This Is Love

by Ivy Smoak

James shook his head. “Like her mother.”

  “Hey, J.J. How are you tonight?” Rob asked.

  I glanced over at Rob. He was bouncing up and down, holding Liam close to his chest.

  “J.J.?” I asked.

  “It’s my nickname for him,” Rob said. “You shoulda named him James Junior in my opinion.”

  “I love the name Liam.” I looked up at James. “I can’t believe you named him that though. I thought you didn’t like it.”

  “I never said I didn’t like Liam. I just thought it was going to be a girl.”

  I smiled, remembering a simpler time. When betting on the sex of our child was our only concern. But Liam was perfect. He was just small. “How is he doing?” I asked the nurse on duty.

  “His doctor will be in tomorrow morning if you want updates.”

  I swallowed hard. Her response wasn’t exactly settling. “That would be great. What time?”

  “Let me go check the schedule for you.”

  “It’s okay,” James said as he slipped his arm around me. “We’ll be here for most of the day. We won’t miss him.”

  “Alright. I’ll see you both tomorrow then.” She gave us a kind smile as she went to put Liam back down.

  “Just one second,” I said and pulled him into my arms once more. It still felt like I was running out of time even now that I saw him. It was the worst feeling in the world. “I remember you, Liam. I remember you and I’m here to fight for you now. So don’t you forget that. Okay?” He was still sleeping, his chest rising and falling quickly, like he was struggling for air, which I knew he was.

  Liam kicked one of his feet out again and I smiled. He and I had an agreement. When he kicked, that meant we were on the same page. I looked down at him and tried to ingrain his adorable little face into my mind. I wasn’t sure how many of these moments we’d have. And once you lost your memories, you started to appreciate them even more. Especially the important ones. The ones that were fleeting.

  ***

  Coming home earlier tonight had been jarring. Too many faces. Too much noise. All I needed was James and he hadn’t been there. I had probably been rude and insensitive. God, they had all thought I had run off with Tyler. It was a freaking mess.

  But when we walked into our home now, there was no longer a search party. The silence was startling. I was expecting Scarlett to run into the foyer and jump into my arms, knowing it was truly me again. I’d twirl her around in excitement. But I guess I had built up our reuniting in my head.

  James locked the door behind us. Rob and Susan had gone home after the hospital visit. It was late. And I needed my moment with Scarlett before I introduced her to a stranger anyway. She had been practically living with one as it was.

  “Why is the freezer door open?” James asked.

  I laughed as we entered the kitchen. “How should I know? I wasn’t here either.”

  He frowned and closed it. There were small little brown dots on the kitchen floor too. He bent down for a closer look. “Chocolate? Maybe?” He raised his left eyebrow at me.

  I laughed and looked toward the stairs where the chocolaty trail led. “Nothing to put a child to sleep like chocolate ice cream. I was worried that Scar liked Melissa more than me. And no wonder…she feeds her ice cream as a late night snack. How can I possibly compete with that?”

  “Scarlett loves you, baby. How about we go let her know that you’re home. She’s probably still awake if she just ate ice cream anyway.”

  “True.” I gripped James’ hand tightly as we walked up the stairs together. I had been so worried about remembering that I hadn’t thought about what Scarlett remembered. What if she didn’t recognize the real me? What if she preferred my 19-year-old mind more? Was that possible?

  Melissa and Josh were sleeping on the floor. Her head was in his lap, and Scarlett’s favorite book, Be Careful What You Joust For, was on the floor by Josh’s hand, like he had dropped it as he dozed off. Melissa always wore a lot of makeup, but whatever was on her face right now was definitely overboard. And completely horrible. Her lipstick was basically all over her face. The eyeshadow had also left her eyelids. Josh’s hair had been pulled into two pigtails that could really only be described as horns with bows. I stifled a laugh. They looked absolutely ridiculous.

  “I put Aunt Melissa and Uncle Josh to sleep for you,” Scarlett said. “They were hard to put down.”

