‘Oh no, you look—you look very nice,’ she amended the ‘wonderful’ she had been going to use to describe his appearance. ‘Please go through to the lounge and pour yourself a drink.’
‘No, thanks.’ He lounged against the kitchen unit closest to her as she worked at the cooker. ‘Dinner smells good.’
‘Thank you.’ Once again she blushed at his compliment, feeling slightly unnerved by his closeness. ‘Are you sure you wouldn’t like a drink?’ She could smell his aftershave, loved the way his hair curled damply about his ears and nape, had difficulty resisting the impulse to touch that hair, to run her fingers through it as she pressed her mouth against his.
His dark brows rose at her flustered attitude. ‘Am I in your way?’ he mused.
‘Er—no. No, of course not,’ she insisted vehemently. ‘I just thought—’
‘I am in your way,’ he drawled with a twist of his mouth, pushing away from the kitchen unit with a ripple of muscle. ‘I’ll go and sit in the lounge.’
Joanna would have liked to ask him to stay, would have enjoyed just having him close to her. And yet she knew she would ruin their dinner if Joshua stayed here watching over her in the crucial stages of the meal.
He was sprawled in an armchair, his eyes closed, one ankle crossed over the other as she carried their laden plates through to the dining-room. His eyes flickered open as he heard her approach, drawing in his stretched legs so that she could get by.
‘I left the wine in the fridge to cool.’ He stood up. ‘I’ll go and get it.’
She had forgotten about the wine he had promised to bring, and she went to get out the glasses while he took the cork out of the wine and brought the bottle through. She sipped at the chilled white wine with a shaking hand. It was ridiculous, she felt as if she were out on her first date with Joshua instead of having been married to him for six years. She wondered if he felt the same way; he certainly didn’t look in the least nervous or disconcerted as he sat across from her to eat his meal.
‘You never told me you could cook like this,’ he said after several silent minutes eating.
The high colour wouldn’t seem to fade from her cheeks. ‘I learnt at school.’
‘It’s good to have a home-cooked meal after living in hotels for a year,’ he added appreciatively, filling up her wine glass when it was only half empty, his hand strong and capable, the gold watch she had bought him for Christmas one year glinting amongst the dark hair on his wrist.
‘You lived the whole year in hotels?’ She couldn’t hide her surprise. ‘I somehow thought you and Angela—’ She broke off, biting her lower lip, in anger, with herself for mentioning the other woman. The evening had been going so well, why did she have to spoil it by mentioning his mistress!
‘Yes?’ Joshua looked unperturbed by her slip.
She glanced away. ‘I thought you might have rented a house or an apartment some of the time,’ she finished awkwardly.
‘There wasn’t time,’ he shrugged, sitting back to sip his wine. ‘I don’t think you would have liked the constant moving about, Joanna.’
She hadn’t been given the chance to either like or dislike anything! She had known on that last morning when she woke up after a night in his arms that she would follow him anywhere. But he hadn’t wanted her, had gone off with his mistress as if nothing had changed.
‘Probably not,’ she agreed stiffly, taking a couple of large swallows of her wine, feeling nothing as the cold alcohol hit her stomach. ‘Did you go to the house at all today?’ she changed the subject.
‘Only to get the car. When I got to the house I found I’d left my keys here, and Mrs Barnaby seems to have misplaced the spare set.’
‘Oh no, I have them,’ she assured him. ‘You left them on my dressing-table that last nigh—Well, you left them in my room,’ she mumbled. ‘I put them in my handbag, they’re still there.’
Again his expression remained bland. ‘I talked to Dan when I got back,’ he told her coolly.
Not Cameron, or Mr Cameron, but Dan! Perhaps the two men really had discussed football and the weather!
‘He gave me your spare key,’ Joshua murmured. ‘I hope you don’t mind.’
‘Not at all.’ She put her glass down, only to have Joshua instantly fill it up again. At this rate she was going to be drunk at the end of dinner. ‘I would have given it to you myself if I’d thought of it.’
‘Thanks,’ he nodded. ‘Dan tells me the fourth book is near to completion?’
‘Another couple of days and we should be finished,’ she nodded.
