“Whoa,” Derek said stumbling forward. He turned around ready to fight, he looked pissed. I don’t think he was used to being pushed around, which was weird since he played football. “You have a problem, pal?” he asked, making me want to laugh. I’m sure I heard that exact line in a movie or something similar and then the other guy beat his ass. I got all happy at the idea of James beating Derek. I was a terrible friend. I should hate James. I do. I began to wonder if I ever really did. I mean James hurt me but if something happened to him, I’d still hurt and share his pain. That didn’t mean I hated him then, did it?
“I’m not your pal,” James said, sounding completely out of control. I’d only ever heard him like this twice and both times because someone had done something to me. James didn’t get mad often but when he did you had to watch out. I could see this ending badly in so many ways but most of them with James’s handsome face, not being so handsome and I couldn’t let that happen. I put my hand on Derek’s arm, even though I could feel it wanted to go to James. Derek looked at me then.
“Ignore him,” I told him firmly. There was going to be no fight over- well I didn’t really know what this was about but there was not going to be any fight. Derek was about to ignore me but, “Anything, this is what I want,” I reminded him. Derek sighed but listened, understanding the promise he’d made just before. This meant I’d have to bake him cookies. I didn’t hate James but I still didn’t like him, but I disliked people who would hurt him a lot more.
“Yeah, ignore me,” James taunted. I worried Derek would do something for sure but no he listened to me. I didn’t and couldn’t look at James all class. I was still too confused, especially with my revelation that I didn’t really hate him. Even though I could feel him looking at me, I didn’t look. I felt very weird when I went to the girl’s locker room.
“Hey, what’s up?” Tara asked.
“Nothing, you?” I asked, trying to shake off this strange feeling.
“I’m thinking of asking Lloyd out and to prom!” she blurted out.
“What! Lloyd? Lloyd! As in Lloyd in my group?” I asked more than shocked. She gave me a little nod and closed her eyes, “I didn’t even know you liked him,” I said truthfully.
“It’s so embarrassing!” she said looking like she felt, all red and smiley. “I just have a crush on him. I don’t even know why.”
“Your brain signalled mate and pointed arrows at Lloyd,” I joked. She gave me a sarcastic smile.
“Jokes you learn in science class are never funny,” she said truthfully. Ouch, I loved my science jokes.
“Well he’s nice, funny and… cute,” I said not finding him the last but she nodded vehemently. Wow, Lloyd. This was big news.
“Not only that though, there’s more to it,” she said, smiling drunkenly.
“Haha, so you’re going to ask him?” I asked, happy for her, that took guts. Prom was still months away, I hadn’t even started thinking about it.
“Yep, he might be the one and that’s worth the risk,” she said slowly, believing her words. The one? I thought in complete shock, she was joking right?
“The one, really?” I voiced, thinking she was being overdramatic.
“No, not really but you never know. And if you found the one wouldn’t you make sure you were with him, risk or not?” she asked. No, I thought, feeling like a coward, a feeling I hated. I shrugged at her words.
“But what if things got ugly between you two?” I asked her.
“Wouldn’t matter, we’d eventually work it out. He’s the one, hypothetically. But why would things get ugly?” she asked me, looking confused that I was ruining her happy bubble for a second. I just shrugged again. Stop being stupid, I demanded but I kept having daydreams.
Paix, Reggie, and Gert all teamed up against me when I got home.
“How was your day?” Reggie asked me, as they all gathered around me, something they never did.
“Fine,” I answered warily.
“Just fine?” Reggie grinned. “I thought it would be better.” Her voice held an evil echo in it.
“With you and Derek being a couple,” Gert sneered.
“What? We’re not dating,” I told them, annoyed.
“Oh, we’ll keep it a secret,” Reggie said, putting a finger to her lips and gesturing she’d be quiet. One thing she definitely was not.
“Here, be safe,” Reggie said, putting something in my hand.
