by CY Jones
After my confession, Tyson didn’t get angry like I thought he would. Instead, he fucked me long and hard on the living room floor and then the next day we went to the courthouse to get our marriage license. A week before Christmas, we were married. I still think it was all some primal reaction to brand me as his. He shouldn’t want me to be his wife, but it happened and I am now Jade Garfield. Seriously, I’ve never been more confused in my entire life about why Tyson loves me. We haven’t even told his family yet, but I suspect his father already knows. That man seems to know everything going on, which I shouldn’t be surprised by since for whatever reason he runs New York, so it’s to be expected he’d know his son was married.
But even with being married to him, I still haven’t budged on how I feel. Everytime I’ve brought up the subject of sharing me, he’d distract me with sex, which is why I shouldn’t be surprised I went into labor two weeks early. They say sex speeds labor along and we’ve tested that theory by fucking like rabbits.
When the nurse leaves, she comes right back, holding a tiny bundle in her arms and hands me my son. As soon as I see him, tears come to my eyes. He’s so small, yet so perfect and it’s clear to anyone with eyes, whose son he is. He looks like Grayson, so much so, if he didn’t have my lips I wouldn’t think he was my son at all. When I bring him to my breast to feed, he opens his eyes and a dazzling pair of grey eyes, so much like his father’s, takes my breath away.
“Do you know what you are going to name him?” Ty asks.
“Grayson Christian Garfield,” I reply without hesitation. Tyson doesn’t even balk at the suggestion. He probably expected it. I named him after the man he’s a carbon copy of, as well as giving him Tyson’s middle name to honor the man who has been by my side through it all.
“I called him. I told him you were in labor and then afterwards, letting him know his son was born.”
I don’t need him to tell me that Grayson still isn’t here. I didn’t expect him to be. He’s made it clear he wants nothing to do with this baby and I don’t have it in me to chase him down, nor give my son up now that I’m holding him in my arms. With the skin to skin contact as he suckles my breast, I feel this connection to him. Everything else in my life may be complicated but this isn't, me being his mother. I thought before I wasn’t ready, that I’d fuck up being his mother. I actually thought I couldn’t love him because of my own experience with my parents, but I was wrong. This Grayson is my life now, and I’ll do everything in my power to protect him. Even from his father.
“He’s a lucky little guy whose birthday will be celebrated by everyone,” Tyson comments.
“What do you mean?”
Chuckling, he says, “Did you forget already? Today is New Years. He was born at twelve a.m.” I did forget actually. How could I? When everyone was cheering, I felt nothing but relief when I heard my son’s cry for the first time.
“Yes, he is lucky and so are we.” Tyson kisses me deeply and then kisses the baby tenderly on the nose. My son may not have his blood related father, but unlike me, he will not grow up without one.
Grayson
My phone vibrates in my pocket and I pull it out so I can press the ignore button. Tyson has been blowing up my phone for hours now and I’m not ashamed to admit I have been ignoring each and every call. Every voicemail he has left, I’ve deleted without even listening to them, there’s no need, I already know what he wants. Jade must be in labor, actually she may have already had the baby by now. It’s been hours since his first call. I don’t know when they will both get it through their thick skulls that I want nothing to do with that kid. Tyson’s father even had the audacity to talk to my mother-in-law, like she could change my mind. They picked the wrong person because she’s been on my shit list since that stunt she pulled with Nichole. Why can’t they see that things are better this way? I can never be the father that kid deserves. I'm broken inside. What love I once had is all gone now and I'm incapable of loving anyone besides Nichole and she’s dying. Once she fades away, I’ll be nothing more than a monster with human skin. It’s best we cut our ties now, and it’s not like Jade is alone. Tyson more than makes up for me not being there.
I’m not in a place to take any phone calls anyway. Nichole has taken a turn for the worse. I tried to get her to agree to surgery. The doctor said if they removed the cancer plagued lung, it may buy her another couple of months, but she flat out refused, without listening to reason or to me begging for her to reconsider. She’s still pissed at me about not having anything to do with Jade and is sacrificing herself to hurt me. Just like me, her decision is made. She will not allow us to do anything to extend her life, so all it’s been is a waiting game until she takes her last breath.
A pair of white shoes come into my vision and I look up to see one of Nichole’s nurses’ concerned face. I left the room to give them privacy as they changed Nichole’s catheter and wiped her down since she’s now unable to go to the bathroom and do those things herself. I offered to do it for her, but she no longer wants my help. Most days, she barely tolerates me being there.
“I’m all done, you can go back to the room if you want,” she says and I turn my face to Nichole’s room, debating if I want to go back there or not. I could easily support her from out here and not have her waste her energy berating me.
Reading the indecision on my face, the nurse, Julie I believe, says, “The last couple of months are always the worst. Without meaning to, the patient always gets meaner because they know they will die soon. Plus, despite the morphine and pain meds, they are still in a lot of pain. You should not take what your wife says or does too seriously. It’s the illness talking, not her.”
