by DeVere, Taya
Her hurried steps echo in the hallway. The door clicks shut behind her. Outside in the strange yellow-blue light, she smooths out her breath, forcing her mind to abandon the image of the bathroom. Of her mother’s dead face. Of this house.
I know. How you feel.
Squeezing her eyes shut, Kaarina focuses to calm her mind. She can’t break apart—not this early in the game. She refuses to fail. “I can’t think about that. Not right now.”
I know. That too. Margaret remains quiet for an extended moment. I just wanted. To let you. Know. You’re not alone. In this.
The question lingers on Kaarina’s lips for a long time. Should she ask? Would it be better if she didn’t know? She clears her throat. Opens her eyes. “Margaret… what did Solomon do to you?”
You know. Very well. What.
Thoughts of Nurse Saarinen describing the fake memory she’d install in Margaret’s and Markus’s database rush through Kaarina’s mind. Surely, Margaret will now know it’s all a lie. She can read Kaarina’s thoughts like they’re her own. Kaarina waits, nervous to learn how angry the AI will become when she learns about Nurse Saarinen’s little party trick. Would she now abandon Kaarina? Refuse to help her?
The silence continues.
Nothing happens.
It’s like you. Staring. At that unhinged. Door.
Kaarina’s too astonished to answer. Margaret can’t see past the fake memory. She can’t read Kaarina’s mind to learn the truth. The betrayal. It’s like a murky, blurry blind spot, hiding from the AI’s all-knowing eye.
Trying to fix. It. Won’t work. Just like me. Missing Mindy. Won’t bring her. Back.
Kaarina breathes out. Mindy. Nurse Saarinen fake-killed Margaret’s ex-partner. Of course.
I die for. Mindy. And then. Solomon kills. Her. Anyway. Margaret pauses. Pure. Evil. That’s what. She is.
To quickly change the subject, she says, “You know very well that the unhinged door is just the Egg fucking with me.”
No. It’s not. The Egg. Margaret pauses. When Kaarina doesn’t snap back at her, telling her to shut up, or telling her that to the best of Kaarina’s knowledge, Mindy is actually still very much alive, she adds, It’s your mind.
***
“What the hell are we doing here?”
A gray building with moss growing on its side rises in front of Kaarina. She recognizes it as part of her hometown before the Happiness-Program’s tiles, holograms, and augmented reality technology rolled in. It’s in the heart of the city—right at the first letter X on her ridiculous map. Margaret has been quiet during their walk over. Markus has not said a word yet, which has again started to worry Kaarina. Maybe Nurse Saarinen had lied about bringing him back as an AI. Now, she doesn’t even have the ghost-Markus as a companion. Just Margaret.
Way to make. A girl. Feel wanted.
The wind playing with her short hair, Kaarina holds onto the stack of papers with two hands, trying to read the code on the map. After half a minute, she groans, looks up at the sky, then rolls her eyes at herself for thinking Margaret’s somewhere up there—and not stuck sharing a mind with her. “I thought I didn’t need to learn to code?”
You don’t.
“So why am I…” Kaarina waves the papers in the air. “Never mind. What is this place? I recognize it from my past, but I don’t think I’ve never been inside.”
You’ll see. In a bit. But first. Get us a. Computer.
This time, all it takes Kaarina is one swipe, and the computer screen and keyboard appear right in front of her. She can’t help the smug smile on her face. She’s never been great with technology, numbers, or anything to do with computers. Having control over high-tech equipment like this feels like she’s cracked a secret code, or at least picked the lock to a secret room… or something.
It’s a small step. For Kaarina. But a giant leap…
“Don’t.”
I’m not. Making fun. Of you.
“Sure you aren’t.”
Margaret’s chuckle is filled with warmth. Kaarina rolls her eyes at the AI but again can’t help her lips twitching up in a little smile. Margaret lifts her spirits. It’s strange, having such a carefree voice in her head after all the guilt and self-blame she’s been through during her time in the Egg.
Love you. Too. Sister. Kaarina feels Margaret lean closer, her presence more obvious than before. Now. Are you. Ready to. Let go?