“And sexy,” Gert added, putting a bright red thong in my hand as well. Paix merely giggled with them. I looked in my hand at the five assorted condoms and the shiny red, tacky polyester thong. Classy. Right then, Alyssa came through the front door and I dropped everything, my bag and all the dirty stuff in my hands. Crap!
“What’s that?” Paix asked, pointing at the condoms innocently lying on the ground.
“It’s what Mickey uses when she’s with Derek,” Reggie said loud enough for Alyssa to hear. Alyssa walked over to see.
“There… it’s…, none of it’s mine,” I said quickly as she picked them up. My evil stepsisters all smirked at me once Alyssa’s jaw dropped.
“Derek gave them to you, same thing,” Gert said, rolling her eyes. I was going to kill them.
“Go to your room. Now Mike,” Alyssa ordered, looking fierce.
“But,” I began.
“Now!” she shouted. I went to my room and felt like I was going to cry. How could they do this! This wasn’t funny. Alyssa came up with a plate of dinner for me.
“I talked to your father and we are both very disappointed, you’re not allowed to go out until he comes back. Only school and you better be home right away,” She warned and then left. I opened my drawer and was about to put on one of my VHS tapes but they were all missing. What! I searched my whole room but they were gone. Tears came out of my eyes as I shook with fury. I slammed open the door and heard some of the wood frame crack but I didn’t care.
“Who the fucking hell took my videos!” I shouted at my stepsisters and Alyssa, they all sat there in silence eating dinner. Alyssa looked at me like I was crazy. I slammed my fist against the table, shaking it and spilling a cup of water. I didn’t care about the pain that coursed through me right now, only my videos.
“Michaela! Calm down and go to your room.” Alyssa demanded.
“No, now which one of you fucking whores took them?” I continued shouting. They all looked a little scared of me then. “If you don’t fucking tell me now, I will…,” I didn’t know what I was going to do but I was going to do something to get them to talk, “Trash your fucking shit,” I came up with, lame but still. I couldn’t believe I was swearing so much. I’d never sworn so much in one conversation before. “Tell me!” I yelled at them. No one said anything, but Reggie and Gert smiled to each other now. “Fine,” I said and then went to one of the drawers. “You asked for it,” I said, pulling out the scissors. They all froze at that. Like I was going to kill them. Idiots, I’m not a psycho, well maybe at this moment I was but not really. I ran up the stairs and kicked open Gert’s door. I heard them all following me. I pulled out some of her clothes prepared to let out some anger with the scissors in hand.
“No!” Gert shouted tackling me. I grabbed her hair and rolled on top of her.
“Where are they?” I shouted, pulling harder as she screamed. Wow, I really was turning into a psycho.
“I threw them out,” she cried. I let go, feeling stunned. She pushed me off and ran to her mother.
“How could you?” I asked suddenly numb and having no energy or anger, only tears. Alyssa grabbed me by the back of the neck and dragged me down the stairs, throwing me outside. I didn’t care, suddenly nothing mattered.
“If you even think of coming in, I’m calling the cops on you,” she threatened. She threw out my school bag a couple minutes later. Good thing I showered this morning because I definitely wasn’t going to get one tomorrow. But I didn’t care about that, all that kept going through my head was, now I would never get to those tapes
again and that was something I wasn’t sure I could live without. I’d always needed them when I was feeling down or just when I missed my parents, what would I do now? I had nothing and no one.
James
I felt a lot better after finally admitting it, it was like I was finally letting some of the weight off my shoulders. But what now? I went home hoping Mickey would be in front of me but no such luck.
“Did you apologize?” dad asked me right away.
“Yes.” I smiled, happy that I did. I never imagined Mickey or anyone would forgive me after everything but Mickey was not anyone, she was Mickey. Dad seemed surprised but why shouldn’t he be, I was smiling. A first in a long time.
“Good, I’m glad son,” he said, putting his hand on my shoulder. I went outside to help June carry in groceries. Reggie and Gert were by the garbage laughing.
“Where did you find these!” Reggie asked delighted.