I wish I could take stock in her words, but she’s wrong. Nichole means every mean thing she has said. She had time to come to terms with her fate and decided to speed it up while she played puppet master.
“Thank you,” I tell her, standing up.
When I approach her room, Nichole is sitting up, staring at nothing, lost in thought. I know she knows I’m here, but she chooses to stay silent. After a while of stone cold silence, she asks, “Do you remember what you promised me on our wedding night?”
It takes me a while to catch on to what she’s talking about, but when I do, I grimace. Can’t she just let this go? “I remember,” I tell her.
“But yet, you still choose to break your promise to me. Even knowing how much it’ll mean to me.”
“Nichole,” I say exasperated. “When I made that promise to you, you weren’t dying of cancer or asking for the impossible.”
“You promised me, Grayson. You promised to love me forever and that you’ll never let me down. You said you’ll be the best husband to me, that there will never be anyone better, and when tested, you failed. You lied to me, Gray.”
“I didn’t lie to you Nichole.”
“Yes, you did. This behavior of yours, not going through with my dying wish is letting me down. Even now knowing that Jade had the baby, you’re just sitting here, sulking by my side, visiting a dying husk when you could be with the joy of the living.” Why am I not surprised she knows Jade has had the baby? I’m sure she has tons of spies under her employ here. Nichole can be quite scary when she wants to be.
“I’m sorry you’re disappointed, but I can’t give you what you want. Because I love you so much I am here. So you see, I did not lie.”
“Whatever, Grayson. Justify your defiance anyway you want, I no longer care.”
“Defiance? Is that what you call not throwing you to the curb so I can play family with someone else? Have you forgotten Jade is married now? Are you that upset your plans for all our futures are not turning out the way you wanted? Who are you and where is my wife? The Nichole I married would never be this petty. Did your illness eat so much of you that you lost your humanity? I don’t even recognize you anymore.”
“Don’t get mad that you’re just now seeing what was always there. You’ve always put me on this pedestal and thought I was some s
ort of angel, but I’m not. Take a good look, because this is the real me, the woman you married. The Nichole you thought I was is nothing more than a figment of your fucked up ‘everything has to be perfect’ imagination.”
I’m taken back by her words. Is she right? Has she always been this way and I refused to see it, or is it like the nurse said? She’s reacting because of her illness, and the pain is driving her to say mean, hateful things. Even if that’s so, who am I to say I know her? I never knew she was capable of planning to die and set me up with a new wife and baby in the process. That she would selfishly make me throw away my vows and have me turn my back on my values. She may be right, maybe I didn’t fully know her after all.
“I don’t want to upset you further. I’m going to go so you can get some rest.”
“Yes, you do that.” With those parting words, she shifts in her bed and turns her back to me. Defeated, I leave her room with my head hanging low.
How did we even get this way? Never in a million years would I ever think I’d lose Nichole. Now that I have no choice in the matter. I do not want to spend the time I have left arguing with her, but she has control over even that. Maybe I should do what she wants. Not the being with Jade part. That ship sailed when she married Tyson, but the going downstairs to visit my son. As much as I would like to please my wife in her final days, I still can’t summon up the strength to do it. Instead, I hit the G button for the garage and get back in my car and go back home alone.
34
Nichole
Damn that stubborn man. Why is he making this so much harder than it needs to be? I hated Tyson for ruining my plans, but I’m starting to hate my husband even more. He has to be so damn difficult when there’s no need to be so. I’m dying, soon I won’t be here anymore. Me being his wife no longer matters because I don’t have long on this earth. Every second of the day, my body slips closer and closer to death’s door. Each day it’s a struggle just to open my eyes and soon a morning will pass when my gaze won’t set sight on a new day. Why can’t he just go see the baby and fulfill my dying wish? The ship may have sailed for him to be a husband to Jade, but he can still be a father.
Taking out the photograph I paid a nurse on the delivery floor to take, I trace the sweet face of the baby that looks like a clone of my husband, bundled up in a white striped blanket and a tiny blue knitted cap sitting snugly on his head. Even with just a photograph, you can’t help but to fall in love with the little guy. If only my stubborn husband would just go see him. I know I’m being harsh with him, but it’s better for both of us if I push him away now. It’ll be less painful when I finally go for good.
I press the call button and wait for my nurse to come in. It’s late evening, so the one I’m looking for should be here at work.
“Do you need anything?” Julie asks with a bright smile. She’s always so upbeat, even working on this bleak floor when I’m certain she sees tons of patients fade away.
“I have a friend that just had a baby. Do you mind taking her this card?” I ask, holding out the light blue envelope. The card I had ever since I found out Jade was having a boy. The letter inside I wrote just a couple of days ago.
“Sure, if you like, but why not ask your husband?”
“Oh,” I laugh innocently. “I didn’t want to bother him. He already has a full plate of worry he’s carrying.”
“I guess you’re right. I saw him out in the hall earlier. He looked like he needed a hug.”
“I’m sure he did. Her name is Jade Garfield, whenever you get the chance.”
