by S. I. Hayes
“May we please introduce you to Mister and Missus Calvin McLane!” They announce us as Perfect Duet, by Ed Sheeran and Beyoncé begins.
I take her hand, and my heart swells as I listen to the words. I’ve never heard it before, but the song is us. Friends to lovers. Her belief in us. I pull her into me, trying to hide the tears that threaten to fall.
“What’s the matter?” She lightly laughs, holding me.
“Oh!” I gasp. “I love you. So much. Nothing, no matter what, you need to know that.”
“Silly rabbit. I know. We know.” She pulls back and sees the tears. “You got me, and I got you, till the wheels fall off. Remember?” She tiptoes and brings me down to kiss her. “Your’s forever.”
The song ends, and we go over to our seats. They serve us, and we laugh, eat, and kiss the night away. I put on a happy face. Then I see them. Brynn, and Caryn. My eyes zero in, and my stomach lurches. Kaycee is talking to her mom by the soda bar. She doesn’t see.
I covertly make my way over, they see me, and their smiles turn devilish. I grab them both by the arm. “What the fuck are you doing here?”
“Well- I was invited,” Brynn smirks. “By you before we started fucking?”
“Would you shut up?”
“Why don’t want people to know you’re a coke whore, who’ll suck clit for a bump?”
I cover her mouth and drag her outside with Caryn on our heels.
“Why? What could you have to gain from being here? Either of you?’
“Oh, I’m just here to see the train wreck. You know father and mother are divorcing because of you?” Caryn lets out a loud burp. Her cigarette ash falling to the ground.
“Put that shit out.”
“You really are a boring shit.” She scoffs, flicking the thing at me. “When I heard you’d gotten a habit, I thought maybe we’d have some fun. Guess not.”
“What do you want? Money? I-I got like three hundred bucks. Here get lost.”
“I want your big cock, in me.”
“I wanna watch.”
“You?” I look at them both. “You’re sick, both of you.”
“Whatever. Good luck- oh, by the way, you’ve been transferred to the Spring Street shop. Think I wasn’t gonna find out you put in for my job? Fucking traitor.” Brynn spits in my face walking away.
“See ya round little bro.” Caryn smirks following after what I see now is her friend. They laugh hard as Caryn grabs Brynn by the ass. I put a hand to my head. Was I set up? Was this all to ruin me and Kaycee? Was it all just a trap, and did it succeed?
“Hey?’ I turn, feeling Kayce before I hear her.
“Was that your sister?”
I nod.
“What is she doing here?’
“Trying to goad me. I didn’t let her.”
“Good.” She turns me to her. “I’m tired of this dress. Take me to our room and help me out of it?” She smiles. “Please, Mister McLane.”
“I like the sound of that.”
Chapter 42
Kaycee
“Calvin!” I’m screaming as they shove me into the ambulance. Just as I ask my husband to ravish me, my water brakes. In front of everyone! It seems what I thought was hunger pangs and gas all day was my early labor! The venue calls 911, and they are rushing me back to Philly, where my doctor will be waiting for us. “CALVIN ARCHER MCLANE!”
“I- I’m here!” He hops into the back of the ambulance. “I had to give my keys to Uncle Douglas. They’re gonna meet us after they square up the party.” He sniffs, wiping his face.
He’s sweaty and looks freaked out as he grabs my hand. “Okay, let’s try and remember you’re breathing.”
“Yeah? You try it, while you feel like somebody’s trying to rip you in two!” I growl.
“Okay, Miss-”
“Missus!” Me and Cal correct the EMT.
“Sorry, Missus, McLane. We need to get these monitors on your belly, so we need to get this dress off you.”
I whimper. “You’re gonna cut it?”
“Well do you have-”
“Unbuckle me and unzip me. I don’t care if you all see my underwear, but you ain’t cutting up my dress-damnit!” I bark.
The EMTs look to Cal who chuckles. “I wouldn’t argue with her.”
They get me out of my dress, and they’re eyes pop and lips purse. I’ve got on a lacy strapless pushup, full garters with white fishnets and lace boy short panties. “Hey, It was my wedding night. What do you expect?”
