Shutdown

by Winter Travers

  I had a week left of my vacation from work, and I wanted to do a couple of things that had been on my list. I had planned on staying with Roc for at least two more weeks after I went to work, but before then, I wanted to go have some fun.

  “Like what?”

  “Well, I’ve always wanted to go to the aquarium in Chicago. Then we could do pizza and walk around downtown.”

  “Walk?” Roc chuckled.

  I rolled my eyes and grabbed the hamburger patties from the fridge. “You know what I mean.”

  The man was such a dry, sarcastic smartass.

  Roc wrinkled his nose. “Aquariums and strolling around downtown Chicago really aren’t my thing, Doc.”

  I turned the burners on under the grill pan and unwrapped the burgers. “Well, that’s too bad. I think you can do something that really isn’t your thing for a day.”

  I grabbed a bag of tater tots from the freezer and spread them out on a baking sheet. I stuck them in the air fryer and got to work on the burgers.

  “Isn’t there like a car museum or something like that we could go do?”

  I was surprised Roc even made a suggestion. Granted, it involved cars, but it was better than going to the garage and bossing around the race team.

  I plopped the burgers on the grill and grabbed the pack of buns that were sitting on the counter. “We could look to see if there is something in driving distance.”

  I was going to latch onto any idea Roc had. We were going to go out and do things, but I much preferred them to be things that Roc would enjoy doing.

  “Isn’t the whole USA within driving distance? Well, besides Hawaii and Alaska. Just depends on how far you want to drive.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Yes, you’re right. I mean something within five or so hours. I think any further than that and you’ll get uncomfortable in the car.”

  Roc scrolled on his phone while I finished making dinner.

  “You want to eat in the living room or at the table?” I called.

  The food was ready, and my stomach was growling from being so hungry.

  Roc rolled into the kitchen and grabbed an empty plate. “Fill me up, doc.”

  I laid a bun on his plate and topped it with a burger. “What do you want on it?”

  “Everything,” he grunted.

  After I put the lettuce, tomato, ketchup, pickles, and mayo, I pressed down the top of the bun and wondered how the hell Roc was even going to get that in his mouth. “May the odds ever be in your favor,” I mumbled.

  I dumped a pile of tater tots on his plate and a huge squirt of ketchup.

  He set the plate in his lap and wheeled over to the kitchen table. “Good thing I’m starving,” he laughed.

  I made my burger the same as his but skimped on the tater tots. I knew I wasn’t going to be able to eat it all, but it looked too good not to try. I sat down opposite Roc and dug into my food.

  Roc had his phone next to his plate and he read off it as he picked up his burger. “There is a classic car museum in Canton. About three hours from here.”

  “That’s not too bad. Is there anything else we could do there?” I didn’t want to drive three hours only to look around the museum an hour and then drive back home three hours.

  “Just call me Google, Doc,” he mumbled. “Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is about fifty miles away from there and also there is the Pro Football Hall of Fame there.”

  I rolled my eyes and groaned. “I vote for the car museum and the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. I can’t do football. So boring,” I grumbled.

  I was beginning to appreciate cars more now that I had been around Roc, but football was a huge no-go for me. I had to draw the line somewhere.

  Roc took a bite of his burger. “Sounds good to me. Not really into football either.”

  “Are you really gonna have a cookout Sunday?”

  I was nervous but also excited that Roc wanted to have people over. His earlier comment about not wanting to go out made me wonder if I was going to have to drag him kicking and screaming to places. Thankfully, he had agreed to go to Canton.

  He nodded. “We normally do something when we have a bye week.”

  “We’ll have to go shopping.”

  Susan had stocked up Roc pretty well, but I knew we didn’t have nearly enough food for a party. Shopping with Roc was sure to be interesting.

  “Shop Friday, go to Canton Saturday, and then grill out Sunday.” He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “For the record, this is one of the best burgers I’ve ever had.”

  I pointed to his bare forearm. “And you don’t have grease dripping down your arm like you would if you were at the Rooster.”

