by Kay Harris
“She forgave you?” Derek’s mouth hung open, making him look like a jealous little kid.
“Yeah. I sent a message telling her all that shit. And she sent one back. Her message said: I forgive you. Find your community and be happy.”
Darius hadn’t intended to instigate this emotional conversation. But now that they were in it, he couldn’t back away. He was immersed in their shared past, their shame, and their regret.
“She forgave you because you’re gay,” Derek said quietly.
“Maybe,” Greg agreed. “Or maybe she was more pissed at you from the beginning.”
Darius believed Greg was right. He was certain Alice was angrier at Derek because he had broken her heart, because she had been in love with him. And that right there, had intense consequences for Darius’ own heart.
JANUARY
Chapter 4
There were only so many ways to get a striking, kind, and adorable man off one’s mind. Going out on a date seemed like a good enough option.
Alice had consulted the list she’d been making of potential spouses. Compiled in an Excel spreadsheet that included data points like level of education, desire for children, and goals and ambitions, it was comprehensive and sterile as hell. But that was the best way to do this. Emotion not needed.
The list included twenty-four names, sixteen men and eight women, whom Alice had met at various locations and times in her life. All were acquaintances at best, which was by design because she’d already learned that friends were a no-go when it came to making good dating choices.
Alice wasn’t looking for love and romance. She was looking for a partner in life, someone stable and understanding. Together they could build a life, pay for a house and a car, and raise children. And hopefully, they could have a descent sex life as well.
This week she’d chosen number seven on her list. Gilland Heart was a shy, sweet accountant who worked at the company that fixed Tranquility’s factory machines. She’d met him during a conference on database management and they had gotten along well. The only rub was that when she’d called him to arrange a date he asked if she could find a date for his twin brother as well.
And that’s how Maya had gotten dragged into it.
Leland looked up at his date and smiled. He clearly didn’t care that Maya was a good five inches taller than him. Alice let out a sigh of relief. Being so short herself it hadn’t occurred to her that Gilland’s identical twin would be tiny next to her friend. But he looked completely enamored with her.
Maya, on the other hand, had a very fake smile plastered onto her face as she nodded vigorously while Leland told a story about doing something truly disgusting to a pug at his veterinary practice.
Alice turned back to Gilland and asked him the question she’d been dying to know since they’d made this date. “So do you and your brother always do everything together?”
“Oh, yes! Don’t you do things with your siblings?”
“I’m an only child.” She’d never minded saying that to people. But it seemed raw in her mouth these days. First, because she knew she could never be the daughter her parents wanted her to be, even if she married a good, stable man like Gilland. And, second, because she really wanted to mention her friend who’d become a brother to her, but she needed to save discussions of him for a future date. And so far it looked like there probably wouldn’t be any future dates with this guy.
“That is so sad.” Gilland frowned at her.
She shrugged. “It is what it is.”
“Can I be honest with you?” Gilland leaned toward her as if he was about to share state secrets.
“Sure.”
“Leland and I had planned to marry sisters. But Leland seems to really like your friend. So…”
Yeah. There wouldn’t be another date.
****
“Why did you show up at the bar drunk off your stool, Everett?”
Her brother-from-another-mother slumped in his couch and groaned. Alice took pity on him and went into his kitchen to retrieve a glass of water and some painkillers.
When she returned, she sat next to him and coaxed him into consuming the water and pills. “I’ve never seen you this hungover.”
Finding Everett at the bar last night, all by himself and clearly inebriated beyond reason, had been a major surprise. She would have gone to help him, but she’d hesitated. She and Everett had a strong relationship, and it was one they kept secret from everyone at Tranquility. Her date with Gilland also included a coworker, so she would be outing that relationship if she went to him, not that she would have minded interrupting her date with Gilland, which had completely bombed out.
While Alice had been debating what to do about Everett, Maya had gone over to check on him. She’d ushered him out to the curb where his best friend Carlos had picked him up. Then Maya had returned to the date with a simple explanation and a smile.
Now, the morning after, Everett looked like death warmed over. “Alice, I love you, but why are you here so early?”
“You promised to take me to a hockey game.”
“It can’t be time for a hockey game yet,” he groaned.
“It’s almost eleven. The game is a matinee. And we have to drive all the way to San Jose. So, yeah, it’s time, dude. Or at least it will be by the time we get you cleaned up and get some food in you.”
“Ugh. No food.”
Alice laughed. “Seriously. At the bar, alone, drinking until you’re falling over. What the hell is going on with you?”
She could demand answers from Everett like no one else could because Everett, despite having a vastly different set of genes, was her brother in her heart. It had all begun expectantly. A couple years ago, Alice was being harassed by co-workers, and she turned to the company owner for help. They’d bonded during that incident and their relationship grew and morphed into something deep and strong.
He rubbed his eyes and looked over at her. “Remember the girl I told you about? The one that I’m a little obsessed with but who hates me?”
“Miss, she-who-shall-remain-unnamed? Yeah.”
“It’s Maya. And she still hates me.”