‘Got any more lined up?’
‘A couple,’ she acknowledged. ‘Mother thinks it’s scandalous that I actually get paid for writing about a dog!’
‘Not just any dog,’ Joshua said softly. ‘Your dog. You loved him very much, didn’t you? It came over in your books,’ he explained.
‘Yes, I loved him very much,’ Joanna admitted huskily. ‘Would you like some dessert?’ He had eaten all the roast she had given him, although some food still remained on her own plate; she was too nervous to have much of an appetite.
‘Thanks.’ He stood up to help her clear the table. ‘Why didn’t you ever get another dog?’
She laughed lightly. ‘Billy was a mistake as far as my mother was concerned, another dog would have been a disaster!’
‘I suppose so,’ he nodded. ‘Billy sounds as if he was a bit of a handful,’ he smiled.
Her heart did a somersault at the sight of that devastating smile, she swallowed heavily. ‘He was,’ she confirmed throatily. ‘Most boxers are. Another dog could never have taken his place anyway,’ she shrugged dismissal, and went through to the kitchen to get the lemon meringue pie she had made for dessert, another of Joshua’s favourites.
‘I’ll be putting on weight.’ He sat back replete after refusing a third piece of pie.
‘You’re probably too thin at the moment.’ She cleared away the debris from their meal, putting all the crockery into the dishwasher.
‘So are you.’ He had followed her, looking at her critically as she moved about the kitchen. ‘How much weight have you lost?’ he frowned.
Once again she couldn’t meet his gaze. ‘About ten pounds. But it’s fashionable.’
‘I prefer you a little—meatier,’ he shrugged.
Joanna instantly decided to put the weight back on no matter what she had to eat to do it! She wanted to be just as Joshua liked her, wanted to please him.
They listened to records in favour of television once they returned to the lounge, sitting side by side on the sofa, Joshua’s arm resting lightly along the back behind Joanna. He didn’t actually touch her, and yet she couldn’t have been more aware of him if he had been.
The silence between them stretched out as one record after another was played on her stereo system, and finally Joanna could stand it no longer. He would probably be leaving soon, and so far he had made no mention of seeing her again after tonight.
‘Do you—’
‘Have you—’ They both began talking at the same time. ‘You first,’ Joshua invited ruefully.
She looked up at him with luminous blue eyes. ‘It wasn’t really important.’
He seemed fascinated by her parted lips. ‘Neither was what I was going to say,’ he said huskily.
‘Oh.’
‘Joanna!’ The arm behind her moved as his hand clasped about her nape, pulling her slowly towards him. ‘Say no if you want to.’ His mouth was only inches away from hers, his eyes stormy, his voice a low groan.
‘Yes,’ she breathed softly.
With a muffled moan his mouth claimed hers, probing gently, searchingly, his lips moving slowly with hers in a kiss that devoured and ignited deeper passion, although he didn’t deepen it, made no effort to do more than kiss her, her own pleading groans in her throat doing nothing to incite the heady possession she craved.
She was flushed and breathing heavily by the time he put her away from him, his eyes enigmatic, his e
xpression unrevealing. She quivered as he smoothed the hair back from her face, raining light kisses across her cheek and down to her ear, biting gently on the lobe before searching the hollows of her throat with a probing tongue, making her tremble with wanting.
And still he controlled both their responses, his mouth returning to hers to kiss her deeply, hungrily, the tip of his tongue running lightly along her lips, resisting all her efforts to have him probe her mouth further, to give her satisfaction in that way, to reveal that his desire for her equalled her own for him.
She leant weakly against him as he moved back from her, his hands on her shoulders sitting her back on her side of the sofa, only the stormy colour of his eyes telling of his own response.
He stood up to look down at her. ‘Do you still take sugar in your coffee?’ he asked huskily.
‘Coffee?’ she blinked, too dazed by his kisses to think straight at the moment.
‘Yes. Do you still take sugar?’ His voice was hard.
‘Yes. But—’ before she could say any more he had gone into the kitchen.
