by C. Hallman
No, I need to do this. Willing my feet to move, I step further into the house. With every step, more dread seeps into me, filling me with deep-rooted fear. If Tommy found me sneaking into the house, he would kill me. He would beat me to death for leaving him. That’s what he always threatened, if I ever tried to leave, he’d kill me. And I did it, I left.
I step into the bedroom on shaky legs and quickly find a bag in the closet. Setting it on the unmade bed, I randomly start grabbing clothes and stuffing them in the bag in a hurry.
“Well, look who it is,” Tommy’s voice fills the room, and I freeze. Fear grips me so tightly that my muscles lock up, and I’m literally unable to move an inch. The only thing moving is my wildly beating heart. It’s so rapid I might have a heart attack. The floorboards creak as Tommy moves, taking a few steps, so he is right beside me.
“What did I tell you would happen if you ever tried to leave me?” His voice is like venom, paralyzing me and making it hard to breathe. “Nothing to say?”
“I-I’m sorry,” I force out.
“Sorry? I don’t think you’re sorry, but don’t worry, you will be,” he threatens, a twisted smirk on his face.
This is the part where I usually check out, numb my body as best as I can, try to have my mind go anywhere but here. But today something is stopping me, something is different. I’ve never had a reason to fight or scream before, because I didn’t have anyone who would help me, and I had no place to go. Today, I only have to get to the truck. I only have to get to Ryder. He would help me, I think.
Tommy takes a step toward me, his lip curled up in a snarl, his hands curled in fists at his side, and his eyes go even darker than their normal shade of brown. Instead of cowering in front of him and letting him hit me, I take a step back. His eyebrows raise at my move, and I use his momentary surprise to my advantage. I turn around and sprint out of the room, running down the hall as fast as I can.
I’m almost at the door, my fingers inches from the brass knob. So close, I can practically feel the cold metal on my skin. Just one more inch, and I’m there, but I never get the chance to even touch it. Tommy grabs me by the arm and yanks me back so roughly, I think it might come out of the socket. I would normally swallow my scream or at least try to muffle it, but knowing Ryder is sitting out in the car has me screaming at the top of my lungs.
Pain ripples through me as Tommy forces me deeper into the house. Grabbing a handful of my hair, he pulls me by it into the kitchen and throws me onto the floor. I land roughly on my back. The air is knocked out of my lungs, and before I can suck in a breath, Tommy is on me.
“You fucking bitch!” he yells and starts punching my face. The back of my head bounces off the unforgiving tile floor as he keeps hitting me relentlessly. I try to cover my face and head, but he keeps pounding at my arms and hands anyway.
My head throbs in pain, and my vision goes blurry. I’m not even sure if it’s from the tears or if I have head trauma already. All I know is that I wish for Ryder to be here, to hear my screams, to get me out of here and away from Tommy.
Please, Ryder. I say a silent prayer in my head. Please, let him come in and look for me.
Please!
12
Ryder
I blast the music on the car stereo, hoping to annoy people in this neighborhood while waiting for Penny to return. Scrolling through my phone out of boredom, I realize I’ve missed a few messages and calls from a girl I used to fuck frequently at the club. She was my favorite booty call before I had convenient pussy at the house around the clock. I delete all the messages and tuck my phone back in my pocket.
Looking up and toward the house, I still don’t see Penny. I’m getting slightly annoyed about her taking so long to gather her shit when a different feeling creeps up on me. Could she be stupid enough to try to get away from me? The thought has small hairs on the back of my neck rising. She wouldn’t.
Before I can think about it any longer, the song ends. There is a small stretch of silence between this song finishing, and before the next one starts. In those two seconds, I hear something that sounds a lot like a scream coming from the house.
My head snaps up, my eyes glued on the house as I turn the radio off with one hand, the other on the door handle. When I hear the second high-pitched scream, my body moves on its own. I’m out of the car and at the front door in the blink of an eye.
