How often do you move? How do you know when it's time? What do you do for a living? How do you maintain contact with your friends, family, girlfriends?
I'm literally shaking in my room right now. I didn't go to work yesterday or today. I can probably get off tomorrow too, and then I have two days off. I think it would have been better if I was going crazy. At least then I could take pills to help me get better. But this, knowing that it's all real and not in my head. Fuck man! I'm scared, and not I saw a bad movie scared. I hadn't even thought about the government watching me. You're probably right.
[10:10.12.04.2013] Anonymous2:
I'm several years older than you. Old enough to know how to manage now. I move as needed. I decide it's time when I feel them looking at me more than once a week in a crowd of people. It varies often. I find large cities help me blend, but small cities or towns are less likely to have one of them, so it's a trade-off. I switch it up between the two. When I'm in a small town, I leave if I see one show up and stay for more than a week.
I work as a contractor. I'm a jack of all trades, and tech savvy, so I can keep a stable income with Craigslist ads for laptop repairs and phone repairs. However, when I'm in a smaller city, I have to work construction and crappier jobs. I never work a job requiring lots of paperwork. I live in shitty apartments and eat a lot of ramen. It's like being in college all the time.
I have few friends. All of my close family is dead, and I only sleep with hookers. I would never have chosen this life, but it beats being dead, or worse. I had an uncle in the first Gulf War, and the way he talked about it is how I feel daily. I wake up fight through the day and try not to die or get picked up by the authorities.
Life will get hard, but there is hope. Others out there are dealing with the same thing you are. I know others in real life, and we stay in contact. Once you find those people, life gets better. Much better! I have no advice on how to find them. Each time has been blind luck.
I will not post on this thread again. I'm on the forum daily, though. Maybe we'll meet in the real world one day. We can get a drink, and maybe fight to stay alive. Until then, take care, and keep your head down. Don't forget to move!
Kandice looked up from her phone.
Only five people left.
The weight of the past year lightened, and the knots in her shoulders relaxed. For the first time in a long time, a calm rushed through her body. Other people saw Aether Walkers, the forum validated it.
It was her turn to visit the desk, but her mind was burnt. It was hard to follow the simple questions the woman asked. Kandice showed the lady her class selection form. The nameplate hidden behind the monitor read Mrs. William. By the look on her face, it was clear Kandice didn't have her paperwork in order.
The university required every student to declare a major even if they planned to change later on. Kandice hadn't thought about what life after college would be—much less a specific major to get her there.
"Kandice, dear," Mrs. William said, not even bothering to look up from her screen. "You can't enroll until you choose a major. We require all of our new students to meet with an adviser. You should have done that first."
"Sorry, I didn't know." She tried not to scream after standing in line for two hours. "Is there any way I can enroll and then meet with an adviser later?"
Mrs. William's voice flattened into monotone, "It's against policy to let freshman enroll without meeting with an adviser."
This woman had to have repeated that to over a hundred students today.
"I'm very sorry. My parents died recently, and my aunt didn't go to college. No one told me what to expect about enrolling. I thought freshman could only do basics."
It was beneath her to manipulate someone with her dead parent story, but standing in that fucking line again wasn't on her to-do list today.
Mrs. William looked up from her computer screen and into Kandice's eyes over the top of her glasses, "You poor dear. I'm so sorry."
Success! It worked!
Mrs. William lowered her voice, "I tell you what. I'll enroll you and put a lock on your account. This will save you a spot, but you won't be on the attendance sheet until you meet with an adviser."
A list of books printed out next to Kandice, along with an outline of her course schedule. Mrs. William handed it to her.
"You can get your books today, and then tomorrow go to the Student Adviser Center. It's on the other side of campus. I'm emailing Mr. Johnson now. He'll be able to help you. You might have to wait, but I'm sure he can fit you in when you get there, earlier the better please."
"Thank you so much!" Kandice exhaled a breath of relief, she accomplished her one task for the day, and that meant Aunt Jackie would finally shut the fuck up about it.
Now to get through the first week of school.
Mrs. William smiled. "You take care, dear."
Kandice left the parking lot with a pain in her stomach. Mrs. Williams was the first stranger Kandice had told. The personal violation left a bad taste in her mouth. She took a deep breath and hoped the conversation wouldn't happen again for a long while. Forever would be fine by her.
CHAPTER NINE
Tuesday, August 23rd
IT WAS 10:30 AM, and Kandice was running late. The alarm went off at 7:00 AM, but the snooze button was too convenient, besides after a late night searching for Lance, she welcomed the sleep.
A note was attached to the fridge, with her name scribed in Aunt Jackie's flawless cursive.
Shit, Kandice thought as she opened the letter. Just once I'd like it to be positive.
Dear Kandice,
You know I love you.
However, you're violating the rules we agreed upon by staying out late and other such activities. You're an adult and responsible for your own choices.
If you're unwilling to live by the rules we agreed too, I think it would be best if you begin the process of looking for your own place. I understand that you're starting school and will be busy. Therefore, you don't have to move out right away, but you should be out before the end of this semester. Maybe see if there is student housing near the school?
