by A. R. Breck
I shove my pencil down to my side and walk back to the table. My friends are all staring at me. "Your pencil didn't need to be sharpened," Lonnie says.
I wrinkle my nose at him.
"You like her, don't you? You like Luna?" Clyde says from beside me.
I shake my head, but my mouth can't form the words this time.
"Don't lie about it. I could tell from the moment she fell into the cornfield last week. You were so mad when we questioned you about it."
"I don't," I growl through my teeth, tired of my friends bringing up this stupid question. The worst part is I can feel my cheeks growing red and the tips of my ears begin to burn. "Quit asking."
"Whatever, Roman."
I don't respond, keeping quiet and hoping that my friends will change the subject. I don't want to like her, and I don't want Duncan to like her, either. But ever since last week when Luna asked if I liked her, I haven't been able to get it out of my mind. It's like she was bummed when I said I didn't like have feelings for her like that. Though now, it’s like she’s planted a small seed in my head, and it's been watered every day. Now I have this root that won't stop thinking about her.
I want to be next to her.
I want to play with her.
I want to protect her.
I want her.
Once the final bell rings for class, I'm out of my seat and waving bye to my friends before they can ask if I want to hang out. We usually spend our days at the park until the cold freezes the metal bars of the swing set. But today, my mind is only on one thing.
Luna.
I speed walk out of school, barely passing a glance at the traffic as I walk across the street. I see a wave of black hair up ahead, along with my sister's short curls, and the sandy brown head of Duncan talking to them.
My fists clench, and my feet punch the ground harder as I make my way across the street.
This isn't happening. Not now. Not ever.
"Roman!" My sister spots me first, running up and giving me a hug. I wrap my arm around her loosely, my eyes not able to drop from Luna's. She looks at me, her face tinged pink like she hasn't been able to stop smiling all day.
"Hi, Roman!" she says.
"Hi." My eyes swing from Luna's, to Duncan's, and back to Luna's. "What're you doing?"
"Duncan is in my class and was just walking me to the park."
Duncan looks over at me, a smile on his face that makes him look like he was just crowned king. "Hi, Roman."
"I could've walked you to the park. You didn't wait for me," I grumble to Luna. She frowns at me, her gray eyes darkening into silver pools.
She doesn't say anything, only watches me quizzically.
"Oh, it's okay. I was heading to the park anyway," Duncan says, his voice innocent and dumb. Duncan is dumb. Dumb Duncan.
I turn my head to face his. Reaching my hand out, I grab onto his forearm and pull him toward the swings on the other side of the playground. Luna watches me curiously, and a little nervously. "Roman?" she asks, a tremor in her tone.
I ignore her as I pull Duncan far, far away from Luna.
"Roman! What're you doing?" Duncan asks, ripping his arm from mine.
"Stay away from her," I say once we're a safe enough distance away from her. "Stay away from Luna."
He backs up a step, his feet kicking rocks as the fierceness in my tone takes him aback. I'm not an angry kid. I'm usually the playful one. The one that gets along with everyone. But not with this. Not with Luna.
"What?" His eyes widen into large circular dinner plates taking over the expanse of his face.
"Stay away from Luna. She won't like you."
He frowns at this, which slowly drips into a scowl. "How do you know? Can you read her mind or something?"
I grip his arm again, this time squeezing until I know he can feel the pain.
He flinches.
"Stay away from her, Duncan. Or else I'll tell everyone you wet the bed almost every night at summer camp the other year."
The color drains from his face, leaving him a ghostly shade of white. "You wouldn't."
I nod my head. "She's not yours to like, Duncan."
I turn away from him after that, walking through the heavy rock piles. It always makes walking slower, and I have to pick up my feet a little extra to make the next step. It makes my anger a little more aggravating.
"What did you do?" Luna asks, her eyes on Duncan as he turns the other way. He doesn't give us a backward glance as he heads toward his house on the other side of the lake.