Not bothering to check if the door is unlocked, I use my run’s momentum to kick in the piece of shit door as I go. The wood gives way easily, the whole thing coming off its frame as I enter the house.
More screams echo through the house, and I follow the sounds until I’m standing in a kitchen. Penny is on the floor, her arms trying to protect her face. Some guy in on top of her, straddling her torso as he rains down punches on her.
An all-consuming rage shoots through me, filling every fiber of my being as I take in the scene before me. I feel my muscles vibrate as my body gets ready for a fight. The next instant, I’m across the room with my hands around the guy’s neck. He was so busy beating up Penny, he didn’t even see or hear me coming.
I drag him off of her by his neck, throwing him against the closest wall, and readying to beat the ever-living hell out of him when I see his face.
What the fuck? Thomas Keller?
His chest is heaving, and his eyes are wide with shock, and I imagine I look exactly the same to him. I release him with a shove, and he sags against the wall, gasping for air.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” He spits in my face when he finds his voice again.
For a moment, I’m so shocked to see him I just stand there, staring at him. This is her boyfriend? Him? The guy who got me kicked out of school. The reason I got sent away from the only foster family who ever gave a shit.
Like an old wound ripped open again, Penny’s betrayal cuts through me like a dull knife.
I turn and look at her, still lying on the floor. She’s propped herself up with one hand and is cradling her bleeding face with the other. Tears are running down her face, and even from a few feet away, I can see her body shaking. With red-rimmed eyes, she looks up at me, a barrage of emotions reflecting back at me. I’m so lost in the depth of those blue orbs that I’m only vaguely aware of Thomas making a run for it.
The back door opens and slams shut, leaving Penny and me alone inside the house. The only sound remaining is the sound of her ragged breathing.
It takes me a moment before I can compose myself enough to ask, “Him? You’ve been living with him?” All she does is nod as more tears run down her already swelling face. I should fucking leave her here… with him. She deserves it. And yet, I can’t get my stupid legs to move.
Sobbing, she collapses back onto the floor and curls up into herself. I try to force myself to leave and enjoy seeing her fall apart, broken, and beaten on the floor. All I need to do is walk out of here and leave her behind, be done with her… but I fucking can’t, and I hate her even more for it. Hate her for making me care.
When my limbs decide to work again, I stomp past her and through the house, trying to find the bedroom. When I do, I see the half-filled bag sitting on the bed. I open the closet and grab some more clothes, shoving as much as I can in the bag. When it’s stuffed full, I zip it up and swing it over my shoulder.
I walk back into the kitchen and over to her. Bending down, I slide my arms under her small, trembling body and pick her up. Without looking down at her face, I carry her out to my truck. Somehow, I open the door without putting her down. Depositing her on the passenger seat, I make my way to my side of the truck, throwing her bag on the bed as I pass.
“Do you need to see a doctor?” I ask when I get behind the wheel. I keep my voice monotone on purpose, not wanting her to know how much this whole thing affected me.
“No,” she whimpers as I pull out onto the road. Thank fuck. Getting a doctor would be a real inconvenience right now.
We drive home in silence, and I still can’t look at her, c
an’t even bring myself to glance over at where she’s sitting.
By the time we pull up to my house, even her whimpers and sobs have quietened down. I park the truck, kill the engine, and get out. Grabbing her bag from the back, I ignore her getting out of the truck and following me inside.
Mojo bypasses me and heads straight for Penny, whining when he sees her. I throw my keys on the counter and head to my room, slamming the door shut behind me. I can’t fucking believe this. Why would she be with that cocksucker?
God, I should have known it was him; she sold me out and lied to protect him. Of course, she stayed with him. She probably loved him even back then. Probably still does. Why else would she do this? Why else would she let him treat her like this? Fuck him and fuck her.
When pacing my room is not enough any longer, I lose my boots and jeans, replacing them with shorts and running shoes. Leaving my room, I hurry through the house to get out the back door. As soon as the door shuts behind me and my feet hit the grass, I run.