Her hands clenched into fists of agony, of physical pain, of her instant arousal and Joshua’s rejection of her obvious reaction. What was he trying to do to her? Had he been playing with her, was it an experiment on his part to see if he was still attracted to her? If it had been she had failed him, she had failed them both.
‘Here you are.’ He handed her one of the mugs of coffee he was carrying, frowning as he saw how pale her face was. ‘Are you okay?’ He sat down beside her once again.
‘Fine.’ She forced a smile to her lips. ‘Maybe a little tired.’
He nodded. ‘I’ll leave as soon as I’ve drunk my coffee.’
Joanna swallowed hard as he confirmed her suspicion that he intended leaving. She had somehow hoped—But why should he want to stay on here, especially after tonight’s fiasco?
They drank their coffee in silence, a silence Joanna felt too miserable to break, and one Joshua didn’t seem to want to break. He was probably just trying to finish his coffee and leave! Oh God, what a mess!
He took their empty mugs back into the kitchen. ‘I’ll just go and get my things.’
He was walking out on her for a second time and there wasn’t a thing she could do to stop it! She couldn’t even persuade him to make love to her this time.
But none of her dejection showed when Joshua came back with his single suitcase, pulling on his sheepskin jacket. She walked with him to the door, a bright smile fixed to her lips.
One of his hands moved up to cup her cheek, his thumbtip moving gently over her lips. ‘Have dinner with me tomorrow night?’ he encouraged throatily.
Her eyes widened as she almost gaped at him. ‘D-dinner?’
‘Yes,’ he smiled. ‘It’s the least I can do after you fed me this evening. We’ll go out somewhere, hmm?’
Why couldn’t she stop smiling like an idiot—Joshua was going to think she was cracking up! ‘Dinner would be lovely, thank you,’ she accepted casually.
‘I’ll see you about eight o’clock.’ With one last fleeting caress of her lips with his he was gone.
It was only later, as she lay in bed alone, that she realised Joshua hadn’t returned the key to her flat. The thought warmed her.
CHAPTER EIGHT
IT was a little strange to think of going out on a date with your own husband. Joanna felt a little as she had on her first ever date when she was sixteen, only this time it wasn’t with freckle-faced John Larner, it was with Joshua, and even to think of the two men in the same breath was like comparing a kitten and a roaring lion. She felt as nervous as a kitten herself, discarding everything in her wardrobe as unsuitable, and deciding she would have to buy something new to wear.
She was critical of everything she tried on in the salon; nothing was just right, nothing perfect enough for an evening with Joshua. Then she saw it, a beautiful red dress, with a fitted tight bodice, very narrow ribbon straps, the tight waist flowing in soft folds to the ragged gypsy-style hemline just below her knees. It was exactly what she was looking for, totally feminine, the tightness of the bodice pushing her breasts up so that their gentle curve was revealed temptingly to anyone who cared to look or come close enough. She hoped she could interest Joshua enough for that, intended using all her feminine wiles to fight for him as Dan had advised her to.
Dan was sitting on her doorstep when she arrived home. Not literally of course, she didn’t have a doorstep, but he was doing a good job of propping up the wall.
‘Where have you been?’ he scowled. ‘I called over an hour ago, and when there was no answer I decided to come over.’
‘What’s your panic?’ She tucked her dress-box under one arm so that she could get her key out of her bag, handing it to Dan as she balanced her shoe-box in the other hand, the sandals a perfect match in colour for the dress.
‘James wants to see us.’ He threw himself into one of the armchairs once they were inside, glancing at his wrist-watch. ‘Ten minutes ago,’ he grimaced.
Joanna frowned, putting her parcels down. ‘What’s his panic?’
‘I haven’t liked to mention it, but you do realise what tomorrow is, don’t you?’ He gave her a searching look.
‘Tomorrow? Why, it’s—Oh,’ she grimaced. ‘He’s waiting for the book, right?’
‘Expecting it is more the impression I got,’ Dan told her ruefully. ‘And we still have the last few pages to do.’
‘Damn!’ She chewed on her bottom lip. ‘It’s all up here,’ she tapped her head. ‘I just have to get it down on paper.’
