I wanted to press her down into the bed, to take my time and get my mouth all over her, but instead Trudie climbed on top of me. Sometimes she liked to take control and I didn’t begrudge her for that. I was happy to hand over the reins.
We kissed again, slowly, grinding against each other, my cock sliding along her slick folds, shuddering at the sensation, the tease of it. A couple of times the head caught against her entrance, not quite going in, and I groaned. I pulled her up, got my mouth on her breasts, sucking and nipping, and Trudie keened, writhing in my lap. She was so responsive, it made me wonder about whatever previous partners she’d been with. I was furious that there had been those in her past who hadn’t fully appreciated her and hadn’t taught her all about the pleasure that was to be had in bed.
But it didn’t matter in the end who she’d been with—I was with her now, and I wanted her to feel overwhelmed. I wanted to be the best she’d ever had, I wanted her to walk away feeling like she’d never find another like me.
My hands slid down to her ass and ground us together. Trudie gasped. “Please,” she whispered. “Please get inside me.”
She didn’t have to tell me twice.
I wrapped my arm around her lower back and moved into her slowly, taking my time, savoring every inch of her that I felt clenching around me. Every time I did this it felt like a revelation. I didn’t even have words for it.
We moved slowly, in sync, in a way that we hadn’t been able to that first time. Not that the first time we’d had sex had been bad. Far from it. It had been a bloody revelation. I’d known, after that first time, that I would never be able to really want another woman, even if a part of me had tried to deny it. But it took practice to get to know each other’s rhythms in sex, to really know what each person wanted, and now, we were at that place.
“Good girl,” I praised, as Trudie used her leverage to fuck down onto me, clenching around me in steady waves. “You’re so beautiful, God, I can’t even believe it.”
I knew that I said that a lot, but it was true. She was the most beautiful woman I’d ever met, and I still couldn’t believe that she could want me, when she could clearly have any man that she wanted. I drove myself into her again and again, shifting until I found the angle that made her shake and sob my name. I loved how she said my name, like it was all that she knew, the only word she could speak.
It was bloody difficult, but I held out, fucking her until she came, and then fucking her until she came a second time. I wanted to see her, wanted to watch her face as she orgasmed—knowing that I’d done that to her. When I finally came myself, she had her arms around me and was kissing me, encouraging me, and all I could think was I love you.
If only I could say it.
25
Trudie
Just like yesterday, I got up early to watch the sunrise.
It was beautiful. It really was lovely here, and I knew I was going to miss this place. More than that, I was going to miss the inability to come back. Oh, sure, after I got my own place, got through college, found a new job, bought furniture, all of that… I was still young. I knew that someday, theoretically, I could come back and visit Ireland again. But it wouldn’t be the same, would it? I’d just be thinking about Laird the whole time. I didn’t want to come back here just for no reason. I wanted to come back here with him.
Part of me never wanted to leave. Not just Ireland, but this fairy tale. This existence where I had this wonderful man to call my own, where I got to spend days either just sitting quietly with him, or exploring the area, or making love in bed. It was the kind of relationship I had yearned for but never gotten.
The rest of me knew it was folly to dream about this. I had only just gotten out of my relationship with Pete and I still could have to deal with him at any moment. I had to be careful. Once I got the money from Laird—as much as I felt like a mercenary in taking it—I could consult a lawyer and make sure that I was never bothered by Pete again. I could ensure that everything I’d done to get away from him would be permanent.
But until then… and was it really good to want to get into a relationship so soon after leaving such a heavy and abusive one? I hadn’t even been able to get therapy yet. I knew that I needed therapy, that was pretty damn obvious, but I couldn’t afford it, and was it fair of me to be with someone when I had yet to work through my trauma?
And maybe… maybe I was just clinging to Laird because I felt so safe with him. Maybe I was feeling like this because he was the first person who had been truly kind and thoughtful towards me. Maybe if I’d had more time, if I’d gotten therapy, if I was standing on my own two feet, I wouldn’t be so drawn to him. Maybe this wasn’t really the love that I thought it was.
Maybe I was deluding myself.
The thought made me sad, sadder than I wanted to admit, but I couldn’t deny that it also had merit. Didn’t matter, really, did it? Laird was going to be finished with me once we got home. I hoped that we could keep being friends. He seemed to truly value me as a person and I didn’t want to stop seeing him. On the other hand, maybe not seeing him anymore would be the best thing. I’d go cold turkey and I could get rid of these pesky emotions and all the confusion that was coming along with them.
“It’s kind of chilly out here, isn’t it?” Laird said from behind me.
His Irish brogue got stronger when we were here. I loved it either way, soft or strong, but I thought it was amusing that it was thicker when he was home among other Irish people.
“Got any ideas of what do to about it?” I asked, turning to look at him. He was wrapped up in a warm knit sweater, looking like he had no plans for the day. He also looked incredibly cozy, and I wanted to bury my face in his chest.
“I was thinking I could start up the kettle, get a fire going, and we could spend the day in? Relax, watch some movies?”