  I pulled my eyes away from the sleeping couple to see Scarlett sitting in her bed eating a huge bowl of ice cream. Well, technically it wasn’t even a bowl. It was a saucepan, which was one of the only cabinets she could get into without finding a way to crawl up onto the counter. She was holding the handle in one hand and a huge spoon used for stirring things on the stove in the other. The saucepan was balancing precariously on one knee.

  “Scar, what are you doing?” I asked. “You’re not allowed to eat ice cream before bed and you know it.”

  “But they said it was okay and that I could have as much as I wanted.” She pulled the saucepan tightly to her chest. “I didn’t do anything bad.”

  “And what have we said about lying?”

  “Well, that’s bad. But I didn’t do that. I’m always a good girl.” She looked down at her ice cream and then back up at me. A smile broke over her face. “Lying’s bad! My mommy told me it was bad! Only my real mommy knows about lying rules!” She launched herself out of her bed, knocking the saucepan onto her comforter. I didn’t even care that she had made a mess. All I cared about was her. I knelt down to catch her in my arms.

  “Mommy.” She started to cry, her little body shaking against mine.

  I clutched her even tighter. “It’s okay, Scar. I’m back. And I’m not going anywhere ever again.”

  “I didn’t think you’d ever come back. I thought you left me.”

  “No, no, baby girl.” I kissed the top of her head. “I’d never leave you.”

  “But you did. You left me and Daddy and Liam. You left us. Why’d you leave us? Was it something I did wrong? Because I’m sorry.”

  “No. You didn’t do anything wrong.” God, I hated that she thought any of this was her fault. How could I fix this? I looked up at James.

  He was quickly wiping under his eyes. He turned away from me when he noticed I was staring. My heart felt like it was cracking into pieces. I had hurt both of them so much.

  “I’m the one that’s sorry,” I said. “I got hurt. I couldn’t remember. And I’m so so sorry.”

  “But it’s all my fault. I tried to tell you about the snapes and no one believed me.” She was sobbing now, soaking my shirt in tears and snot, but I didn’t care in the slightest. “It’s my fault the snapes got you.”

  “No, no, no. Shhhh.” I ran my hand up and down her back. “None of this was your fault. Don’t think that for a second. You can’t control other people’s intentions, sweetie.”

  “What is intentions?” She sniffled loudly.

  “It means…plans. That doctor had plans that weren’t nice. But none of that was your fault. And he’s locked up now. He’ll never hurt us again. I promise.”

  “And you’ll never leave again?”

  “I’ll never leave you again, Scar. Never.”

  She pulled away and put her hands on both sides of my face. She stared into my eyes like she could read my soul. And then she nodded. “Only my mommy looks at me like that.”

  I was trying not to cry. “Like what, Scar?”

  “Like…like I’m never bad.”

  Oh, sweetie. I pulled her back into a hug.

  I glanced up at James again. He had quickly composed himself. For the first time tonight, I realized how tired he looked.

  “We should get to bed, Scar,” I said.

  She wrapped her arms tighter around my neck. “I want to sleep with you and Daddy.”

  James nodded with a smile. “You two go get ready for bed. I’ll clean all this up. And you’re going to need this.” He leaned down and picked up Scarlett’s favorite book.


  Chapter 10

  Monday - James

  I put the saucepan onto the drying rack and turned off the water. I was exhausted. If I sat down on the kitchen floor right now, I was pretty sure I’d fall asleep. And I’d wake up with pigtails and makeup all over my face like poor Melissa and Josh. I didn’t have the heart to wake them up. I had just covered them with a blanket and left them on the floor of Scarlett’s bedroom. They looked as exhausted as I felt.

  I ran my hand down my face. I hadn’t expected to feel so much emotion when Scarlett jumped into Penny’s arms. Clearly I needed to pull myself together. Or maybe I just needed sleep. Penny needed me to be strong right now. Falling apart wasn’t an option. But all I wanted to do was hold Penny as tightly as I could. And thank her for coming back. And beg her to never leave again. My daughter wasn’t the only one that depended on Penny. Honestly, I probably depended on her even more than my child. I needed her like the air I breathed. I sighed and tossed the dry towel on top of the saucepan. It could wait until morning. Right now, I just needed to fall asleep with my arms wrapped around my beautiful wife.