Joshua sighed. ‘You know James, he isn’t the most patient or forgiving of men. We promised him the complete book by tomorrow, and that’s when he’ll want it.’
She did know how tough James Colnbrook could be, and had wondered since she had got to know him better how she had got away with her treatment of him the first time they met. She had finally put it down to the fact that he had been so dumbfounded by the totally controlled bitch she had been then that he had been rendered speechless. Whatever the reason for his forbearance then it didn’t apply now; a deadline on a book was sacrosanct to James, with no excuses accepted.
‘Maybe if we worked all night—’
‘I have a date tonight!’ she told him desperately.
‘And you think I don’t?’ Dan bit out angrily. ‘Carmella isn’t the sort of woman you call up and put off for a date; she’s likely to go out and find herself someone else—and preferably not an illustrator of children’s books who’s broke most of the time.’
Joanna accepted the rebuke in the gentle way it was given. She had been selfish the last couple of weeks, her attention all on Joshua’s possible return and not on the fact that the deadline for the fourth book was nearing. She might have money of her own, but Dan was a working man, and she owed him the professional respect of doing her side of the work on time. She had held him up with her preoccupation with Joshua, and now she would have to make up for it.
‘I’ll call Joshua and explain to him that I have to work,’ she told Dan.
‘Joshua?’ he frowned. ‘You were going out on a date with your husband?’
‘Yes.’
‘He isn’t staying here?’
‘He went back to the house,’ she avoided Dan’s gaze. ‘I’ll just put these things away and then I’ll call him.’
‘Jo—’
‘It’s all right, Dan,’ she smiled at him. ‘If you can make the sacrifice so can I. Call Carmella now and explain if you like.’
He nodded, already dialling. ‘But she isn’t going to like it,’ he sighed.
Joanna had no idea what Joshua’s reaction was going to be. Her own was one of dread. Suppose he didn’t ask to see her again when she had to put him off for tonight? That possibility didn’t bear thinking about.
As soon as she knew Dan was off the telephone in the lounge she called the house from her bedroom extension, wanting privacy for her conversation with Joshua. She was frow
ning heavily when she came back from the bedroom.
‘Carmella was fine about it,’ Dan grinned, his good spirits obviously restored.
‘Good,’ she replied in a preoccupied voice.
‘I hope you don’t mind, but she was so disappointed that our date was off for tonight that I invited her here instead.’
‘Here?’ That broke Joanna out of her reverie. ‘You invited her here, Dan?’
‘Yes. You see—’
‘But she’s going to be bored out of her mind sitting here all evening while we work,’ she groaned. ‘You know you don’t even hear people once you get started!’
‘I hear Carmella,’ he told her quietly, with sincerity. ‘Jo, I think she’s the one.’
‘I don’t—You do?’ Her voice softened interestedly.
He grinned at her surprise. ‘I do. She’s beautiful, intelligent, and good in—’
‘Yes, Dan,’ she interrupted dryly. ‘I think we can all guess what she’s good at. What time is she arriving?’
‘In time for the pizza I’ll order to be delivered for seven-thirty.’
Joanna grimaced. A pizza hadn’t been what she had in mind for her dinner, but then neither was spending the evening with Dan and his girl-friend. ‘Okay,’ she sighed, ‘let’s get to work. Even a rough draft would keep James happy for now.’
‘We hope. He wasn’t too happy when I spoke to him just now and told him we wouldn’t be in with the book this afternoon.’ Dan pulled a face.
‘You called him too?’ Joanna gasped.
‘Yes,’ he nodded. ‘Well, someone had to; we should have been there ages ago. How did your call to Joshua go?’
She swallowed hard, suddenly preoccupied with her notes. ‘It didn’t,’ she mumbled.
But Dan heard her anyway. ‘Didn’t what?’ he prompted.
‘Didn’t go,’ she answered briskly. ‘Joshua wasn’t at the house.’
‘But you left a message for him?’
‘I—I couldn’t,’ she choked, tears in her eyes as she finally met Dan’s gaze. ‘He isn’t at the house, he hasn’t been back there since yesterday afternoon!’
The Failed Marriage (Presents Plus) Page 13