by S. I. Hayes
It takes hours before we even begin to make love, and by the time we do, I’m so wet he just slips inside and fills me up like he hasn’t been gone more than half a year. We have to stop to care for Calvin, but then he pulls me back to bed and ravages me again.
***
Morning comes, and I find I’m alone, but there is a text on my phone.
Calvin: Kayce, I love you more than you will ever know. I had to go home to get ready for class. But would love to see you later? Call me at noon. Talk to you soon.
I bite my lip, I feel wonderful, even if I shouldn’t have done what I did. You know what? I don’t care what anyone thinks, he’s my husband damnit, and if I want to fuck my estranged husband on a whim on Easter Sunday, I damn well will. I’ll tell you another thing, if he comes over again today, I’m gonna let him indulge again and again because I’ve been neglected for way too long and need to let go of all this pent up energy.
Chapter 49
Calvin
Certified Peer Specialist Training. That is what my Mondays consist of nowadays. I found the department of behavioral health site as a fluke looking for work that would get me out of the retail environment and into the counseling one as I’ve changed my major from Law to Psych. I need to understand my addiction. I figure the better I understand the disease, the better equipped I am to fight the fucker.
The CPS is a person who has life experience with mental and or behavioral situations that can be considered relatable to those in recovery. In other words, other addicts, in recovery. People like me. There’s a bit of paperwork and training, but in the end, you get paid to work your program and help others to work theirs. You tell your story, your truth, in the hopes it helps others.
Today’s truth was that I was just in bed with my wife and baby momma but have no idea what that even means. Was it a one-time thing? Are we getting back together? Was it just an itch that needed scratching? One step forward, two steps back. I feel like a broken record, but I’ll manage, even if it’s short-lived today ain’t nothin’ gonna break my stride.
Noon comes, and I’m done for the day. As if on cue, my phone rings.
“Yeah?”
“Hey.”
“Hey, you called.” I smile though she can’t hear that.
“You asked me to.”
“I was-wasn’t sure, though.”
“I-no-are ya busy?”
“Just finished up a class, was gonna get lunch, you and Calvin fancy a stroll up Woodland walk, maybe lunch at KQ Burger?
“Hmm, sounds delicious, give us fifteen?”
“Yeah, I’ll hold a table for us.”
“Just order me the mushroom burger with crispy onions and bacon, oh plus cheese fries and a Sprite.”
“Gotcha.”
***
Kaycee shows in ten. I’m just sitting with the food, and she’s got Calvin in her arms. Sitting him in a high chair, she smiles, kissing me on the cheek hello. Progress!
“Oh, I’m starving.” She sits stuffing a fry in her mouth, which has Calvin fussing. “I’ve got your share, don’t you worry.” She looks at me, and her eyes sparkle. “Boy want’s everything I eat these days.”
“Well, you do eat the good stuff. I wouldn’t want that mush if I could have a burger.”
“Right?” She looks back at me with a chuckle as she situates him.
“So-about last night.”
“Could we not make a thing about that?” She cuts me off. Then stops, sighing. “I’m not regretting it, by all means, I had-I mean being with you has always been-” She blushes. “You know what you can do. It’s just that I’m not entirely ready for you to just come home. Not yet.”
“No, I understand. It’s too soon.” My heart sinks.
“Cal, please. I want to keep seeing you. I want you to keep seeing us. I’ve been thinking about it, all morning. Everyone else is going on with their lives. Mom and Douglas with the baby. Grandpa and his girlfriend. It’s time we all moved forward too. So how about this? I let you see Calvin more?”
“How much is more?”
“Three nights a week? So I can go back to work. Bills need to be paid, and the work from home gigs are drying up.”
“I could do that. My place-or?”
“Oh, no-definitely our home. I mean, all his stuff is there.”
I nod. “Right. Makes sense, and us?”
“We play it by ear. Try dating. Worse case, end up friends again.”
“Kayce, were married.”
“Yes, I know. I don’t see that changing either. I love you, that’s not going to change either.” She reaches across the table, taking my hand. “This is the best I can offer you right now. It’s not happily ever after. It’s more like we’ll see how it goes.”
“I’ll take it.”
We finish our lunch and packing Calvin into the jogger stroller take him to the park. It’s a beautiful day, and with any luck, it won’t be our last.
~To New Beginnings~
Special Information
This book has touched on a few difficult subjects. Know that there is help out there. The agencies mentioned are real and can aid. You are not alone.
Support, Advocacy & Resource Center
(SARC)
http://supportadvocacyresourcecenter.org/about-sarc.html
Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP)
https://www.fns.usda.gov/snap/supplemental-nutrition-assistance-program-snap
Women, Infants, and Children
(WIC)
https://www.fns.usda.gov/wic/women-infants-and-children-wic
Planned Parenthood
https://www.plannedparenthood.org/
Narcotics Anonymous
(NA)
https://www.na.org/
About The Author
Shannon (S. I.) Hayes has been telling tales for as long as she has been able to talk and began writing them down shortly after that. She is the Co-Author to more than a dozen books as well as her own novels, blogs, and she maintains a website with C-Author J. Haney
www.haneyhayesbooks.com.
Links: A Writer’s Mind, More or Less
Facebook Twitter