“Let go… of what?”
Of. Control. Of. Your mind.
“Okay, you need to be way more specific and way less creepy.”
I’m going to. Control your. Body. It’ll be. Overwhelming. At first. Margaret pauses to think. Maybe it. Always will.
Kaarina can’t help it—the strangling sensation in her throat. If it was anyone else asking, she wouldn’t even consider it. If it was anyone other than Margaret, Kaarina would tell them to go pound sand. What could be more terrifying than stepping back while another being controls her hands, her body, her mind? But it’s not just some other being. It’s Margaret, and whether she likes it or not, no matter how overwhelming it feels, she’s become part of Kaarina.
A nod is all she manages.
A twirling sensation pushes Kaarina back, swaying her off balance. Numbers flash through her mind, ones and zeros, code she suddenly controls and reads with ease. Her fingers move smoothly—fast—on the see-through keyboard in front of her. The building has come… alive. The window boards shake. The double doors rattle as the handles move down and back up again, but the entrance remains locked.
Margaret continues, ruthlessly pushing forward. Time seems to stop—if it ever existed in the first place. No sounds fill Kaarina’s ears, not even her own breath or her fingers tapping the keyboard. She closes her eyes, but it changes nothing. Her hands keep on going, her mind diving deeper into the equations and scripts. Then, the numbers start converting into meaningful images in her mind.
Shipping boxes in the hospital parking lot.
Trolleys with black bags covering the bodies inside.
A pill bottle, rattling down through the health house’s vending machine.
A social media forum, filled with suicide notes.
Ambulances filling the highway, driving under the speed limit.
As Kaarina watches the images flicker by, she forces a deep breath. Not that her body needs it. But her mind is desperately trying to hold on to her wavering sanity.
Go to. Your. Happy place.
Margaret hasn’t stopped working for a split second. She keeps learning the code, processing the files, hacking into the building ahead of them. But she also notices how overwhelming it is for Kaarina to stand back. How she struggles to let the AI use her as a vessel.
“My…” Another deep breath. She wishes she had a rock to hold in her hands. A tree to touch. Grass to feel under her toes. Anything that’d ground her in this irrationality. “Happy place?”
Take off. Your shoes.
“I don’t have shoes.” Kaarina exhales. “I left them in the puddle.”
Fine. Your socks. Then.
Her fingers move faster. The numbers are flooding in so quickly, Kaarina hardly has time to acknowledge them or see the images behind the code. Instead, she reaches for her left foot while her right hand still works on the keyboard. Once the sock is on the ground, she switches hands and takes off the other sock.
Feel the ground. Underneath. Your feet.
Little sharp-edged rocks.
Fine sand and dust between her toes.
A whiff of wind caressing her ankles.
She takes another breath, focusing solely on the ground she stands on. The numbers don’t bother her anymore. The images are there, but now they’re just flashes in the background. While her eyes are still shut, Kaarina senses the forest animals around her, peeking from the corners of the tall city buildings. A chestnut horse. A baby deer. A stray cat. A moose.
“Why are you here?” she mumbles, a half-smile again on her lips. “Are you guys following me
around?”
A clicking sound echoes around her, forcing her eyes open. Her hands have stopped on the keyboard. The numbers are gone. A cursor blinks calmly on the computer screen. The door in front of them is now cracked open, partly off its hinges.
Well done. Kay. Margaret moves further back, snugging into the back of Kaarina’s mind, giving her sole control of her body again. I know that. Was a lot.
Kaarina blinks and stares at the door. Once she recovers enough to look around, all the forest animals have disappeared. The wind tosses a ripped white plastic bag across the sidewalk. “Now what?” she asks, her voice just a whisper.
Now we are. One step. Closer.
“To… what?”
To cracking. The Egg’s. Core.
“That’s it? You found the weak spot? The breach?”
Hardly. But I. Will. If we keep. Going.
“I still don’t get it.”
If we can. Study. Each successive layer. Of Solomon’s work. We can chart. Her changes. Successes. And failures. That’s why we’re. Visiting. Places of importance to. Solomon.