  Roc laughed. “True.”

  Burgers may not be the most healthy thing to begin with, but I knew mine were healthier than the Rooster. Only half the amount of grease. “I thought Harlyn was going to freak out on me when I didn’t agree with her.”

  I chuckled and wiped my mouth. I took a large bite and sat back in my chair.

  “Harlyn is one of a kind. I’m lucky to have her in my life again but I’m still used to doing whatever I want with no one caring.”

  I swallowed and got up to grab a drink. “You and Harlyn weren’t close before?” I grabbed a half-empty bottle of wine and a glass. “Did you want another beer?”

  Roc nodded and wiped his hands. “I wasn’t exactly the best dad to her when she was growing up. I was gone more than I was home.”

  “You’ve really worked on a pit crew all of these years?” I grabbed a beer and set it on front of him.

  “Yep. Was the only thing I wanted to do growing up, and it’s still the only thing I want to do. Granted, I lost my family to it.”

  “You were married?”

  I sat down and filled my glass to the brim. I wanted to know about Roc’s past, but I also knew I was going to need a little booze to keep me loose. Talking to Roc was nice, but I never knew what he was going to say.

  “For about ten years. Was gone more than I was home.”

  “You race year-round?”

  He shook his head. “Nope. I was just a fucking idiot who didn’t realize to keep my family I needed to actually see them. Harlyn’s mom finally got sick of me not being around and divorced me. Wasn’t like it really changed much except I got an apartment to store my stuff at when I wasn’t in town.”

  “But now it seems like you two get along.” I sipped on my wine and reached across the table for one of his tater tots. I popped a tater tot in my mouth and he scowled at me. “I only wanted one,” I laughed.

  He quirked his eyebrow and shook his head. “Crazy woman,” he muttered. He cleared his throat and sat back in his chair. “I guess we always got along, but it wasn’t like we were close. She resented me for not being there, and I just didn’t get it. Plus, her mom died and Harlyn needed a family. She deserves to have one, even if that family is me.”

  “Things are always hard to see when you’re in the moment. Besides, it seems like Harlyn has you and a pretty amazing group of friends right now. ”

  I knew all too well of the story Roc was telling. I had been there, but I didn’t get the chance to get to the point he was at.

  “You talking about Remy?” he grumbled.

  “Yes, Remy is included in that, Roc. I really don’t see why you don’t like him.”

  Sure, Remy was a bit of a goofball, but it was endearing. Harlyn looked at him like he was her knight in shining armor, and there really wasn’t much more a girl could ask for.

  “Told ya, he’s not good enough for her.”

  “Or maybe he’s giving her the attention you knew you should have given Harlyn’s mom.”

  He looked up at me and curled his lip. Bullseye. Hit that nail right on the head.

  “You trying to be my shrink now too, Doc?” Roc growled.

  Boy, did the man know how to growl. I’m sure he did it to intimidate me, but all the low timber did was make a shiver run through my body.

  I shrugged and p
opped another tater tot in my mouth. We must not be affected by the man, Mave. “If the shoe fits, I’m gonna put it on and lace it up.”

  He shook his head and focused back on his food. “Why don’t you tell me a little bit about yourself, Doc? Since we’re having sharing time while we eat.”

  “My life is hardly exciting, Roc.” Work, eat, sleep, repeat.

  “Well, you were a nurse before you became a doc. That’s all I know. There has to be more to you than that.”

  I circled my finger around the rim of my glass. There were things to tell, but did I really want Roc to know them? “I was married.”

  He looked up. “And?”

  “And now, I’m divorced.”

  “Damn, Doc. It’s like pulling teeth with you.”

  “You want to know why I’m divorced?”

  He nodded. “Seeing as you know I was basically a deadbeat dad, I think it’s only fair you share your story of failed marriage.”

  “You were hardly a deadbeat dad. Your priorities just weren’t in the right place back then.” I tipped my glass toward him. “I can tell you’ve got that all straightened out right now.”

