“I just want things to be like they used to,” she said in a small voice. I want more, I couldn’t say it though, this was more than I could ask for already. I had her back in my life and that would have to be enough.
“It will be, just don’t go,” I told her pulling her in for a hug, it felt so right, like it always did with us. And just like that our kiss was forgotten, like it had never happened and we continued on but it never left my mind, and I could still feel the tingling sensation on my lips and I wanted to continue feeling it.
Michaela
I left James’s with almost a skip in my step. It had been so nice seeing his family and catching up with them and it was clear that they’d missed me just as much. June and I had even made plans to have a movie night, that I was going to bring sweet treats to. James was especially excited for that. Everything was just as it used to be and I truly believed that James meant what he’d said about always caring for me and that he wouldn’t ever leave me again. He had kept his box safe with all of our memories and I couldn’t even find words to express how grateful I was to him for saving the tapes of my parents. He knew how much they meant to me. I still couldn’t believe I’d kissed him! And how amazing it had felt! I hadn’t wanted to stop but then I remembered Laura and that broke the spell.
I’d put our friendship at risk with that kiss and regretted it. I’d finally gotten him back in my life and I’d made such a foolish mistake but I wouldn’t again. Our friendship was everything to me and James clearly wasn’t interested. He had agreed that things would go back to the way it used to be, not that he liked me. That was the one thing that had changed, I wanted James in an entirely new way, a way that I couldn’t have him.
I opened the front door and found dad in his office, his laptop open and papers spread out all over his desk. I’d never seen him like this, he was always so orderly and in control. He looked exhausted, I rushed to his side, worried, and rubbed his hunched shoulders.
“Are you okay, daddy?” I asked, lightly massaging the knots of tension.
He quickly shut his laptop so I wouldn’t see what was on the screen and sat up straighter.
“Thanks, sweetheart,” he said with a strained smile on his face, “I’m doing fine, just lots to do,” he continued. “How was your day?” he asked finally.
“It was good, I was just at James’ and hanging out with the Kirks.” I smiled, that seemed to erase some of the wrinkles from his brow.
“That’s really great news, sweetheart. I’m happy that you two have managed to work things out,” he said happy.
“Me too, dad, it’s just like it was before,” I told him smiling just thinking about it.
“I’m really happy hon, it’s good timing,” he started but then didn’t continue and looked lost.
“Dad?” I asked, a little confused and very concerned.
“I’m going to Rome for a few weeks but when I come back there will he a few changes,” he stated cryptically. “I think you should spend more time at the Kirk house and at Gran’s while I’m away,” he told me and held my hand tightly. I nodded, not knowing what to say. “Lets us two go out for dinner tonight,” he said with a half smile on his face but still it seemed forced, like he had no energy left in him.
“Sounds nice.” I smiled, I loved my time alone with dad and was hoping there was a way I could help ease his stress.
Dinner with dad was nice and once we left the house and got to the restaurant, he actually seemed to relax and to be genuinely enjoying himself.
“I was thinking,” he started to say, as we finished up our chocolate mousse, “this summer you should go to Paris and do that pastry program you always wanted to do. You’re graduating and if you are serious about wanting to bake, then Paris is where you should be going to school and where you will learn from the best,” he said, surprising me. I couldn’t believe my ears. This had been my dream for so long but always a pipe dream, I’d never thought it could be in the realm of possibility. First James, and now Paris, what was happening? Everything I wanted was finally happening. I’d always wanted to go to Paris and bake but it was all hypothetical, now this was real.
“I would love that dad!” I told him honestly but then I thought more about it, “But where would I stay?” And if I lived in Paris, I wouldn’t be able to see James and I’d finally gotten him back.
“Well, you’d have an apartment while you studied there. I’ll be working a lot more in Europe next year and I’ll visit and stay with you and you can come see me on the weekends wherever I am, then you would get to see more of Europe as well,” he said, sounding more thrilled by the second.
“It all sounds too amazing, dad! I’ll definitely have to think about it,” I told him both overjoyed by the idea and overwhelmed.
“What’s there to think about!” He laughed and he was right, a week ago there wouldn’t have been a question in my mind but now all I could think about was James and what that would mean for us. I knew I was being beyond foolish.
When we got home, I went to my room and got ready for bed. James’ blinds were open and his lights on, I flicked on my light and waited by my window to see if he’d come and just like old times he did. He stood in his room in an old black Star Wars shirt and a pair of boxers, he waved and smiled at me, then he looked at his phone and a second later my phone was vibrating.
“Hello,” I said with a smile as I watched him from his window. He was grinning now to my surprise.
“Hey,” he said coolly. “How was your night? You were out for awhile,” he said, making me giggle, he’d been waiting for me.
“I went out for dinner with dad,” I explained. “It was really nice, weird but great,” I said, not knowing where to start. “How about you?”
“Me,” he paused, “I didn’t do much, I just hung out with the family and waited for my girl to get home,” he divulged, making my heart flutter. I laughed but I couldn’t stop the blush, I hoped he couldn’t see it from the distance. We talked well into the night, until we were both in our beds and under the covers and ready for sleep.