Kaarina swallows. Nurse Saarinen is nowhere around, but she can feel the weight of the deal she made with the nurse, pressing against her consciousness, reminding her of the fall she took down the cliff. But it also reminds her of the reason she’s doing this. Why Doctor Solomon can no longer… be.
“How many more times do I have to go through that?”
As many. As it takes.
Kaarina lifts her hand, her fingers shaking slightly. She pushes away the computer and the keyboard, wishing the animals could still be here with her. That she wasn’t too occupied listening to Margaret to feel the dirt underneath her feet. “Where do we go from here?”
Either to. The next X on. The map.
“Or?”
Or… Margaret moves her focus to the unlocked, partly hanging door in front of them. Do you. Want to see. What’s. Inside?
***
Her steady steps echo in the long, clinical white corridor. Kaarina takes in the vending machines with partly broken glass screens, hospital gurney beds with torn paper sheets, and a single white lab shoe as she makes her way deeper into the abandoned city health house. Margaret has again fallen quiet, letting Kaarina process the place and soak in the meaning of their first hack into the Happiness-Program files. Solomon’s program. Her code. Her purpose. The thought of the doctor makes Kaarina clench her fists and step even faster.
By the first open door, she stops. Inside, she sees a frozen doctor sitting in his office chair, his hand cupped over his mouth while he hopelessly stares out the room’s window. Kaarina clears her throat, then knocks on the door. The man does not react in any way.
He can’t. See you. This is just. Part of the. Code conversion.
After nodding at Margaret, Kaarina steps into the room. Slowly, she makes her way to the ghostly doctor. Deep wrinkles decorate his forehead. Dark half-moons under his eyes tell a tale of sleepless nights. Kaarina turns around and leans against the office table. Charts and diagrams fill the screen. She points at the highest chart on the screen. “What is this?”
The suicide. Statistics.
Kaarina frowns, then taps at the smallest sliver on a pie chart. “And this?”
The number. Of patients. Over the last. Year.
Her head still spinning from Margaret’s takeover, Kaarina steps back to leave the room. Back in the aisle, she stops by a wheelchair that’s blocking her way. She grabs the handles and moves it aside. Something sticky now covers her hands. Kaarina turns her palms up and sees them covered with blood.
Stabbing. Margaret says, her voice calm. Most likely. Not many guns. In Finland.
Kaarina wants to point out that she knows Finland and its history much better than Margaret ever could. But then again—there aren’t many things Margaret doesn’t know about.
I appreciate. The thought. Very. Flattering. But I know these. Things. Because of the program.
“Right,” Kaarina forces herself to stop staring at her bloody hands. She moves over to a door with a WC sign, opens the door, and grabs two paper towels from above the sink. “You were one of the founders. Of the almighty Happiness-Program.”
Don’t mock it. Before you learn. To see. The bigger picture.
“Is that what this little field trip is about?” Kaarina asks, rubbing her hands fiercely. “You, waiting for me to learn that all I really know is that I know nothing at all?”
It was you. Who wanted to. Come inside. Not me.
Narrowing her eyes, Kaarina decides to drop the argument. Her bare feet flap against the sticky floor. The sound makes her think of Bill for some reason. Miss Bill. For so long, it had been just the two of them against the rest of the rotting world. And as annoying—sometimes full-on infuriating—as Bill can be, he was also the closest friend Kaarina had ever had.
William is. Struggling. Too.
Kaarina presses her lips into a thin line. She walks into what looks like a conference room; papers, notebooks, pencils, and laptops abandoned on the long oval table.
No. Not because he’s. Bipolar.
“I didn’t say anything,” Kaarina says, knowing how useless her statement is.
But because of. The Egg. And the power. His leadership. Brings.
Kaarina runs her finger on the conference table while walking toward a reflection on the wall, a hologram showing more charts and diagrams. A familiar-looking logo decorates the right upper-hand corner of the slide. The letters underneath the logo seem to mock Kaarina with their clear bright outlines: THE HAPPINESS-PROGRAM
The sudden. Power and. Influence. Has changed his. Brain.
