by LJ Byrne
Xander says something quietly into Ryder’s ear, and the crazed fury clears a bit as Ryder’s eyes find me. What surprises me is the devastation and pain on his face. He’s been walking around campus with Ingrid grabbing him at every turn. Why is he acting as if he wants me instead? Does he really think I’ll forget that I found them together? Maybe he’s upset that he didn’t get everything. Yet… I never see Ryder reaching for Ingrid. He doesn’t want to be with her.
Ryder straightens, smoothing his coat and picking off imaginary lint with fake nonchalance. It’s a move he uses to hide himself. The muscles in his throat shift as he composes himself.
Ingrid’s fury radiates from every pore, and her hate towards me is unmistakable as she approaches Ryder again. With one furious glare, Ryder stops her in her tracks. The two Royals face off silently for a minute before Ryder storms off.
“I’m going to the washroom to clean up,” Liam says to me a bit too loudly.
Well, if Liam wanted to make a fuss, he certainly made it happen. And did he really use the word washroom? He leaves to do his sneaky government work, but no one notices because Ingrid’s demanding Ryder to come back.
Celeste consoles me. “I can’t believe Ryder did that,” she says, shaking her head. “I mean, I’ve never seen him lose control, even when he was mad at what Ethan did to him.”
Connor murmurs, “Ryder’s always gotten what he wants, either by throwing his body around or with money. What he wants is Mira, and he doesn’t have her.”
My eyes slide to Connor. “Are you sure about that? Because when I walked in on him the day I left, he seemed pretty cozy with Ingrid in bed.”
“What?!” Celeste practically screams, and several students eye us curiously. She claps her hands over her mouth.
Connor goes pale. I guess he didn’t know about that. But then something Celeste said connects with what I read on that horrible Discord site. “What do you mean about him and Ethan? I thought their fight was about old versus new money.”
Pushing her hair back as we walk towards a quieter spot, Celeste says softly, “I thought Ethan would have told you by now. As you know, Ryder has a reputation of being a womanizer – a modern-day Lothario or Casanova, if you will – and his father disapproves of that behavior.”
“My uncle fears that some woman is going to claim that Ryder fathered a kid with her,” Connor explains, his mouth twisting in a way that makes me think he’s holding something back. “In our sophomore year, it was pretty clear that Ryder intended to sleep his way through half the wealthy girls at school. Ethan was trying to secure support to date Darcy. Unfortunately, he decided to use Ryder’s reputation against him.”
My heart squeezes as Celeste continues for Connor. “Ethan brought in a girl – a call girl. Ryder’s father never made much of a fuss if the girls in question were rich. But prostitutes? Not something his father’s cool with. The girl posed as a student from another school and got Ryder to a room. Ethan had a hidden camera and recorded the encounter.”
No. Not Ethan. Ethan wouldn’t blackmail someone, would he? I remember how protective he was of me last year, demanding that I check in with him repeatedly. Was he worried that someone would do the same thing to me?
“To secure Ryder’s support, Ethan threatened to send the photos to my uncle,” Connor says, and I know Connor regrets how his words cause me pain. “In Ethan’s defense, I think he was willing to do anything for Darcy. And Ethan never sent the pictures. But Ryder – could never let it go.” His blue-gray eyes canvas the Royals and Court members around us.
“So, Ryder used me for a variety of reasons,” I say, but Connor shakes his head.
“That’s what doesn’t add up. When he told me how he felt about you, he sounded so sincere that I forgave him. He’s never lied to me, Mira. He was crazy about you. Ryder’s been different since you entered his life,” Connor says, his hand reaching for Celeste. “After you disappeared, Ryder was a wreck. He and Ethan fought, you know. Ryder didn’t lift a finger; he just let Ethan beat him. I think the only reason why Ethan stopped was because Ryder wouldn’t fight back.”
I absorb this, unsure how to interpret everything I’m hearing, but I can’t stop the niggling in my mind that tells me I’m not seeing the whole picture. Liam returns, and his wink tells me he accomplished what he wanted. He chitchats with Connor and Celeste like we’re all old friends, and I’m glad when Connor and Celeste are equally friendly.
