To think he is holding back for me...I suppose it is sweet in its own way.
I watch as he moves above me. He is frowning, and his eyes keep shifting to a darker then much lighter blue. I never have seen them shift so much in such a little amount of time.
He looks disoriented, and his eyes focus on me who is below him as his hips continue to move, slowly losing its snail pace.
He growls, and I want to ask him what is wrong, but I have a good guess of what is happening based on his appearance and tension in his muscles. He is fighting his beast, or I should say wolf, for control of his body.
Are they not the same?
My hands slip from his arms to his back, and I shut my eyes. I want to tell him it’s ok, that I was alright now, but he seems to decide that on his own or maybe his wolf, I wasn’t so sure.
His breathing picks up, and he pulls himself in and out of me much faster than before, and perhaps even with less thought.
He immediately goes for my neck as he thrusts in and out of me quickly and he bites me much harder, much like the first bite I ever received from him, the one that marked me as his. Perhaps he is renewing his ownership over me. Or is it his wolf?
His teeth sink into my neck, puncturing the flesh and I whimper as he continues to slam in and out, being rough with me.
“Frey,” I whimper out, wanting to tell him his bite is beginning to hurt, but he warned me before all this. I was stupid, I accepted the beast inside of him without much thought but in a haze of lust.
He growls again, and I feel his sweat against my own skin and now that I think about it the smell of his sweat wasn’t unappealing to me but rather...attractive?
I like the smell of his sweat. It is rather strange, but I do. His scent is like wood smoke but there is a musky hint entwined with it that was very masculine.
I always enjoy washing his clothing, his smell soaked into the tiniest fibers of the cloth. I would never tell him this, nor anyone else, that I enjoyed smelling him. It would make me soft and ladylike, nothing like a warrior and shield maiden.
He finally lets go of the flesh, and I feel warm blood trickle from my neck down to my shoulder. His eyes then shift to my face, them being in a permanent bright blue state, and his teeth very much different. They were sharp before but their shape has changed to be more wolf like.
My younger self would have said I let my innocence be stolen by a devil but that was before my acceptance of their world and wanting to live in it with them. I do not think like that anymore. He is not a devil.
This isn’t Frey any longer. This is his wolf I haven’t seen much of. It seems a lot different than him, quiet, observant, and violent.
He touches my face as his thrusts continue with their brutal onslaught on my body, and I can’t keep my eyes off of him. Wondering what he is going to do now.
His fingers run over my face lightly, and he lowers himself, his lips grazing my jawbone before looking up. It is like his wolf has never seen me before—maybe it hasn’t.
“You’re beautiful,” he finally says, his voice still hoarse before grunting and showing his teeth when he thrusts back into me, maybe feeling something he likes.
He buries his head in the crook of my neck which was bloody, and I feel embarrassed at his words, this being one of the first times a man has said something so directly to me.
That heat returns to the center in my belly at his thrusts, and I stare up at the wooden ceiling colored with an orange glow from the fire. My nails dig into his back, and I begin to focus more on his thrusts as his face stays buried in my neck.
He seems to do the same as his thrusts became deeper, and he begins to hit something inside of me that makes me feel a sudden rush of pleasure. Things are starting to finally feel good….
I wrap my legs around his waist, trying to push him deeper inside of me and he groans as his teeth sink lightly back into my neck.
I begin to get vocal, moaning loudly as I feel everything.
The way he pulses hotly inside of me begging for a release just as I ask for the same. Then every time he touches my skin it feels like lightning striking me, and then even way down there feels like it has a pulse of its own…
I am longing for something—something building inside of me with each thrust. I don’t understand these emotions very well. I just know everything feels hot, and I want release.
Frey grunts and he gasps as he starts thrusting wildly into me, and I moan his name, “Frey,” loudly before arching my back fully off the furs.
I was almost to that feeling...
I then feel something hot shoot up inside of me with one last and final thrust of his, spreading a heat into my belly and making me whimper. This feeling is also new.
He bucks his hips into mine, and I can still feel myself pulsing and throbbing as he groans against my shoulder, his body becoming lax with what I think is his release.
He pants against my shoulder heavily, and he remains inside of me.
No, I wasn’t finished…this couldn’t be over.
I pant, looking at the ceiling as my back sinks back into the furs. I think of Eira and how she mocks the greediness of some men in bed and their desire to satisfy themselves. Her eyes looked at Dag when she spoke of this.
An argument broke out between the two, Dag red in the face while Leif jested how it was the other way around, women were the greedier partner in bed making Runa go red in the face. The whole mead hall became loud with discussion.
I want to question if he is done and I so badly want him to continue so I can finish and relax. I feel tense, and I realize he is still hard inside of me. Maybe he isn’t done?
He then pulls out of me, and his face leaves my shoulder. He sits up slightly, examining me. He stares in between my legs, and I feel embarrassed. I go to close my legs, but he holds them open.
“I made a mess out of you, lass,” he mutters, his eyes not going back to their normal color.