"Nothing," I grunt, kicking the rocks and watching the dust plume around my shoes.
"It didn't look like nothing. You looked mad."
I look at up at her. My mouth opens to tell her something, I don't know what, when Harper walks up to us. "Hey, guys."
Luna spins toward her sister. "Hi."
"How was your first day?" Harper wraps her arms around Luna's shoulders.
"Good. I met some new friends."
Harper smiles. "Me too. Ready to head home? You have ballet tonight, right?"
I frown. "You start ballet tonight?" I wanted to hang out with her. Go down to the dock and sit with her, just the two of us down by the water, for one of the last nice days of the year.
I just want to be around her.
"Yeah." Genuine excitement lights up her face.
I smile with her. I smile for her. But on the inside, a part of me feels lost.
"What're you doing?" Nora asks from her bike. I don't answer, so she rings her bell that sits on her handlebars, then rings it again, and one more time.
I stand up, startling her to the point her bike nearly tumbles onto its side. I take a huge step forward and plant my hands on the handlebars, keeping her upright. "Quit being annoying."
"Quit ignoring me! I asked what you're doing. You look like someone kicked your dog; except we don't have a dog so it can't be that. What else is it?"
"Nothing," I lie.
It is something, though.
Luna rode off a while ago in her mom's Oldsmobile. I was only able to catch a glance at her, but her long, wild hair was pulled up to the top of her head in a tight bun. She waved at me as she passed.
I'm in a bad mood now, and I'm not sure why.
Although I do, and I just don’t want to admit it.
"Tell Mom I'm going to meet the guys at the park."
"Can I come?" she asks, her near fall all but forgotten. She circles around our driveway again, getting up onto her feet so she can peddle faster.
"Not today, Nora."
"I'm bored, though," she whines. "Luna went to ballet. I don't have anything to do."
I know.
"You wanna catch frogs with us? The big, slimy ones with the huge black eyes? Maybe his tongue will come out and wrap around your fingers."
"Ewwwww." Her faces curls in disgust. "Never mind. I don't want to hang out with you guys."
"I'll be back before it's dark," I say, my hands wrapping around my handlebars and lifting my bike upright. I slide onto my seat and fly down the road. The lights from the homes brighten the road up on the left side of me, keeping the cornfields on my right darkened from the lowering sun. I stay on the left side. The shadows in the cornfield always creep me out.
The park appears around the corner, and I see my friends in the distance. I'm about to turn their way when my bike gets a mind of its own. Or maybe it's not my bike at all. I end up taking a right toward town where all the small shops and businesses are crammed together on two streets. My bike drops down from the curb as I cross the street. I pop a wheelie to get up onto the curb on the other side of the street and end up in front of the only dance studio in town. My foot drops to the ground, sliding across the sidewalk and makes a loud kshhhhhh noise as the sole of my shoe slides across the sandy pavement.
I slip off my bike and lean it up against the light post on the corner. A yellow lab stares at me from a nearby bench. I walk over to him and give him a pat on the head. "Hey, Billy
." I scratch behind his blond ear and smile when he tilts his head to the side in pleasure.
Billy is Mr. Sorenson’s dog. Billy usually hangs out here in the evenings while Mr. Sorenson goes into the bait shop across the street to prepare for his early morning fishing trip. He’s one of the people on the lake who spends most of his days on the water, and his boat is the first one on the lake in the morning. He’s always trying to catch the best fish.
Billy doesn't even need to be tied up. He just walks over and lays on the bench. Everyone in town knows Billy and Mr. Sorenson. I think Billy even likes this spot because sometimes he gets treats from the locals.
After a few more pets, I shake my hand free of his loose, blond hair and walk toward the dance studio. The windows are large, and I can see the entire space from out front. I've never been here before, never been inside. But I'm assuming this is where Luna went, since this is the only studio in town.