“We should really get to sleep,” I told him, when my eyes started to shut for the second time.
“Fine, but tomorrow after school we are having dinner at my place and then we are having a Star Wars marathon,” he stated cheerfully.
“It’s a date.” I smiled to myself. “Good night, James.”
“Night Mick, sweet dreams. I hope you sleep well,” he told me.
“You too,” I said and then let sleep take me.
School went by fast the next day, I really loved having James back in my life. The only part of my day that was uncomfortable was lunch, when Derek brought up our date, as he called it, on Saturday and when Laura showed up. I couldn’t stop the wave of jealousy that hit me as she put her hand on James’s chest and whispered in his ear. It made me nauseous but I didn’t let on, instead I directed my focus to Derek.
“Yeah, I can’t wait,” I told him and he smiled wide at that. “Text me the address, what time should I meet you there?” I asked, not feeling excited at all.
“Come by around noon,” he told me happily.
“Sounds good,” I agreed and looked over at James who wouldn’t meet my gaze.
James
The walk home with Mickey was quieter today. I was still angry about her going out with Derek tomorrow but there was no way I could say anything after I had been the one to encourage her to date the guy! I was so stupid! Why did I tell her to go out with him? It was killing me.
“So how long is your dad home for?” I asked, trying to find a safe topic, far away from tomorrow and Derek.
“He actually left today,” she said, her small smile turning into a frown. I took her hand and gave it a light squeeze. I couldn’t imagine how hard it must be to only have her dad and he was gone most of the time, leaving her in that house full of evil. At least when he was home, he kept them off her case.
“That was fast,” I said surprised.
“Yeah,
he seemed kind of off while he was here, I think he’s got a lot going on at work,” she said, looking worried. “He told me when we graduate, that he’s going to pay for me to move to Paris and go to a professional pastry school,” she said, looking away from me now.
“Moving to Paris!” I exclaimed, frozen and unable to move. She stopped and looked at me now. I hadn’t meant to get so worked up, but the idea of her moving so far away from me left me pretty terrified. She looked into my eyes and took my hand, stroking the back of it with her thumb, calming me down with the simplest of actions.
Then softly she said, “Nothing’s decided yet.” She looked away again and whispered, “But what do I have to stay for?” I felt my heart stop in my chest. I’d lost her once and now I was going to lose her again, and again it would be my fault, for not letting her know how I really felt. I needed to let her know and I needed to do it soon, but first I had to get rid of Laura. Something I kept forgetting to do, I’d completely forgotten about her existence until she’d shown up unwelcomed at lunch, with everyone around. After Laura was dealt with, I had to make it clear to Gert and her drones that this wasn’t just part of some stupid prank, that I genuinely did love Mickey. I was prepared to deal with whatever blows they sent my way.
Dinner went great, I loved how much my family got along with her and how much they cared for her. Her being a part of our family dinner only made it that much better and only confirmed my belief that I couldn’t screw this up again. After dinner we excused ourselves and escaped to my room, where I began our Star Wars marathon, starting in chronological order. We got cuddled up on my bed, under a blanket. Mickey felt so warm in my arms as we silently watched the movie. We used to watch the movies once a year together, we both knew all the words, it was just another one of our things. After awhile she squirmed out of my arms and pulled her sweater over her head. Her shirt stuck to her sweater for a second, revealing all of her soft tiny waist and the bottom of her rib cage. She had beautiful sun kissed skin, I fought myself to keep from caressing it. Once she was free of her sweater, she snuggled back up to me, leaving me to imagine what else lay beneath her clothes. Sometime during the movie, my hand slipped under her shirt and my fingers ran circles over her stomach. I hadn’t even been truly aware of what I was doing, until she shivered against me and pressed her body even closer to mine. Her skin was so incredibly soft and warm and with her body pressed up against mine, my blood heated up, rushing down, to where her pert ass was pressing against me. I tried hard not to let her feel how turned on I was by her and her proximity. I focused on kissing her forehead softly because I knew I couldn’t kiss her where I most wanted to. I enjoyed making her shudder, knowing I had an effect on her, as she did on me, hoping soon I’d be able to show her just how much she affected me and how much I wanted her. The movie credits rolled up but neither one of us moved to stop them, both of us glued to one another.
“Come over tomorrow,” I whispered in her ear. She looked up at me, her eyes big and captivating.
“I’m seeing Derek tomorrow,” she said quietly. Her words were the equivalent to having a cold shower and completely cleared up my struggle of control downstairs.
“Come over after, we’ll have dinner again and watch the next movie,” I said, trying not to think about her with Derek and whatever moves he was planning to use on her.
“I’d like that.” She smiled and kissed me on the cheek. My cheek warmed at her lips and I momentarily forgot about her date with Derek.
Later that night I could tell she was ready to sleep and having trouble staying up, I walked her to her door and kissed her goodnight on her forehead, then I waved to her one last time in her room before she flicked off her light. I picked up my phone, now that Mickey was asleep I could text Laura and not feel guilty about it, I messaged Laura to come over tomorrow. I was going to make it clear to Mickey how I felt and not lose her again.