  When I reached our bedroom, I stopped and leaned against the doorjamb. Penny was running her fingers through Scarlett’s hair and reading. For a moment, I just stared at the two of them. Penny turned the page of the book and continued to read aloud, oblivious of my watching.

  "Two gold drachmas for the beautiful lady," said the vendor with a crooked yellow smile.

  Oriana immediately shook her head and took a step back. "I'm just looking."

  "Nonsense, the color matches your golden hair." He smiled again.

  She looked back down at the fabric. Maybe she could use it to patch the tear. A few designs sewn into the dress might be just what it needed. She ran her fingers across the smooth silk. The way it caught the sun truly was gorgeous. How could Prince Rixin's gaze not fall on her in something so lovely? But would it be enough fabric to cover the tear? She had planned to sew a whole new dress, so she hadn't measured it. And this wasn't nearly enough fabric for an entire dress. Oriana thought about the plain dresses that most of the women wore in the castle. Having a design would help her stand out. Or would it look foolish since no one else was wearing such a thing?

  "Two gold is a good deal," said the merchant. "Usually I'd charge twice that, but I have a soft spot for women with blue eyes."

  She thought of the three gold drachmas sitting in her coin purse. It was meant for a whole spool of fabric, not just a swatch.

  "Get back here!" a deep voice boomed from a nearby merchant stand.

  Oriana turned her head just in time to see a dirty little squirrel, with what appeared to be a vine of grapes in his mouth, scurrying toward her. It dashed across the fabric merchant's table like a miniature sandstorm. One second it was crawling up a spool, then the next it was jumping onto a pile of fabric. The fabric teetered and fell onto the dusty ground. The merchant grabbed for the rodent, but he ended up with only a fistful of air. Oriana screamed and stepped back, tossing the swatch back onto the table. And then, just as quickly as it had come, the squirrel leapt onto a carpet on the side of the booth and disappeared onto the makeshift roof over the next vendor's table.

  "Your pet just ruined everything!" yelled the fabric merchant, waving a dagger in the air.

  "My pet? I've never seen that creature before in my life." Oriana looked around at the mess. Pieces of fabric were strewn in the dirt. Tiny brown footprints dotted the cloth left off the table. And the carpet now featured little tears where the squirrel's claws had dug into it on its way up to the roof. Oriana started to walk away, but the vendor grabbed her wrist.

  "You have to pay for that," he snarled.

  "Let go of me." She tried to pull her arm away, but the merchant tightened his grip.

  "Two hundred gold for the lot of it."

  "But it wasn't my fault."

  "That animal of yours ruined everything. This is my livelihood!" He yanked her back toward the table.

  Fear gripped her heart. Three gold was all she had. Why had she ventured out alone? "I only have three."

  "That one swatch alone was worth twice that."

  "I don't have the money, but I can get it. If you just let me go to the castle..."

  "The castle?" he practically screamed. "You're not going anywhere until I get what I'm due." He pushed her against the table. "If I can't have it in gold, I'll take it in flesh."

  She knew the punishment for stealing. But she hadn't stolen anything. Why was everyone just watching this? Why was no one standing up for her? She knew in her heart that Arwin wouldn't let anything happen to her. He was fair and just. But her belief waned as the vendor gripped the dagger tighter in his hand.

  A whistling sound pierced the air. She turned to see who had produced the shrill noise. Was it a guard coming to stop this madness?

  Before she could locate the source of the whistle, the fabric merchant started screaming behind her. But this time it wasn't directed at her. She turned back to see the squirrel had returned, dangling by its mouth from the merchant's ear.

  A strong hand slipped into Oriana's. "Hurry, this way," said the stranger's deep voice. Before she could even turn to look at the man, he had already pulled her into the crowd away from the fabric merchant.

  "I'm not going anywhere with a complete stranger," she hissed. And certainly not a strange man! It wouldn't be proper. She pulled her hand away.