  Roc mumbled thank you. He kept his eyes on me, and I knew I wasn’t going to get out of talking about why I was forty-one and divorced.

  “Dr. Dale Clark. Amazing surgeon and horrible husband. He liked to find comfort in the arms of his nurses and patients.” My finger stopped moving, and my eyes connected with his. “I was too dumb to see the signs.”

  Too dumb and too involved in my job to see what was right in front of my nose.

  “What was it you just told me? It’s hard to see things when you’re in the moment?”

  It was like Roc was reading my mind. I laughed and drained my wine glass. I grabbed the bottle and filled it back up. “Using my own words against me?” My eyes drifted to the side and my laugh drifted off. “Locked office doors and nurses who can’t and won’t look you in the eye, Roc? I was dumb. Plain and simple. I’m a doctor. I diagnosis patients and help heal them, but I couldn’t see my husband sneaking off to fuck his nurse while I covered his rounds.”

  I shook my head at the absurdity of it all. Dumb, dumb, dumb.

  “You’re better off without him.”

  I pointed at him and laughed. “Now that is the damn truth.”

  Except Dale had done a bang-up job of fucking me up for any other man. Was there really a man out there who could keep it in his pants? I had yet to find one.

  “How long have you been divorced?”

  “Two years.” I saw Roc flinch. “Yeah, I was that dumb when I was thirty-nine. Thank God I never had kids with him. It’s bad enough working in the same hospital as him. I don’t think I could stand being tied to him for the rest of my life.”

  Even though Dale had been the reason our marriage fell apart, I still felt like I was the one in the wrong. Partly because people couldn’t understand why I had divorced in him the first place. They all knew he cheated on me, but they also all thought I should have just stuck it out with him. Married to a doctor? Not as enchanting as it sounded.

  “That asshole still works there?”

  I shrugged. “What can I say? He was apparently a good enough lay that none of his conquests complained about him to the board. We got divorced, everyone knows why, but it doesn’t get said out loud.”

  “Guy needs to be knocked into next week.”

  I laughed and shook my head. “I used to think that way. I imagined walking up to him and just kicking him in the nuts, but then I realized I needed my job more than I needed to kick Dale.”

  “So he just acts like nothing happened?”

  “In public. In private, he begged me to stay with him and promised he would change.” I rolled my eyes. “I was dumb, but I wasn’t a fool. Once I knew what he was doing, I was done.”

  “I’m sorry, Doc.”

  I didn’t know why, but Roc saying that helped. “I never really talked to anyone about this. It’s crazy how everyone at the hospital knows what happened but I wasn’t the one to tell them. They knew because they were all part of why my marriage was a sham. No one told me because why should they?” I shook my head. “But then, you really don’t need to hear me bitch and moan about it.”

  Time to zip my lips. I didn’t need to lay all of that out on Roc. I was going to scare him before I even figured out if I wanted to stick around.

  “Real shitty.”

  I grabbed my burger and held it up. “And that is where I stop talking. That’s enough spilling my guts for tonight.” I took a huge bite to keep my mouth shut.

  Roc chuckled. “I hear you.”

  We ate in silence ‘til I was so full, I thought I was going to bust. I started clearing the dishes while Roc finished his food.

  “I’m going to be lazy and leave the dishes ‘til tomorrow.”

  Rock wheeled over with his plate in his lap. “Don’t bother me none, Doc. I’m lazy to the point where I normally don’t do the dishes ‘til the end of the week.”

  I grabbed his plate from him and dropped it in the sink. “Well, I can’t be too lazy or I won’t earn my pay.”

  Roc shifted in his chair and nodded. “Right.”

  He backed away from the sink and headed into the living room.

  The mood had changed, and it wasn’t for the better. I didn’t think joking about being paid was wrong, but as soon as the words left my mouth, I knew I shouldn’t have said them. It didn’t feel like I was actually working, and the conversation I just had with Roc definitely wasn’t work.

  “Did you want to watch a movie?” I called.