“Bill doesn’t have a brain.” Kaarina scoffs at the ridiculousness of her words. “He wouldn’t like me saying that… but it’s true.”
William’s relationship. To power. Started a long. Time ago. I only have. Access to his data. Before the upload.
Kaarina stops at the logo on the wall. Looking up, she reads the information reflected there, partly trying to understand what it is she’s seeing and partly doing her best to distract herself from the discomfort Margaret’s caused her. Bill? Struggling? That can’t be right. He loves to be in charge. He needs to be the leader. He’s basically born to do it.
“What is this data about?” she asks Margaret, pushing the thought of her best friend aside. “Why is the Happiness-Program operating in a government-run health house?”
It’s the time. Of the. Great Affliction.
“Right, I know that much,” Kaarina says, though she’s not sure what does that has to do with anything. “But where is everybody?”
Downstairs.
Kaarina sends a bewildered glance to where the ceiling and the wall meet. “You’ve got to be shitting me.” She crosses her arms and scoffs. “Downstairs as in the Server-Center? They brought in the stasis capsules this early in the game?” She makes a big gesture with her hand. “Bring in the death-pods. To hell with actually trying to save anybody. Much easier to shut them down and store them away.”
Downstairs as in the. Morgue. Kay.
She looks away, as if she could ever hide her face from Margaret. “Oh.”
The whole. Idea behind the. Capsules. Was always to heal. People.
A wave of fatigue washes over Kaarina. Fighting the exhaustion, she swipes a stack of papers and a laptop off the table, groaning in frustration. Then she slides down to sit on the sticky floor. She buries her head between her arms, pauses to think. She glances up at the ceiling. “What good is healing people,” she asks, “if they’ll just be shoved in the capsules later to serve as processing power?”
Margaret doesn’t reply. She lingers, somewhere halfway between the corner where she tends to retreat whenever Kaarina feels too overwhelmed by her presence and the in-your-face spot she entered when she took over all control. Kaarina prefers her in the corner, and Margaret seems to know it.
Of course you know it, Kaarina thinks. You can hear every fucking thought that runs thro
ugh my head. Mind. Whatever the fuck the spot is called… Where my brain used to be.
Margaret doesn’t comment. She stays still, humming some kind of a jingle as if she’s not paying any attention to her hostess. A friendly parasite. That’s what the woman has become. Or is Kaarina the parasite, feeding on all of Margaret’s knowledge? She breathes out, pulls on her hair for a bit until she looks back up toward the ceiling. Come to think of it, pondering the past isn’t such a bad idea after all. It beats thinking about the present.
“I mean,” Kaarina opens her palm and shakes her head once, “it’s not like the Happiness-Program fixed anything. Sure, it left some of the people… on. But it also turned people into AR addicts who are terrified of one another. Did you know that when I met Markus, no one had touched him for years? No one had told him a joke… laughed with him for ages? Tell me, my good genius, what could possibly be more tragic than that?”
Margaret leans closer. Not in a threatening way, but not friendly either. How about. Human. Extinction?
“But we’re still here!” Kaarina raises her voice, chuckling lightly. “Alive! Kicking!” She stops to think, “at least… sort of alive and kicking!”
Margaret retreats to her corner. Not because she’s hurt or flustered, but to give Kaarina time to think things through. A motherly gesture, one that annoys Kaarina beyond belief.
Hanging her head, Kaarina wraps her arms around her knees and curles into herself. It’s exhausting enough to be in this space. Worrying about Bill’s mental health. Having to work for Nurse Saarinen. Needing to go behind her friends’ backs, just because they’re all too far gone, so brainwashed they’ll believe anything Doctor Solomon says. And now—Margaret’s forcing her to think about the past as well. And not just the part where her mother was brutally murdered, but most of Finland’s population as well. The world’s population.
After reaching for a sheet of paper on the floor, Kaarina crumples it in her hands, grunts, and tosses the paper ball at the Happiness-Program logo on the wall. It lands several meters short, far away from the logo. Kaarina groans and starts to collect herself. She’s just about to tell Margaret that she’s done dwelling on the past and ready to leave this hellhole when she feels it for the first time.