  He turned to face her. He had a smile and dimples worthy of any royalty. "Are you trying to get yourself killed?" He backed away from her, slowly disappearing into the masses of patrons.

  Of course I'm not trying to get myself killed! Especially for a crime she didn't commit. Arwin must have sent this man to save her. She took a step toward him. He winked and took off in the opposite direction, as if he'd known she'd follow him all along.

  The nerve of him. But she didn't have time to overthink her decision. She needed to get away from the fabric merchant. She quickened her pace as she caught up to the only man offering her any help.

  "This way." The stranger grabbed her hand again as the two of them ducked beneath a weathered canopy. He may have had the face of a prince, but she knew he was not one. His hands were rough and calloused from years of labor. And his clothes were torn and dirty. She shook away the thought, not knowing why she was analyzing him when she should be focused solely on escaping.

  "Stop them!" yelled the fabric merchant from somewhere far behind them.

  The stranger pulled Oriana down a side street, away from the market. He kicked open a door and she followed him in just as the merchant tore around the corner.

  "That way!" yelled the merchant. He had amassed an angry mob.

  Oriana struggled to keep pace as the stranger dashed up a flight of stairs two at a time. They burst through another door onto the roof of the building. He dropped her hand and jumped across a gap to another roof.

  Her feet skidded to a stop.

  "You have to jump!" he called to her.

  She heard the merchant's voice again. He seemed even closer. Oh bother. She grabbed the hem of her skirt and lifted it to her knees. With a deep breath, she took a step back and then ran as fast as she could. She leapt across the small divide. Her momentum made her stumble to her knees as she landed.

  The stranger pulled her to her feet before she had a chance to recover. They burst through another door and ran down the stairs. The thick sheets over the windows rendered the room almost completely dark.

  "This'll do." He caught her arm and pulled her into the corner of the room.

  Oriana started to protest, but the stranger pressed his finger against her lips. "Shh," he whispered into her ear.

  She swallowed hard as she looked up at him. Her heart seemed to skip a beat. Yes, a face worthy of a prince indeed. Although, no prince she had ever imagined would dare find himself in such a situation.

  His finger fell from her lips but his body stayed pressed against hers.

  "I should pr
obably..." she tried to duck away from his arms.

  "Just one moment," he whispered. The warmth of his breath against her ear sent a shiver down her spine.

  Suddenly it sounded like a herd of rhinos was stampeding across the roof. She threw her arms around his neck and didn't protest at all when he held her firmly against his chest. She didn't want to imagine what the fabric merchant would do if he caught her. What had she gotten herself into?

  "Shh," he whispered again. The words and warmth comforted her slightly.

  As the silence settled around them once again, the stranger took a step back from her. "Are you alright, m'lady?"

  "Yes. I'm fine." A little bruised and scraped, but nothing lasting. "And you?"

  He laughed. "I've been through worse."

  Her eyes slowly began to focus in the dark. She couldn't seem to stop staring at his disarming features.

  A smile spread across his face as he watched her.

  "What's your name?" she asked.

  "Bastian." He took her hand and brought it to his lips. "It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance." He placed a gentle kiss on her hand.

  The gesture sent a chill down her spine.

  A squeaking noise made them both turn their heads. The same squirrel from the market scampered down the stairs toward them. Oriana squealed and took a step back, slipping on an uneven patch of floor.

  Bastian easily caught her with one arm.

  She momentarily lost her breath as her hands wrapped around his biceps.

  Bastian laughed as he held her body against his. "It's quite alright. It's just Nut."

  It only took Oriana a moment to realize that she was clinging to a man she didn't even know. She immediately took a step back. "Nut? It has a name?"

  "Of course he has a name." Bastian squatted down and held his hand out toward the squirrel. "Don't you, boy?" The squirrel jumped up onto his shoulder.

  "That...that animal almost got me killed!"

  Bastian patted the squirrel's head as he stood up. "He also saved you." Bastian pulled a grape out of his pocket and handed it to the squirrel. Nut grabbed it with his greedy little paws and nibbled away at the outside of the grape.