“I need to find a reason to stand by Ingrid. You can see the outline of her phone in that godawful dress she’s wearing,” Liam murmurs in my ear. “Are you up to dancing with Ryder?” He adds that last bit when he sees Ryder return.
Ryder stands as far from Ingrid as possible. “You are going to owe me ice cream,” I grumble as we follow Celeste and Connor out to dance. I think for a moment. “We’re going to have a fight on the floor, then. I can’t promise to make my acting skills on par with yours.”
“How monstrous do you want me to be? Don’t forget I’m into RPGs. I love this stuff.”
“Jealous, less monstrous,” I say with a sweet smile as we start dancing. “Celeste called Ryder a Lothario.”
Liam fashions his mouth into a frown. “You know, I’m going to use that as my next in-game name.”
I furrow my brow, pretending to get upset. “It’s probably a banned name.”
“Do you really think the companies from Asia know what that means?” Liam scoffs, but his expression is petulant. “You ready? I’ll follow your lead.”
I push Liam away fiercely. “Just drop it!” I shout because I can’t think of anything else better to say.
“He’s the one who punched me!” Liam rages back, just loud enough to make everyone notice. “Maybe you need to show more concern for me!”
“You’re making mountains out of molehills!” Got to love generic statements, right? Except I’m running out of generic statements to say.
“I’m not the one dressed like a whore! You look like you want everyone to screw you!” Liam yells, pointing a finger at me.
My mouth drops open, and I clap a hand to my mouth. Excuse me? I see the immediate apology in his eyes, but my shock comes off as genuine when I get teary. I mean, that’s such a horrible thing to say. And he gave me the dress! Slut-shaming is harsh!
Ryder’s at my elbow, bristling. My plan to walk towards him is no longer necessary. “Walk away now, Jacobi, before I bash you senseless,” Ryder growls so that only Liam and I hear. “You don’t fucking talk to her that way.”
“Screw this!” Liam storms off in Ingrid’s direction and it takes all my willpower to not laugh at the absurdity.
Guilt hits me when Ryder faces me, his face shining with concern as he puts his hands on my arms. “He shouldn’t have said what he did. I don’t love the fact that every guy is ogling you and having fantasies, but that doesn’t make it right. You look beautiful.” My heart flutters at his words. I fiercely recall finding him with Ingrid in bed.
“Will you just dance with me for a bit? Or stay with me. I need to think.” For a moment, I worry he’ll say no because he hesitates.
His hands appear to shake when he settles them on my body. Within a few seconds, though, his confidence returns. Drawing me deliberately closer, he doesn’t notice the students around us or Ingrid throwing a hissy fit on the side. His warm hands brush my exposed skin, and I hear his breath hitch as his pupils dilate. My pulse goes a little crazy. I’m going to hell.
After a minute, his head presses against the side of mine. “Mira, please let me explain about last year.” He whispers close to my ear, and my tummy flip flops. “Let me tell you what really happened.”
My teeth clench as I avert my head. To say that I’m not affected would be a lie. Ryder, whether he’s being bossy, demanding, or romantic, has always gotten to me. I’m about to say something when Liam moves abruptly.
I watch out of the corner of my eyes as Liam stands beside Ingrid, his mouth moving as if he’s muttering under his breath.
Ingrid is so predictable. After seeing us on the floor, a calculating look crosses her face. She engages Liam immediately, her lips curving suggestively as they talk. She’s so fixated on his face that she doesn’t see him slip his hand in his pocket as he clones her phone through her eternally-on Bluetooth. (There’s a reason why I disable mine on my devices. Bluetooth is a hacker’s friend.) He needs to keep her engaged for about five minutes. I tense when Victoria pulls on Ingrid’s arm, saying something. If Victoria pulls Ingrid away, Liam will either need to follow or restart the process.
Liam interrupts the talk, gesturing with his hands to Ingrid as if he’s asking for more details. She’s a sucker when it comes to trashing people’s reputation, and there isn’t any doubt who she’s talking about as she flicks her glance our way a few times.
It doesn’t take long for Ryder to realize I’m distracted. He hisses when he sees Liam and Ingrid talking to each other. Stiffly, he says, “Liam would be a fool to choose Ingrid over you.”
Like you did? I restrain my inner voice.
“You must... really like him. You can’t keep your eyes off him,” Ryder continues, his voice flat. He’s rebuilding his façade of indifference.