“Don’t stare…” I mumble, feeling awkward and feeling that hot liquid drip from within me on to the bedding below. I clench my teeth at the odd feeling.
He runs his hands up my legs before resting on my thighs, and he says, “You’re the first woman I don’t want to stop with, but I have no desire to break you. You’re so fragile.”
He looks down at my hips that are already beginning to bruise, and my neck covered in bites that I won’t know how to explain to anyone who sees them. Especially his family.
Then his eyes travel to my neck with the bloody bite, and he mutters more, “I already hurt you...I don’t have good control over my actions. Especially when you touch me.”
I sit up, and I reach out towards Frey touching his face, “I asked for it. And they’re things I can survive.”
His eyes stare into my own, and he asks me, “What happens if something like this gets infected...Eira warned me once with humans that stuff like this can kill them.” He reaches out, grazing his fingers across the bite on my neck, making me flinch from his touch.
“I didn’t realize you worried so much,” I mutter, smiling slightly, trying to ignore the pain from my shoulder.
He frowns and he doesn’t respond to that. It really isn’t like him to worry like that, though.
“And we don’t have to continue if that’s what you want,” I mutter, teasing him and laying down on my back. Wondering if by now he will get the hint I wasn’t done quite yet.
He looks back down at me, his fingers gripping my thighs and he knits his brows while frowning.
“Tch, you’re just asking for it now,” he mutters, his hands slipping from my legs to my hips. He rolls me onto my side, and I raise my brows in question to what he is doing before he slips beside me, his length poking my back legs.
He then lifts one of my legs and places it on top of his, and he pushes inside of me once more but from beside me. The feeling was different, his organ reaching and touching me in much different places then before.
I gasp, and this time I am more comfortable
without feeling his direct gaze on me, and I push my head into the furs.
He begins to kiss my neck, and one of his hands reaches around and gropes my breast and rubs my nipple, sore from continuous touching and suckling. The stinging pain from his touching the hardened bud feels oddly pleasant when mixed with the building pleasure between my legs.
He pushes in and out of me, the liquid already inside of me leaking out more on to the bed of furs with the continuous movements.
It seems Frey’s stamina is unlimited as it doesn’t take him long before he regains his roughness and speed from before as he plunges in and out of me.
I begin to breathe heavily, the warmth returning and settling in my belly as I reach around wrapping my arm around his neck. My fingers find his hair and I wind them in underneath his braid. A slight growl leaves his mouth, from me yanking at his hair with each thrust of his hips.
It feels like I will never get to that release I want, but now I am drawing closer to it with some of the privacy I have in this position that I didn’t know existed.
Frey this time around focuses solely on pleasuring me though that doesn’t mean he isn’t feeling any pleasure this time around either.
His grunts tell me otherwise and the way his lips push quicker against my marred and bitten flesh as his thrusts get rougher.
He hits that spot again that makes me jolt, and I tighten my arm around his neck, drawing myself closer to his body from this position.
He pinches my nipple slightly, making me shiver and moan, and when he figures out what made me feel good, he hits the spot once more, making me moan again. I am glad I do not need to tell him what feels good and what I want him to do repeatedly.
He smirks slightly against my neck, and he mutters by my ear, “And here I thought I couldn’t get you to cum on your first night with a man...”
I try my best to ignore his words, and I feel myself tighten around him the more he thrusts into that spot again.
My breathing gets faster, my stomach tightens, and before long something snaps and I feel a rush of pleasure, and I moan as I clench my eyes shut.
The rush of pleasure is like nothing I felt before and Frey too shudders at a feeling of pleasure and for the second time tonight, he releases inside of me before pulling out and I feel a flood has been released that his cock was once plugging.
My hold around his neck loosens, and Frey kisses my shoulder as I pant heavily, coming down from the high I felt, as the flood slows, and my thighs are a sticky and white mess.
He also lets go of my breast to rub at my side as he chuckles and asks, “Do you want more?”
I feel shocked, and I reopen my eyes, and I quickly reply while panting, “No, no. I’m good.”
“Does that mean I finally tired you out?” he questions.
“I suppose,” I mutter in reply as I finally begin to relax and feel tired.
I stare at the fire that is finally beginning to die down and worry washes over me. I didn’t think if I was on one of my fertile days or not...Only Frey knows, and I don’t know how to ask him or go about it.
I go to ask him, but quickly shut my mouth. What good would it do me asking him? I will find out myself in a couple of weeks, and if my monthly bleeding doesn’t come like it should, then I would have my answer about tonight.
If the Gods wanted me to have a child with Frey, they would will it. If not, it wasn’t meant to be. But I still want to travel to England, to fight, to see my family once more, and to free the people I promised Margaret I would set free. I still have things I need to do and having a child would only get in my way.
I no longer feel tired as I begin to think of my careless actions tonight. Actions that felt right when doing them.
Frey finally relaxes beside me. He continues rubbing at my sides, and he says as if reading my mind, “I heard about what you have been doing by yourself.”
My eyes glance to him who is behind me, and I ask hesitantly in confusion, “What?”