“Whoa. I did not pick up on that. Maya?”
He nodded.
“Well, that sucks.”
“Tell me about it.”
Alice got Everett to finish his water, then took back the glass and set it on the coffee table. “I was on a date.”
“I saw. Twins, huh?”
She hit his arm. “One was for me and one was for Maya…Oh. Sorry…You should have told me sooner Maya was your secret crush. I would have taken someone else.”
He shrugged. “So, how did it go?”
“A bust on both accounts.”
“Can’t say I’m sorry about that.” He shifted in his seat. “What’s going on with you, anyway?” His eyes narrowed as he scrutinized her.
“What do you mean?”
“That guy you were with last night. That was your parents’ idea of a good date. Not yours.”
Alice tripped over her own tongue. She instinctively tried to deny it, but she’d spent a lot of time with Everett over the past couple years, and he knew her better than anyone. Lying was not an option.
“He was on the marry potential list. It was worth a try.”
Everett sighed. He knew all about the list. And he did not approve. “I think we should go over the list again.”
She laughed. “We already did. You only knew three of the people on the list.”
“Yeah. But this time we should do some Internet research. At least show me the pictures of these people. I mean, had I known a tiny accountant was on the list I would have nixed that right away.”
“Hey! What’s tiny got to do with it? I’m tiny!”
He kissed the top of her head and stood. “You’re adorable. I’m going to take a shower. We can argue about this on the way to San Jose.”
****
Sitting half-naked in the middle of a studio as a photograp
her shouted completely nonsensical instructions at him was nothing new to Darius. Doing it with a candle in his hand was a little different, however.
“Look like it smells good. Yeah. Look like it smells like your mom’s kitchen. Yes. Yes. Now look like you are in heaven. Yes. Divine. The candle is giving you divine inspiration. Yes. Now look like you just had an orgasm.”
Whatever expression crossed Darius’ features at that point caused Julia to shoot water out of her nose, then pause the photo shoot.
Darius had never been happier to take five in his life. “Thanks, Julia.” He clapped a hand on her shoulder as he followed her out of the harsh lights. “I needed that.”
Neither of them spoke further as they moved away from the photographer, Greg, and his assistant, Jennie. But when they reached the safety of the small green room, he collapsed in the stiff loveseat. “I’m just not in the mood today. I’m sorry.”
Julia moved to the small refrigerator at one end of the room and retrieved two cold bottles of water. “Well, you can’t tell. You’re doing great.” She handed him one bottle then sat across from him on a metal folding chair.
Sweat from the water dripped on his knuckle and he breathed in several deep breaths, eyes closed.
“What are you doing?”
Darius’ lids shot up at Julia’s words. “It’s just a thing one of my trainers taught me.” He leaned back in the small loveseat and took a long swig of the ice cold water.
“My friend is really into meditation and being attuned to your body and all that stuff. I really should try it. I’m kind of a wreck most of the time.”
“Well, you can’t tell.” He smiled at her.
“That’s not what Alice says. She says I carry all my stress in my shoulders.”
A pinprick hit his stomach then exploded outward at the mention of her name. “You’re friends with Alice? Alice Bando who works in sales?”
Julia cocked her head. “Yeah. Do you know her?”
Darius had always sucked at lying. It was omission that was his special gift. But it was too late for that now. “Yeah. We went to high school together.”
“No shit! That’s cool. Does she know you’re working with us?”
He shook his head. “I thought I’d surprise her when we made the big announcement to everyone in a couple weeks.”
Julia clapped her hands together. “Oh, this is fun.”
Darius squirmed in his seat. “Thing is…I don’t suppose we’ll work together much, me and her.”
“No. Probably not. I mean, to be honest, you and I will mostly work with the people from the ad agency and the photographers and videographers. You won’t see many Tranquility people except for me and a few of my staff.”
He nodded and finished his water, tipping his head back to suck it all down.
Julia waited until he was done. She leaned over and took the empty bottle from him. “How do you really feel about the creative the ad company came up with?”
Darius had been successfully evasive about the creative boards. There were a variety of products, billboards, magazines spreads, and one TV ad. “I’m no expert on advertising or candles, Julia.”
“But you’re the expert on you and your audience. You’re an expert on how people react to you. I bet you knew that underwear ad was going to go crazy when you shot it. So, tell me your gut about this.”
Darius leaned forward, his elbows on his knees. No one ever asked him stuff like this. To most marketing pros he was the body and the fame, not a man with brains and thoughts of his own. He loved that Julia was asking his opinion. Even if she blew off everything he said, he was going to tell her.
“Here’s the thing. The reason the underwear ad worked was because I wear that underwear.” He leaned back, flipped over the top of his jeans and showed her the band quickly before leaning back in. “I love them. And in the ad I stripped off my jeans and walked around in a locker room just like I do everyday, and a guy shot pictures. It was real. People could tell.”
“But I doubt you go home and light smelly candles.”