I can’t say anything – at least not yet. The song ends, and Ryder politely moves to let me go. “Not yet,” I blurt, confusing the heck out of him. Liam hasn’t moved away from Ingrid. She’s now running her fingers over Liam’s jacket lapels, glancing at my fake boyfriend through lowered lashes.
I clear my throat. “Sorry. What were you saying?”
The astonished expression is priceless, but he recovers quickly. “When did you two get together?” Ryder finally asks, and I can’t tell if he’s making polite conversation or if he’s truly curious. It doesn’t escape my notice that his hands remain at my waist.
“Um, this summer.” Duh. I realize that Liam and I never established when we started dating, and it would have obviously occurred during the summer.
“How did you meet?” There’s a taut intensity to his question, his fingers twitching and digging into my waist.
Oh, crap. What do I say now? “Online,” I squeak nervously. Ryder tenses because it sounds shady. I can see the headlines now. Teenage girl meets strange man in online chatroom.
Perhaps Ryder senses my anxiety because he tries to change the subject. “Where did you go this summer? I… I looked for you.”
My eyes widen. He looked for me? “I stayed with a friend.” I read somewhere that the best lies are ones that are close to the truth. I turn hot and cold at the same time.
Ryder takes a deep breath. “I don’t want you to hate me. I never deserved you, but I… What happened between us wasn’t a lie.”
Liam meets my eyes. He’s done. He must see the sheer panic on my face because he walks over, Ingrid tottering behind him.
“Mira, let’s go.” Liam is all business now that he’s cloned Ingrid’s phone.
I step back as Ingrid coos, “Mira, Liam told me all about your escapades this summer with him. How naughty! You’ve been living with this hot boy.”
Ryder freezes. “You lived with Liam this summer?”
Liam glances at Ingrid briefly. “Of course. Our relationship exploded the moment we met.” A cruel glint shines in Liam’s eyes as he adds, “She’s fiery in bed but sweet after.”
The carpet’s been ripped out from under me. What is Liam implying? Ryder swallows. “You slept with him?”
“I don’t see how that’s any of your business,” I snap, but I’m flabbergasted. I am two seconds away from killing Liam. And why do I feel so awful? The look on Ryder’s face…
Ingrid runs a hand over Ryder’s chest. “Leave me alone!” he practically screams at her, violently shaking her off. The look he fixes on Liam is filled with murderous rage.
“Ryder, don’t!” I blurt, grabbing his arm. What’s wrong with him? We’re not together. He’s acting like he has a claim to me. “Whatever this is, just stop. You have Ingrid and your stupid title. I’ve moved on.”
Connor, Celeste, Nate, and Xander surround us uneasily while Ingrid gloats as Ryder unravels.
Ryder reels back like I’ve sucker-punched him. His eyes are filled with anger, pain, and confusion.
Liam wraps an arm around me possessively. “Come on, making up is always sweeter when you’re in this mood.”
What the hell?! I don’t get a chance to respond as Connor and Xander catch Ryder before he punches Liam again.
Liam ignores my death ray glare, dragging me to his car. Celeste mouths call me when I glance back. I know Liam wants to check if the cloning worked, but he just told the school that I slept with him this summer. I never even saw him shirtless!
“For a guy who cheated on you, he sure acts like he wants you,” Liam muses in the car.
“I am going to rip your balls off!” I seethe. “How about you warn me before you tell people we had sex?”
Liam winces. “Sorry. I had to tell Ingrid something to keep her interest. It just came out.”
I can barely speak. “You owe me ice cream, chocolate, and a whole tower of Red Bull!” I bury my head in my hands. “I swear, this better be worth it. Because I’m not doing this again! Why don’t you just tell people we’re having a baby?!”
Liam wisely keeps his mouth shut the rest of the evening. Helping the government blows.
011001
Despite curious messages from Celeste, I lack the energy to respond. The worst part? I feel guilty. As I grip my head, I relive the devastation on Ryder’s face. I can’t focus.
Liam messages me that everything went well, and he’ll update me on Monday when he picks me up for school. Meanwhile, our mysterious RatGh0st has gone strangely quiet. I wish I had the energy to dig more, but I’m so exhausted from the drama that I consider taking a long nap.