  I couldn’t read Roc right now. I couldn’t tell if he was his normal indifferent self or if he felt the shift in the room too.

  “Planned on it,” he called.

  I finished rinsing off the dishes and left them in the sink to deal with tomorrow. “Another beer?”

  “Pain pill.”

  “Are you okay?”

  “Just a bit achy. Between the two beers and the pain pill, I should be fine.”

  I laughed and walked into the bathroom. I grabbed his pain pill and a glass of water.

  “Thanks, Doc.” He grabbed the cup and pill from me. “I just can’t handle heavy machinery now, right?”

  He downed the pill and handed the cup back to me.

  “Yeah. No backhoes or bulldozers ‘til tomorrow.”

  Roc raised his eyebrow at me.

  “My brain always goes to tractors and what not when the label says not to handle heavy machinery. I know it means a car.”

  Roc shook his head. “You got a little bit of crazy in you.” He nodded toward the couch. “Help me get on the couch and then we can watch a movie.”

  We finally had somewhat of a system down to get him out of his chair so it wasn’t too hard anymore. I still laughed now and then about the first time he got home and Susan and Harlyn had to help.

  “What’s with the smile?” he asked.

  I sat down on the couch next to him and spread a blanket over me. “I was thinking about Susan manhandling you out of the truck.”

  Rock humphed. “Bossy woman,” he mumbled under his breath.

  She was, but she definitely got the job done. If I ever needed to have a personal home health nurse, she would be my first choice. I could say confidently that Roc was going to be the first and last person I was a nurse for.

  “I figure if you start getting mouthy with me, I’ll just have Susan come over to set you straight.”

  “Rather have you.” He tugged on the blanket. “You gonna share this with me?”

  I looked down at his hand. “You want under my blanket?”

  “To start with. Not gonna bite, Doc.” He tugged again on the blanket.

  I scooted over until the blanket covered one of his legs. “There.”

  I wasn’t sure what was going on. Roc had left the kitchen abruptly, and now, he was trying to get under the blanket with me.

  “Now do that again ‘til I can cover
my other leg,” he ordered.

  “I could just go get another blanket,” I countered.

  “What’s the point in that when the blanket you have is more than big enough for the two of us?”

  I cleared my throat and decided to just be straight forward like he was. “Because I’m not quite sure what you are up to right now.”

  He nodded toward the TV. “Just trying to watch a movie and keep warm. Rather innocent, don’t you think?”

  I rolled my eyes. “There is absolutely nothing innocent about you, Roc.”

  He clutched his hand to his chest. “You wound me, Doc. I like to think I’m the Mother Teresa of crew chiefs.”

  I blew a raspberry and scooted over the rest of the way. “You’re so full of shit, it’s no wonder that your eyes are brown.”

  He tugged the blanket over his legs and shrugged. “You’re the one who’s sharing a blanket with me.”

  He put his arm across my shoulders and pulled me close against him. I took a deep breath and tried not to focus on the weight of his arm around me and the smell of his cologne. A hard feat.

  Here I thought Roc was put off by the fact I had brought up money, and now, it seemed like he was flirting with me. I wasn’t good at the whole flirting and dating thing. I was on about half a dozen dating sites or apps, and each time I got a message, a swipe, or a heart, I would analyze every little thing and figure the guy really didn’t like me.

  There was one who I actually messaged back and forth with, but he was so sporadic answering because he was busy with work that it didn’t really seem to be going anywhere. Although, I hadn’t checked the app since before I came to stay with Roc.

  “There isn’t shit on tonight.” Roc flipped through the channels and sighed.

  I held out my hand. “Let me have a look.”

  “No chick shit,” he growled. He slapped the remote into my hand.

  “We can watch Netflix. I don’t know why I didn’t think about it before. With you laid up, it’s the perfect time to binge watch.”

  “Do what?” he asked.

  I glanced over at him. “Watch all the seasons of a TV show in a couple of sittings.”

  Hell, I had finished series in a couple of days when I wasn’t working. With Roc being laid up, it was the perfect time to do that with him.