“Sounds lovely to me,” I said, and I meant it. I was in too contemplative a mood to be a good companion for wandering around the city today.
The fire was wonderful, and the tea was delicious. Laird pulled me into him on the couch when I tried to sit on one end, cuddling me. “You’re freezing,” he observed. “Do you just leak warmth?”
“I’m from New Mexico, remember?” I pointed out. “I’m not used to trying to keep warmth in. Usually I’m overheating.”
Laird chuckled, and silence fell. I wasn’t sure what to say to him. Or if I should say anything at all. Maybe I should just stay quiet.
I wanted to ask him about his thoughts on what we were going to do when we got home. I wanted to ask if he still wanted to see me, even just as friends, or if there was something else he had in mind, if he felt like we needed some time apart, if he wanted a ‘break’ from me.
Laird cleared his throat, and I braced myself. Here it came. He was going to ask me if we could not see each other for a bit when we got back to Chicago.
“So, my parents want to come back home with me and visit for a few days,” Laird told me. “Not right away. But in about a week. Do you think… I hate to ask this of you but could we keep up the charade just while they’re visiting? It’ll be too quick to say we’re getting a divorce when we’ve been acting so happy this whole time.”
Acting happy. Right. I had genuinely been happy, but Laird had only been acting. He had been pretending. I felt vaguely ill.
But I nodded, because what else could I say? No, let’s reveal the whole scheme to your parents and upset them? No, you’re already breaking my heart and I don’t want to damage it any further?
“Sure,” I managed, trying to keep myself sounding normal while a lump was forming in my throat. “I can do that. You just keep me posted.”
Laird nodded, and I turned away, settling my head against his shoulder so that he wouldn’t see as I struggled to keep down my tears. Tears! Like I was a teenager! I was such a mess over this. Clearly I needed a few days to get my head on straight again. Suddenly, I couldn’t wait to get home. I couldn’t wait to get out of Ireland, and be alone aga
in.
26
Laird
I hadn’t seen Trudie since we got back to Chicago and I dropped her off at her place. I could’ve stopped by, but I didn’t want to be creepy or make her uncomfortable. I could also have called her or texted her, but again… we had just spent all this time together and she had seemed to need a break. And it was fine… just, getting back into the swing of things at work, making sure nothing had fallen apart in my absence, and dodging Jack’s pointed questions.
And Jack was not looking to be easily deterred. My first day back at work he was in my office, grinning like a loon.
“So?” he asked, plopping down into the seat across from me like we’d had a meeting scheduled. “How did it go?”
“It went fine,” I told him, organizing my papers. “They all fell for it, my parents apologized, everyone saw the error of their ways, and they adored Trudie.”
“Of course they adored Trudie,” Jack scoffed. “Everyone loves Trudie, it’s impossible not to.”
“Is this your way of figuring out if it’s okay to ask her out?” I asked him. “Because I hate to break it to you but I’m pretty sure she sees you as an older brother type figure.”
Jack laughed dismissively. “I’m not interested in her that way, and you know it. Stop deflecting.” He leaned forward. “So? What happened. How’s it going. Did you finally tell her that you like her?”
I had never told Jack about my feelings for Trudie. Not when I first felt them, and certainly not later on. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Opening my computer, I set about transferring the money to Trudie. This would set her up with a whole new life. I had no idea that she wanted to go back to college and finish her degree until she told my mom about it. This money would help her to get out of that co-op and find her own place. There was so much more to getting your own house or apartment than people often realized—there was insurance, buying furniture, decorating, setting money aside to pay taxes, and so on. Trudie would’ve had to wait years to find a place of her own without this money, especially with wanting to get a degree, and finding a better job could be hard, too, on top of all of that. I knew that it was good to give her this money, to give her this freedom.
But I didn’t want to give her this money because I had paid her to be my wife. I wanted to give her money because she was my wife, and I could give her whatever she wanted, and she never had to worry about anything. She could go back to school, get a degree, get any job that she wanted. Do whatever she liked, be whoever she wanted, because she was taken care of the way she deserved.
Giving her the money also reminded me that this was a business transaction, and I’d been the idiot who’d put sex into the middle of it. I’d muddied the waters. How could I have been so stupid? If anyone found out, they could claim that I had paid her for sex. Trudie could even claim that if she wanted to, if she was a less good-hearted person.
My own personal frustrations with the situation, however, didn’t mean that I was going to renege on our deal. I had made her a promise, and Trudie was depending on this money. And dammit, she deserved it. She deserved a good life. I just wanted her to have that good life with me.
“Sure you don’t,” Jack replied, obviously not believing me.
“Nothing happened Jack, I’m serious.”
“Look, whether something happened or not, did you tell her how you feel?” Jack spread his hands wide and raised his eyebrows. “You obviously care about her, man, and I’m not talking about just as a friend. You’re in love with her. It’s written all over your face. And I can’t think of a better person for you to be with. I think that you should go for it. Date her for real.”
“After all that we just went through?” I responded. “No way. Absolutely not. It’s messy enough already.”