“I love it.” Cal pushes the EMT out of the way and kisses me, just as a contraction starts. I punch him in the gut. “Ugh!’ He falls back.
“Sorry, my husband. It’s painful.” I groan. They cover me with sticky things and a blanket as we zip down the highway toward the hospital.
When we arrive, they take me to the maternity ward while Cal finishes up the paperwork and gets set up to join me.
“It’s going to be fine, Kaycee, you’re doing great.” The EMT who’s name is Greg assures me. “Your husband ran to the bathroom; he’ll be right in.”
“Th-thank you.” I grit out through another contraction. They’re fifteen minutes apart.
“Hello, seems we’re looking to have a baby, aren’t’ we?” Doctor Benedetti smiles, coming in almost getting knocked down by Cal.
“S-sorry.” He stutters.
What the hell is up with him? Is he drunk?
“It’s fine. Let’s just see where we’re at, huh?”
The doc gets me up in the stirrups and pops the hood. “Okay, you’re at five centimeters; we still have a ways to go.”
“There’s more?” I whine.
“Yes, dear. Afraid so.”
“Drugs! I want pain killers, now.”
“Soon, okay? We need to be able to accurately keep track of things, and an epi too soon can slow the process. We need to wait a bit more.”
“Oh, I’m never doing this again!”
The doc snickers. “We all say that, then we wind up right back here.” She looks to Cal. “Are you alright? You look a bit peaked.”
“Just nervous for her. Hot too, I gotta change out of this wool suit ya know?” He smiles.
“Okay… Well, if you need anything. I’ll be back in a bit to see where we’re at.”
I reach out. “You’re leaving?”
“Just going out to the nurse’s station to get some paperwork in order. I’m not going far. You are not being abandoned, besides you got people who want to see you.”
I let out a moan, as mom and grandpa come in. Cal kisses me and disappears with his bag to the bathroom.
“Hey, baby.” Mom says, rubbing my lower back.
“That feels good..” I say, my eyes rolling. “Don’t stop.” Another contraction, has me crying out, and Cal stumbling out from the bathroom, pulling up his sweatpants.
“Kayce, you okay?”
“No! You did this to me!”
“Me! You let me! For my birthday!” He squawks back.
“Oh sure, tell everyone!”
“I just won’t be blamed in total for something we both wanted to do, repeatedly!”
“You’re such a jerk!”
“You’re adorable when you’re mad!” He laughs.
“You two, seriously!” Grandpa shakes his head. Looking Cal over. “Are you alright, son?”
“Why do you all keep asking that?” He sniffs. Wiping his face. “I’m fine.”
“Cal, is something wrong?” I ask, seeing him fidget and twitch.
“Oh, my God! Can’t I just be anxious?” He holds his arms around himself, and Grandpa grabs him. Staring him in the face.
“What are you on?”
Cal recoils. “N-It’s-Nothing!”
“I need a nurse!” Grandpa calls out, keeping Cal from leaving the room. “Sit, you-stupid boy.”
Cal sits as the nurse comes in. “I need you to do vitals-I think he’s high.”
“Sir I-”
“Just a general assessment, please,
my granddaughter is about to have this idiot’s baby.”
The nurse nods gently and takes stock of my husband as I watch helplessly, unable to stop them.
“Well, his pupils are severely dilated, heartbeat is well over the normal rate, and his aggressiveness all suggests some sort of substance and the bit of white in the back of the throat suggest at least to me, cocaine or another powdered substance. But I’m not a doctor.”
“It’s nothing, I-I’m fine.” Cal protests. “This is bull shit. You all-you just want me out of here, don’t you? Just like my family.” Cal looks at me, desperate. “Kayce, I-I’m fine; I swear it’s nothing.”
“Nothing? Like that woman you were talking to at the reception that was telling people she knew you intimately?” Grandpa asks. “I thought she was just drunk. Now I’m wondering.”
“Brynn? She’s a slut-It was nothing.”