“Oh, the Garfield baby. Everyone is celebrating him and a little girl because they were born on New Years.”
“Isn’t that sweet?” I tell her before tucking back into my pillow. I was tired, having used up my energy for the day arguing with Grayson.
“I’ll let you get some rest and I’ll take this to your friend as soon I go on break.”
I nod my thanks before closing my eyes. Now that I’ve done all I set out to do, I didn’t really care if I opened them back up or not.
35
Jade
Tyson left a while ago to go home and get me some clothes. Feeling the strain from giving birth, I snuggle close to the baby laying on my chest, sleeping soundlessly. He’s such a good baby. After the first feeding, he went straight to sleep, leaving me a little oily surprise in his diaper. He didn’t even stir when I changed him or cried out since. Right as my heavy lids start to droop, there’s a light knock on my door and a nurse I’ve never seen before steps inside the room.
“Hi, I’m Julie, I work in the cancer ward. Your friend Nichole asked me to bring you this.”
Careful not to stir the baby, I take the light blue envelope from her. “How is she doing?” I ask. With everything going on with her, I can’t believe Nichole remembered to get me a card, but I guess that’s the type of person she is. She would have made a great mother.
“Oh, she’s not doing so great, which I’m sure you already know. I can’t violate her privacy and give you too many details, but I can tell you we’re making her as comfortable as we can.”
He’s being a dick and I shouldn’t care, but I can’t help myself when I ask, “And her husband? Is he doing okay?”
“As well as he can under the circumstances,” she answers and I look down at my sleeping baby.
“I’ll leave you two,” she says, breaking my thoughts, and I watch her leave the room. Curious, I finger the envelope before ripping it open.
Inside is the standard congratulations for having a baby card, but also inside is a thick handwritten letter from Nichole. It’s been awhile since I’ve seen an actual letter in this world of technology and my stomach drops as I think over what she could have possibly written. I hope this isn’t her saying goodbye.
Dearest Jade,
Where do I start? First, I’d like to tell you congratulations. If you’re reading this letter it means you’ve already had the baby. I hope he grows up healthy and strong, just like his mother. It saddens me that I know I will not be around to see that happen. The next things I have to tell you, you may not understand and could possibly hate me for. I want you to know that I love my husband more than anything, and will do anything for him, so in an attempt to save his life, I did something drastic and dragged you along for the ride. I owe you an apology, but I will not take back anything I have done. What I did was for both of you, as well as ease the conscience of a dying woman.
I stop reading to gather my bearings. What the hell is she talking about? She’s making it sound like she killed someone and this is her confession. Picking up the letter, I continue where I left off.
You may think that fate brought us together, but turns out that is all a lie. I knew about you way before we met on the elevator. In fact, it was me who brought us together. That paper with the ad for the fertility clinic was no accident. I had it purposely placed in your path, knowing it would tempt you. Also, you getting turned down for the job was no coincidence either. I paid Ms. Donaldson very well to deny your application. Your car not working, the man who jumped it was a setup, as well as the damage he did to your car to ensure it wouldn’t work afterwards. They all were part of my grand scheme.
I know you’re confused, and I would be too in your shoes, and before you think it, no Grayson is as clueless about what I’m about to tell you as you are. This was all a plan formed by me and me alone. You see, I know you because I knew your father. He was a client of mine. Actually, he was my last client. I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you your father was involved in some shady things, but he was never the sort to get his hands dirty. As the president of a lethal motorcycle gang, he would always delegate someone else to do his dirty work, usually his enforcers. He was arrested for beating and killing a club whore who worked in one of the bars his motorcycle club owned and I was assigned his case. Normally, I wouldn’t work with his type, but my boss owed him a favor and I had no choice but to take on the case. I hated your father and thought more than
once he was guilty. He was too arrogant, handsome with the gift of gab. I knew his type well and didn’t think he had a remorseful bone in his body. I thought the world would be a better place if he went away to prison for life, but it was my job to defend him.
I let my personal feelings for him get in the way of my job and I’m ashamed to say, I did not defend him to the best of my ability. I had some sense of self-preservation to keep my job, so I put on a great show, but I could have done better. I could have gotten him off. He was sentenced to twenty to life for the brutal way the woman was murdered, barely escaping the death penalty.
Three months after his sentencing, evidence was sent to my office by an anonymous source proving your father didn’t do it and was set up by the VP, who wanted his position. Straight after, I petitioned the court for another trial. The day before he was expected to appear in court for his retrial, he was stabbed to death by another inmate who was bribed by the VP.
I cannot begin to tell you how sorry I am. I have been carrying around this guilt for so long. It’s only poetic justice that a week later after your father’s death, I learned my cancer had returned. Since then, I have been plotting, looking for ways to make amends. I made sure the new evidence was accounted for and the judge reversed your father’s judgement. I personally saw to it that the blame was placed on the right person and the VP was arrested and charged, as well as charged for being an accomplice to your father’s murder. Do not lose any sleep over him, he can’t hurt you. He was found guilty and unlike your father, was given the death penalty.