I notice her mom sitting on a bench attached to the wall that extends from one side of the room to the next. She has a smile on her face that shines as bright as her colorful dress. I follow her gaze, my eyes landing on Luna.
Wow.
Her hair is tied up into a tight bun on the top of her head. I’ve never seen her hair up, almost like she’s allergic to ponytails. It’s always down in a long mess that floats to her waist. Not today. Today it’s tight, slicked, and shiny on top of her head.
A pale pink leotard suctions against her body. My eyes fall down her long, long legs to her feet, which are wrapped in those weird-looking slippers with the flat toe. A silky ribbon wraps around her feet and ends on the back of her calf in a small bow.
She looks taller than she is. She looks like so much more, standing there in a baby pink outfit. Her pale skin nearly blends in with her leotard. She doesn't do much as she wanders around the room. Bending a bit here and there and stretching across a long bar that extends along the wall from one side to the other.
She hops up on the tips of her toes, and my cheeks grow warm as her arms extend up, the line of her body flawless and straight.
She's perfect.
My throat feels full, like I just swallowed an oversized piece of bread. I clear my throat a few times hoping the feeling will go away, but as I continue watching her, it only grows bigger. My heart feels like it's about to break from my chest and run inside the studio all on its own. It wants to clutch onto her, and I don't understand this feeling.
I've never felt this feeling before.
She spins around, floating into the air like a feather before landing on her feet. Her body is turned in my direction, and her eyes float up and connect with mine. I stare at her, feeling like a creep watching her with my hands at my sides. She stares at me too, her gray eyes lighting a fire in her irises that burns me. It burns my skin, and it burns my heart.
With a blink of her eyes, she turns around and continues dancing, breaking the spell her silver eyes put me under. I reach up to the back of my neck and wipe away the sweat that shouldn't even be here this evening. The sun has started to set and there's a fall chill in the air.
I wander back to my bike, seeing the empty bench where Billy lay just a short while ago. I lift my bike from against the light pole and hop on, peddling home as quickly as I can. I don't even think about my friends that are at the park probably waiting for me.
I can only think of the strange, gray-eyed ballerina who left a burn mark in the pit of my being.
I lie in my bed, the heels of my feet scratching against my blue sheets. My solar system quilt set suctions me against the bed and makes me hot. It's a claustrophobic feeling. Although, I don't think it's the blanket that's making me feel like this. After watching Luna earlier, I came home for a late dinner and a quick phone call from my dad. I barely remember a word that was spoken, my eyes still playing the image of Luna's dark hair in the bun, rolled tight on the top of her head. Her gray eyes. Her long legs. The small shoes that wrapped around her feet like they were meant to be there. After a quick bath, now I'm in bed. Wondering why this feeling hasn't left my chest. I’m a little frustrated at the fact that I can't get her out of my head.
Tap, tap.
I would think it's a moth flitting against my window, until I hear it again in the same tempo.
Tap, tap.
I toss my sheets back and slide out of bed. I sleep on the second level, so I don't know how anyone could be tapping on my window unless they were on the deck. It's the middle of the night, too. That thought alone makes me want to go get my mom before finding out who it is myself.
That doesn't stop my body from wandering over to the window, though. I pull my dark curtains back, and there she is.
Luna.
Dressed in a matching pant and button-up shirt set, she stands there with a sad look on her face. Her head nods, gesturing for me to come outside.
My eyebrows furrow, worry and curiosity getting the best of me. I nod, walking out of my room and tiptoeing across the carpet. My floors are creaky, and I make sure to step on the firm spots to not wake up my mom. Once I reach the back door, I flick the lock up and pull open the heavy door. Luna stands against the edge of the deck, her front pressed against the railing as she looks out at the lake. Her hair blows in the night wind gently, blending in with the night sky.
The cool wood creaks as I take a step outside, walking up to her.
"Are you okay?"
She lets out a shuddering breath, a heavy frown on her face. Her eyes are a little glossy. "I had another nightmare."