Jack shrugged. “Then take some time off and go back at it later. Give the two of you some space. But you like her. And you should go and get her.”
He stood up, and his tone softened. “Think about it, okay?”
I nodded at him, trying not to be snarky again. Jack was my best friend. Yeah, he could be an annoying bugger at times but he was doing this for my own good, because he thought that it was what would make me happy. I appreciated him for that.
Jack saluted me and headed out the door.
I turned back to my work, saw that the money transfer had gone through—and then my phone rang.
Trudie.
I answered it immediately. Had she decided she didn’t want the money? Was she unavailable to meet my parents when they got here on Saturday? Was…
“Hello?” That wasn’t Trudie. That was Edith, the woman I had briefly met when I had picked Trudie up to go to the airport. “I’m sorry, but this is Laird, right? Trudie’s friend?”
“Yes, yeah, that’s me.” I stood up from my chair and closed my laptop. “Is everything all right? Is Trudie okay?”
“I’m sorry to bother you,” Edith went on. “But this was the only number in Trudie’s phone besides work and my cell. I thought… well, poor thing won’t get out of bed. She’s been terrified. She called off work and she’s not talking or reacting. I think she’s having some kind of panic attack or something. Do you think you could—”
“I’ll be right there,” I promised, already heading out of my office.
There were at least a couple of traffic laws that I broke driving to Trudie’s co-op, but I didn’t care. If a cop pulled me over I’d just throw a ton of cash at them and keep driving. Trudie was having some kind of panic attack? What had happened? Was this something to do with her past, the part that she wouldn’t talk to me about?
There was something that had made her so timid, some heavy part of her past that she hadn’t discussed with me. I trusted her, and I had never pushed, but it was easy to tell from her behavior, at least in the beginning, that there was something up with her.
Had this part of her past caught up with her?
When I got to the co-op, Edith was waiting for me. “She’s upstairs in her room, if you’ll follow me.”
The room itself was not just Trudie’s room, obviously. It belonged to about a dozen people, each with their own bed and own dresser. It all looked depressingly the same, although it was neat and clean, and I knew even more now why Trudie hadn’t wanted me to stop by. Compared to my large, open-plan apartment, this place had nothing of Trudie’s individuality, no privacy, nothing really to call her own.
“She’s on her bed,” Edith explained. “I asked the other girls to stay out and give her some privacy. I’ll be downstairs in the kitchen if you need me.”
I thanked her, and walked up to the bed.
Ach, my poor love. She was curled up under a blanket, eyes staring straight ahead. When I got closer, I could see that she was trembling minutely, like she was freezing cold and couldn’t stop, even though she had to be warm underneath those blankets.
I sat down next to her and laid my hand on her hair. “Hello, love,” I said soothingly.
No matter what was wrong, I was going to figure it out, and I was going to fix it. I was going to help her to get better.
27
Trudie
The first few days I’d been back home had been all right. I’d been conflicted after Laird had dropped me off, but I hadn’t been… unhappy, exactly. Just frustrated with myself and confused, wondering what I should do next. I missed Laird terribly, only realizing once he was gone how much he had become a part of my life. I wanted to be with him, to spend time with him. I wanted to fall asleep in his apartment, not here in this place that no longer felt like home.
Edith had noticed, of course, but I had managed to avoid talking to her about it. I hadn’t told her about my deal with Laird, and I didn’t know how to begin to explain. Red was obviously dying of curiosity as well, but he was smart enough not to ask me how things had gone on the trip.
I just didn’t know what to do. I saw the money appear in my account and on the one hand I was relieved, I was ec
static, but on the other hand—it meant that it was the end. Our business transaction had ended. There was no reason for me to see him again.
When I got back from a morning walk, trying to clear my head, I found Edith waiting for me. She looked concerned. “Trudie, do you have a moment?”
I ignored the other girls who glanced over with curiosity, and nodded, letting Edith lead me into her office. “I don’t want to say this in front of everyone, but I will be putting up a reminder on the cork board that nobody is to give out any information about any other member of the co-op if someone asks.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean that a man stopped by this morning, asking for you,” Edith explained. “I didn’t like the look of him and I’m not about to say who does and doesn’t live here, so I didn’t tell him anything. But you need to be careful. Someone’s looking for you. Are you all right? Are you in any danger?”
I wanted to respond, but fear locked up inside of me so tightly that I felt like I was frozen. I could hardly breathe. “I… I’m… did he give his name?”
“No,” Edith replied. “But I can describe him.”
I nodded, hoping against hope that it was Jack or Red who had been looking for me, or maybe even Liam. Liam wasn’t supposed to even be in town, and if he had been here it meant that he’d figured out Laird and I had lied to him, but I would rather deal with that than have it be who I feared it was.
“He was thin,” Edith said. “And very tan, with sort of… hair like straw.”
Fuck. My legs felt numb. “Oh,” I managed, my voice coming out a bit faint.
Edith stared at me, concerned, her eyebrows drawing together. “Are you all right, honey?”
Fake Bride: A Fake Marriage Billionaire Romance (Forbidden First Times Book 2) Page 16