“Her drawer, she’s going to freak out,” Gert told her, both laughing in unison.
“What are they doing?” I asked, talking to June for the first time in days. She smiled a bit.
“They’re where they belong. Hopefully they’ll stay there,” June joked. I had to smile at that, but still what were they up to.
“Hopefully,” I agreed. I told June I’d get the last of the bags and she went inside, but before I did that I had to take a look. For some reason all my senses were telling me that this was more than mean, whatever they were doing, and I was right. Once I opened the lid, I saw all thirteen of Mickey’s VHS tapes, the ones of her parents. Oh shit. This made me mad. Being mean was one thing but this, this was too far. I quickly took them all out; thankful they were still in perfect condition. After I hid them in my room, I went down to eat. The dinner table was more lively than normal or maybe I was just finally joining in. After dinner I knew I had to tell Mickey. No matter how mad she was at me and how much she hated me it didn’t matter, I had to tell her. The windows were open in the big house and I almost had a clear view of the kitchen where they all sat, all but Mickey who was screaming and hitting the table. Crap, I guess she already found out. I could hear only so much but I could hear Mickey perfectly.
“Which one of you fucking whores took them?” I caught. They might all sleep around, including Paix which was scary on its own but still Mickey would never say that, much less yell it. She was a loose cannon now. She continued shouting, saying fuck a lot. I held my breath as she picked up a pair of scissors and ran out of the room. They followed her after a couple seconds hesitation and then all was quiet and I couldn’t hear anything. I wanted to sneak in but knew I shouldn’t, so instead I waited by the windows to see if they’d come back down, hoping no one would catch me. Eventually Alyssa came down dragging Mickey by the neck. They came towards the door and I ran.
“If you even think of coming in, I’ll call the cops on you.” Alyssa threatened. Bitch. I never liked her. She always acted too fake and never let anyone speak at the dinner table, not that she even ate, she was totally anorexic. Bitch, I thought again as Michaela bawled. Alyssa threw her bag at her and then shut the door, no doubt locking it as well. I felt bad as I watched her cry. It felt like she cried for hours, eventually she went to one of the lawn chairs and cried herself to sleep. I went inside and brought out a blanket. November was pretty cold, especially at night, and I didn’t want her to get sick. I quietly walked into their backyard and put the blanket over her, it wasn’t very big but it was better than nothing. Wet tears still lay on her damp cheeks, ever-so-gently I slowly wiped them off.
“Goodnight Mick,” I whispered before kissing her forehead, like I used to and then left to go back inside. I wanted to lie in the chair beside her but that would probably freak her out.
The next morning, I woke up and looked out my window. Mick was already gone and our blanket as well: I found it later on the chair in our porch when I was leaving, folded up perfectly. Some old habits die hard, Mick always gave things back in perfect condition or better.
When I got into English, Michaela was seated like nothing was wrong and she hadn’t been kicked out the night before. The only evidence was her glassy, red-rimmed eyes and missing smile. Her hair was pulled up high in a bun and she wore the same jeans as the day before but the top was obviously borrowed because it was too tight in the chest and too big and long everywhere else. When she saw me, she gave me a small smile. I did a double-take. It felt good to get a smile from her, no it felt much, much better than good.
“Thank you,” she whispered. Oh, for the blanket, I shrugged and smiled back.
“Anytime Mouse.” I hadn’t called her that in forever but it made her smile more, making me feel even better. I used to call her Mouse sometimes, as in Mickey Mouse. Mom’s words echoed in my head; “It’s always worth the risk. I’d never take it back,” she had said and so with that advice, I decided to take a chance.
“From now on you don’t need to work with your partners but if you still want to, you can.” Mrs. Becker told the class. I looked at Mickey who was looking right back at me questioningly, raising one brow.
“Should I go first?” I asked, hoping she wouldn’t reject me and say she would rather work alone or something worse. She nodded and took out her pencil.
“Hate,” she said picking the word from my list and with that I took my chance.