I turn toward her at the same time she turns toward me. "What was it about?"
"The same thing." Her gray eyes burn brightly in the night, a yellow hue lighting up the edges. "I'm on a mountain. The waves are so angry. It's almost like they are mad at me. And this soft sand, almost like dust, it chokes me. It gets in my hair and my eyes as it rains around me. Then a huge gust of wind comes, and I fall over the edge."
"And?"
"And I wake up." A tear leaks from the corner of her eye, and I don't think twice as I lift a hand and brush it away. It's wet as I rub it between my thumb and forefinger. I let it seep into me, my skin absorbing her tear as my own.
She looks so scared and concerned. I want to make her feel better, but it's a little risky to be talking to someone in the middle of the night out on my deck. I would go fall asleep on her floor like I have all summer, but with it being the school year now, my mom wakes me up really early in the morning. I’d be in big trouble if she came to my room and I wasn’t there.
"Want to go down to the lake?" I suggest.
She looks at me sideways, like I'm crazy or something. "You want me to go down to the lake after I just had a nightmare that I drowned?"
"I wouldn't let you drown, Luna," I say the words with such sincerity that her snark drops, and wonder fills her cheeks, blossoming them with a light pink hue against her stark white skin.
"Okay, just for a minute. I better get back home before someone finds out I'm gone."
I nod, and we walk across my deck and down onto the wet grass. It's cold, and my feet are instantly freezing. The moment my feet hit the sand, I dig my toes beneath the grains, enjoying the slight warmth they still hold from the sunny day.
Luna walks a few steps further, until her toes hit the wet sand and a small lull of water comes and curls around her toes.
"Why do I keep having this dream? It's like it's trying to tell me something," she says into the distance.
For the life of me I can't figure it out either. I'm not a mind reader and I don't know anything about the future, or premonitions, or anything like that.
"I don't know," I mumble honestly.
She whips around and stares at me, alarm and desperation in her eyes. "Will you take me there someday? To this cliff on the water?"
"I told you I would. We'll go to where the mountains meet the sea. And we'll stand there, and this nightmare can go to hell because sand isn't going to come and swipe you over the edge."
She shive
rs, a tremor racking her entire spine. "You don't know that."
"I do." I lift my feet from the sand and take a step toward her. "I wouldn't let you fly over the edge."
Her shoulders drop, and she finally nods. I walk up to her, the cold water crashing around my feet as well. We stand in silence and the only thing that can be heard is the sound of the water lapping at the shore.
"What did you say to Duncan today?" she asks out of nowhere.
I can't look at her. Shame and embarrassment hit me. But another part of me doesn't feel embarrassed or ashamed, because I don't want anyone else to like her. I don't want anyone else to even talk to her, to be honest.
"I told him that he can't like you."
I can feel her eyes sinking into mine, shock and a hint of anger in her gaze. I finally look at her. Her eyes are burning mine, enough so that I have to blink to rid the ache.
"Why?" Her voice echoes into the distance, bouncing off the sand, and water, and my heart.
"Because I don't want anyone to like you."
"I can't have friends?" Her voice raises.
I shake my head, too tired to get into it.
"He can't like you, Luna. You're my friend. I won't let him."
"What will you do? Beat him up? Give him a wedgie?"
"If I have to," I say seriously.
She laughs, her voice incredulous. Like I wouldn't actually beat someone up. For her, I would.
I'd do anything for her.
Just that thought makes goosebumps break along my arms.
"Sometimes I feel like I know you from somewhere," she says, stepping closer to me. Our arms are flush now, her cool skin aligned with mine.
I look at her. "That's not possible. I just met you."
She nods. "I know. But my mom calls me an old soul."
"What's an old soul?" My eyebrows furrow. That's a weird thing to call someone.
"Like, I should've been born before my time, or I lived a life before this one. Either way, it feels like I know you. Like, maybe we knew each other in a past life. Don't you think so?"