I pump my legs until my muscles scream at me to stop, but even then, I keep going. I run until my lungs burn, and my heart feels like it’s about to explode. Only then, when I’ve pushed myself right up to the edge of passing out, do I slow down and walk back home.
When I get back to the house, it’s already dark, I have no idea how long I ran for, but I’m pretty sure it’s been the longest run of my life. Inside the house, everything is quiet, and only one lamp is on in the living room. Penny is curled up on the couch, Mojo sprawled out in front of her, not even moving when he sees me coming.
I kneel on the floor beside him and run my fingers through his fur. For the first time since I found her on that kitchen floor, I bring myself to look at Penny, really look at her.
She is sleeping, her hands tucked under her cheek, and her split lips slightly parted. The swollen right side of her face is turning black and blue. Strands of hair stick to her forehead, and I can’t help but brush them away. Some dried blood covers parts of her face, but most worrisome is that her breathing seems labored. Shit, maybe I should have taken her to a doctor after all.
I retrieve the first aid kit from the bathroom and wet a washcloth while I’m there. Quiet and gentle, I sit down on the floor beside the couch and start cleaning her face. Luckily, she doesn’t wake up. I don’t think I could handle her looking at me while I’m doing this. Fuck, I don’t think I could handle her looking at me at all, and again, I don’t understand why.
Why is this so hard for me? Seeing her like this, it should make me feel better. Knowing that she’s been with Thomas for the last few years shouldn’t matter to me. None of this should matter to me. She shouldn’t matter to me.
When I’m done cleaning her wounds, I get up to my feet and bump into the coffee table behind me. The noise wakes her, and her eyes flutter open. She looks up at me like she is about to say something, but her lips never move. So, I decide to speak instead.
“You sure you don’t need a doctor. You’re breathing funny. I don’t need you dying on my couch.”
“I’m fine. It’s just a bruised rib. It will be fine,” she says, her voice cracking at the end. “I won’t die from this. I’ll be fine.” I’m not sure if she’s trying to convince herself or me.
I’m about to turn around and leave when she coughs. Her face contorts into a mask of pain as she covers her mouth with her hand. As soon as she pulls her hand away, I see the bright red stain on her palm. Fucking Christ.
“You’re not fine. You’re coughing up blood. Let’s go, I’m taking you to the ER.”
“I’m sure it’s fine–”
“Get up,” I growl, not letting her finish. When she tries to get up on her own, I can see how much she is struggling. Barely able to push herself up to her feet, I grab her under the arms like a child and gently pull her up.
I help her to the truck, having to lift her into the seat. She winces at the movement but doesn’t complain.
“You fell down the stairs, got it?” I ask her when we are almost there. “I can’t have the cops involved. They’re looking for anything to pin on me at this point.”
“Got it,” she confirms right away. I’m not worried about Penny sticking to the lie as much as I am about some goody two shoes nurse calling the cops, thinking I beat her up.
I want to ask her why. Why she stayed with him, and why would she let him get away with beating her up. Did she really love him that much?
All these questions, but I don’t dare ask one out loud, because truthfully, I don’t want to hear the answer, mostly because I’m not ready to hear it.
13
Penny
As soon as the lady at the front desk sees us, she leads me to a private room in the back. I’m not sure if it’s Ryder or me she didn’t want in the waiting room. Probably a combination of us both. My face looks like I just did ten rounds with a heavyweight. Ryder is dressed like his usual self in boots, jeans, a dark shirt showing off all his tattoos, and a vest with patches telling everybody he is the VP of a biker club.
I’m pretty sure the only reason no one has called the cops is that Ryder doesn’t have bruised knuckles. Which makes me actually glad he didn’t hit Thomas.
We have been alone in a small room for what seems like an eternity. I’m lying on the narrow hospital bed while Ryder is in the room’s corner in a chair that looks too small for his large frame. He also looks extremely pissed and annoyed to be here.