“Well at first it was you, but then I realized it was Gert, Tiffany and all of them. Oh and June but really the person I hate, is myself. I was stupid and I ruined the most important thing I had, and I pay for it every day. I am so sorry, Michaela. Because the truth is, I love you. More than anything and not being with you hurts. And like I keep saying, you’re still the same person to me and your new look can’t change that and I am as much in love with you, as I was when we first met and when you first kissed me when I gave you that bracelet,” I said and watched the tears begin to run down her cheeks. I didn’t wait for her to speak, instead I pulled out the bracelet that I’d been carrying around for the past two days and put it on her wrist. She played with one of the beads, the fuchsia one, she always played with that one.
“Prove it,” she finally spoke. How? I didn’t ask, instead I just acted on instinct. I stood up and then took a deep breath of air.
“Everyone,” I said loudly, getting all their attention. Shit, I hated this much attention. I felt like I was going to pass out, I got hot and my hands started to sweat and I felt dizzy but when I looked into Mickey’s amazing blue brown eyes, I knew I could do it. She gave me the courage. “I am in love with Michaela Chance Lesage.” Everyone stared at me open mouthed except Mickey. She just waited, knowing I wasn’t finished yet. “I have loved her forever, since we first met when we were five. I made up lies and spread rumours about her that were all fake. When really, I was, I am, obsessed with her. So now you all know my secret,” I said, still looking at Mickey. I don’t know where what I did next came from, but it came from somewhere deep in me because next thing I knew, I was cupping her face and kissing her. She kissed me back but then pulled away. Shit.
“Michaela, James, outside now.” Mrs. Becker said sharply, sounding very shocked. Double shit. We both got up and walked to the door, I quickly grabbed her hand and held it tight. I was afraid she’d pull away but she didn’t, instead she squeezed my hand back and kept it. “James, didn’t I tell you, that I wouldn’t have you interrupting my class,” Mrs. Becker scolded. I nodded, still watching Mickey and smiling, she was smiling too. I didn’t care what my punishment would be, it was all worth it. “You both have a lunch detention right after the bell rings, so bring your lunch,” she continued. We walked back into the class still holding hands, the class was silent and we all jumped when the bell rang. I walked Mickey to her locker, neither of us saying anything, I could tell from her face that she was thinking something and she wanted to speak. I knew that face better than my own, it haunted me in my dreams. I wanted to ask her what, but I was too scared to ruin everything all over again, and I was always a coward.
“Dude.” Cody nodded, slapping my back and winking as we walked into history class. Shit! He thought this was all part of a stupid prank! What if Mickey found out! My heart raced as I took my seat and sat down. What if she heard, it would all be over just because I wanted to impress the guys and be popular. I was such a poser.
Michaela
What the hell had just happened? My body was still electrified from the kiss, why did I kiss him back and why did I like it so much? No, more important question, why did I want to kiss him again and again and again! He broke my heart, I couldn’t like him, he’s a poser and an ass. A big one at both. It felt so weird to have him walk me to my locker. Speak, I can do it. I tried but the words never came out of my mouth. I was too afraid I’d say something stupid like forgiving him, because that was something I wasn’t ready to do. James left me once we got to my locker and it was much easier for me to think with him not around, confusing me and toying with my emotions, not to mention my heart. Cody was smiling at me all the way through math, chuckling every now and then. He was really pissing me off. I tried to ignore him or even just glare at him and get him to stop but nothing worked. He walked next to me as I headed back to my locker and whispered sucker. What the heck was his problem? Emily practically tackled me the second I got into Science.
“Em, calm down,” I said, stepping back.
“Is it true? James professed his undying and unconditional love for you to the whole class and then kissed you passionately?” she asked ecstatic. Well yeah, but not that melodramatically. I shook my head, thinking about the kiss was bad enough. Talking about it would make me run out of class to find James and make him kiss me all over again. I felt my face flush at the thought.
“No talk of James,” I insisted. She giggled but agreed.
Losing You Page 10