“I didn’t used to. But I started last week. I bought one of every flavor. So far my favorite is Broken Heart. The smell is good, and I love the design. It’s sitting on my kitchen island right now.”
Julia’s mouth hung open.
“You okay?”
She snapped her jaw closed. “Yeah. Just surprised.” She ran one manicured fingernail over her lips and furrowed her brow. “Broken Heart, huh?”
“Yeah.” Darius looked away from her scrutinizing gaze.
“We need to rethink the creative.”
Darius sat up straight. “What? Isn’t it too late for that?”
“Hell no. We’re paying good money for all of this, and it needs to be perfect. And we need a consultant. I’m thinking someone from sales. A person on the ground who sells these candles every single day and knows the product and the customers inside and out. And I know just the person.” She stood and discarded both water bottles into a blue recycle canister. “I’ll make some calls. I’m going to ask you to complete this shoot today, though. We might still need these shots, so we may as well finish up.”
Darius followed her out of the green room. “Sure. But, um, who’s this perfect person?”
“Our number one sales person.” Julia stopped in the hallway and turned to him. “She’s sold more Broken Heart candles than everyone else put together. She’s made major deals with everyone from tiny local shops to large regional chains. She lives and breaths Tranquility candles.”
Darius ran a hand through his unruly blond curls. “Okay. So this is the VP of sales we’re talking about, Becky, right?”
“No. Becky wishes she was that good. And she’s watching her back. Because this chick will have her job one day.”
Frustration bled through in his voice. “Well, who is it?”
“Your old friend, Alice.”
****
Darius: How are things going? Haven’t heard from you since Christmas. You good?
Alice: I’m good. Living life. You?
Darius: Awesome. I got a condo in Richmond, so I’m on your side of the Bay now.
Alice: Why?
Darius: Good condo. Good price. Can I ask you a question?
Alice: Sure.
Darius: What’s the deal with you and Kyle?
Alice: We tried to date my senior year in high school.
Darius: Tried?
Alice: It didn’t work out. He’s my friend now.
Darius: Didn’t work out because you moved away?
Alice: No. Before that.
Darius: Why?
Alice: You sure are persistent.
Darius: I’m a quarterback. It’s in my nature.
Alice: I don’t get it. Cause you used to tell people on your team what to do?
Darius: Something like that. Come on, spill. The kids will be here soon.
Alice: Where are you?
Darius: At the youth center. I’m doing a football clinic.
Alice: Volunteer?
Darius: Of course. What kind of jerk do you think I am? I charge poor kids to learn football from me?
Alice: OK chill. Sorry. I think it’s pretty cute. I teach martial arts, but I charge for it. The parents of the kids I teach can afford it. I should offer a free class at the youth center for kids who don’t have rich parents.
Darius: I will connect you with the director.
Alice: Thanks.
Darius: Tick Tock. Gonna answer my question about Kyle?
Alice: We dated. He was into me. I love him like a friend. It didn’t work. We were back to being just friends when I left for Cali.
Darius: How did you manage that?
Alice: Long story. Don’t you have kids to teach?
Darius: Yeah. Can I see you soon?
Alice: Probably not.
****
Six years ago…
Alice tucked herself farther into the thick wool jacket and took a deep breath. It smelled like
the man next to her, woodsy and strong.
“I’m so sorry.”
It was at least the fifth time he’d said it since he’d hustled her into the passenger side of his sports car and peeled out of his parents’ driveway. Alice turned her head, and despite her intense emotions of anger, pain, and vulnerability in this moment, she was still able to appreciate his raw beauty.
Her voice was stronger than she felt. “I had a girlfriend before I started dating your brother. But no one knew about it.”
Darius nodded. A lock of blond hair fell over his temple. She’d predicted that little move, which meant she’d spent way too much time staring at him since they’d first met four years ago.
“Her name is Cherise. She’s in my martial arts class. Goes to a different school. She’s not even the first girl I ever kissed. She’s the second.”
He nodded again.
“Does that shock you?”
Darius pulled the car up to the curb in front of her house and put it in park before turning his upper body toward her. He pierced her with his gaze. “Is it supposed to?”
“It shocked the shit out of your brother when I told him. He flipped out. Broke up with me and decided to spray paint me. So maybe, yeah.”
“I’m sorry.”
She let out a heavy sigh. “I don’t want you to be sorry. I want you to kick some sense into him. I’m very angry with him.”
“Don’t worry. I will.”
She nodded. “That does make me feel better. Though I would have preferred to do it myself. I have pretty good moves. If there wasn’t four of them, I might have gotten the drop on Derek.”
“I believe it.”
Alice hadn’t cried. She knew it was coming. But for now her anger was pulling her through. It was after she saw her parents, who would offer no comfort, that she would shut herself in her room and break down. She’d feel alone. But right now, she wasn’t alone.
“My parents caught me and Cherise messing around in my room about a month before I started seeing Derek.”
Darius reached his hand across the car’s console slowly and placed his palm over the back of her hand. “How did that go?”
“Not well. It’s why I started dating Derek.”
His eyes grew wide. “Really?”