I'm sorry it has come to this, but you brought it upon yourself.
Love,
Aunt Jackie
This day had been looming over Kandice since she moved in with her aunt. They'd never seen eye-to-eye about Kandice's life choices, so the note didn't come as a complete surprise. But right after she followed through with Jackie's demand that she enroll in college? The timing couldn't have been worse.
Her bank account had built up to a nice nest egg thanks to a tight budget—one thing she had to accredit to her father. With the payments from the trust it would be possible to afford a small apartment with a roommate. It was disappointing, but Kandice knew there was no way Blake could join her. It was too soon for him to take on the responsibility, he still struggled to deal with basic reality—each time he left the house, he came back home looking as if he'd just lost a battle. Kandice refused to be the one that pushed him over the edge. Her biggest fear was he would end up back in the hospital.
CHAPTER TEN
Tuesday, August 23rd
KANDICE PULLED INTO THE PARKING LOT of the Dojang—nestled into the strip mall—there were only two cars—Master Monroe's, and a regular of the gym, who lifted weights.
Glass doors opened into a small lobby and a front counter on the right that spanned half the room. Beyond the counter a doorway led to the locker rooms. The place felt more like home than her aunt's house ever had—having been training here the majority of her life.
"Morning, Kandice. Bit late for your training?" Master Monroe asked as she walked through the doorway to the locker rooms.
"Yes, sir! I'll change quickly."
Kandice stripped to her underwear and pulled on a traditional Dobok—something akin to a jogging suit, but made of stiff, durable cotton. She secured the outfit in place with her third-degree black belt, which she literally bled for. Her next belt te
st was approaching fast, and would culminate twelve year's diligent practice. Thinking about the test for more than a few minutes, made sweat built up on her palms as worry about failure set in.
She stepped out of the locker room and the crisp air from the AC hit her face—it signaled to her body that sweat was on the way. An enjoyable yet exhilarating moment of anticipation ran through her. As was tradition, Kandice bowed at the doorway to the training mats before entering, to show reverence. Respect being a key pillar of martial arts.
The younger Gonzales brother, Cesar, was already stretching. He sat on the floor with his legs stretched as far apart as he could manage, and his whole body laid flat against his right leg.
He must have come in right after me.
Kandice bowed again once at the center of the mats, "Master Gonzales."
He continued to count out his stretch. When he finished, he raised up his torso slow and steady before taking a long breath.
"Looks like it's just you and me." Kandice sat down, "Do you want to spar after we stretch?"
"Absolutely," Master Gonzales said. "Are you trying to size me up?"
"Of Course," the smallest hint of a smile showed on both their faces. Being able to beat him during the test would ensure Kandice's progression to fourth-degree black belt.
After thirty minutes of stretches, her legs and back loosened. Sweat beaded on Kandice's brow, but her breath was as steady as if she were sitting on the couch watching TV. A full stretching session was exhilarating—it left her energized—ready to take on the world. Cesar's breath was a little heavier than hers.
This test might be easier than I expected.
"How many laps should we do?" she asked.
"How many do you want?"
"Want to run a full mile?"
Please say no!
"Let's do it," he wasted no time and took off at a sprint.
After the run, sweat pooled inside her clothes, and ran down her limbs leaving a small puddle on the mats. Within a few minutes they were back on the mats—with their gear on—ready to fight. Full gear included: leg guards, chest guards, a mouth piece, and headgear. Cesar was stronger, but Kandice's speed was such an advantage that she had little concern.
Her agility saved her as they sparred. Cesar's kicks missed by inches as she dodged around them. Her kicks weren't as strong, but continued to land true. Over time he gave way to her attacks, and she took control of the fight, guiding him around the ring as she continued to landed more strikes.
Ten minutes into sparring, Kandice could see the effects on Cesar's face. His eyes filled with a fiery rage, and he snarled in concentration. He bit down hard on his mouth guard as her leg landed a devastating blow to his head—almost knocking his headgear clean off.
In that moment Cesar lost control and charged with no regard to Kandice's landed kicks as she continued to slide back, just out of his reach.
She slipped on a puddle of sweat—hers or Cesar's couldn't be known—lost her footing, and in the fraction of a second it took for her to re-balance, Cesar landed a solid hit to her head. Her ears rang in pain.
Cesar's kihap—or battle cry—reverberated off the walls.
Master Monroe came from the front to see what was happening. Kandice was still shaking her head when he entered. They both bowed to him as he stepped onto the mats.
"What's going on in here?" he asked. "I thought this was a sparring session?"
Kandice spoke first, "We were just having a light sparring match. Master Gonzales was showing me the best way to knock an opponent off their feet."
"Are you okay?" Mr. Monroe asked her. "You look a little rattled."
"I'll be fine, I just need some water, and then we can get back to it."
"I think you two should practice forms on the paddles for a little while."