He isn’t denying it. My chest is starting to tighten, and my heart rate is going up. The monitors are starting to scream, and so am I. “Get out!” I grit my teeth.
“Kayce?” Cal tries to touch me, and I punch him square in the face. “Get the fuck out of here! Get out of our house! I don’t want to see you!” I sob as the nurses come into see to me. The orderlies come as I keep screaming for them to take him out. My contractions come, and I’m blinded by unimaginable pain.
Chapter 43
Calvin
My son is born. At nine-fifteen September fifteenth two thousand and nineteen. Weighing seven pounds six ounces and just under nineteen inches long. Where was I? Not there where I should have been. Nope, instead, I was in the parking lot of the hospital, stoned out of my mind. I finished the baggie I had gotten from Walter before leaving the reception to go to the hospital. I thought, what was the hurt in taking the edge off? I guess I took off too much edge.
She threw me out. Not just of the room but of the house. She said to get out of our house. I’m hoping she will realize she was just angry and in pain from the labor. That we will be okay now that it’s over. Grandpa sent me a picture of them asleep. They’re beautiful. I’ll go to them in the morning. After I clean up and change. He’ll need his Hobbes anyhow. We don’t have the baby bags or her stuff; it’s all at the house. Right now, I just need to get home and sleep…
***
“Hey! Wake up. You can’t be here.” I wake to hear Tracie’s voice as I’m kicked in the shin. I hit the couch and didn’t get any farther.
“Says who? I live here?” I shield my eyes from the sun.
“She told you she wanted you out.”
“Yeah? Figured she’d change her mind, I want to talk to her.”
“Not a good idea. The only reason I haven’t fucked you up is that I owe you, for saving her once. So you get one pass.”
I sit up. “I fucked up, Tracie. I need to be able to fix it.”
“What you’ve done, I couldn’t forgive. You showed up to the birth of your child high! HIGH CALVIN! Who does that?” She smacks me. “How could you! You’ve not only broken her heart but mine and Compton’s too! We love you! I went to bat for you! You little shit, and you fuck it all up! Get out! Get your shit and go somewhere. Get your shit together, or don’t that’s up to you. If you think for a second that you are getting anywhere near Kaycee or that innocent little baby like you are now, you are sorely mistaken.” Grabbing me, she yanks me off the couch and tosses me to the floor. I take it. I deserve it.
I’m in tears, but I don’t respond. I pull myself up and just go get my things. A duffle of clothes, my school stuff, and my credit cards. She watches me sternly. Tears in her bloodshot eyes.
“Please make sure she gets the keys to the Santa Fe; she’s gonna need it.”
“She’ll manage.”
“Don’t punish her because I fucked up.”
“Fine, thank you.”
I nod, grabbing my bike and giving Stetson a pat I’m out the door.
***
A week. Then two. By week three, I’m losing my mind. I’ve never gone this long without talking to Kaycee. Not even when we were thirteen, and she had her tonsils out. We wrote letters and passed them back and forth through the fort in the woods between our houses. I’d play after school, and she’d play during the day since she couldn’t go to school. I’d find notes about her day, and I’d tell her about mine. This was agonizing.
Staying high is my option; it lets me numb the sensations of loss. Brynn is still willing to supply me; I just have to let her suck my cock or whatever. If Kaycee doesn’t want me anymore, what does it matter? I don’t much care. I’m not going to class anymore. Don’t care about that either. Nothing matters. All that glitters isn’t gold, and all I ever wanted is fucking dust in the wind. So I’ll ride the white lightning and tune it out. Maybe I’ll find oblivion at the end of a straw.
Chapter 44
Kaycee
“Calvin is a month old today. It also marks a month since I’ve seen or heard from his father. I thought he would have shown up to grovel or apologize. Thought he would have just been here when I came home. Instead, I came back to his side of the room emptied. Like some roommate that just skipped out on the rent. No note. Nothing. I guess that is my fault. I told him to go.” I sigh, looking at the faces around me. My SARC group here in Philly isn’t like the one from Cradle Bay. These people don’t know Cal. To them, he’s just another loser ex. Just another junkie.