Laura came over the next day, wearing a tube top and a mini jean skirt, with way too much makeup on her face. Mom opened the door to her, and mom’s eyes literally bulged so much, I worried she wasn’t going to let Laura in.
“Hi Mrs. Kirk, I’m James’s girlfriend,” she said, winking at me. My face heated up in utter humiliation.
“Oh, are you?” mom asked, turning her scowl to me with a look of complete disapproval.
“Laura, can we talk outside?” I asked her, bringing her to the porch to sit, away from mom and her disapproval and far away from my room.
“Okay.” She ginned, still trying to look sexy. Ugh, this was not how you acted in front of someone’s mother.
“We won’t be long, mom,” I told mom quickly, before she told me to get this girl out of here.
“Uh-huh,” was the only response she had for me.
I sat Laura down across from me and I subconsciously looked over at Mickey’s house. She was gone, on her date with Derek, she’d left just an hour ago and yet I was already counting the minutes until she returned. I only hoped she wasn’t swooning over anything Derek had up his sleeve.
“Laura,” I started after a moment’s hesitation, feeling highly uncomfortable. “This isn’t working. I don’t have feelings for you the way I should,” I told her. I felt guilty that even as I spoke to her my mind was on Mickey. Laura stared at me, her bottom lip trembling.
“You’re breaking up with me,” she stuttered.
“I am,” I confirmed. “I’m sorry, you deserve better and you’ll find it, but it’s not me,” I told her, watching as she got up and ran to her car, tears in her eyes. I let out a breath of air, at least that was over. I felt a little guilty but was too relieved to be done with her, and the thought of Mickey and my future with her was all I could think about.
Michaela
“They are so cute!” I cooed at the baby goats that ran up to Derek and me, as we fed them pellets. I laughed as one tickled me with its tongue as it licked my hand.
“Very cute,” Derek said, smiling at me. I heard the double meaning in his tone and looked up at him, just in time to ready myself for the kiss. He put his hand on one of my cheeks as he lowered his face to mine. His lips met mine and he kissed me softly. I opened my mouth to his kiss and then tried to feel something. It was nice, he was a pretty good kisser but there were no butterflies or fireworks. It was nothing compared to when I’d kissed James, now I knew how a real kiss should feel. After a minute I pulled away, Derek was smiling down at me but I couldn’t return his smile and soon, his smile vanished too.
“You didn’t like it,” he stated with a frown. My stomach knotted with discomfort.
“It’s not that I didn’t like it, it’s just that I don’t feel that way, Derek,” I told him honestly. “I care for you but only as friends and that kiss confirmed it,” I said, feeling badly.
“I never had a chance, did I?” he asked disappointed, “It was always going to be like this once I got friend-zoned,” he stated. I thought about that and my similar situation with James. Would we never work because we had friend-zoned each other? No, I had to believe we had a shot. There was chemistry and an intensity; Derek and I just didn’t have that.
“Derek, I’ve had feelings for someone else for a long time and I’m not over them. It wouldn’t be fair to string you along.” He sighed but patted me on the back.
“I better get extra pity cookies then,” he said, catching me off guard and making me laugh, he smiled too and just like that we went on with our afternoon. I didn’t stay long after the kiss; it was still a little awkward, but I felt confident my friendship with Derek was going to be okay. I felt the need to see James that much more after the events of my afternoon.
When I got home, James was already sitting outside on his front porch. I walked over cheerful to be with him again. He stood up as I came, smiling brightly as well, his brown wavy hair handsomely swept across his forehead. I loved his hair, well, really everything about him but especially his hair. He gave me a giant hug, pulling me close to his chest, his arms tightening around me. I could
feel his heartbeat through his shirt in this tight embrace and I could smell his delicious, fancy cologne, that made my mouth water.
“I missed you, Mouse.” He sighed and kissed my head, inhaling the scent of my hair, it felt so intimate that it sent chills down my spine.
“I missed you too,” I admitted against his warm strong chest. “How was your day?” I asked, once he released me and we sat down together on the porch loveseat. I saw a few things go through his mind but his expression remained light and cool.
“It’s much better now that you’re here,” he said instead and smiled genuinely. At that moment, Mrs. Kirk opened the door to find us sitting cozily together, her beautiful face smiled in surprise at finding us together.
“Oh, Mickey!” she exclaimed, “I’m happy to be finding you out here, and not that God awful Laura!” she laughed. I felt my stomach tighten at hearing Laura had just been here with James and imagining the things they might have done. “Why don’t you both come in?” she asked delighted. “Mickey, you must stay for supper!” she continued.
“I’d love to,” I agreed. Even if I was feeling jealous, I still wanted to be with James.
“Let’s go talk in my room,” James said, taking my hand in his and leading me upstairs. He closed the door behind us and put on some of his music quietly, to fill the background. I sat on the end of his bed watching him remove his long-sleeved flannel shirt, so he wore only a plain white tee. He was absolutely stunning, he didn’t even need to try. He walked back over and jumped onto his bed, pulling me onto him as he fell, I laughed as we bounced up and down from the force of his weight.
Losing You Page 13