My phone rings and Connor’s face flashes across the screen. Groaning inwardly, I debate not answering, but I find myself pushing the green button.
I don’t get a word out before Connor blurts, “Mira, I need you to come over.”
I hesitate because Connor sounds worried, almost panicked. “What?” I ask stupidly.
“Look, I know you hate Ryder, but I’m freaking out over here. I’ve never seen him like this.” His words grow distant like he’s holding the phone away to check on something. “I think… Mira, I think Ryder needs you. He won’t calm down, and I don’t know what to do. I didn’t want to say anything last night in front of Celeste because she’s borderline homicidal with respect to Ryder, but he’s barely holding it together at school. And now, I think he’s falling apart. I’m worried.”
What does Connor expect me to do?
As if he can hear my thoughts, Connor says, “Mira, I don’t understand what he was doing with Ingrid, but I do know one thing. He’s crazy about you. He searched for you frantically all summer. When Celeste told me you were back, I mentioned it to Ryder. He left to find you before I could stop him. When he came back, he was broken, shattered. Do you know he trashed his entire room when you disappeared? He dragged his mattress out and burned it. His feelings for you were real last year, and he is not over you. As a favor to me, I think he needs to see you.”
I close my eyes. “I’ll be there in twenty.”
I don’t want Aunt Erika to drive me, but when I tell her I’m heading over to Ryder’s, she gets worried. She knows the gist of why I ran months ago. “Connor is there, Aunt Erika. I’ll be okay. It’s something school-related.” She gives me this look, shaking her head, but she doesn’t stop me.
That’s the thing about Aunt Erika. She tries to warn you and give advice, but she believes you have to fall to learn.
Ryder’s home is a mile away, so walking isn’t an issue. It gives me time to think. My emotions are all over the place. Images of his face when I caught him with Ingrid haunt me. His words sounded like every cheater’s words since the beginning of time. And yet, if I had been nothing but a game, the pain on his face makes no sense. Dammit. I’m doubting myself a
nd looking for excuses on his part. I need to hold on to my anger. There is no way I’m going to become one of those weak-kneed girls who give in the moment a guy pretends to be sorry.
Connor is outside when I arrive, pacing in the driveway. “You walked?” he asks as if he doesn’t know that I don’t have a car and don’t have a driver’s license. “Never mind.” He runs his hand hastily through his hair, trying to calm himself. “Come on.”
Once again, I can’t help but think how lonely it must’ve been to grow up in this huge home with only a nanny. I may still be angry, but I have compassion for their lonely childhood.
Connor leads me down a long hall, and there’s a lot of symbolism in the echoing sounds our shoes make on the floors. But our footsteps are soon joined by another sound. At first, I think it sounds like faint drums, but the tempo is uneven at times, faltering, then picking up. As it gets louder, I realize the sounds are not drums. Something hitting a mat, maybe?
I’m not prepared to see Ryder slamming his fists into a punching bag. This is not like a scene from Rocky. His hits are haphazard and frenzied, and he occasionally grabs the bag in exhaustion before he rages again. Shirtless, sweaty, hands wrapped but showing traces of blood, he’s both savage and frantic. His breaths are punctuated by choked sounds and unintelligible words, and his body is on the verge of collapse. With a wordless sound, he collapses against the bag before falling to his knees. He groans, grabbing his head, and a strangled word escapes his lips. I think I hear my name.
“Ryder.” When he freezes, I realize I’ve spoken. Ryder’s hands, still twisted in his hair, fall to his side. When he looks at me with red-rimmed eyes, sweat dripping down his forehead, he’s so unlike himself that I almost gasp. A flash of confusion, disbelief, a growing comprehension. He becomes aware of his state, of his hands, of where he is. His eyes dash from me to his cousin and then back to me.
“You’re—” He breaks off, panting erratically.
I grab the first thought that enters my mind. “You said you wanted to talk to me, to tell me everything,” I say evenly. “I’m here to listen.” It’s the truth. I am here to listen. Whatever he needs to tell me, I’m ready to know because my next steps are contingent on it. “But, before we speak, I think you should take a shower. Because you’re a mess. And you stink.” I say the last bit apologetically as Ryder gapes at me.