"Yes sir," they said in unison and bowed to Master Monroe as he left.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Tuesday, August 23rd
TYPICALLY, KANDICE WOULD GET IN weightlifting before lunch, but after her bout with Cesar she was already sore. Besides, she needed to meet with Mr. Johnson to complete her schedule before school started.
Due to the lunch rush, Kandice crawled through traffic surrounded by a sea of cars. What should have been a quick fifteen-minute drive, took the better part of an hour, and by time she reached the school parking lot sweat poured down her face.
Summer was in full swing—in Austin that meant 100°F plus every day.
The sweet relief of AC blasted her in the face upon entering the west wing of the building—like a drink of cold water after being lost in a desert. Her thoughts drifted to her first night of hunting last December. The night air should have made her shiver, but the adrenaline had kept her warm as she stalked her first Aether Walker.
Mr. Johnson's office was on the third floor, so she called the elevator which opened to reveal an empty space.
Thank you, Kandice thought. Grateful not have to someone else smelling her at this moment.
The university had four freshman advisers, all of whom shared connected offices. Inside the first set of doors, a receptionist greeted Kandice from behind a small desk.
"Name and appointment time?" the receptionist asked.
"Kandice, I'm here to meet Mr. Johnson. I don't have an appointment, but he should be expecting me."
The receptionist pressed a button on her phone, "There's a Kandice here to see you. You can wait over there," the receptionist pointed behind Kandice, "and he'll be with you shortly."
"Thanks," Kandice took a seat as far away from the other students.
The waiting area was small, and centered around a coffee table covered in magazines. Five other students waited with her. Much like a hospital waiting room, there was nothing good to read. Kandice picked up Golfing Digest.
What college student would read about golf?
The idea made her laugh aloud, and the guy seated next to her looked to see what was funny, but looked away upon eye contact.
Kandice didn't have to wait long—ten minutes after being there a girl walked out of Mr. Johnson's office.
"Kandice?" the receptionist asked.
"Yes," Kandice stood.
"Mr. Johnson will see you now."
Mr. Johnson's office was the smallest Kandice had ever been in—the desk touched the wall on one side, with barely enough room for him to walk around it. His office chair practically touched the back wall, and a loveseat sat against the opposite wall with walk room between it and the desk.
This is a hamster cage.
Mr. Johnson half stood upon her entrance, "Please take a seat," gesturing to the loveseat.
As she sat her eye was caught by the four degrees hung on the wall—next to the door—they'd been blocked upon opening it. The only other decoration being a photo of two girls who looked to be in their twenties, sat on the corner of his desk.
Mr. Johnson retook his seat behind his desk and looked at his computer. He pulled up her file and said, "Everything looks to be in order. Have you given any consideration as to which major interests you most? You can always change in your first two years with little difficulty, but we require you to declare first thing to help insure you reach your goals."
He must say this a hundred times a day.
"Not really," she said, "but I figure I would like English and History."
"Well, both are great majors, and either would make an excellent minor. Which are you most interested in?"
"English was always my best subject in school, but I think history would be more interesting. As long as I don't have to focus on US History."
Mr. Johnson laughed, "No matter what degree you pursue, you'll need US history 1301 and 1302. However, if you major in history, you can focus on any time period or place you find interesting. Dr. Cornwall is a fantastic professor and focuses on Russian history. Dr. Lloyd lectures about the 15th and 16th century, but she is knowledgeable about many nations during that time period. I would recommend you take a course with
each of them, to be honest all the history professors have specializations worth learning."
Kandice sat in silence to weigh out the pros and cons: English would be easy, but history would hold her attention.
"Does anyone focus on ancient history—before the Greeks I mean—and all over the globe? I'm interested in knowing more about the first civilizations."
"Mr. Welch is doing a 3300 course on Mesopotamia right now."
"Can I take that class?"
"I would say no for the average freshman," Mr. Johnson gave her a smile. "But I see here that you had a 4.0 in high school. I'll let you add it as a fifth class, provided you choose history as your major."
"Done!"
The quick reply made Mr. Johnson jerk in surprise. He smiled and finished up the paperwork.
When finished, he handed a revised class schedule to Kandice.
"I had to move you out of the scheduled 1301 English, and into a different class to add the 3312 history course," Mr. Johnson explained.
He handed her a fifty dollars voucher, "You can use this on anything in the bookstore aside from food."
Sweet free money.
"Best of luck, and remember to make time for your studies. Too many students think they can put it off to the night before."
"Thank you."
He walked her out of the office and stood at the door to wait on the next student. It was the boy that looked at her during her stint in the waiting area. He smiled at her this time, and she smiled back before walking out of the office in a bit of a rush.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Thursday, August 25th
JACKIE ARRIVED HOME A LITTLE AFTER SIX, while Kandice was eating dinner. She tried to sneak up to her room, but Jackie wouldn't allow it.
"Kandice you come join me in the living room," Jackie said.
Kandice descended the stairs—which led into the living room area—dreading the conversation. In the far corner of the room—next to Jackie's bedroom door—sat a small TV. Two chairs and couch pointed towards that corner, creating a walkway from the stairs to the sliding glass door that led out to the backyard.
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