“Grandpa is staying with me right now, so I’m not all alone. I wish he would just go. His we McLane’s stick together. We roll, we adapt, shit is really getting old. I just want to sleep, but I know I have to take care of Calvin. If it wasn’t for him… Well, I’m not really sure what I would do.”
“Have you thought about hurting yourself, Kaycee?” Melina, the counselor, asks me, leaning forward somewhat.
“What? No, I mean. I just- I’m really sad. I’ve lost my best friend in the whole world. Here I am with this wonderful, little boy, who’s doing these amazing things, and all I want to do is share them with Cal. Cal’s not there, yet every time I look at this baby, it’s like looking at him, and it rips my heart out all over again. You know Calvin giggled yesterday, his first real one. I was pumping, and the suction thing slipped, and I tripped up, so my body went one way, and the rest of me another. That got him going real good. All I thought was Cal; you gotta come here…” I wipe a tear from my cheek. “I just miss him. Ya know?”
“You can’t keep doing this. He chose. The drug over family. Nothing to be done.” Cee- Cee, one of the women in the group, speaks up. “I’m sorry you got it rough, but at least your shits being handled. You got a support system. You don’t need his shady ass.”
Melina clasps her hands together with her telltale sign the group is about over, as Vicki comes out, looking around. She spies me and smiles. Walking over, she leans down. “He’s awake; I think he’s hungry.”
I nod, getting up. “Excuse me. the feeder is needed.” I chuckle picking up my bag and following Vicki to the playroom where they have been kind enough to keep an eye on Calvin while I participate in my group.
“There’s my little chub.” I smile and coo. He beams up at me, fussing a bit. I lift him, he’s dry, so I’m sure it’s the food he wants. I’ve been unable to get him to latch properly, so I’m pumping and bagging my milk to bottle for him. I have a portable warmer I bring with me everywhere. Plugs into the wall or the car and saves me a lot of time and trouble. I get Calvin situated and rock him gently as the bottle warms up.
“He’s a good boy.” Vicki smiles. “So quiet.”
“For you, at home, he’s restless and cranky most days.”
“Maybe he feels your anxiety?”
“Maybe.” The timer dings, and I get him fed. After changing him, I load him into the carrier, and we head back toward home. I’m sitting at a light when I notice a bit of red glint out the corner of my eye. Turning my attention, I see the neon of a pawn shop. Outside is a metallic grey Beaumont seven-speed with a green racing stripe. I double-take it.
Then a honk pulls me out of my studious action. I have to go through the light. I make a mental note of the location of the shop.
“Grandpa?” I holler getting in the house.
“Yeah, Seabee?” He hollers back.
“Listen, can you watch Calvin?” I hand the baby off. “There are bottles in the fridge, and you know where all his other stuff is. I- I gotta go see about something.”
“Is everything okay?”
“I really don’t know. I’ll be back as soon as I can.” I stutter through as I kiss Calvin and rush back out the door
Getting back to the pawnshop, I see the bike is still there. It wasn’t my imagination; it wasn’t a mirage. I head inside.
Behind the screen sits a pudgy little man, playing a game of solitaire and smoking a cigar. “Um, excuse me?”
“What can I do ya for toots?”
“The Beaumont with the green stripe out front?”
“You talkin ‘bout the bike?”
“Yeah, where’d you get it?”
He looks up at me. Sizing me up. He must smell the desperation on me. “What’s it worth to you?”
“I just asked a simple question.”
“No, you’re asking me to pull records and look up a name, possibly an address.” He licks his lips. “So, what’s it worth?”
“How about I flash you and let you take a pic?” I say with a deep sigh.
He sneers, as he leers at me salaciously. “A’ight. Beaver too.”
“Tits only, and I’m lactating, so you get a real show.”
“Done.”
I lift my top, and he snaps his pictures. “I’ll give you five hundred to suck you off.”
“Pass,” I say, dropping my top back to my waist. “Now, about the bike.”
“Yeah, let me look.” He shuffles away and comes back. “ID says Calvin McLane, address,-”