“You have been collecting money, trading with the butcher Adisa, and aiming to save your friends from slavery,” he says.
I sit up slightly, startled he knew. He grabs my hips, and he says, keeping me from moving away from him, “Calm down...I’m not angry with you. I’m disappointed that you risked your life like that. Do you realize you could have gotten hurt asking for people’s slaves and being reckless?”
I purse my lips, and I question him, “How did you know?”
“The butcher told my mother everything. He is, after all, loyal to her even if he dislikes us and seems to tolerate you. And even after being punished for hurting Leif. Though I think you should know he traded it for information on his sister. I overheard the conversation about a month or so ago,” he explains.
‘Damn Adisa,’ I think, clenching my teeth.
What else did he tell Noma?
Best to keep quiet. He didn’t mention anything else yet. Perhaps Adisa only traded information he thought wouldn’t harm me.
“I will still do it. I am, after all, even if it was the past, a friend,” I state. “Wouldn’t you do the same?”
“I’m not telling you to stop,” he says, getting annoyed. “And I would do the same without question if it were my people.”
“You are the reason they became slaves,” I mutter, coming to the harsh realization that I slept with a man that could be considered an enemy of mine. I could have even become a slave if he hadn’t taken a liking to me. Everything could have been a lot different.
“I know,” he mutters. “I want to help you. I have the money, and no one will question why I want to buy the slaves back.”
I frown, turning to face him, and I ask, “Why? Why would you do that?”
“For forgiveness, because I know deep in your heart you still hate me for how things became. You can’t hide it even when you’re like this...naked and in my bed,” he states with a serious face. “Your eyes are hateful,” he says, examining me.
Were they really? I thought I started to love him. Maybe it was confusion then...Maybe I hated Frey like he had said.
He leaves me confused about my feelings towards him. Maybe it was just lust…
“You still see me as nothing but an animal,” he says. “An animal who kidnapped you and put your friends to slavery. I don’t blame you. I’m not a good person like you are. You shouldn’t even be here beside me like this.”
I did compare him to an animal tonight, a beast as well. I feel my heart stir, maybe Frey knew my feelings better than me.
He runs his fingers through my hair, and I frown. “Yet still...I crave to be by your side despite the things I have done to you,” he says.
I lay down next to him, and I mutter, “Don’t tell me how I feel…”
‘As I don’t even know about how I feel,’ I think solemnly.
He continues running his fingers through my hair which feels good, and he asks, “Will you let me help you then?”
“Maybe,” I reply as I continue staring at him, trying to confirm my feelings for him.
“Good,” he says before also laying down beside me. “Maybe is better than a no.”
For a while, we stare at each other, trying to figure out what exactly we are and what we feel for each other, but I never reach a final conclusion.
Maybe I just want to love the animal, but a part of me denies it and always will.
I wonder what will become of us…?
Chapter 24
The Morning After
June 9th, 1001 AD
It is hard to describe the things I feel when I awaken. Ellie...she is beautiful. I don’t use that word too often, but in this case, I do. Only with her would I ever share those words.
She is asleep, and as she sleeps, she takes shallow breaths, her chest rising and falling, and her lips part ever so slightly for the exchange of air. Her hair runs down her back, and her skin has been sun kissed from the recent years of being outdoors.
It was hard to imagine when I brought the pale little
girl here from England, I would develop these feelings for her once she turned into a woman. Though, I should have expected it.
My wolf instantly took a liking to her when it first saw her, coming to the surface after hearing her small gasp and then glimpsing her small figure quake before us. It had immediately grinned, as much as a wolf can, after seeing the dagger in her hand.
I remember my first thoughts, mine and my wolf’s, the very first humorous, ‘The she-cub has teeth, a man’s tooth,’ our words referring to the dagger as a man’s tooth since they had no teeth like a wolf so they forged their own out of iron.
As I stared at her then, the small and pretty she-cub, I stopped thinking of war and conquering lands. I thought of family. Not of the family I had—not my mother, father, or brother—but creating one with this little she-cub born and raised by man.
I tried to deny it, ignoring the whispers of my beast, the wolf which is our true selves. The thoughts were so loud like my heart in my ears, ‘She will become a fine she-wolf. Do not let man cage her and make her a pretty dove. She belongs with her own, us.’
I should not have lost control that day, I should have let her escape. She perhaps would have been happy and still loved by her god. However, I failed, but she did not help when she ran and then sunk her man’s tooth in my arm as I caught her.
So, I lost control for the briefest of time, my wolf surfacing and I sunk my teeth in her delicate flesh, marring the skin forever. I bit her, and I felt ashamed as well as triumphant with my teeth lodged into her flesh.
To be marked at such a young age and then whisked to another land—I could only imagine how very difficult it must have been for her. I felt guilt and continue to feel guilty but not as much as I should. And perhaps I am only feigning guilt and I feel none.
Shortly, after carving my mark onto her skin I became the laughingstock amongst my people. Word spread saying I was raising the woman I wanted and so on. It wasn’t far from the truth. She was raised by my mother, Noma.
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