on his other side, his face serious and determined.
They ran down the interwoven paths and under a canopy of leafless trees, their twisted branches like fingers reaching out to them. They ran over a cobblestone bridge, calling Tiny’s name.
Lu suddenly screeched to a halt next to him. The path forked in two up ahead. One side was brightly lit with streetlamps. The other was dark and strewn with leaves. A giant tree trunk had fallen across the path, barring their way.
“A tree came down,” Nathaniel said, inspecting the branches. “Recently. Like, really recently. Look.” The jagged edges were charred and burning in some places, sending smoke up to the dark sky in plumes. The lightning wasn’t following them, he realized.
It was following Tiny.
He bent down and heaved the trunk off the path. “Hurry!” he yelled.
They passed along the boat basin, and then, finally, hidden away in a clearing, was the big bronze statue of Alice in Wonderland. They’d played up here when they were kids.
Nathaniel had thrown out that picture Tiny had given him of the four of them. After that summer, he couldn’t stand to look at it anymore. It brought back too many painful memories. Of everything that happened after it was taken.
He looked up.
Tiny was sitting on the mushroom, her back against the Cheshire Cat. She was grinning. And—was he imagining it?—she looked less invisible than she had before. Everything she did, everything she’d been doing that night, it was working. She was keeping herself from going full-on invisible for as long as she could.
“Oh good,” she said. “You’re all here. Are you done fighting?”
Relief flooded through him. He climbed up the statue and sat down on the mushroom next to Tiny.
Then Lu was climbing up onto the mushroom, and Will was too, and the four of them were sitting there together, on that giant bronze fungus that reminded them of childhood.
Lu wiped away a tear and hiccupped. “Do not ever leave me again! I was so worried! What would I do without you?”
“I feel the same way about you!” Tiny squeezed her tight.
Nathaniel was smiling so wide, his face hurt. On his other side, Will said, “I feel the same way about all of you!”
“Hey,” said Tiny. “Smile.” She he
ld up her phone and snapped a new picture of the four of them. The flash was blinding. “Now, I have a surprise for you,” she said. “Follow me.”
5:00 A.M.
(3 HOURS LEFT)
PRIMORDIAL SOUP
Tiny
On the street at the entrance to the park was a taxi. Their taxi.
Gus leaned out the window. “Hey, you crazy kids!” he called. “You’re right back where you started!”
Tiny beamed. “Not quite,” she said, turning to her friends. “I promised I’d call him. So, I did.”
“I hear you’re still trying to get to Chambers Street! Well, get in. And hurry—I promised my wife I’d be home in one hour, and who knows what kind of obstacles will be in our way this time!”
The four of them ran to Gus’s cab and squeezed in the back, Tiny riding shotgun this time.
“I was asleep when your friend here called and said she needed a cab and that it was an emergency. She explained everything. Don’t know if I believe it, but hey, this is New York. Stranger things have happened. And besides, I liked you kids. Now, everyone, buckle up,” Gus said. “It’s the law!” He jammed his foot on the gas and they lurched off into the night.
The taxi drove down the West Side Highway. The windows were open and the sky was alive, the clouds rolling and the air churning in all these different shades of gray and black. The road was empty. The lights glittered across the river. For a moment, sitting there in the cab, there was peace. The night air licked their cheeks and eyes, and their hair all whipped in the wind—except for Nathaniel, whose hair was too short to do anything interesting, though Tiny noticed his curls were all sticking out in even more directions now than they were earlier.
Tiny was thinking.
Lu was thinking.
Will was thinking.
Nathaniel was thinking.
Gus the cab driver was probably thinking too, but he was old and weird and they really didn’t care what he was thinking about.
The Odds of Lightning Page 19