The silence between us stretches on like the endless tiny white tiles that make up the ceiling. I started counting them a while back, and I’ve already had to start over twice because I forgot what number I was on.
The door finally opens, and a woman in scrubs enters the room. She looks to be my age, which is a stark reminder of the future I could have had instead of where I am now.
“Hi, I’m Amy. I’ll be your nurse for today,” she says.
“Hi,” I say so quietly, I don’t think that she heard me at all.
“We’re going to start an IV and get you some pain meds. Then the doctor will come and see you as soon as she gets a chance,” the nurse says, giving me a tight-lipped smile. “But first, we need you to give us a urine sample.”
“Okay…” I push myself off the bed, ignoring the sharp pain in my side.
“I’ll help you get to the bathroom,” the nurse announces, which has Ryder sighing in obvious annoyance. The nurse either didn’t hear or doesn’t care. She continues to help me up and walks me out of the room. I have the urge to glance at Ryder on my way out, to assure him I’m not going to say anything, but I don’t because I can’t stand to see the hatred and disappointment in his eyes anymore.
The moment the bathroom door shuts behind us, the nurse grabs my shoulders and pulls me closer.
“You can tell me what’s going on. Don’t be scared. We can have the police here in no time. I can get you out of here right now–”
“It wasn’t him,” I interrupt her. “He didn’t beat me up, and neither did any of his friends if that’s what you’re thinking.”
“Someone did, though. You didn’t fall down the stairs. No one here is going to believe you.”
“They need to because that’s the only story they’re getting from me.”
The nurse sighs deeply, shaking her head. “The only way I’m letting this go is if you swear that you are safe with this guy.”
“Yes.” I don’t need to think about the answer because I know that I am and always will be safe with him. “He would never hurt me.”
“Are you sure?”
“Positive. He was the one who got me out and brought me here, even though I didn’t want to come.”
“Well, I’m glad he brought you. We’ll take good care of you here.” She gives me a genuine smile, and for the first time in a long time, I smile too. I haven’t smiled in such a long time that the notion feels foreign to me.
She helps me use the bathroom, and even though I know it is her job to care for people, I get the feeling she would do
this even if it wasn’t. It’s in the way she gently holds me, making sure I don’t feel pain as I move. Her touch is so soothing and kind, the sincerity of it overwhelms me, and I hold back tears. Her caring nature and honest concern for me, a person she doesn’t know, has my heart swelling with unexpected joy.
When we are done, she helps me back into the room and onto the bed. I sneak a peek at Ryder, who gives me a stern look.
“I need you to get undressed and put this sexy number on,” she tells me, handing me a white and green striped hospital gown. “Do you need help to get changed?”
“No, thanks. I can do it.” She’s already done enough, and I’m sure she has better things to do.
“Okay. I’m going to take this to the lab. They’re just going to run a pregnancy test. Standard procedure, before getting x-rays.”
At the work pregnancy, the air whooshes from my lungs, and my throat tightens. We had unprotected sex more than once, and I only took the plan-b pill that first time.
Amy must notice my concern written all over my face. “Do you think you might be pregnant?” she asks.
“I-I don’t know,” I admit, not daring to look over at Ryder.
“Well, that’s what the test is for.” She places her hand over mine and gives it a light squeeze before turning around to leave. She exits the room, leaving Ryder and me to dwell in our painful silence and dreadful tension once more.
14
Ryder
Pregnancy test. Two simple words that have my heart beating in an unnatural rhythm. Pregnancy means baby, kids, being a parent… me being a parent. The small hospital room suddenly seems even smaller, the walls threatening to swallow me whole.
I’m not stupid, I know what we’ve been doing. I know that unprotected fucking results in pregnancy, but when I’m with Penny, the thought is pushed so far out of my mind. No matter how obviously connected they are, the two ideas didn’t connect inside my head until this very moment.